Spinning the Wheel 21 - Empty

Buffy entered the hospital with her hands clamped over her purse. She had drawn this out as long as she could and now it was almost late afternoon. She knew that Spike had probably been awake since that morning and that she had to visit him but for some irrational reason she was afraid of seeing him.

She knew that they had to talk; after what had happened it was inevitable. And she wanted to talk about it. She needed to know what had driven him into killing himself. Or at least trying to. She wanted to ask him so many questions but she also knew that she couldn't.

There were things she knew but couldn't talk about or he would find out that she had looked him up. She didn't want to risk that since he was unstable enough at the moment.
But when she talked to him now, something might slip.

That, and the things he might tell her, scared her a little. That was what had kept her away almost the entire day. She had sat in her room, thinking about what had happened and what might have been the reason for it. But she couldn't come up with a reasonable explanation.

So her mother had finally dropped her off and now she stood in the hallway of the hospital.

The way to Spike's room seemed longer than before as if it stretched out before her with every step she took.

The room seemed brighter than the day before, more lit.

For about a minute she just stood outside the window, watching him. Spike lay on his side, facing away from the door, and seemed to be asleep. At least he had moved since she'd been there last. That was something.

Carefully, Buffy entered the room and let the door slip shut. She didn't want to startle him, so she padded on silent feet over to the bed.

"Spike?" she asked quietly.

No reaction. He didn't even flinch.

A little hesitantly, she placed her hand over his, which was resting on his hip. It was warmer than before but she still felt a little awkward touching him. The other day he had been unconscious and she wanted to let him know that she was there and now it somehow felt strange. She couldn't explain the feeling that was coursing through her, but it was there nonetheless.

"Spike?" she asked again. "You awake?"

Still nothing.

With a curious frown, she pulled her hand back and stepped around the bed, only to find him totally awake. Now that was strange.

He lay there on his side, one hand on his hip, the other under his head, and was staring ahead with pale blue eyes.

"Hey. You're awake. Why didn't you say anything?" she asked, her voice a little more cheerful than before... but she had the sinking feeling that something was wrong. And when he didn't answer, the suspicion grew.

His eyes didn't seem to focus on anything; he almost looked as if he was blind. They weren't as blue as usual, just a much paler shade, and they were massively bloodshot as if he'd cried all day. But there wasn't any emotion showing in them.

Usually, Spike's eyes were full of life and whole lot of other expressions, whether it was anger, joy or sadness. It was in plain sight in his eyes as if projected on a screen. He couldn't hide anything. Just one look and you knew if he wanted to laugh or yell at you.

But today… there was nothing. They were totally blank of expression. As if somebody had switched off a light, leaving everything inside in darkness.

And that was what scared Buffy more than anything. He looked as if somebody had drained the life right out of him, leaving nothing but emptiness.

"Spike?" she asked for a third time, her voice shaking with something best described as fear.

It was then that she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye and looked up from her friend's still form.

Ben stood in front of the glass window, watching her, and he waved to come out when she looked up at him. With a last glance down at Spike, she retreated from the bed and left the room.

"Hi, Buffy. I didn't know you were here again." the young man gave her one of those kind doctor-smiles.

"How long has he been awake?" she asked right away, ignoring his weak attempt to flirt with her.

"Since last night." Ben immediately dropped back into his medical-routine as he realised that Buffy had other things in mind just then. "One of the nurses went to check on him a few hours after you left. He was awake and could move again, but he wouldn't talk to her. Or any of the other nurses. He's been like that since breakfast was served."

"He doesn't talk to anyone?" Buffy asked, her voice shaking a little more. What was wrong with him? The more she got to know, the more it scared her.

"No. Not to me or any other doctor, nor to the nurses. Not a single word, and he didn't eat anything, either. We had to put an extra IV in to supply the necessary vitamins."

Buffy shook her head in disbelief. Two days ago, everything had been alright. And now… she didn't know what was going on now. Spike was behaving like a totally different person, attempted suicide notwithstanding.

"But he's alright, isn't he? Physically, I mean?" she asked, fear now more and more audible in her voice.

"Yeah. His system is back to average standard and when the nurse checked his wounds, they seemed to be okay. We don't have an explanation for why he's almost catatonic. I first thought that he might talk to you, but…" Ben shrugged and pointed through the window at Spike's still unmoving form. "Do you have any explanation?"

Buffy turned, facing the window, and crossed her arms over her chest. She had to bite her lip to keep it from trembling and new tears began to spill down her cheeks. Instead of giving him an answer, she just shook her head.

"Maybe we should consult one of our psychiatrists. We have some good people."

"No." Buffy burst out, her voice suddenly hard as granite. "I mean.. I don't think he would talk to them either. I'm.. I'm his only friend.. sort of. When he talks to anybody, he will talk to me. Maybe… he just needs more time. I don't know." She shook her head again. She didn't know where those determined thoughts came from, but she knew somehow that she was right.

"Okay… if you say so. But we can't help him if he doesn't cooperate with us."

"Just…" Buffy turned around, facing Ben again. "Leave him alone for a while, okay? Do your checks, whatever you need to do, but no psych-guys, please."

Ben nodded. He sensed that any 'but' would be useless with her now.

"Thanks." Buffy smiled. For the first time that day. "I think.. I'll come back to tomorrow and check on him, okay? If anything happens.. call me, will you?"

"Sure. We've got your number."

The blonde nodded, shot a last glance at Spike, then turned and left the hospital.

Ben was watching her on her way. He really liked her and he wouldn't mind asking her out on a date, but something told him that it was useless. There was already somebody else.


A/N: Thanks for all the lovely comments. Just keep them coming and you'll get some more of this fic :D being an evil tease Luv ya loads!