La Femme Serena
by Aglaia
"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to
be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely,
aware." Henry Miller
---
Serena paused briefly in the doorway and
turned back to face him.
She stared bleakly into his eyes. "I'll
never kiss you again," she told him in a soft
voice that carried nonetheless. "Never."
With that simple statement, Serena entered
the bathroom and shut the door behind her.
---
Chapter 5: You Only Live Twice
Once Serena had closed the bathroom door,
she ran to the toilet and violently threw up.
Her stomach heaved unsteadily in the aftermath of
the night's events. Clutching the bowl of the
toilet, Serena closed her eyes and tried to quell
the queasy feelings brought on by the knowledge
that she had ended the lives of several people
whose names she didn't even know. "My God,"
she thought. "What have I become?" When there
was nothing left in her stomach, she picked herself
up and cleaned up the mess.
Serena stripped off her muddied,
waterlogged, and torn dress. Unceremoniously
dropping the now irredeemable pink mess on the
floor, she stepped into the shower without waiting
for the water to warm up. As she leaned against
the shower stall, the cold water gradually became
hot, but Serena made no move to lather her body
with soap or shampoo. She merely stood under
the shower's unrelenting spray, the warm water
mixing with the tears that streamed down her face.
For what seemed like hours, she stood there
weeping, sobs wracking her small body as it shook
from grief. Serena mourned. For the relationship
that had ended before it had even begun, for the
lives (guilty or not) that she had taken that
night, but mostly, Serena mourned for herself and
the innocence that had been ripped forcibly from
her. And like water seeping through her cupped
hands, once gone she knew it could never be
retrieved. Serena cried until her throat was so
sore it closed up; she cried until her eyes became
puffy and red rimmed. She cried until she had no
more tears left to shed.
She began to scrub her body, at first half-
heartedly, but then with increasing vigor. She
ruthlessly scoured her skin until it turned an
angry red, trying to clean herself of the
invisible blood and slime that she imagined coated
her body. Had there only been physical marks, she
would have succeeded in cleaning them.
Unfortunately, the real wounds left by the evening's
adventures were emotional, and Serena knew she
would never be completely healed. She wanted to
wash way the night's memories and watch them run
down the drain, yet no matter how hard she scrubbed,
she felt as if she would never be clean again.
Finally giving up, Serena stepped out of the
shower and toweled herself off. Slipping into a
comfortable pair of flannel pajamas, she prepared
herself for bed. Moving slowly and meticulously
through her routine, she brushed her teeth and
hair, knowing that by the time she was finished,
Seiya would be long gone.
For a moment, Serena paused and remembered
the feel of his kiss - her first kiss. It had
been a carnal experience like none she had ever
had. His lips had captured hers hungrily in an
inescapable admission of desire. Intense emotions
had coursed through her. Her skin had been
incredibly sensitive to the feel of his body
pressed intimately against her own. She had
wanted him as she had never wanted anyone before,
and the emotion scared her a little. Half of her
was relieved when he had suddenly broken off the
kiss, but the other half had secretly wanted more.
When Serena recalled the waves of passion that had
crashed against her psyche, the hairbrush in her
hand trembled.
Forcing herself to be calm, she breathed
slowly in and out a few times and replaced the
brush on the counter. She resolved not to think
about it any more. Serena turned off the light and
re-entered her bedroom. Although nothing in its
design or appearance had changed, somehow the room
seemed alien to her. It was as if an unseen force
had invaded her room, changing it into something
foreign. Seiya's presence inside it had altered
it, and it would never be the same again.
As Serena turned down the bed, she shakily
realized that neither would she ever be the same
again. She closed her eyes in a silent prayer
for strength, intensely glad that tonight would
be her last night sleeping in this room. She
felt exhausted from the physical and emotional
toll the night had taken on her. Sleep soon
caught up with her and dragged her down into its
dark, murky depths.
---
As he sat in his darkened office that night,
going over the final paperwork, Seiya thought
about that unforgettable kiss. The memory was
like an itch that he knew he shouldn't touch, but
couldn't help scratching anyway. He knew that he
was merely torturing himself, remembering a taste
of something he could never have.
He now berated himself for what he had done.
It had been a stupid move, taking advantage of her
weakened emotional state, but it wasn't what he
had intended to do. He had been comforting her,
admiring her incredible strength and compassion,
but the feel of her body pressed up against him
had driven him over the edge - beyond reason or
consequences. Seiya felt ashamed of his actions,
but there was little that he could do now. He had
taken her rejection calmly, understanding that it
was reasonable under the circumstances. After all,
he didn't honestly believe that he deserved her,
so how could he blame her for thinking the same?
Seiya had seen and done many things in his
career as an agent - too many things for him to
have much of a conscience left. In a sense, Seiya
had pushed her away and kept her at a distance
because he didn't want to taint Serena with his
bloodied hands. Trista was right: Serena was too
pure, too good, to deserve this kind of life.
Sadly, he realized that all too soon the job would
rob her of her innocence. It was a difficult way to
live, but Seiya had already devoted most of his life
to the Project, and it was much too late to turn
back now.
Deep down, perhaps he realized how little
chance they had together. In such a dangerous and
complex world, how could love survive? To
compound this, he and Serena were complete
opposites, like night and day. She was an
optimistic innocent, while he was a jaded and
worldly cynic - an experienced professional who
lived in darkness and bitterness. In many ways,
Serena embodied all that was good in the world: her
strength, her cheerfulness, her enjoyment of the
simple things in life. She represented joy and a
deep hope for humanity, the very things he had given
his life in order to protect. There was a light
that shone from within Serena that nothing had
seemed to dim, not even the horrifying experiences
of that evening, and Seiya was drawn to that light
like a moth to a flame.
Or perhaps he was more like a deer caught in
the headlights: there was no doubt that Serena,
with all that she represented, posed a danger to
him. This innocent slip of a girl had him so
mesmerized that he could hardly even comprehend
his own actions. The birthday incident was a
perfect example of this. Seiya had merely meant
to cheer her up, show her some of the compassion
and consideration that had never been shown to him
as a recruit. He had only wanted to restore a
little of her hope, her faith, her spirit. The
cake was intended as an apology for not being able
to allow her outside, but her simple gratitude at
the small gesture had overwhelmed him. But no
matter how much he wanted to give in to his
feelings, he knew that it was impossible, now
more than ever.
Tiredly, he scrubbed his face in his hands,
dwelling in exquisite torment over the
relationship that might have been. Flipping
through her file one last time, although he
already knew it by heart, he beleaguered himself
with her profile and how perfect she was: her
intelligence, strength, spirit, toughness,
humanity, and gentleness. It was a little bit
like unraveling a confused and complicated knot
of multicolored threads, only to find that all
along it had been one solid piece of string.
Somehow, whenever he was around her, that
ache, that hollowness inside would go away. It
was as if he was satisfying some deeply essential
craving. He recalled with longing the delicious
clean scent of her hair and the soft creaminess of
her skin. "This might all have been yours," he
deliberately told himself. "But you messed up,
and now you owe it to her to set it right!"
Now properly motivated, he turned back to
the forms lying on his desk and worked with a
vengeance. He wanted to expedite the paperwork
for her release with all possible speed. Seiya
labored tirelessly, working though the night and
into the next morning. He deduced accurately that
she would want to see as little of him as possible,
so he stayed out of her way. It wasn't hard.
After all, he knew all the places where she would
likely be. Still, in a small corner of his heart,
he yearned for her and for what could have been.
---
Serena was called to his office at eleven
the next morning. Her clouded eyes had dark
circles under them, and she didn't feel very rested.
Nightmares had tortured her during her sleep,
forcing her to relive the terrifying and horrific
events of the previous night. A parade of
bloodied corpses had danced before her eyes in a
grotesque serving line, begging her for their
salvation, asking her why she had done it. But
she had no answers to give them.
Now, Serena accepted her guilt and knew it
was something she would just have to live with.
After all, she wasn't James Bond; there were no
vodka martinis, sleek sports cars, or "bad guys"
who got only their just desserts. The people she
had killed last night were, like everyone else,
only frail human beings. Composed probably of
both good and bad, most of them had likely only
been doing their jobs, but Serena had had her job
to do as well. And unlike a Bond movie, at the
end of the day there were no happy endings.
She had already packed her minimal personal
belongings and was more than ready to leave.
Serena wanted to get the meeting over with as
quickly as possible; she wanted to get away from
this place of darkness and inhumanity. She strode
calmly into Seiya's office for their appointment
with her head held high and no sign of any
recollection of what had happened the last
evening.
"Serena. Sit down," he spoke from behind
his desk without looking up at her. He began his
briefing in his usual cold and impersonal voice.
"This is your new identity: Serena Tsukino, born
of Ilene and Kenji Tsukino. Your parents immigrated
to Canada from Japan not long before you were born.
You lived in Montreal with your parents until they
died of a car accident during your last year of high-
school. After which, you went to the University of
Toronto, where you studied business and marketing.
Now you work for a large high-tech company as a
junior marketing manager. Here is your birth
certificate, passport, driver's license, health
card, social insurance number, and all the other
necessary documents." He handed her a package
that she took calmly.
"Inside, you'll find a profile of your new
'history' and background. I suggest you read it
over, memorize it, and then destroy it for
security's sake. Do not, for any reason whatsoever,
break cover. This is the only full identity that
we will provide you with, so there's no room for
mistakes. Don't forget to brush up on your
Japanese to make the story credible. You'll have
two months to set yourself up on the outside: get
an apartment, flesh out your cover story, and re-
integrate yourself with the world. As soon as
you have an apartment, call the number listed in
the package and tell the Project directory your
new address and phone number. You'll have a bank
account with all the money you'll need; that
information is also in the package. For now,
here's five hundred dollars for your immediate
necessities." He passed over a slim envelope
filled with cash.
"Lastly, this is a double electronic key
card for access to the complex; it allows you to
go almost anywhere within the complex. At the
end of the two months, you'll receive a phone
call with new instructions. Your code name will
be 'Moon.' Do you have any questions?"
He then looked up and met her eyes equably.
His rigid face showed no hint of emotion.
"No," she told him, meeting his gaze without
flinching.
"Good luck, Serena."
She picked up the key card, the envelope,
and the package, leaving his office without
another word.
Serena returned to her room to pick up her
two small bags. She glanced around the place she
had lived in for the past two years, making sure
she had not left anything important behind;
without a hint of regret, she closed the door on
the room for the last time. Then, she decided to
pay one final visit to Trista to say goodbye.
This time, there were no tears - only a shared
sense of gratitude.
Once again, they sat together, calmly
sipping tea in the same unique wicker furniture in
which Serena had been so uncomfortable that first
day. In the background, the soft melodies of one
of Strauss' waltzes played.
Now, as Trista observed Serena, she saw
clearly that the awkwardness and shyness was gone;
replacing that once self-conscious girl was a
beautiful, mature, confident, and sophisticated
woman. The transformation was so complete that
it was hard to imagine Serena as the maladroit,
homeless orphan that had first been recruited
into the Project, and Trista swelled with pride
for her protégé.
They sat in comfortable silence for a few
minutes. After all they had shared together,
there was no need for words now. Finally, Serena
worked up the courage to ask Trista the burning
question that she had wanted to ask since the day
they had met:
"Trista . . . ? Were you once . . . like
me?"
Trista merely gave her a small, sad smile,
and Serena knew the answer.
"Thank you again, Trista, for everything you
have given me."
The two women hugged one last time. Serena
picked up her bags, and then she made her final
ascent up the elevator.
---
Serena stepped outside into the bright
sunshine feeling liberated. In many ways, she
felt like a new woman. Based on the paperwork in
the package, she literally was; Serena Arroway was
dead, but Serena Tsukino had been born. She vowed
not to let her second chance at life slip her by
and was determined to live it to its fullest. She
felt a heady sense of freedom, and her spirits
lifted with the almost limitless possibilities
ahead of her.
She happened to glance down at the double
key card in her hand, and she realized suddenly
that this freedom was an illusion: she was outside
because they wanted her to be. More importantly,
the access card reminded her of Seiya and all the
associated responsibilities. She wished now that
he had never given her the card, all-powerful
though it was. Here in the light of day, with open
skies and warm breezes around her, the card seemed
like a leash - a shadow that would claim a hold
on a part of her, a reminder of the dark things she
had done, and a portent of more dark things to come.
With a dismissive shake of her head, Serena
put the depressing thoughts aside and told herself
to stop thinking about the past. She began
walking down the busy street, her two bags slung
over her shoulder. She stopped at a newsstand to
purchase a paper. With a polite "Thank you," she
accepted her change and her newspaper from the
attendant. Serena flipped immediately to the
classified section and read through the available
apartment listings. She used a highlighter to
circle a few with the right location and price
range. Then, she walked to a nearby phone booth
and made appointments to see the apartments for
later that day.
---
She met with the realtor and made the usual
small talk about her profession, living habits,
and preferences. It was seven o'clock, and Serena
was exhausted after her day of apartment hunting.
"This will be the last place I look at for
the day," she decided. She had already viewed
six different places that afternoon, and none had
been right. Most of the six had been suitable,
but they had all lacked a certain something -
something elusive and special. She didn't know
what it was, but there was something that she was
subconsciously looking for. After seeing six
places and talking with six real estate agents,
Serena was tired and disappointed. At this point,
she was ready to throw in the towel and call it a
day.
"Maybe I should blow off this last one and
just check into a hotel." she thought despondently.
"No, no. I'm already here. I might as well just
see the place." She promised herself a warm meal
and a hot bath as soon as they were done.
The realtor kept up a cheerful prattling of
inane chatter as they rode up the elevator to the
apartment. Luckily, he didn't seem to expect much
response from her, other than an occasional murmur
of agreement.
"Well, here we are. You're gonna love this
place. It used to be an artist's loft - very
quiet, and you get great light all year round," he
told her.
He pulled out a giant ring full of similar-
looking keys, fitted the correct one into the
lock, and swung open the door. As he walked in,
he continued his one-sided discourse about the
apartment. Serena tuned him out while she admired
the place. It was perfect!
The loft was made up of vast open spaces,
totally unfurnished. There were high, vaulted
ceilings with some sturdy wood beams cutting
across it. The varnished hardwood floors -
probably pine - were of an excellent quality.
Sunlight streamed into the apartment from the
numerous skylights and wide windows, illuminating
the cheerful red brick of the outer walls. There
was a turn-of-the-century stone fireplace at one
end of the apartment.
Already she could imagine the possibilities
for this apartment. The simplicity and openness
of the place appealed to Serena. It had a lot of
potential and was screaming for someone to make it
into a home - something with personality and
character. Best of all, it was affordable and
located at a reasonable distance from the complex:
she didn't want to have to travel far to get there,
but at the same time she wanted to be as far as
possible from it. Serena didn't want to have to
come across the complex in the course of her daily
life; she shuddered at the thought of having to
pass it by on a regular basis. It would be an
intrusion on the normalcy she desired for her life.
"Out of sight, out of mind," she speculated
absently. "I hope it's true."
Serena tuned back in to what the realtor was
saying, just as he asked her, "... so what do you
think?"
"I'll take it."
---
One week later, Serena had moved into her
loft apartment. She didn't have any furniture
yet, but she was rather excited at the prospect of
decorating everything from scratch. She had had a
stainless-steel kitchen set already installed,
including a refrigerator, a microwave, and a
stove. She had also bought some china, cutlery,
and a few pots and pans. With the kitchen ready,
she decided to make a run to the local grocery
store.
She had walked the three blocks to the small
establishment nearest to her apartment. Now, as
she pushed her empty shopping cart up and down the
aisles, she realized how foolish and naïve she had
been.
Serena had no idea what to do.
She had never cooked in her life; for most
of it, food had been a luxury she could barely
afford. Now that she could afford it (and much
more besides), she had no idea what to buy. At
least half the things she saw in the store were
totally baffling.
What part of the cow did "brisket" come
from? Were artichokes fruits, vegetables, or
something else entirely? And how did one eat
"chick peas"? Not only did she not recognize
these items, but she had no idea how to cook
them. For that matter, she didn't know how to
cook at all!
Serena realized depressingly that her
previous domestic hopes had been overly
optimistic. She felt incredibly embarrassed and
now wished that she had never set foot in the food
market. She had only wanted to imbue her life
with some conventionality and routine. Now more
than ever, Serena was afraid of failing. Her
cheeks flushed with shame and embarrassment, her
eyes bright with unshed tears, Serena wandered
through the store like a lost puppy, gazing
forlornly around her.
"Hi, there! Can I give you a hand with
anything?" a friendly voice inquired.
"Oh!" Serena spun around in surprise to find
a tall, shapely brunette smiling encouragingly at
her.
The woman looked to be in her mid-twenties.
Her peaches-and-cream complexion sparkled with
youth. Her long, chocolate-colored hair was tied
up in a high ponytail at the top of her crown.
She was wearing comfortable, athletic clothing:
a sporty green tracksuit with twin white stripes
running down the side-seams and crisp white
sneakers. The woman's stunning figure was
discernable even through the casual clothing.
Although she was very tall, around six feet Serena
guessed, this woman was not in the least
intimidating. Her hearty attitude and winsome
smile was cheering.
"You look a little lost. Is there anything
I can do?" the stranger gaily persisted.
"Well, you see . . ." Serena temporized,
somewhat reluctant to confess her plight to a
complete stranger. It was the woman's
compassionate gaze, however, that convinced Serena
to tell her the problem. "I've never cooked before,
and I have no idea what I'm doing," she finished
in a whisper.
Instead of laughing at Serena or turning
away in derision, the Amazon merely blinked in
surprise and said, "Well, that's an easy problem
to fix. Just follow me. I'll show you what you
need to know. My name's Lita."
"I'm Serena. It's nice to meet you."
"Glad to meet you too! Now, for your first
meal, we should stick to something fairly easy..."
Lita led Serena around the store, filling
the shopping cart with food and supplies,
simultaneously teaching Serena the proper way to
select the freshest ingredients. Serena paid
avid attention to everything Lita said and did,
taking mental notes. When they had completed
their shopping and had proceeded to the cash,
Serena thanked Lita profusely.
"Thank you so much, Lita. You're an
absolute lifesaver. I really can't even begin to
thank you enough for teaching me so much."
"Hey, it's no problem, Serena. I was glad
to help." Lita felt strangely drawn to the petite
blond. Serena had the demeanor of an angel and
seemed rather innocent. For some reason, Lita
felt oddly protective of her and wanted to help
her as much as possible. "Listen, do you need
any help preparing the food? I'm a chef, you see,
so I know a little something about cooking. I'd
be happy to come over and give you a cooking
lesson..."
Serena was amazed by the offer. Aside from
with Trista, she had never experienced much
kindness and was even more astounded to find it in
a total stranger. Lita was obviously a very warm
and friendly person, but Serena could tell that
she was fierce in her own way. This made Serena
trust her immediately.
Serena had never really had a friend before.
Prior to joining the Project, she had always been
the outcast. Strangely enough it was not until
she had come to the cold environment of the
Project that she had experienced the pleasures of
friendship. Now, like the giggling and whispering
girls of her youth, she craved the closeness of a
confidante and the warm feeling of companionship.
And so, Serena eagerly accepted Lita's offer.
The two walked back to Serena's loft,
sharing the burden of carrying the groceries.
Serena was flattered when Lita expressed her
delight over the design of the loft, although it
was miles away from being finished. It pleased
Serena that Lita could appreciate its
possibilities.
The kitchen was the only finished room in
the apartment, and Lita admired its charmingly
homey design. The stainless steel appliances had
been arranged along the walls with complimenting
natural wood cabinets, cupboards, and shelves.
A wall of exposed red brick contrasted with the
stainless steel and was decorated with a few
framed prints. A large, wedge-shaped island was
angled as the centerpiece of the open room. Along
one side of the island Serena had placed four
high, wooden, pine stools. The countertops,
cupboards, and shelving were made of solid birch
with a soft finish; the drawers had silver handles.
The glass-fronted cabinets allowed you to see what
was inside. The backsplash along the walls was a
mishmash of small ceramic tiles in pale pastel
colors arranged in cool spiral patterns. The floor
was made of large, two-toned slate tiles in
alternating cream and coffee colors. Pots hung
above the sink, giving the kitchen area a friendly
finishing touch. Lita loved the open concept and
modern rustic style that was completely suited to
the loft.
"My idol, Isabella Beeton, always said that
the kitchen is the 'great laboratory of the
household!'" pronounced Lita in approval of
Serena's kitchen. "And yours sure is. So let's
get cooking!"
After putting away the newly bought
groceries, Lita began to show Serena the basics of
food preparation. They thoroughly washed the
vegetables for the salad and set water to boil for
the pasta. While they prepared the ingredients,
they joked and laughed together, getting to know
one another.
Serena was leery at first about revealing
information about herself. The Project had
taught her to be discreet, cautious almost to
the point of paranoia. Lita was so open about
her own life, however, that Serena couldn't help
but be charmed. In fact, Lita didn't shy away
from giving her opinions about anything at all.
While this was one of the things she liked best
about Lita, especially compared with the absolute
secrecy that ruled the Project, it made her feel
guilty for having to lie to Lita. Serena longed
to reciprocate the trust offered by Lita's honesty
and sincerity. But since she was under strict
orders not to break her cover, she forced herself
to speak the glib lies she had rehearsed.
Serena discovered that they had had similar
backgrounds. Lita had also lost her parents at an
early age. Like Serena, she had been shunted
from one foster home to the next until she had
come of age.
Now, Lita was the head chef of a small but
thriving restaurant located downtown. She talked
enthusiastically about her job, and it was obvious
that she had a deep passion for cooking. Her
consummate skill was evident in the way she
magically threw together the ingredients of their
simple but delicious meal.
She was such a strong person, yet Serena
recognized the warm heart that the tough shell
concealed. Serena also identified with Lita's
deep craving for companionship. They were only a
year apart in age, and Serena felt a bond form
between them that drew them close together. By
the time they had sat down to the meal of salad
and spaghetti, the two were firm friends and had
made arrangements for more cooking lessons.
---
The two months flew by for Serena. When she
wasn't decorating her apartment, she was
researching her "job" at the high-tech firm. In
her spare time, she took cooking lessons from Lita
and used language tapes to improve her Japanese.
When Serena discovered that her last name sounded
like "of the Moon," she wondered who had decided
on her code-name.
In the meantime, Serena and Lita made
numerous shopping excursions. Hardly a day went
by that they didn't at least talk together on
the phone. Lita easily accepted Serena's cover
story and was not in the least curious about it.
Together, they watched movies and went out to
dinner, always experimenting with various
restaurants (Lita was usually checking out the
competition).
As she sat waiting for Lita in a booth at
their usual café, Serena wondered about her new
friend. It had not taken very long for Serena to
realize that Lita was rather man-hungry. Lita
seemed desperate to find a boyfriend. She dated
often, but the men she dated never lasted long.
Invariably, they broke up with her within the first
month of dating, breaking her heart in the process -
at least until the next guy came along.
Serena couldn't understand why Lita didn't
have a steady boyfriend when she had so many great
qualities in addition to her stunning looks.
Perhaps it was because Lita a little too
aggressive when it came to men. She was always
pointing out prospective guys wherever they went.
After all, one of the reasons that the Crown
Arcade was their "usual" café, was the waiter-cum-
manager, Andrew. It was obvious to Serena that
Lita had a huge crush on the blond-haired, green-
eyed man who always served them. Each time they
came here, Lita would flirt shamelessly while
Andrew took down their orders. It was getting to
be something of an embarrassment.
Lita was a true romantic at heart, in spite
of her sometimes flippant remarks. She always
tried so hard with the guys she dated, pouring
heart and soul into every relationship. And each
time they broke up with her, Serena could see how
it ate away at Lita's confidence.
"Can I get you anything, Serena?" Andrew's
cheerful voice interrupted her gloomy thoughts.
"Oh, no thanks, Andrew. I'm waiting for
Lita. She shouldn't be long. How are things
with you?"
"Can't complain. Things have been so hectic
around here lately that I can hardly wait for my
vacation time to come up. Rita and I are going to
take a week off and go on a Caribbean cruise."
Andrew's eyes began to take on a glazed look as
soon as he mentioned Rita. The man was obviously
madly in love with his girlfriend.
"That sounds wonderful, Andrew! You're so
lucky."
"I sure am. A whole week! Just me, Rita,
warm weather, sandy beaches, and lots of piña
coladas."
"If I don't see you, have a good time OK?
And say 'hi' to Rita for me."
"Sure, thanks. Just let me know when you
want to order."
"Thanks, I will."
Serena watched as Andrew's snugly jean-clad
derrière strode away from her booth. She had to
admit that Andrew was certainly a delectable piece
of eye-candy, and extremely nice to boot. It
wasn't hard to understand why Lita liked him so
much. It was just too bad that Andrew was
completely devoted to his girlfriend. Lita didn't
stand a chance.
Serena sighed resignedly. When would Lita
find a nice, available guy? So far, of the ones
Serena had met, the men Lita dated were jerks,
totally undeserving of Lita's generosity. Most
were self-centered and egotistical, which
explained why they ended up breaking Lita's heart.
"Serena!"
Serena looked up to see Lita coming towards
her trailing a handsome man who had the physique
of a body-builder.
"Hi! Sorry I'm late, but I just came from
the gym. I want to introduce you to someone I met
there. Charles, this is Serena. Serena, Charles,"
Lita beamed.
"Pleasure," Serena said with a polite smile.
"It certainly is," leered Charles, sweeping
his eyes obviously up and down Serena's figure.
"Ugh!" thought Serena in revulsion, glancing
quickly to see if Lita had noticed Charles'
insensitivity. Unfortunately, from the shy,
blushing smile on her face, it looked as if Lita
was completely oblivious to Charles lesser qualities.
"What does Lita see in this guy?! OK, he's built
like an Adonis, but surely Lita can do better than
this asshole?"
"Charles and I met at the gym. I hope you
don't mind, Serena, but I invited Charles to come
to the movies with us," Lita clung to Charles' arm
as if it was a lifeline.
"Oh sure. That sounds fine," Serena replied
through the clenched teeth of her fake smile. She
watched as Charles fixed his stare at Lita's
ample chest. "So much for a relaxing evening
with friends," she thought in resignation.
---
Serena perused the titles lining the shelves
in the used bookstore. There were many
fascinating topics contained in the small but
elegant store designed with a rich maple and brass
décor. The shelves ran from the floor to the
ceiling all the way around the shop, and had
several wide aisles in between. Serena had always
loved the musty smell of books mixed in with the
natural aroma of the wood and the pine scent of
wood polish. She found the quiet especially
comforting. Serena took her time strolling
through the aisles, pausing frequently to look at
one book or another. The shop held books in a
wide range of subjects, from science fiction to
biographies, from Jane Austen to Immanuel Kant,
from Darwin to Goethe.
Her eyes lighted on an early edition of
Tolkien's trilogy, "The Lord of the Rings." This
had always been a favorite of hers. It was one of
the only happy memories she had of her childhood.
At the time, most of her peers had ridiculed her
for her tastes, their limited attention spans not
long enough to get them through even the prologue.
While Tolkien had been criticized by some for
being verbose, Serena had always been fascinated
by the story's struggle for good against
overwhelming evil - a fight against the onset of
industrialization and dependence on technology -
but, most importantly, a struggle of ultimate
humanity and hope in the midst of darkness,
despair, and death.
Reflecting upon the story now, Serena was
struck by the similarities in her current
situation. Trapped into working for an
organization whose deeds forced her into darkness,
she strove to hold on to herself and her own
humanity. Even now, she still had nightmares
about the fateful night that she had graduated
from the Project's training facility. Fascinated
by the association, she found she was eager to re-
read Tolkien's tale.
She gingerly took the books off the shelf
and opened the first one. Fingering the texture
of the pages, Serena sighed in contentment. This
was one shop she would definitely have to return
to. Not only were there some great finds, but the
ambiance was great as well.
She was always very aware of her surroundings,
having become extremely sensitive to atmosphere as
a result of her training with the Project. Now,
every time she entered a room, Serena would scan
it automatically. It was an almost subconscious
categorization of the occupants of the room - a
brief analysis of the threat-potential each posed -
and an awareness of the spatial arrangements of
that room.
For example, she now knew without having to
look that the only other customers in the bookshop
were an elderly woman in the self-help section who
had a cold and an overweight man in his thirties
browsing through some technical manuals. She knew
without having to think about it that it would take
seven steps for her to reach the man and twelve to
reach the old woman. In addition to which, ever
since the ill-fated night of her final test,
Serena made sure she always knew where the exits
were and kept a clear route to at least one of them
at all times. Never again did she want to feel
so trapped and helpless.
So it was that she became immediately aware
of the change in air-pressure and noise that
heralded the opening of the front door and the
entrance of someone new. Not looking up right
away, it wasn't until Serena caught a brief glimpse
of the new customer out of the corner of her eye
that she felt a sudden shock and fear pass through
her. In her fleeting look, she managed to take
in the tall figure and black hair.
Seiya! What was he doing here? How had he
found her? Why had he come? Was he here to send
her on another mission?
A mixture of dread and anticipation gripped
her, but she kept herself from looking up at Seiya.
She knew that he would disapprove of any kind of
reaction on her part. She waited for him to
approach her, her nerves straining to their breaking
point. The seconds crawled by tortuously, and still
he hadn't moved toward her. Out of the corners of
her eyes, she tried to keep a close watch on his
meandering path through the store while she pretended
to flip through her books.
Serena teetered on a knife-edge of indecision,
her emotions worked up to a fever-pitch. What
was he waiting for? Would he pretend to be a
stranger? What if this was some new kind of test?
Or worse, what if he tried to kiss her again??
God, what would she do if he did? For that matter,
what would she do if he didn't?? How should she re-
Her thoughts were short circuited when he
brushed past her, bumping into her slightly.
"Oh!" she exclaimed involuntarily, dropping
her books, and spinning quickly around to face
him. But the sight that met her eyes was not the
one she was expecting.
It wasn't Seiya.
For a moment, her brain couldn't comprehend
what had happened. The man standing in front of
her had the same lantern jaw, the same broad
shoulders, and the same boyishly appealing,
unruly, black hair, but Serena knew immediately
that it wasn't Seiya. This man wasn't wearing
the diamond earring that she had come to associate
with Seiya. This man carried himself much more
loosely, and there was no aura of rigid restraint
about him. His face had an open quality that was
very appealing. A strong sense of vertigo overtook
her, only adding to Serena's confusion. Who was
this guy?
It was like a scene out of a romance novel.
Staring straight at her was the stereotypical tall,
dark, and handsome stranger; however, this man
could never be considered anything but
exceptional. He was tall, towering over her by
almost a foot. Much like Seiya's, his physique
was slim and athletic. His eyes, however, had a
warmth and gentleness that would have been
completely foreign in Seiya. They were of the
most piercing blue, the color of storm-tossed
waves - waves that, if Serena were completely
honest with herself, she wanted to drown in.
Dressed in an casual outfit of a sweater and
khakis, he looked as if he had just stepped out
of a Kenneth Cole advertisement.
"I'm sorry," he apologized in a friendly
voice. He bent down and picked up the books she
had so negligently dropped. He glanced quickly
at the titles before handing them gently back to
her, "Here."
"Oh!" she said again, a rosy blush
overspreading her face. Her arms automatically
accepted the books.
"Thank you," she said finally, feeling rather
flustered.
"Anything for another Tolkien fan," he
replied softly with a quirky half-smile.
Serena couldn't help but respond to that
smile with one of her own. Unable to think of an
appropriate response, she merely nodded her head
in thanks. Forcing herself to break the spell of
his undeniable charm, Serena finally tore her eyes
away from his mesmerizing glance. She walked to
the cash and paid for the books, aware of his eyes
following her. She was in a daze, hardly aware of
her actions. It was not until she was out of the
store and halfway down the block - still clutching
the books to her chest - that she awoke from her
dream-like state.
"Way to go, Serena," she congratulated
herself. "You made a total fool of yourself.
That guy must have thought you were crazy or
something. Imagining that you saw Seiya!"
That thought made her wonder if and when
she ever would see Seiya again. "Not that I want
to," she told herself sternly. "That jerk!"
She was forcibly reminded of the kiss they had
shared. Her lips tingled in response as the
memory became vivid. What was wrong with her?
Would she ever be able to forget about what had
happened that night?
Her thoughts about Seiya were still a mass
of turmoil and confusion. Making an effort,
Serena put them out of her mind for the moment
and forced herself to take one step at a time.
---
AN: It's been a little longer than my usual update
interval, but my computer crashed and burned,
leaving me to reconstruct this chapter from the
ashes. And like the phoenix that rose from the
proverbial ashes, I hope this chapter turned out
equally well.
Big, big thanks go out to Syrinx. Thank you for
all your insight! You push me to new heights.
Reminder: I want FEEDBACK, FEEDBACK, and more
FEEDBACK! Again, my humble thanks to all the
reviewers - you know what keeps me going!
Next chapter: the allotted two months are up, and
Serena gets that all-important phone call.
Aglaia
