TITLE: Solitude
PART: Sequenced Three-Part (Two of Three)
PAIRING: Sanada Genichirou x Kajimoto Takahisa
GENRE: Yaoi (Humour/ Continuation/ Angst / Romance)
DISCLAIMERS: The series I'm referring to does not belong to me… only this weird story does.
NOTES: Blah or Blah is for emphasis. /Blah/ is for conversations over the phone or flashbacks (if any). /Blah/ is for the conscience or whatever inner voice there is talking. Blah is for thoughts or random Japanese words. Some of these words are footnoted at the end of every page (I'm beginning to understand the need for footnotes in fiction. Thank you dear friend, you know who you are. XD).
ADDITIONAL BLAHS: This is a response to Hanabi Reeza's challenge. I had a lot of fun making this, though when you look at the plotline, well, it doesn't really show, since it's very depressing. XD This takes place in their senior high and university days. I was having trouble integrating the major characters as junior high kids, since they absolutely have no interaction whatsoever. Sanada is still the vice captain of the senior high team and still under Yukimura. Why? There are a lot of complications, and it will bundle the story up. Kajimoto has some issues as well. This is in assumption that they went to the senior high departments of their respective schools... except for, perhaps... nah, I'm not telling. Just find out on your own. XD Enjoy!
SOLITUDE
Part Two: Core
Spectre (Noun)
Vision or image
Apparition or presence of a being, most often ghosts
Phantom
SEQUENCE FOUR: SPECTRE
"You seem happy these past few weeks." Yukimura observed, a smile blooming on his face.
Sanada snorted sarcastically. "Don't make me laugh, Seiichi. After what Akaya pulled just last week, hell no."
His friend shook his head and laughed. "If I remember correctly, your mood changed since... hmmm... ah, yes, after your kendo lesson, when you beat Saeki-san." He raised a brow in supplication. "Is it because of that or is there something you're not telling me?"
Rolling his eyes, Sanada snorted again, shaking his head in complete amusement. "Get it out of your head, I haven't changed at all." He reiterated, peeling another orange for the both of them. "Saeki doesn't have anything to with what I'm doing."
"Ah really?" His friend seemed self-satisfied about something – as if he knew something he didn't. "Then, it must be something else..." he pressed on, leaning forward, placing both hands flat on the surface of the bed, making slight indentations that made Sanada wince inwardly. Yukimura was continuously losing weight.
"No. It's nothing, so stop bothering me. I'm concentrating on this."
Yukimura laughed loudly. "That proves it then. You are trying to hide something!"
OxxxOxxxO
"You seem sad these days. Is something wrong?"
Kajimoto looked up and smiled as he saw Mizuki's concerned face hovering above him. It was rare that his friend was this much attentive, so he thought it would be best to take advantage of it for a while. Besides, he needed someone to talk to.
"It's Sanada-san."
Mizuki immediately perked up upon hearing the cause of his woes. He stared at him with interest. Kajimoto knew that whatever he was going to say would be filed deep in the recesses of his friend's consciousness... until it would be of use. He just did not know if it was a good thing. Taking a huge breath, he stretched out his uninjured foot and leant back against the metal railings of St. Rudolph's tennis area. "What about Sanada-san?"
"We've been talking a lot lately..."
"You what?!"
His eyes narrowed in annoyance. "I said I have been talking to him lately." He reiterated, crossing his arms defensively across his chest. "And all those talks... well... they bother me."
"Why, did he say anything about your injury?" He asked, twirling a lock of hair as always. It amused Kajimoto, the way he did that almost all the time. Wakato seemed irritated by it, however it was different with him. He felt comforted. There was something soothing on the way his finger moved – almost hypnotic in fact. Now he knew why Akazawa, Mizuki's best friend, kept on sticking by him no matter what happened. Maybe it was the main reason why he continued to be Mizuki's friend as well.
His eyes narrowed, spitting fire as if some wild animal protecting his territory. "Please don't tell me he wanted you to join his tennis team, or I swear he will have polka-dotted boxers filling up his closet tomorrow morning!"
Kajimoto tried to keep the laughter bubbling up from his throat, but he failed. Laughingly, he patted Mizuki's knee almost affectionately. "No, no. Don't worry; he didn't say anything about it. Don't torture him with such things, he would be traumatised for life!"
By then, Mizuki was chuckling ceaselessly. The imagery, after all, was so absurd that he was reacting to his own plan of revenge. Who wouldn't panic after seeing their underwear drawer piled up high with polka-dotted boxers? Kajimoto knew he would, his friend though... he wasn't so sure. He was actually thinking that Mizuki wore polka-dotted boxers everyday! He shook his head in an effort to calm his racing mind and restore himself back to normalcy.
When the laughter subsided, he thought of Sanada once again. He had been thinking about him lately. He knew it wasn't healthy to do such thing, but flashes of his features just came to mind in inopportune moments. Even when he was studying for the college entrance examinations.
Wakato even said he was in love, what with the way he was mooning over him.
Now that was crazy.
Why would he fall for someone of his own gender anyway? Besides, even if, let us say, he would be inclined to think that way... it wouldn't happen if he was the only one interested, right?
Sighing, he looked up at the afternoon sky. He knew that Mizuki was watching him, but he didn't care. All he knew was that he was troubled. Maybe it was a bad idea to keep on meeting with Sanada in the early evenings. Maybe talking about his woes were not the best way for him to cope...
"We just talked about a lot of things." He murmured, admiring the way the clouds seemed to roll slowly by, taking their precious time. "About the past... what's happening to our lives now... and what our plans would be in the future. You know, the stuff we've talked about before."
There was silence as Mizuki regarded him carefully. Then, the finger twisting his hair dropped onto his lap and a slow smile spread across his face. "Then why do you look so glum?" He asked almost teasingly. "Shouldn't you be ecstatic that someone as closed up as he is, is sharing stories with you?"
Surprised, Kajimoto's eyes wandered away from the sky to his twinkling ones.
Why indeed...
OxxxOxxxO
He was late.
Sanada uncrossed his legs for the fourth time. Stealing a glance at his watch; jiggled his feet restlessly. He had been sitting in the same bench for a couple of months now, and he was pretty sure he never waited this long before. Well, it was not as if he waited at all. More often than not, he was the one who arrived late.
Kajimoto had always been punctual. So much so in fact that he arrived much earlier than five thirty in the afternoon that Sanada wondered if he was practicing his swings at all. It seemed as if Kajimoto was not attending his team practices nowadays. Was he only lying when he said he was? He shook his head, glancing at his watch again before crossing his legs.
Impatience was eating him.
Where is he? He thought in annoyance. I have better things to do than wait here all night.
He knew that wasn't quite true, but at the rate he was going, he needed more time to prepare for his dinner than usual, since he was out until eight in the evening. And dinner started at precisely thirty minutes after that. He just couldn't understand that, even with such schedule, he would come here and chat with someone he met only recently. Why was he doing this anyway?
Then, came the footsteps.
He immediately stood up.
There was a part of him that felt relieved. Just as he expected, it was Kajimoto, hurriedly limping towards him. He could stand in one crutch now, and it would only be a matter of time before he didn't have to use its support anymore. For that, Sanada was glad.
But that did not change the fact that Kajimoto was late.
He frowned. "You're late." He said as the other finally reached him, the hint of impatience evident in his tone.
Kajimoto visibly stiffened, and his lips, opened as if in greeting, froze as well, eyes widening considerably. It took a couple of moments before he could recover his composure and he nodded stiffly, schooling his face to its normally gloomy state. Then, an infinitesimal smile, obviously forced, was cracked. "I talked to a friend and I lost track of time." The note of apology was there, and at that moment, Sanada gauged, it was enough. He wasn't angry anyway; he would let it go this one time.
"A friend?" And then, he had to wonder why he was being all too possessive.
"Mizuki Hajime." Kajimoto pronounced, smile widening. "The one whom you like to call 'purple schemer'... I'm sure you understand."
Sanada shook his head. Of course he understood! What he just couldn't understand was how Mizuki and Kajimoto hit it off. That guy was insufferable! He smiled back, holding out his hands and helping him sit comfortably.
There was silence the moment they finally settled down, each lost in their own worlds, each trying to dredge up a memory, an issue, something, anything they could talk about that wouldn't be all too offensive to the other. They had too much quality time weeks before, and their stack of commonalities were dwindling. It made Sanada feel useless, for he couldn't stop it.
Between all banter, all good-natured teasing of friends and even those who weren't, they didn't necessarily have a lot of things they could mutually get excited about – maybe except tennis. However, with the lack of stories Kajimoto had, now that he was virtually kicked out of his team temporarily, related matters were becoming stale. He dreaded the moment when they would have nothing more to say.
He dreaded the moment when they would begin to drift apart.
Sanada was not needy by nature; however, he revelled on the idea that he was needed. And in this case, he felt needed more than he felt in need. It was the ideal scenario for him... and he did not want to let go of it all too easily.
The silence was lengthening. What would be a good topic to bring up... one that he hadn't brought up before? The only thing thought of was...
"It's too hot these days." He commented softly, his brain ridiculing him to the point where he wanted to just stuff his foot in his mouth. Of all things to talk about, why do I have to focus on the weather?
Surprisingly, Kajimoto did not say a word. He just reached into his bag, pulling out his portable fan.
And with a soft smile, he handed it to him.
Ambiguity (Noun)
Imprecision
Indistinctness
Haziness
Doubt or uncertainty
SEQUENCE FIVE: AMBIGUITY
Kajimoto stared at the piece of pristine paper in his trembling hands.
It must be some kind of joke... maybe the doctor made a mistake? He thought as he read the lines again and again. He wanted to scream as visions of Tezuka Kunimitsu's pain slashed his mind repeatedly. Am I going to be like that as well? It says here that I can't bend my back excessively... or use my foot excessively as well... so what now? Tennis is a strenuous game... what will happen to me now?
The only option was to quit playing. But he did not want to. He wanted to prove to the world that he could do anything – and that he excelled in something, especially the one thing he loved! What was he to do now? What was he to do now that he couldn't stand side by side with Sanada anymore? The hopes of having a match with him were nothing but a dream now. Damn Shinjou and his stupid Impulses! He swore under his breath.
It wasn't until a hand descended on his shoulder that he was jolted from his homicidal thoughts. He quickly stuffed the paper in his opened bag and looked up. It was Mizuki. Letting out a whoosh of relieved breath, he smiled wanly. "Yeah?"
"I saw what was written in that thing you just stuffed carelessly in your bag." Mizuki frowned.
The smile faded from Kajimoto's face, replaced with such a sad expression that made Mizuki's heart constrict. "I need to start from scratch... nix all my moves... throw away all my strengths..."
"Or seek Tezuka-san's advice. He suffered the same thing, right?" his friend offered, sitting down beside him.
"You think he'd listen to me if I ask him nicely?"
Mizuki raised his brow in question. "How nice are we talking about?"
Kajimoto glared. "Hajime... I'm not going to have sex with him, stop it with the innuendos."
And Mizuki laughed.
OxxxOxxxO
"Kajimoto, this is Sanada."
He did not want to do this, but he didn't have a choice. He wanted to be there when news of Yukimura's latest operation arrived. His friend wouldn't have to go through this if his former doctor did not make a mistake regarding the cure for his nerve problems. It shouldn't have been operated at all, and yet, he was subjected to the horrors of the operation table. Now his condition worsened... the stupid doctor cut through the wrong set of nerves.
Sanada only had to wonder how Yukimura took everything in stride. He even said that his doctor did not do anything wrong, and credited it to what he called "honest mistake". He did not even whine about it. But he still couldn't discount the fact that he saw the pain deep in his best friend's eyes. He hated it when he looked that way. He always had to control his temper or he would end up in jail slapped with homicide. If that happened, Yukimura's pain would only increase. It would be useless.
/Ah, Sanada-san... sorry I took too long to answer, I'm having class right now, so... /
The apologetic note was there, and frankly, he did not know why he was being apologetic when it was him who would... he shook his head. Better this way that for him to wait for nothing. "No problem. I just called to say that I couldn't come later."
The silence was palpable, and Sanada felt guiltier each passing moment. Why, he did not have the slightest idea. Maybe the disappointment present in the silence was the perpetrator.
Finally, Kajimoto spoke.
/Oh, I see... well, let's just meet tomorrow... /
"I can't. I'll be attending to... other matters." Like waiting for Seiichi to wake up.
/Oh... maybe the day after... /
"I'll just call you." Sanada replied hastily.
/Oh, okay... see you then. /
The guilt was seeping in now. And he had to let go of the conversation if he did not want to change his mind. This was how he felt when he lost to Echizen back in junior high.
"Good, see you then. Bye."
And he ended the call, letting out a huge breath of air and staring at the inactive cellular phone for a moment before slipping it in his jeans pocket.
Why was he feeling this way when he did not lose anything at all?
OxxxOxxxO
Kajimoto stared sadly at his phone.
Sanada-san...
OxxxOxxxO
"C'mon Hi-chan, eat!"
Kajimoto's brow twitched. That accursed nickname again. Why was Wakato always calling him that when he was having a minor breakdown? "Hiroshi. Don't call me that. It's embarrassing."
"But I called you that when we were still kids! There's nothing embarrassing about it! I call you Hi-chan and you call me Shi-chan! I think it's cute!" Wakato said defensively, still holding up the spoonful of pudding before Kajimoto's mouth. "C'mon, say 'Aah...'"
"Hiroshi. My back and my foot are the parts of my body that I injured, not my hands. I can eat by myself."
Wakato was about to answer back when a slinky female voice sounded behind him. He did not have to guess who it was. From grim lines on Kajimoto's mouth, he already knew who it was. Sighing, he lowered the spoon back to the plateful of pudding.
"Hanamura-sensei." He greeted lukewarmly.
"Ah, Wakato-kun, it's a nice surprise seeing you here. I thought you're supposed to be training?"
Wakato sighed. "I was, until I got bored with it. I keep on practicing the same stuff, so why bother?"
Kajimoto gritted his teeth. She was ignoring him, the coach he respected regardless of her fashion sense. Now that he knew how inconsiderate she was, he was regretting ever following her lead. She called him her "Absolute Masterpiece", the captain of her team, and yet when he was indisposed, she left him behind. She ignored him. She ridiculed him, putting on airs whenever he was about, especially during tennis practice.
She didn't even reprimand Shinjou. Maybe she did not want him anymore, for all the simplicity his shots were made of. No special formation, no nothing... he just bended his back to make his shots extra perfect. That was it. Maybe he should have just gone off with Mizuki back in junior high. But then what about Wakato? He would be alone in the pack of hungry wolves. He was a friend – a very good one – so he just couldn't leave him like that.
"Ah, but Wakato-kun, you can never be too careless, you know..."
Kajimoto tuned out their conversation. He just closed his eyes and turned away, staring off at the direction of his sanctuary as thoughts of Sanada invaded his mind once again.
Sanada-san...
OxxxOxxxO
"Atobe... I'm busy."
"Tezuka... I'm busy too."
"Busy staring at me."
"Exactly."
If not for the funny picture the two captains (Again... nothing much changed after all...) made, Kajimoto would've frowned. They looked like they were going to start a riot soon, for all the glaring the Seishun Gakuen senior high captain and all the provoking the current Hyoutei Gakuen senior high captain were doing. He cleared his throat, making Mizuki snigger right behind him... and making the warring pair stare up at him as well. Heh. They hadn't even heard him approach... they were too absorbed in each other, probably. He smiled inwardly. "Kajimoto-san." They chorused, straightening almost in absolute synchronisation.
"I'm sorry to bother you, Tezuka-san, Atobe-san... I just came to ask for your help regarding..." Kajimoto started, unconsciously leaning heavily against his crutch. "My injuries..."
Tezuka stared up at him, eyes straying slowly down to the injured foot, then back to his face once more. "There is more than one." He said, eliciting a nod from him. "You have –"
"A problem with your lower back." Atobe finished, fingers almost hiding his intense features, save for his eyes that seemed to tunnel deep down into his body... travelling painlessly to pinpoint his weakness – weaknesses. Kajimoto remembered Hanamura-sensei calling it "Insight". He just never knew how powerful it was until now. He nodded again, eyes stuck now on Tezuka's softening gaze.
"What kind of help are we talking about?" He asked him, leaning forward, elbows planted firmly on the table, chin resting comfortably on clasped hands. It was a bit intimidating for Kajimoto, Tezuka's position right now. He felt like he was being judged of something entirely different. He was almost tempted to scream 'I didn't do it!' at one point; instead, he swallowed and took a deep breath.
"Hospital recommendations, Tezuka-san." He said quietly. "Where I could possibly go for treatments.."
Atobe was eerily quiet, and Kajimoto credited it to the best-forgotten memory of the legendary game back in junior high. He winced inwardly. He did not intend o remind them of that bitter a past... not now when they were getting along fine – more than fine, in fact, that they were bickering so easily, like coy little kids responding to each other's challenges. Maybe this was a bad idea... and why was Mizuki staying silent anyway? He glanced at his friend and found him staring at Atobe's hushed countenance, intensely so that he himself started staring at the Hyoutei captain.
It was only when Atobe spoke that Kajimoto – and perhaps, Mizuki as well, were jarred from their trance. "He went to Germany, but he consulted in Kyushu first. You might want to do the same."
Kajimoto cleared his throat. "Is it really –" He started, only to be cut off by him again.
"It's fine, don't say anything anymore because you obviously are going through a trying time and you need to have your injuries healed, so –"
"Atobe." Tezuka butted in with a wry look on his face. "Stop rushing him. He's not Kabaji."
Atobe glared at him, huffing, as he leant back against his seat and crossed his arms across his chest in a show of defiance. "You're stealing the limelight from me again."
It was Mizuki's voice that followed, with his trademark. "Nfu" He went. "Sasuga, Tezuka-san."
And Atobe turned his evil eye on him. "And you." He fired, irritation palpable. "Oh Purple Schemer, what are you doing with this decent guy here? Are you stalking him like what you did to Jirou before?"
It took all of Kajimoto's strength not to smack himself with his own bag in frustration. He wanted to take in Akutagawa-san too? How desperate could he get?
"I did not!" Mizuki protested. "Takahisa and I are friends... WAIT...Purple Schemer? Why did you call me that? That's mean!"
"Genichirou called you that after you tried recruiting Renji of all people, and it stuck, so there." His verbal opponent sniffed dismissively.
The name perked Kajimoto's ears. Sanada-san... He shook his head, turning away from the scathing display, only to be cuffed by Tezuka's knowing gaze. There was indeed softness in those eyes. They knew how to sympathise, knew how to care... and knew how to help – and those were what he exactly needed.
"I can recommend you to a good doctor to take a look at your injuries first." the Seigaku captain announced solemnly, tearing a piece of paper out of a notebook – Atobe's notebook as his protest indicated, and scribbling something on it. Silently, he wondered what he was writing, maybe the name of the doctor and the place? What to do? A checklist? He had no idea, but he deduced, it would be best if he just waited...
And Tezuka handed the piece of notebook paper to him, eyes more alive now than before. "Here. This is Oishi Souichirou's number, his uncle is an excellent doctor, tell him I referred you."
Nodding, he took the offered reference and stared at it, eyes misting a bit as he read Oishi's home number.
He, for the first time since the arrival of his doctor's report, finally felt hope.
And a silent prayer was said.
There was hope.
OxxxOxxxO
It took a week before Sanada was in the clear.
The operation went well and Yukimura was now recuperating – more like demolishing any foodstuff in sight – in his hospital suite. They talked a lot about everything that was going on in their lives and a slip of the tongue followed with him revealing his meetings with Kajimoto.
He was secretly afraid that Yukimura would resent him for lying through his teeth. Imagine his surprise when his best friend giggled weakly and said that it was all good... that it was amazing he found a new friend.
In a way, it relieving, but the more he thought about it, the more he realised that Yukimura was practically throwing him at another person. It saddened him in fact, but he couldn't find fault in him. To him, all Yukimura said made sense... everything Yukimura was perfect.
He sighed as he trudged in depression to where he usually met Kajimoto. He needed someone to talk to – and fast. As he entered the court, he felt a strong gust hot of wind pass him by, ruffling his hair, heightening the depression even more, and then there was the emptiness. He just did not know why he felt so, if it was because of Yukimura or because... there was no one in the tennis court.
The sight of the empty area made him feel more alone.
Maybe he's just late. He thought as he shuffled absently to their favoured seat and plopping heavily down as he stared at the sunset. There was peace, an unstable one but still peace, and he relished it, taking a huge lungful of breath and exhaling slowly, feeling his lungs emptying... until he felt as empty as everything else was empty.
He stared at the sun until late, until it winked its last light out atop the tall buildings of Tokyo.
He waited for a long time.
Still, there was no Kajimoto.
TSUZUKU
A/N: made it a three-part instead... I hate squeezing in stuff in just one part. That would be pure evil! . Sorry for the delay guys, just went postal in anticipation of the last ep of PoT since Monday... and now, it's finally gone. But it's not the end... there's still the manga! A consolation of sorts. Well, enjoy!
