Jerry Springer: "Hello, and welcome to our show. Today we will be talking about unusual love triangles." (The audience oohs and ahhs) "Lets meet our first guest, Christine Daae.
(Christine walks out and sits down) "Bonjour Jerry"
Jerry Springer: "Now Christine, tell us what's been going on."
Christine: "It's like this, you see, I've known Erik for about six months now, and he's a great guy. A bit psycho, but who's judging. Then this dude I haven't seen in over twelve years pops into my life, Raoul, and he keeps saying I should go with him and ditch the freak.
Jerry Springer: It says on my card you never actually met Erik, you've only had conversations with him hiding behind your mirror. (The audience goes oohhh)
Christine: "He respects me Jerry!"
Jerry Springer: "Well lets meet Raoul and see what he says." (Raoul comes out and the audience boos)
Raoul: "You don't know me, You don't know me, Hey! Ya'll don't know me!" (Raoul stands in front of Christine) "What's this all about huh? I come back to say I love you and your taking singing lessons from some jerk living in a sewer?"
Christine: "He was there for me when my father died, you were off with Phillip getting stoned!"
Raoul: "Bullshit"
Jerry Springer: "Lets bring out Erik"
(Erik walks out in full cape, mask, and fedora. The audience falls silent. Steve backs away. Erik walks over to Christine and kisses her cheek, Raoul jumps but before he can get him Erik grabs Raoul by the throat and holds him in the air. Steve runs to stop the fight as the audience chants "Choke His Ass! Choke His Ass!" Steve sucker punches Erik and pushes him and Raoul into chairs.)
Jerry Springer: "So, Erik, what's your story?"
Erik Glares at the audience: "I heard Christine singing one night and fell in love on the spot. I hold her dear to my heart"
Raoul: "You lied to her!" She thought you were her dead father."
Christine: "That's true Erik. You deceived me."
Erik: "I'm dreadfully sorry."
Christine: "Sorry doesn't cut it jerk!"
(Raoul jumps up at this and tries to hit Erik. Again Erik pummels Raoul into the ground and begins beating him. Steve and the other security run up to grab Erik. He punches and hits as many as he can. The audience is now chanting "Erik, Erik, Erik" Erik tries to throw Raoul through the window, except those windows are fake and so Raoul hits the brick wall. The guards grab Erik and hold him down while Raoul, with a bloody nose and busted lip, walks toward Christine. Christine cringes.)
Christine: "You get away from me, it's your own fault he beat your ass, I told you I AIN"T INTERESTED!"
Jerry Springer: "Whew, what a great time we have on this show. Now Christine, tell us what you're going to do."
Christine: "I don't want either of them. They can beat each other as much as they like, I'm leaving with Firmin Richard."
(Richard walks out and kisses Christine passionately. Erik growls as four guards hold him down; Raoul jumps on Erik and gets his first punch, the audience screams "Burn, Burn".)
Jerry Springer: "We'll be back!"
