Author: Kristina Q.
Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me sigh I want Jesse! Give him to me! I'll take real good care of him wink wink
Distribution: Anywhere you want as long as you ask me.
Spoiler: AU. I guess.
Warning: This fic contains profanity and male/male slash.
Rating: PG-13.
Notes: Jesse James POV. This is the 6th chapter of my Cautious Affections series.
Slowly I open my sleep-hazed eyes. The faint sunlight that peeks through the curtains are enough to make my eyes hurt for a second. I blink many times to adjust to the light that has greeted me. I harshly rub me eyes before reopening them.
What time is it? It must be around noon. I don't really know. Do I really care? I guess I don't.
I turn my head and I'm instantly glaring at the sleeping form of the most beautiful man I've ever seen! Who would have thought I'd wake up next to him?
I sigh. He's so gorgeous. Eyes closed while he's in his own dream world. Flushed cheeks. His pink lips are slightly parted, causing him to look even more adorable.
His chest is heaving as he inhales softly. He looks so perfect. The blankets are draped over his hips, revealing his firm chest. His tanned skin seems to glow in the sunrays.
I giggle quietly when I notice his hair. It's a mess. Thank God my hair is braided. I reach out to play with a strand of his silky locks. Soft and smooth. Tickling the digit of my index finger.
All I want to do at this moment is just snuggle closer to him, hold his body tightly to mine. But I'm afraid I'd wake him up. He deserves the peaceful sleep. He deserves everything! I wish I could give him the world, but I can't. All I can offer is the love I have for him.
Yeah, I guess I might as well admit it to myself. It feels kinda odd. Until now I wasn't so sure of how much I really cared for him. Now I know. I love him. I've fallen for him faster than the speed of light!
I believe he feels the same way about me. After what we shared yesterday then I'm convinced. He's not like Billy. He's like an angel. My angel.
I can't help but smile at this. He even looks exactly like an angel. All he needs is the wings.
I never knew I'd feel this way. I loved Billy yes, but I never experienced a moment of pure happiness like this when I was with him. And to be quite honest then it scares me a bit. I don't want to lose any of this. As it seems now then it can only go wrong. It can't get any better than this.
I close my eyes for a brief moment, indulging the silence that fills the room. It feels so nice. There are no noises except for the sound of his comforting breath.
My entire body feels numb. I can't feel. I can't hear. I open my eyes again, arching my head to watch his face again. A sudden tingling spreads through my body. Again I can feel and hear. I can see. I see him. He's all I need to see. Need to hear. Need to feel. All I need!
I roll onto my side to watch him more carefully and that's when I realize I need to go to the bathroom. Of all times then it just had to be now? I don't recall drinking anything yesterday… Hmmm… Doesn't really matter. I'll stay here and wait until he wakes up.
I wanna be here when he wakes up. It's like he's been in a coma for months and is going to finally wake up in a matter of minutes. And again also the reason why I won't leave at the moment is because I don't want to disturb his sleep.
It may seem silly, but that's just how I am. And I don't want to miss a single second of watching him. Every move he makes; every breath he takes. It's like an eerie addiction. A fascination I cannot miss out on.
Damn my own stupidity 'cause I really need to go! Fuck… I hope he'll wake up soon. Then I can go piss and afterwards I can watch him again. This time when he's awake.
Just like he could actually hear my thoughts, he slowly opens his eyes. His weary eyes gazing at me. He smiles. "Good morning…" he mumbles before stretching his arms. I return the smile.
He slowly crawls closer to me and wraps his arms around my neck and closes the distance between us. He is kissing me softly, a purr emitting from him as he cautiously rolls me onto my back, drawing himself with me to lay sprawled on top of me.
He deepens the kiss. It feels so good.
His hipbone suddenly puts a light pressure on my bladder and it sends a painful and embarrassing reminder that I need to piss real badly! A low whimper slips through my lips due to the discomfort and I break the kiss and gently nudge him off me again.
His face is coated with confusion. He looks like his entire world just collapsed. That look makes me feel terribly guilty for something I don't even know what is! All I know is that it hurts me seeing him like this.
"What's wrong?" his voice is low and it's killing me. "Chris, it's nothing, just that…" he cuts me off as he speaks again, his voice full of despair. "I'm sorry…" his head drops and I can see that he's in obvious pain, "I shouldn't have done this… I knew you didn't want this!" he's on the verge of tears!
A huge knot is tying in my gut. At least that's how it feels! I put a finger to his lips, making him silent. "Chris… stop being such a fool! I'm not gonna leave you! You got it all wrong here…" I laugh lightly when I notice his puzzled expression.
I quickly steal a kiss from his pouty lips before managing to escape from the blankets and then I climb off the bed, displaying my exposed body. "I just have to piss, that's all!" I instantly regret using that wording. Maybe I should have used a different language.
He sends me a grin and then he waves for me to go and I realize that he obviously don't care about my language. Thank God for that.
I close the door behind me.
All I can think about is him. Wonder what he must be thinking right now. I somehow hope he's thinking about me. Well why not, I mean… I'm thinking about him then he could very well be thinking about me.
I'm finally done with… relieving myself and I move to the sink and begin washing my hands as I glare into the mirror. As I look at my own reflection I can't help but wonder what he sees in me. He's so beautiful and I'm just… me.
I finally tear my look away from the mirror and open the door to return to the bed. He's just lying there. Patiently waiting for me. I wouldn't want to let him wait. I make it back to the bed and crawl back onto the mattress.
He giggles and pulls me into a tight embrace. His body feels so warm against mine. We lay here for a few seconds only staring into one another's eyes before he awkwardly manages to wrap the blankets around both of our bodies.
I never let go of him as I shift a little to make it more comfortable for myself. Abruptly he gives me a kiss on my cheek and I'm caught off guard. "I love you…" he murmurs against my jaw as he snuggles closer to me.
I can feel my lips curl upwards and I tighten my hold on him, feeling him do the exact same thing. I can feel his heartbeat against my chest and I conclude that he must be able to feel my heart too. If it was possible then I would have snuggled even closer to him, but then I would be choking him.
He sighs and closes his eyes, the hot burst of air caressing my neck. I nuzzle his cheek before placing a light kiss, "Love you too, baby" Damn I could get used to this!
At this very moment everything seems right. Nothing can force me to let go. I love you Chris. You are all I need. You are the one. I love you! I really do.
The End
