I know, I know, it's been awhile since I have updated. But if you haven't noticed by now, I have almost no time at all. One can only survive on only so many four hour night's before they start to act a little funny, shall we say?
Thanks again to everyone who reviewed. You guys are being really patient (is that even spelled right?) and that really helps a lot. I hate it when you get those reivews demanding an update, that's like a slap in the face. I know what it's like to be waiting for an author to update, but I also know what writer's block/lack of free time is like.
Notes on this chapter: You're just going to have to assume that Rachel and Phoebe told Joey that they know sometime in the moments not covered in the story. So in summary, Rachel, Phoebe, and Joey know and know eachother know, Ross doesn't know but has made his feelings clear on Mondler dating (negative), and Mr. and Mrs. Geller are clueless per usual.
The night ended surprisingly well, considering the events and the players involved. In all actuality, the night went pretty flawlessly, if you minus out the starry-eyed looks and cooing noises from Rachel and Phoebe, Joey's drinking contest with Mr. Geller, and Phoebe and Ross's debate on the topic of evolution (which ended in a reenactment from Ross himself) (Monica chose this point to try and pull out the vodka) (she was not successful).
And when everyone went to bed for that evening, Chandler found himself sitting up in his room just staring at the clock, trying to figure out how long it should take all the Geller's, minus Monica, to fall asleep like some mathematical equation.
He decided that after an hour and a half of waiting, if they weren't asleep yet, he'd just kill them and claim it was as accident. Either that or just run really fast. He pulled on his old blue robe, tying it tightly around his waist, before he made his way quietly to the door. Pushing it only open a crack, Chandler looked out, surveying the scene in front of him. Ross was out cold on the couch.
Mission one accomplished.
He pushed the door open the rest of the way, and carefully sneaked out of the apartment, making sure not to wake Ross, not that a stampede of elephants could wake him, it would just make sense that Ross would wake up just as Chandler was sneaking off to be with Monica. Casting one last look over the apartment, he made his way on his third mission, which would probably prove to be the hardest yet. Sneaking into Monica's room with her parents in the same apartment.
Things were bound to not end well if they were caught.
He rushed across the hallway, making his hurried steps as quiet as possible. Then, taking a deep breath, he creaked open the door to Monica's apartment.
Darkness.
He breathed a sigh of relief. At least he didn't have to explain why he was coming over in the dead of night in his bathrobe to a fully wake Mrs. or even Mr. Geller. Half-asleep he still had a chance, people tended to be more gullible then.
"Chandler?"
He heard a small whisper from the couch. He smiled unconsciously at her voice, "I'm here, Mon."
Monica stood up off the couch, "Hey you," she walked over to him seductively and wrapped her arms around him.
"Hey yourself," he greeted back, as he kissed her atop of her head. "How long have your parents been asleep for?"
"Right after you guys left," Monica answered, "I might have hurried them along a little," she added sheepishly. "What about Ross?"
"Do you think I'd be here if Ross was awake?"
"Shut up, haven't you learned I'm always right, girlfriend or not?"
"Yes, I'm sorry, what was I thinking," Chandler mused, "I mean, I love you."
"Nice recovery." She teased, as she leaned in closer and kissed his lips lovingly. "I missed you," she breathed out.
"You don't ever not see me, how can you miss me?"
"I miss this version I get to see of you, I like him the best."
"Oh really? You do? Maybe I should sneak off more often." He smiled as he planted an unexpected kiss on her lips.
"Monica? Is that you? Why are you up so late?" Judy's voiced called out from inside Rachel's room.
Chandler's eyes got wide as he batted Monica out of his arms.
Judy opened up the door, dressed in a rather too revealing, considering it was Mrs. Geller, purple bathrobe. "What in heavens name are you doing here, Chandler? It's nearly three in the morning!"
"Erm-I couldn't sleep."
"So you woke Monica up?"
"I was awake too!" Monica announced, "We were gonna watch some TV, right Chandler?"
"Of course, cause that's what we do when we can't sleep. Watch TV. At three in the morning. Sorry we woke you up. We really should seek medical attention for our sleeping habits. Horrible. Just horrible."
Monica jabbed him in the ribs, signaling for him to shut up. "Yes, me and Chandler were just discussing what we wanted to watch."
"Alright, just keep it down!" Judy threatened, "And Monica, I'll give the doctor a call tomorrow about an appointment, it's not healthy to be up this late regularly!"
"Right then," Monica forced a smile, "Night Mom."
"Night, Mrs. G," Chandler tired to laugh, but all that would come out was a more subdued version of his work laugh.
"Right then," Judy closed the door to Rachel's room, a more tired version of her disgusted face taking over her wrinkly features.
"So you're parents have become lighter sleepers as the years moved on!" Chandler commented amusement in his tone.
"Come on, let's sleep on the couch tonight."
"And why would we want to do that?"
"Because, my parents are probably gonna wake up early after that lovely show. At least this way we can still have a decent enough defense as friends still unlike a bedroom exit first thing in the morning."
"Whatever happened to living dangerously?"
"That went away with the no drinking establishment," she teased as she grabbed his hand and let him over to the couch.
"Trying to guilt me out of it, eh?" Chandler smiled, as he propped up a couple of pillows for their heads on the very end. "Do you think this is too obvious?" He asked, motioning to the pillows.
"We're tired, remember?" Monica filled in for him.
"Gotcha," he laid down on the couch, rolling over to the very back to make room for Monica to lay down besides him.
"Do you think they'll wonder why the TV isn't on?" She asked, as she sat down on the couch besides him.
"Because we were so tired, you fell asleep and I didn't want to wake you so I turned off the TV for the night and slept here."
"You know, we really shouldn't be this good at coming up with these lies. Some might think it was a bad thing."
"Eh, do you see any of those people here right now?"
She smiled and shook her head, "I love you," she whispered to him as she laid herself down nearly on top of him, just so that her head could rest on his chest.
"Me too," Chandler smirked, Monica whacked the back of his head. "Ouch!" He complained, "I'm sorry, I heart you too."
"Heart?"
"Thought we could change it up a little," he explained, "But maybe we like traditional things better," he kissed the top of her head, "Love ya, Mon."
"Thank you!"
"I know they're close and all, but this is getting to be too much," Ross commented watching his best friend hold his little sister in his arms while they slept. It was almost seven, and, per usual, Phoebe, Joey, Rachel, and him had shown up at the girls' apartment awaiting a breakfast either cooked or cooking. Needless to say, what he found was somewhat less amusing.
"I still think it's cute," Rachel cooed.
"Cute? You thought it was hilarious last time. How does hilarious transform into cute?!" Ross asked, his voice getting high and squeaky. "Heck! How is this even cute in the first place?"
Joey shook his head, "That's gonna cost him," he muttered to Phoebe.
"Whatda mean, 'cost me'? I haven't spent anything!"
"Ross, haven't you learned to never question a woman. If they say something that seems a bit off, you just nod your head and smile saying things like 'of course, sweetie' and so on and so forth."
"You know what, he's got you there, Ross." Phoebe agreed, nodding her head along with Joey, "You should really learn that women aren't wrong, and even if we are, we don't like to be told."
"It's a little thing called PMS," Rachel chuckled, "If it's not that time of the month, we're getting ready for the next one."
"Well, I don't see why Chandler could have just stumbled back into his own apartment," Judy commented, putting her emphasize on the word 'own'. "For God's sake, he only came in at some ungodly hour last night to watch TV of all things!"
"Why didn't he just watch it over at our place?" Ross asked, "It wouldn't have bothered me, I was out like a light last night."
"Well, him and Monica, they, they always watch TV together!" Rachel intervened, nodding her head dramatically, "Right, Pheebs?"
"Yes, Chandler and Monica always watch TV together, Ross. I can't believe you forgot about that." Phoebe said slowly, as she nudged Joey in the ribs to say something.
"What? Oh, oh, yeah, Chan and Mon, yeah, they, they, love to watch TV. It's like the best thing ever to them. Cause you know, they're both single and all. Single, single, single."
Rachel cleared her throat, signaling him to stop talking. "I thought you knew that, Ross. Well, I guess you're late night escapades with Janice might have prevented that." She winked at him slowly and over-dramatically, "Right, Ross?" She chuckled.
He looked at her strangely, "Have you all lost your minds, or am I just living in some parallel universe or something where everyone acts like," he paused looking for a word to describe their behavior, "This."
"What do you mean Ross?" Phoebe asked, forcing a small laugh. "You're the one that's acting strange." She walked over into the kitchen, and pretended to look around for something to eat. "Hey Rachel, can you help me find the bagels?"
"Pheebs, you know where the," Phoebe glared at her and jerked her head backwards, "Oh! I mean, I erm-moved the bagels last week! I can't believe I forgot to tell you!" She ran over to Phoebe's side, mouthing a 'sorry' for her late brain connection.
"What should we do about," Phoebe whispered hoarsely, "you know," she nudged her head in the general direction of the couch.
"What do you mean? Should we tell everybody?"
"No! We can't do that! That would be so mean!"
"Yeah, yeah, they made it pretty clear they wanted to keep it a secret." Rachel agreed, "You know, I don't understand how we didn't catch on sooner! I mean, come on! How obvious are they!"
"I know!" Phoebe practically yelled, "That bagels are against my low-carb diet!" She spit out, her voice mechanical almost. "You don't have to remind me, Rach!"
"So what are you thinking?"
"Maybe we should get everybody out of the apartment, you know, leave Monica and Chandler for some alone time. I'm sure they haven't gotten much of that."
Rachel nodded, "Yea, yea, you're right. We do kinda hang out here a lot, don't we?"
"Let's just take Ross's parents around the city today, y'know? Shopping and stuff."
"What about the guys? I don't think they'll go for shopping. Ross might. But not Joey, the man doesn't even wear underwear most days."
"Send them to a baseball game or something! A bar! Let them pick up chicks!"
"Ah yes, a bar open in the middle of the day, where a married man, his son who has a girlfriend, and a man with no morals to speak of can pick up chicks. That sounds like a good plan."
"Well! I'm the one coming up with all the plans here! Why don't you try coming up with something!"
"You see, Pheebs," Rachel chuckled, "That's the difference between you and me, I don't come up with plans, I just follow them through."
"Alright, let's just send them to a baseball game or something."
"You can get tickets on this sort of notice?"
"I'm sure you can. Worst comes to worst, we'll send them on a hunt for some unfindable thing. Like cheese that was made from a goat."
"Pheebs, there is such a thing as goat's milk."
"Yeah so? I said cheese! You gotta listen, Rach!"
"Oh, I don't understand how I did that," Rachel mused, the sarcasm in her words would have even impressed that of Chandler's standards.
"I know, honey, you just have to listen more, okay?"
"I'll try my best, Pheebs."
"Hey Joey! We seemed to have misplaced the bagel cutter, do you know where it is? Did you maybe borrow it and leave it in your apartment again?" Phoebe asked, opening her eyes wide and hoping to God that he got the message behind her words.
"Huh? What! I didn't borrow the bagel cutter!" Joey yelled, "Why would I borrow the bagel cutter?"
"I don't know, Joey, maybe you wanted a bagel and don't have your own," Rachel said slowly, "So you came and borrowed ours, and forgot it in YOUR APARTMENT."
"You know what, maybe we should all go look for it," Phoebe said, "Maybe if we go back there it will jog your memory, Joey."
"What?" Phoebe and Rachel stared at him, "Oh, oh, I mean, sure, I think I might have borrowed it, and left it in my apartment." He chuckled a little, "Sorry, must have slipped my mind, so many important things just flying around in there, y'know?"
"Here, we'll come with you and look for it!" Rachel announced, "I'm sure Phoebe really wants her bagel, right, Pheebs?"
"Oh yes, I am very hungry."
"Pheebs, I didn't know you were on a low-carb diet," Ross commented, "And if you are, you really should stick to it better."
"I know, I know, I don't have much willpower, Ross," she said with mock sadness.
"You know I went on one of those low-carb diets once," Judy mentioned, "I really think they're a waste of time, Phoebe. I would suggest Atkins if anything. The man should be given a noble prize, he's a genius."
"But don't you have to eat a lot of meat on Atkin's?" Rachel asked, or at least hinted at Mrs. Geller, who, she was pretty convinced, hadn't figured out or had forgotten Phoebe's standpoint on meat in general.
"Yes, that's the beauty of it, dear," Jack smiled, "I got to eat everything I loved, minus a couple of the breads that I loved too, but you know, what can you do?"
"Well, I don't think Atkin's," Phoebe said his name almost mockingly, "Is right for me. Thanks for the tip anyways, Mrs. Geller." She turned back around and made her way quickly out of the apartment, "Let's find that bagel cutter, cause it's sure as hell not here."
"Yes, I must have left it in my apartment!" Joey called after her, taking off in a slow jog behind her.
"Well, you know, they need me," Rachel chuckled a little, "Can't leave those two unsupervised, right, Ross?"
"Sadly, I have to agree."
"Good luck finding your bagel cutter!" Mr. Geller called after Rachel as she ran out of the apartment, completely oblivious.
"That was strange," Ross commented, then turned his attention back to his Chandler and Monica on the couch, "Although, not as strange as this."
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