*

Chapter Four - Mourning

Later that night, Padmé crept out of her bedchamber. She pressed her ear to the Jedi's chamber door. After a moment of hearing nothing, Padmé padded to the front of the house and put her boots and a cloak on. She also retrieved a blaster from one of the common room closets. Easing the door open, the young widow moved into the night.

*

Obi-Wan couldn't sleep. Now that there were no diplomatic functions to attend, and he was alone and isolated here with his charge, he was nervous. The Jedi was surprised at the feeling. He was thirty-seven, yet he was as anxious as a Padawan on his own for the first time. Upon further thought, Obi-Wan decided it was because he was close to this assignment; Padmé mattered to him. Personally. He blamed himself for Anakin's death and descent into the Dark Side, and Obi-Wan wanted to do right by his apprentice's widow and children. But at the same time, he was supposed to keep his distance and prevent himself from getting too involved emotionally.

As Kenobi laid awake, he heard a floor board creak. All senses on full alert, he quickly learned where she was planning to go and why. A minute later, the Jedi was on his feet and getting dressed.

*

Padmé stepped off the porch and into the yard. The stars illuminated the trees and the game path that she followed. She felt like she was suffocating in that house tonight. Her feet led her to the place where the land began to rise and the rocks started to jut out of the earth. Padmé climbed around a large boulder, then sat on top of it. Nightsingers chirped and sang in the trees.

The walls of her bedchamber had pressed in on her, making her gasp for air as she'd paced the floor. The anonymous darkness of the forest was welcoming and detached – she knew that her thoughts were her own out here. Padmé didn't see how she could cry for her husband in peace when there was an empathic Jedi Knight in the next bedchamber.

"Ani," she moaned. Padmé pulled out a handkerchief and wiped her tears away as her sobs drifted into the night.

*

Obi-Wan left the house as soon as he had fastened his boots. He moved into the starlight, searching with the Force until he found his charge. The Knight followed, walking as quietly as he could through the dry leaves that carpeted the forest floor.

When Padmé climbed the rock and sat, Obi-Wan sneaked behind a tree. Sensing that she intended to stay on her perch for a while, he looked for a place to settle himself. Glancing around proved fruitless, so he turned his face upwards. Perfect, he decided. Summoning the Force again, the Jedi leapt the six meters into the air and caught hold of a large branch. He clambered onto another limb and settled his back against the trunk, fidgeting until he was almost comfortable. I'm getting too old for this, Kenobi concluded.

Using the Force, he enhanced his five senses, but gave Padmé the privacy for which she'd sneaked out in the first place. As she sat there, Obi-Wan realized that, even though he was near, he wasn't doing her much good. He was up a tree, fifty meters away from her, armed with a lightsaber. What if a predator – he stopped that line of thought, shuddering, and resolved to carry a blaster if she ever went out again.

*

She had to live for her children, but the pain of her grief for Anakin bent Padmé's small shoulders under its weight. At the moment, the worst thing about this whole mess was how guilty she felt. Less than an hour – a mere hundred minutes – before Obi-Wan's arrival in her office, she'd been wondering how passionate their marriage would still be if they didn't see each other so infrequently. Would familiarity eventually have bred contempt? How can I even be thinking such things? He's gone now, what does it matter, except that remembering this makes me even more sick to my stomach than his – our – babies do. She was suffering the loss of her husband, and at the same time, she had to figure out how to live with another man. A man who was almost as close to Anakin as she was.

Obi-Wan would be as he always was: unflappable and respectful. But Jedi weren't allowed much in the way of personal relationships. No passion, no anger. They weren't to feel any emotion that wasn't rationed and regulated, like food to a captive beast in a menagerie. Living with a Jedi, especially one so pious as Obi-Wan Kenobi, would be like living with another droid.

Padmé had never felt more alone.

*

As Obi-Wan perched in the tree, he thought about Padmé and Anakin. So much had happened that he hadn't been aware of. The events of the last month had shaken him to his core.

Sometimes, the ability to use the Force the way he could gave him a thrill of invincibility. He worked hard to subdue it, but it had always been there. After all, just to be a Jedi was to be different, unusual. To have access to something powerful that most other sentients did not have.

But his errors had imploded on him in the last month. Obi-Wan was reminded of what it was to have a broken heart. He had lost the young man that had become his best friend, first to the Dark Side, and then to death. All of Obi-Wan's efforts over the last dozen years had resulted in a flimsy house of cards. His life was now collapsed under the weight of the Dark Side, stripping him bare and leaving him to start his life over. But this had made him aware of something that had never seemed important before. Indeed, it was something Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi always tried to subdue.

His humanity.

Wiping his eyes on his sleeve, Obi-Wan looked to the mountains, where he could barely make out the figure of a young widow who wanted privacy, yet needed to share her sorrow. It would take time, but he would learn to be what Padmé needed, so she – and he – could heal. Obi-Wan would be her friend.

When she had cried herself out and began to come down from the boulder, Obi-Wan leapt to the ground. He jogged ahead but kept a mental eye on her and her surroundings. That alertness continued until Padmé had let herself into the house and locked the doors behind her.

*

Over the course of the next tenday, Obi-Wan barely saw Padmé at all. Artoo and Threepio were able to do most of the cleaning, and Kenobi muddled through the rest. When people contemplate the glorious work that is a Jedi Knight's, all I can do is laugh until they start to talk about soothing drinks, he thought, as the dust made him sneeze for the tenth time that day. Obi-Wan spent the rest of his time researching pregnancy, finding information on the newsnets that would be of help – it gave him an idea of what to expect, and told him what he could do so that he would be useful to Padmé.

It took the Jedi two days to figure out why he didn't see her; she had no public duties to perform now. This complete shift of focus in her life, coupled with Anakin's recent death, was sending Padmé into a deep depression. Obi-Wan grieved for her, but he wasn't sure what he could do, besides let her work it out. She wandered out at night three more times during that tenday, and on the nights Anakin's widow stayed in the house, he could hear her pacing her bedchamber floor.

*

Their second tenday in the house had begun, and Padmé left the house at night for the fifth time. She walked to the same lonely boulder at the foot of the mountain, sat and thought of her husband. The tears came quickly, as they always did when she believed Obi-Wan wasn't around.

*

As he always did when Padmé sneaked out, Obi-Wan followed and leaped into the tree to watch over her. His lightsaber was hooked to his belt, but a small blaster was tucked into his sash. Once he got settled, he loaded the power pack into the blaster and thumbed the safety off. Then he watched her still form in the moonlight. Thank the Force the moon is full, he decided. It was much easier to see her and the surrounding terrain with such sharp shadows.

Obi-Wan's mind wandered, and his eyes hooded. He was so tired, maintaining the house and keeping an eye on Padmé day and night. Obi-Wan shifted, blessing the awkward branches that jutted into his rear and back; he was far too uncomfortable to fall asleep. An image of Padmé coming upon his dead body in the forest, having fallen out of the tree and broken his neck occurred to him, and Kenobi smiled grimly.

A snapping twig brought him out of his reverie. Adrenaline coursing through his body, Obi-Wan reached out with the Force. There was an animal – a predator – approaching Padmé. He raised his blaster and aimed down the barrel at the beast. He hated to let her know he was there, but considering the alternative...

Obi-Wan shot the creature and it fell in a heap five meters away from her. The Jedi's Force sense zinged, and he fell backwards, swinging under the branch with one hand. Why was Padmé shooting at him! "Hold your fire," he roared, hanging by one hand. He let go, slowing his descent via the Force. Despite that, Obi-Wan turned his ankle a little as he landed, and he rolled away from the tree.

Another blaster bolt blazed close to him. "Padmé, what are you doing!"

Then Obi-Wan heard her yell savagely. Ignoring the ache in his leg, Obi-Wan began to run to the boulders, but the fifty meters seemed to stretch forever. "Help!" Padmé yelled again. He could just see...

No! He ran faster.

Padmé was lying on the ground, desperately trying to keep another lupine from sinking its teeth into her. The beast's fangs were bared, straining against her grip, reaching for her face. Padmé's voice stuck in her throat in terror. Its rancid breath flooded her nostrils.

She glanced at her blaster; she'd lost her grip on it when the lupine attacked. It was within reach, so Padmé braced her legs for a desperate flip. She rolled on top of the beast, still keeping one hand at its neck, and reached for the blaster with her other hand. She quickly put the weapon's muzzle to the creature's chest and pulled the trigger. It let out a howl of pain and stopped fighting. Padmé crawled off of the lupine, leaving it behind her. She tried to get to her feet, but she couldn't get her body to obey.

Blue light flared close by, and she heard the familiar whoom of a lightsaber. The creature's cries stopped when Obi-Wan finished the job that Padmé had started. The lightsaber extinguished, and Padmé felt strong arms around her, pulling her to a sitting position. Padmé found kind, anxious eyes and hugged the Jedi fiercely.

"Sshhh, you're safe, you're all right, just relax a moment," he murmured.

"No," she gasped. "P...packs, lupines hu...hunt in packs. We have to go now." Her teeth were chattering.

"Padmé, look, Padmé! Look at me," Obi-Wan said. He smoothed her hair out of her face. "Are you all right? Can you walk?" She nodded, stubborn chin set. Kenobi guided her into the trees as swiftly as he could, using his lightsaber as a glow rod. No more lupines approached, though he could sense the animals watching them.

Once inside, Padmé looked down at herself and cringed. Her tunic was torn where the lupine's claws had raked her chest. Obi-Wan panicked when he saw the damage. "M'Lady," he exclaimed.

"I'm just shaken up, Master Kenobi," Padmé replied. "I don't appreciate your coming out when my purpose in leaving the house was privacy," she said quietly. "But I do thank you." Padmé hugged Obi-Wan for along time, her entire body trembling with fright, then left him alone in the common room.

*

After Padmé left, Obi-Wan limped into the front part of the house. He sat on the parlor sofa, his foot propped on the low table, an cold compress on his ankle. The Jedi Knight finally succumbed to his own shakes, and they had little to do with the cold on his leg. He realized how close he'd come to failing. Padmé had almost died tonight, and the babies along with her. Anakin would never forgive him.

A slightly hysterical chuckle issued from Obi-Wan. What would Anakin think was worse – Padmé dying, or her hugs of relief? Calm down, Kenobi, stop being silly, he chided himself. His body trembled as he contemplated the events of the last few hours.

*

Their brush with the lupines scared Padmé into staying inside at night. She was embarrassed when her protector told her that she'd never been alone. Obi-Wan assured Padmé that he could raise his mental shields and give her all the privacy she craved, and that he would whenever he sensed such feelings in her.

That was the most they said to each other for a long time. Padmé was terribly depressed and isolated. Obi-Wan wanted to help, but he didn't know how to get her talking.

Their second month in the house had just started when Obi-Wan thought of someone that might be able to help – Sabé. Padmé's decoy when she was Queen was still one of her best friends, and one of the very few people who knew that Padmé was married. A despondent Sabé had resigned from Padmé's service four years after the Trade Federation had been ousted; a sudden growth spurt in her late teens left her far too tall to accomplish the decoy ruse any longer. Sabé had gotten married around the same time that the Senator and Anakin had.

He sent a message through the commstation to Queen Jamilla's secretaries, asking them to track Sabé down for him. Then he sent an electronic message to her, explaining the situation and asking if she would be willing to visit her friend.

*

The next day, Obi-Wan followed Sabé's directions to her home in Theed. When she opened the door, he thought, Thank the Force. Sabé looked to be about six months pregnant. Like a refreshing breeze, hope wafted and tugged at the Jedi's features until he smiled.

They arrived back at the house without incident. Obi-Wan knocked on Padmé's bedchamber door. There was no answer, even though he could tell that she was awake. After another futile knock, he opened the door. Sabé brushed past him and winked as she shut the door in his face. He smiled.

Sabé stayed that night, and Obi-Wan took her home the next evening. Padmé slept through the night for the first time in a month. When she emerged from her bedchamber the next morning, she still looked tired, but something was different. She walked up behind Obi-Wan, who was sitting and reading, and hugged his shoulders. Obi-Wan's whole body stiffened in surprise, but he smiled. She isn't all right yet, but she will be, he decided as she made tea for both of them.

When she brought the cup to him, he asked, "M'Lady, I think it might help both of us if we were to have a funeral for Anakin. It wouldn't be traditional, since it's just the two of us here, but it might help."

Padmé nodded. "Tonight?"

"Sounds good. I'll prepare everything, and we'll go after dinner." She nodded again and left the common room.

*

That evening, Obi-Wan and Padmé gathered their things and headed into the forest. They reached a small clearing that he had cleared of scrub and branches earlier that day. Padmé pulled a blaster from its holster and used it to ignite the end of a large branch while Obi-Wan collected more kindling. They had a huge bonfire going within minutes, then they spread a coverlet on the ground and sat.

"Master Qui-Gon introduced me to Anakin as your ship was taking off from Tattooine. I'd called him a pathetic life form to Qui-Gon a few hours earlier," Obi-Wan added sheepishly.

She laughed. "The first time we met, he told me that he was going to marry me. Must have been one of those Force things." Padmé edged closer to the fire, shivering. "I always missed him when we were apart, but even though it's never instead of next time now, I'm still having a hard time believing it." She pulled a handkerchief out of her pocket and blew her nose. "Ani used to call me his treasure. He took so much love with him."

They spent almost three hours talking about Anakin. Laughter gave way to tears, then mirth returned as they spoke of him. Obi-Wan told Padmé about missions that they had gone on together, while Padmé spoke of their courtship. Obi-Wan laid back on the coverlet and looked up at the heavens. He hummed a quiet tune that he could remember singing to Anakin when he was still a little boy, and he'd had nightmares about his mother.

Obi-Wan caught Padmé shivering again. "It's getting late."

They put the fire out and buried the ashes. He gathered the coverlet and began to walk away, but she stayed. "I need a minute." Obi-Wan proceeded on for a hundred meters, then stopped to wait. Padmé caught up a few minutes later, her cheeks wet. "Home again, home again, to go to rest," she murmured, putting her arm around his waist. She wasn't sure if it was quite appropriate, but she needed human contact right now.

"By hearth and heart, house and nest," added Obi-Wan. After a moment of hesitation, his arm twined around her small shoulders in response.

She looked up in surprise. "You know that?"

"Anakin would say it before bed," he said as they approached the house. "His mother used to recite it every night."

A sigh reached Obi-Wan' ears. "I need your help, Master Kenobi."

"It's what I'm here for," he replied, encouraging her to continue.

"I need an disk-writing interface unit so that I can use Artoo to make recordings of myself, and store them onto disks. For the babies." Padmé's voice quivered as she spoke. "My children will never have any memories of their father. No matter what happens, I want them to know me – and I want them to know their father, through me."

*