Here's the last chapter, and everyone's OOC. Sorry. Wufei goes a bit psycho, but, well, I suppose you can't blame him, really. The bits in italics are writing (you'll understand when you get to the end). Hope you like it!


"Wufei? I brought you some coffee." Wufei accepted the coffee, then put it on the floor. Quatre sat down beside him and laid a comforting arm around his shoulders. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"You killed him."

"I know. But we only killed him because we thought he was harming you."

"You still killed him. You still took him away from me!" He slammed his fist into Quatre's shoulder. The blonde winced but didn't fight back, so Wufei hit him again, and again.

"Wufei! Stop it!" Wufei glared up at Trowa, who was standing in the doorway with a gun aimed at him.

"No, Trowa. Leave him alone. He's in pain."

"He's hurting you!"

"Was that the gun you shot him with, Trowa?" Asked Wufei suddenly. Trowa shrugged. "WAS IT!"

"Probably."

"Then shoot me too! I don't want to be alive!" Begged Wufei. Quatre stared at him, horrified, as Trowa lowered his gun. Wufei gave a sob of rage and threw himself face down into his pillow, clawing his hands through his hair. "Nataku...Treize..." He murmured. He felt a hand touch his shoulder and stiffened.

"Wufei...we're all sorry for what happened..."

"No you're not. To you he was just a man. Just an enemy. But to me he was..." Wufei burst into tears, not protesting as Quatre pulled him up into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Wufei. We all are." Repeated Quatre, stroking Wufei's hair gently. Eventually the Chinese cried himself to sleep.


He woke up a few hours later, feeling empty and hollow. Heero was sitting at the end of his bed, watching him suspiciously. Wufei watched him back, silently accusing. "We need the password for the laptop."

"Leave me alone." Wufei collapsed back to his bed, sickened.

"You aren't being rational."

"Go away, Yuy. I wouldn't expect an emotional leper like you to understand." Said Wufei harshly. Heero stayed where he was.

"How could you be in love with someone like him?" He asked, bewildered. Wufei sniffed and started to cry, covering his face with his hands.

"I don't know..."

"But-"

"Leave me alone!" Wufei lapsed back into Chinese and screamed obscenities at Heero before Duo came in.

"Hey, Wu-man, calm down!" Wufei screamed at him too and flung his pillow at him, uncontrollably angry to the point that he couldn't actually remember why he -was- angry...but it soon came back to him.

Soon Quatre and Trowa came in too, filling up the free space. Wufei just kept yelling, even though he was vaguely aware that none of them could understand him. "Murderers! Scum! Unworthy bastards! How dare you steal him from me! I hate you all! Because of me Nataku died, and now because of me Treize is dead too! But you killed him! How dare you think you were helping me!"

He could tell that they caught the odd word- he had taught them to swear in Chinese a long time ago- but for the most part all they saw was a desperate screaming person. Quatre reached out his hands but Wufei slapped them away, rising to his feet on the bed and kicking out, aiming for Quatre's throat. If the blow had connected it would have killed the Arabian, but Trowa grabbed Wufei's foot and pushed him over before he hurt Quatre again. Wufei fell back to the bed, spitting with rage. The other pilots backed away as he started to shake with rage. '"I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!" He hollered, going back to English at last.

The force of the scream made his throat hurt, and the next words he tried to choke out were nothing more than a croak. "Wufei..." Wufei tried to reply but found that his voice wouldn't work. He could only manage a kind of hoarse hissing. He snatched up his bag and got out a notebook and a pen. He scrawled something quickly then flung it at Heero. "No." Replied the Japanese, throwing the notebook back. Wufei scribbled something else and hurled it back angrily. "I said no. I don't have to have a reason." Snapped Heero. Duo folded his arms.

"Care to enlighten the rest of us?" Heero passed him the notebook, only to find the words 'Kill me' and 'Why not?'. "Aw hell, Wufei...you don't mean that do you? I mean...no-one wants to die..." Wufei held out his hand for the book and spent a couple of minutes writing before throwing it back to Duo.

"Maxwell, you understand nothing. What you have never known about my past, apart from that I was married, was that I disliked Meiran, my wife. She was my polar opposite in all things, but when our colony was attacked she took one of the two gundams there, and she defended our colony. There was a battle, in which she was truly Nataku, the war goddess. That is why I gave my gundam that name. Beside that, Meiran was killed saving my life. I took her to the flower fields she loved and she died in my arms. She told me I was the strongest person she knew, but I knew myself that she was stronger. I never used to believe in war- I did not think there was any such thing as justice. When I became a gundam pilot I took Nataku's beliefs and made them my own.

I am trying to define a point in time and a reason why I fell in love with a man such as Treize, but I can't. I first met him face to face on a ship, where he defeated me in a sword battle and refused to take my life as would have been honourable. When I was captured, he defended me from his soldiers, and forced the medical staff to help me against their own will. When I was cold he changed the room I was in, and when I became claustrophobic he took me walking. I was suspicious of him, but he was nothing but kindness itself to me. I asked him then why he didn't kill me. I did not expect the reply I got.

He told me I was beautiful. I did not believe him. But as the next days passed, we grew closer. You will think me a common whore, but I slept with him, more than once. No matter what you may have thought of him, he-" The 'is' that followed was scribbled out harshly. "Was truly a wonderful person. But now both he and Nataku have died, both times because of me. Nataku died defending me, and Treize died for holding me captive. You are no shinigami; I am. I hate the feeling of knowing that I caused such deaths. I hate the feeling of having to live without the love I have come to cherish...to need.

I am not strong enough to kill myself. I am only asking you to do it for me."

Duo blinked. "Shit, Wu..." Quatre took the notebook and read it quickly, with Trowa and Heero peering over his shoulders.

"But Wufei...it wasn't your fault!" Exclaimed Quatre. Wufei closed his eyes and turned his head, showing his obvious disbelief. "Wufei, don't turn your head like that! Can't you see that it wasn't your fault? Think about it properly!" Wufei tried to tell him to shut up but that cracked croaking came out again. "You were captured, through misinformation- which wasn't your fault. You fell in love with Treize- which wasn't your fault either. We came to rescue you- you had no control over that. And we killed Treize...because we thought he was hurting you. That wasn't your fault either!"

Wufei held out his hand for the notebook and flipped the page over, writing something and then throwing it at Quatre's face. Trowa caught it before it made contact, and the two of them read it. Trowa looked up angrily but Quatre just looked hurt. Wufei smiled spitefully. He would hurt every single one of them, give them some fraction of the pain in his heart. Duo stood there arms akimbo, glaring. "What does it say, Quat?"

"It says... 'What would you know of anything you blonde idiot? Go back to chasing rainbows. I have no idea how someone like you came to be the pilot of a gundam, you are weak.'. Wufei...do you mean that?" He handed the notebook back and Wufei snatched it ungratefully, scrawling five words and then throwing it again. Duo read it to find 'Of course I meant it.'

"How can you say something like that, Wu?"

Wufei sneered at him and turned, laying down on the bed on his side, not facing them. He closed his eyes, let himself go limp, and then felt someone grasp hold of his shoulders and yank him over, so that he was lying on his back. "Wufei! Stop being so ignorant!" Wufei could hear the anger in Heero's voice and smiled. Someone pulled him up so that he was sitting, but when they let go he simply fell back again. Rough fingers parted the eyelids of his left eye and he snickered, an amused crackling noise coming from his throat.

"Chang, open your eyes this instant and start talking!" The crackling grew louder, and Wufei shook with it, tears coming to trickle out from beneath his eyelids. "He's going into hysterics..."

"Heero, no-!" Wufei felt a slap connect with his cheek and unthinkingly lashed out with his feet, sending someone crashing to the floor. He opened his eyes to see Heero stretched out on the floor, unconscious. That only made him laugh louder. He got to his knees and bit his lip, snorting.

"Wufei-" The Chinese pilot crashed to the floor, face first, laughing madly, still with that strange hissing cackle in place of his voice. Wufei began to shake violently and rasp at them in a language they could not hear, let alone identify. Eventually he lay still, eyes closed tightly.

Quatre was the first to move, turning Wufei onto his back. He was unconscious, or asleep, and even in that state looked so unbelievably sad that Quatre felt a pang of guilt wash over him. "We've hurt him so badly..." He picked up the notebook and read through all the things Wufei had written. "I would never have thought...that any of those things happened to him. He always speaks about justice...so strongly..."

Wufei's eyes fluttered open and he looked around, dazed. "Wufei..." Wufei's eyes closed on Trowa and he glared. He opened his mouth to speak and nothing came out. He sat up, panicking, still trying to talk. Quatre knelt down next to him and held him still. Wufei struggled for a while then burst into tears, clutching at Quatre as if he were the only person left for him to cling to. When he regained control of himself, he picked up the notebook, writing shakily. He held it in front of Quatre's face, tears still running down his own.

The words read 'I want him back.' Quatre sighed and held Wufei tighter. "I know you want him back, Wufei, but...he's gone..."

'It's not fair.' Wufei wrote, starting to make his letters big enough for the others to see from where they stood.

"I know, Wufei, I know..."

'I want to hate you all. You took him away from me. But you were only defending me. As Meiran defended me. Bad things happen when people defend me, I'm not weak! If I was allowed to defend myself people would not die!'

"Wufei...you still think that this is all your fault, don't you?"

'It is my fault.'

"No it isn't, Wufei! I might be a blonde idiot but even I can see that!"

"Yeah, Wu. It's not like you asked us to fire or anything." Added in Duo, crouching down and looking into Wufei's eyes.

"You can't blame yourself for every bad thing that happens to you..." Trowa said quietly, closing his eyes. Wufei sniffed and scribbled something else.

'Thank you for your concern but it is my fault and I know it is. At least there will be an end to the fighting now. There will be the peace that he fought so hard to achieve.'

"Peace?" Duo sounded incredulous, and the mocking tone he inflected on that one word made Wufei wince.

'Yes. That was what he truly wanted.'

"Wufei..." Wufei shook his head.

'My throat feels numb. I think I might have damaged it.'

"Please don't try to change the subject, Wufei..."

'I'm not. I can't speak. I did not even mean the insult. It seems a worthless thing to lose your voice over.'

"Lose your voice? Wufei, I don't think it's that bad. Temporarily, perhaps, but not forever." Heero offered. Wufei shook his head again.

'My throat feels as if there is nothing there. I don't think I will be able to feel anything there again. I am sorry.'

"Wufei..." Wufei got to his feet, rubbing his eyes.

'If you don't mind, I want to meditate.' He dropped the pad and pen to the floor and sat down on his bed, crossing his legs. The others left the room and Wufei concentrated, bringing Treize's last words to mind, mingling them with the advice of his friends before coming to a decision. He stretched out, picking up the notebook and pen and flipping to a new page. He rubbed his now muted throat thoughtfully and started to write.

'Heero, when you've finished getting the information off the laptop, promise me that you will use it to give everyone the peace that Treize desired for them. He asked me to be strong, so I will be strong, and I shall continue to be strong, for his sake as well as yours. I find my own life to be worthless, but if it matters to you at all then I shall stay. Besides, suicide is a weak and cowardly option. That is all I have to say; I am going for a walk now. I will be back soon.'

He stood up and crossed to the door, pushing it open and finding himself in the kitchen area of one of their safe houses. He handed the note to Heero, who read it quickly and nodded. "It matters to me." Was all he had to say. Wufei tried to smile, but his lips wouldn't seem to work, so he gave a curt nod and walked to the door.

As he emerged into the cool, crisp night, he sighed. I will be strong, Treize. He thought. I will be strong.

Fin


Finally got to the end of this thing! I know I was mean to Treize and Wufei, but meh. I know some bits of it are awful, and some of it is just pure character misshapenness, but even so I want to know what you think, so please R&R!