Spinning the Wheel 18 - Scrubs
Buffy was about to pace a trench in the linoleum floor of the waiting area. She had wrapped one of her arms around her lean form as if she was cold and was chewing on the fingernails of the other hand. Her heart was pounding in her chest and she was about to explode with nervousness.
She walked up and down the sterile room for about half an hour now and excactly nobody had come and talked to her. She had tried to ask one of the nurses but they were all extremely busy.
Buffy couldn't blame them. Being at the ER and all. She just wished somebody would come and tell her what happened. Maybe it was just some weird tactic to scare her away so they wouldn't have to explain to the stupid little blond girl who was worrying her eyes out about the friend who had almost died on the living-room floor.
"Buffy?"
The blonde wiped around to see Willow and Tara coming through the door towards her.
"God, I'm so glad you're here." she pulled her friends into a tight hug. A small wave of relief washed over her to see some familiar faces. She had called her best friend after five endless minutes of waiting.
"What happened?" Willow asked, pulling Buffy towards a small group of uncomfortable plastic-chairs which actually weren't manufactured to waiting more than ten minutes.
"I don't know, I…" Buffy sighed and buried her face in her shaking hands. "I went over to Spike's place. We were going to have some breakfast together. I was late cause I took a tad too long shower and when I got there..." she broke off as tears spilled down her cheeks.
Willow looked at her friend with a mixture of concern and helplessness. Tara ran her hand soothingly over her friends shaking shoulder.
"I don't know what he did. He was just... he just lay there. A knife beside him... and a liquor bottle. And there was blood."
"Have you heard from the doctor yet?" Willow asked, stroking some stray strands of hair out of Buffy's face.
"No. Nobody talks to me. I'm not a family member so they're all hush-hush about it. I don't know." she sobbed again, picturing the worst that could have happened.
"But you told them that he doesn't have any family around, didn't you?"
"Of course. I mean... I found him, right? I just want to know if he…" she broke off again, her eyes wide with the possible thought.
"Oh no, sweetie... don't think that, okay? He's going to be alright." Willow tried to sound convinced but she couldn't quite manage it.
"Miss... Buffy Summers?" A male voice called into the waiting area about another 30 minutes later.
"Yeah… yeah, that's me." Buffy scrambled to her feet, facing a young dark haired man in hospital scrubs. She knew him. It was that med-guy she had that tiny crush on about half a few months ago.
"Hi, my name is... I know you, don't I?" he smiled at her, forgetting his task for a moment.
"Yeah, we had a class together at college. You're Ben." she said against her better judgement. She desperately wanted to know what happened to Spike and not have small-talk with a classmate.
"Yeah... that's me." he smiled again and look down at the clipboard in his hand. "You came in with… William Rayne?"
Buffy nodded. "What's wrong with him? Is he..." she couldn't say it. She couldn't even think of saying it.
"Oh... don't worry. He's alive." he chuckled a little, as if it was a joke. "We gave him some sedatives, he's asleep now."
"What... what was wrong with him?" she asked again. Why couldn't the guy just deal the information and stop with the sweet talk.
"Buffy... may I call you Buffy?" The blonde nodded. "I'm afraid to tell you that I suppose your friend tried to kill himself."
Buffy's face fell. That was something she hadn't expected. She hadn't even given that a second thought. "What?" she sank down on one of the chairs again. "How... did you figure?"
"After our first examination that was pretty clear. We had to empty his stomach because we assumed a heavy poising."
"Please... don't give me the med-stuff." Buffy's eyes narrowed. Now, someone was finally talking to her and that guy had to impress her with his knowledge.
"I'm sorry. It's a habit." Ben shrugged and smiled shyly. "You're friend took a heavy amount of painkillers, plus his blood-alcohol was sky-rocketing. And strong medication and booze don't go very well together. And there are the cuts on his chest. He didn't loose as much blood to cause critical condition but the cuts are deep, about 15 stitches all in all."
Buffy sat there in silence. Her thoughts were racing about the facts Ben had given her in rapid succession.
Spike had tried to kill himself. That - standing alone - couldn't be. Okay, so he could be very depressive but considering his state she couldn't blame him. But she had seen him in the last few weeks, they knew each for about three months and she had never thought about any suicidal attitudes. That just wasn't him. He would rather sit there brooding but he would never try to kill himself.
There was no reason.
"Buffy? Are you alright?" Ben asked, putting a hand comfortingly on her shoulder.
"What?" she snapped up from her thoughts. "Yeah... I'm okay. I'm just trying to understand, that's all. Can I... can I see him?" she asked, a hopeful glitter in her eyes.
"As I said, he's asleep now. And I don't think he'll wake up for another 12 hours. We put him to rest so his system can heal from the massive breakdown the painkillers and the alcohol have caused."
"I don't want to talk to him. I just want to see him." she snapped and Ben flinched a little.
"Okay." he nodded hesitantly. "But just one at a time." he pointed at Willow and Tara who were still sitting behind Buffy.
"We'll wait here." Willow nodded with a small smile as Buffy followed the wannabe-doctor.
"I've never seen her so worried." Willow sunk back in her chair, crossing her arms over her belly.
"Well, you aren't in a situation like this every day." Tara shrugged a little and slowly caressed her lover's though.
"Yeah... I know. And I... I don't mean to sound mean but, I never thought that Buffy could be that worried. I mean..."
"I know what you're talking about, sweetie. I don't know her that well but I get the feeling that she doesn't show such a big amount of emotions all the time." the blonde nodded and smiled at her girlfriend.
The redhead nodded and lowered her head. She really felt bad thinking that her best friend was an emotional ice-block, but thinking about the past it was kind of true.
"I think she's really concerned about Spike." Tara added after a moment of silence.
"Yeah, you're right. She's constantly talking about him, how they went through the lines and what not. And he is about her. You should have seen him yesterday at the premier."
"I'm so sorry I missed that. But I really didn't want to bring my family to the play. They can be... a little impolite sometimes."
"Don't worry, darling. It was... awesome. But I mean the way was he had looked at her when Buffy came to us after the show. It was as if he was… totally in awe. I don't know." Willow giggled girlishly.
"Yeah, I've seen that look on him some time, too. You think he…"
"And Buffy…? I don't think so. I mean… he got this whole handicap and all…"
"No. I don't mean 'that'." Tara ran a hand over her friends hair and smiled generously. "I mean, do you think that he might… have a crush on her?"
Willow considered that for a long minute. "I don't know. I don't know him that well to tell. I don't know what he's been through. As far as Buffy tells me, he doesn't talk about his past very often. So I don't think, he would tell her that either." She shrugged.
"And... there's something on Buffy's side?"
The redhead shrugged again. "If so, she doesn't tell me or she doesn't know herself yet. But I think she really likes him."
Buffy followed the young man down a long hallway. Doors with glass-windows lined the walls to either side. Some of the rooms also had large windows to give a better view on the patient. Only few of the rooms were occupied.
Ben led her down almost to the end of the corridor and pointed towards the room on the right, one with a window.
Buffy stepped forward. She almost felt as if she was expecting to see something horrible and run away screaming.
Spike lay in the only bed in the room, an IV to one side and some other machinery gathered around the head of the bed.
"Can I…?" she pointed towards the room.
Ben nodded reluctantly. "If you make it short. He needs as much rest as he can get now."
Buffy didn't answer. She just pushed the door open and went inside.
The room smelled. Not the real nasty stench kind of thing, it just smelled. It smelled of hospital, disinfectants and other cleansing materials and something she couldn't fathom.
She had never liked hospitals, seeing her cousin dying in one added another childhood trauma to it.
The blonde stepped up to the bed. Spike was almost as pale as the sheets. Even his platinum blond hair seemed colourful in comparison. He had an oxygen tube running under his nose and the IV needle stuck in the back of his left hand.
He had some sort of clip on the index finger of his right hand. To monitor his pulse, Buffy assumed, since the machine next to her beeped in a steady but slow rhythm.
She moved carefully although she knew she wouldn't wake him up. She just wanted to please the guy on the other side of the window. She knew that he was watching her so she wouldn't do anything inappropriate.
Slowly she placed her trembling hand on Spike's arm. He felt cold to her touch, almost… dead. But he wasn't. That was good. A stray tear ran down her cheek.
"Hey." she whispered softly. She knew he wouldn't hear her but it felt good to say it. "I'm here, okay? You're going to be alright." she knew it was foolish, she just had to say something, letting him know that she wouldn't leave him alone. If he had really tried to kill himself, she wouldn't want to leave him alone in any case.
"Buffy?" Ben spoke softy not to startle her. "I think it's enough for now."
Buffy nodded even more reluctantly. "Yeah." she followed him out of the room, glancing back at Spikes still form.
"You should go home now. Get some rest, too."
"No. I want to stay here. I don't want to leave him alone." she said in a pleading tone.
"Buffy. You can't do anything for him right now. What he needs is rest. Why don't you get some yourself. It's only for the best."
"No." her tone was hard as granite when she spoke again.
Ben flinched at the harsh words. "Well, why don't you go and get your friend some cloths then?" he offered, trying to smile but failed.
Buffy considered that. Spike would need something to wear when he woke up again. Hospital scrubs weren't very stylish after all. So she nodded with enough hesitation to show Ben that she really didn't like leaving the young man alone.
"Okay. Shall I brink his wheelchair, too, or do you have a spare one here?" Well duh, Buffy. You're in a hospital.
"He's in a wheelchair?" Ben asked incredulously.
"Well... yeah. Did the guys on the ambulance tell you? He had an accident a couple of years ago."
There was a moment of silence between them until Ben finally spoke again. "Well, you don't need to bring one. We have plenty around here, I guess. Not that I'll let him out of that bed so soon but…" he gave her another comforting smile.
"Okay... I'll be back in about an hour than."
Buffy went back to the waiting area. She would be back in less then an hour if she could manage.
