Chapter 9

"If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law, there would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories."

From Donnie Darko


Beka screamed in pain as she hit the floor again. The Andromeda was out of control, and every time she managed to stand up she was thrown right back down. Even worse, now the bucking had stopped and the Andromeda was simply shaking violently. They had maybe two minutes at most before the engines blew and they were all vaporised. Dylan was yelling something, but she couldn't hear him. Why did they have to make that alarm so damned loud? Trance was simply crouched on the floor with her hands over her head, moaning softly. Rommie was the only one still standing and she was being deeply affected by her shiplier half trying to shake itself to bits; she had two forefingers pressed to her temples and her face was screwed up in concentration. Tyr had mercifully passed out the last time his skull had cracked against the floor.

Oh my God, we're all going to die! Beka thought helplessly, and before she could stop it another thought took form in her mind. At least I'll see Harper again.


Harper worked feverishly. By his counts there was about a minute left before the Andromeda blew and he had to watch his friends die. Don't think like that! He silently scolded himself. They are not going to die!

Thirty seconds left. He redoubled his efforts.

What are you even trying for, boy? You're good, but you're not that good. And you'll just hate yourself even more when you see their flesh peeling from their skin because if you were a better engineer then you could stop this all, but you can't.

'Shut up! Just shut the hell up,' he screamed, his forehead creased with anger and frustration. Fifteen seconds left.


In between the smoke and the wailing and the flashing lights, Beka paused for a moment. She was almost sure that, over all the noise, she heard a voice screaming. She strained her ears.

'Up… shut … hell the… shut the hell up!' It was distorted and waves of static kept breaking in, but for a moment Beka thought she recognised that voice. Why did it sound so damned familiar?

Ten seconds left.


Harper's hands were moving so fast that even to him they were practically a blur. All he needed was a little longer. He had managed to slow down the flow of power into the engine but unless he stopped it completely the Andromeda would be cut down into more manageable bitesize chunks.

Five seconds left.

'Come on, Seamus, pull yourself together!' he yelled, wanting to hit himself but knowing that there was no time left, and that it wouldn't have worked anyway. He started to hear that nasty little voice in his head again and started humming loudly to try and drown it out. All he needed were a few more seconds. If the universe had never given him any luck and never would again, couldn't he at least be granted this? The thought of Beka, Trance, Dylan, Tyr and Rommie all being blown to bits was too awful to comprehend, as if along with their fragile bodies his whole world would disintegrate.

3 seconds left.


It felt like the Andromeda was a shuttlecock in some ludicrous, giant game of badminton. It seemed to already be cracking at the edges, with blinding beams of light shining in through the splintering walls. The pressure built up in Beka's head, making her ears pop and giving her the most excruciating headache she had ever experienced. It felt like had stuck her head in a clamp and was slowly crushing it. She reached out, found Dylan's hand and clenched it tightly in her own until she felt his bones creak. If this was truly the end she didn't want to be alone.

Beka remembered all the ships that they had destroyed over the years, and there were a lot. Was this what those people had felt, the ones that she had killed? Had they begged the cosmos for mercy like she was doing and eventually realised that this was it and no one was going to save them? Would those thousands of faceless corpses be waiting for her, to drag her down to hell and exact their revenge? She squeezed her eyes and waited for the end.

One second left.


Harper was screaming in frustration now as he ran through the final steps. There was no time left, and the fate of everyone on the ship was on his shoulders, weighing him down, slowing him down. He heard Beka screaming again and again, her voice tight with pain. He was so close now… so close, but time was up, and even though he had managed to stop power pouring into the engines he had no idea if it would be enough or if he had done it in time. Then a blinding flash filled his vision, tearing through every inch of his being. His back arched and he screamed in pain, pain that he shouldn't be feeling now that he was dead, that he was sure was only felt in the deepest recesses of the torture chambers in Nietzschean concentration camps. It felt like fire was ripping through him and tearing him to pieces, stripping away every inch of his being. He tried to repeat things to himself, to try and remember who he had been.

My name is Seamus Zelazny Harper. I am an engineer. I am dead. My name is… my name is Seamus… Seamus Harper. I am…I am… dead. My name is Seamus… Harper… dead.

My name is Harper. I am dead.