*

Chapter Sixteen - Decisions

Yoda had asked Obi-Wan to report to him after the children were born. But the few surviving Jedi had scattered, no longer a cohesive unit. Four tendays had passed, and Obi-Wan felt duty-bound to obey his last instructions from the only remaining member of the Council. Gossip speculated that Vader had already hunted down most of the Temple massacre survivors. Discouraging as the rumors were, Obi-Wan didn't doubt them. He began to list in his mind the places he might go to get some answers, but that list was very short. Queen Jamilla was at the top of it, and he requested an audience with her.

She thought she might have some information as to what had become of the handful of remaining Jedi, but as to where they were now, the Queen had no idea. However, Obi-Wan's visit stirred her memory: "An encoded message was transmitted planet-wide from a ship that passed through our system over month ago. My operatives have not yet been able to decipher it, it appears to have been encrypted several times. Codes within codes. The markings on the hull of the ship are in Old Corellian; it is named Chu'unthor. Is that a name with which you are familiar, Master Kenobi?"

Chu'unthor. The ship that the Masters used when they searched for Jedi candidates. To have to resort to scraping a living, wandering from place to place in that rusty bucket, that told Obi-Wan more than anything else what had happened to the survivors in the months since the extermination order's release. To the Queen, he replied, "Yes, I know that ship. May I have access to the message? I doubt I'll have a difficult time decoding it."

Jamilla nodded, then opened a comm channel to her intelligence personnel. "Obi-Wan Kenobi will be arriving in five minutes. He is authorized to have access to the Chu'unthor message. Prepare a hard copy for him to take." She shut the communication down and looked at Kenobi. "Will that be sufficient?"

He stood and smiled. "Yes, your Highness. Thank you." Kenobi bowed and left the office.

*

Obi-Wan returned to the house, dwelling on what the message could contain. He heard one of the babies fussing. Peeking into Padmé's room, he saw that she was napping. Beautiful, Obi-Wan thought, as he took in Padmé's tangled hair and shadowed eyes.

He went into the nursery and gathered Leia in his arms. Breathing through his mouth, the Jedi Knight changed the girl's diaper. Leia was still fussy, so Obi-Wan took the baby into his bedchamber in an effort to give her mother a few more minutes of sleep. "Artoo," he called quietly. The astromech droid emerged from the kitchen, beeping. "Come with me."

Once in his chamber, Obi-Wan put the small disc into Artoo's interface and began to apply different decryption codes to the message. The task didn't take much of his attention, so his thoughts again led him to Padmé and the children. It dawned on Obi-Wan that he wanted to stay in one place, to raise Padmé's children with her. Though he couldn't imagine why. The babies were driving him crazy. But Obi-Wan was certain that they were destined to be warriors. His visions of the twins as stars had not been deceptive; they shone brightly in the Force.

Remember what Yoda says, Obi-Wan reminded himself. The last assignment that you should have, the one you most want usually is. He winced. I love Padmé. Attachment is forbidden, but compassion is encouraged. Which one is most prominent when I think of her – of them?

Stupid question, Kenobi.
His mind was spinning by the time Artoo beeped, telling him that the message was decoding successfully. The little droid's projector lit up and showed a miniature image of Yoda.

"Master Obi-Wan, had to flee Coruscant, we have. Certain you've heard, I am, that the Emperor has declared war on the Jedi. Darth Vader is under orders to slaughter any of us he finds. Leave Naboo and go into hiding, you must." Was it Obi-Wan's imagination, or did Yoda's voice have an undercurrent of admonition? If it did, Kenobi conceded that he deserved it.

"Viceroy Organa a safe haven has offered for you, because of your Alderaani heritage and experience. Work for him there, in his intelligence network. A new identity he has created for you." The image sighed, then continued. "Accessed two frequencies lower on this carrier message, your new identity can be. Start using it immediately. Tell Master Olau and Padawan Yung, need them on Chu'unthor we do, as soon as Senator Amidala is completely recovered. We will be in orbit around Dathomir in sixty standard days and wait for them there." The image flickered for a moment, then recycled. "Master Obi-Wan, had to flee Coruscant, we have..."

Obi-Wan followed the instructions for accessing his Alderaanian identity. As his new background revealed itself, he frowned. Kenobi may be a common family name on Alderaan, but they could do better than just changing my given name to Ben.

"Thank you, Artoo, you may go." The droid wheeled out of the chamber, after uttering an electronic murmur. Obi-Wan walked the floor in contemplation, Leia in his arms, thoughts and feelings fighting for attention.

Master Alanna had summarized the Code when she'd said that an honorable Jedi chooses. The mantra that attachment is forbidden has been rammed down my throat my whole life. Now the Jedi are extinct, but Master Yoda still has orders for me to follow.

Attachment is forbidden – by the Code – which dictates an organization that no longer exists – Chaos, why can't life be simple for a single day?! – I love Padmé – the Code forbids it, I'm still a Jedi – I want to be a part of this family – there are no Jedi any more – if she'd have me, I could be a father to these children – a honorable Jedi chooses – look what Anakin did – for thirty-five years I've been told that attachment is prohibited – would I still be me if I turned my back on everything I've learned? – if she could love me, after what Anakin did, would she let herself if I wasn't true to what I was born to be? – look what I did to Anakin – the Code...


Half an hour had passed, and his head was still spinning. The other occupants of the house, including the tiny babe in Obi-Wan's arms, were still sleeping. There are no Jedi any more. But that's still what I am. And I love Padmé and her children.

No matter what he chose, Obi-Wan Kenobi's life was about to change dramatically.

He looked down at Leia's perfect little face. The Jedi took a long, shuddering breath. Tears tracked down Obi-Wan's cheeks as he made his decision.

*

All through the next day, Obi-Wan completed his chores with care and speed. The one thing that was bothering him throughout the morning was that he hadn't told Padmé about the message or his decision yet. The time was never right, between the twins' afternoon tantrums, which Obi-Wan guiltily suspected were based on his mood, and Padmé picking a fight late in the evening. He'd also been worried about her reaction, especially after they'd argued.

After he bathed, Obi-Wan nervously took a razor in his hands and shaved off his mustache and beard. Then he dressed in one of the civilian outfits that he wore whenever he left the house, since his Jedi garments were no longer appropriate. He packed his usual clothes and his second civilian outfit in a bag. Before he closed it, however, Obi-Wan pulled out his lightsaber and tucked it in the small of his back, under his belt and outer robe.

Obi-Wan looked at himself in a mirror, reflecting that his Jedi tunic and breeches were more comfortable than these fashionable, stiff robes. He recalled teasing Padmé about them several months before, when they arrived: They look like something you would hang by a window to keep the sun out, M'Lady. She had laughed in response.

It would be a long time before he heard that laugh again, if he ever did. Obi-Wan left his bag on the common room table and moved to the nursery. He knocked quietly.

"Come in." Obi-Wan obeyed.

Leia was in her crib, making sucking movements with her mouth. Luke was in his mother's arms, nursing. "He's a greedy fellow, this one," she said, smiling softly at her baby. Then Padmé looked up.

Padmé's blood ran cold. The smile disappeared at the sight of a grim-looking, clean-shaven Obi-Wan, dressed in civilian clothes. She couldn't say anything.

Obi-Wan moved to Leia's crib. He laid his finger in the infant's chubby palm, then looked at the new mother. "Master Yoda has ordered the surviving Jedi to new assignments to keep us safe." His eyes were grey, the flat underbelly of stormclouds.

Padmé's eyes narrowed. "There's something out there that he thinks is safer for you than this?" she asked dryly. His only response was to look miserable. "You're going today, obviously."

"My transport leaves from Theed spaceport this afternoon." She bowed her head. "I'm sorry."

Padmé touched her son's cheek. "That's the life of a Jedi. Duty, and hopping from one assignment to the next." She tried, and failed, to sound flippant.

"Being here wasn't just an assignment for me, Padmé," Obi-Wan protested.

He felt her walls build up, slippery and treacherous. If he didn't find something to hold on to, he'd fall into a chasm, never to breathe or feel again.

"I understand."

She wasn't listening. Telling her everything that was in his heart was out of the question, but he couldn't go without saying something. "I'll miss you."

Obi-Wan's voice was quiet, a whisper that knifed its sly way into Padmé's heart. Her baby still at her breast, Padmé shaped her face into an impassive mask and looked at Obi-Wan. "If you're going to go, please go."

He recoiled as though she had physically slapped him. Did I help at all? Obi-Wan bowed. "M'Lady." The honorific felt so foreign on his lips; he hadn't called her that in months. What's the last thing I'm sure I did right?

Obi-Wan took his house key out of his pocket and set in on her bedside table. She was still looking at it when he left her bedchamber.

He picked up his bag from the common room table and left the house, locking and shutting the door behind him.

*

Padmé finished burping her son and placed him in his crib. Her tears had started to flow as soon as Obi-Wan left her chamber.

Tears. Padmé had been irritated two months earlier when she felt a wet slap on her forehead, at the moment that Master Alanna pulled Luke from her body. Padmé had looked up and seen Obi-Wan's face, the muscles working in his jaw, his eyes bright and overflowing in wonder and…something else. She'd sensed a matching flood of emotion that she hadn't felt in months. It was familiar, but it was too startling and too scary to name, because it was a similar emotion that had gotten her into her current condition in the first place.

It was that emotion that still caused her to weep for Anakin's death.

Does Obi-Wan love me?

Padmé listened to Obi-Wan's feet tread the floors of the house, getting fainter as he approached the front door. How could I say that, she berated herself. The news he brought with him eight months ago broke my heart, now he's doing it again, but I have no right to be vicious. I'm sorry, Obi-Wan, don't go yet, I'm sorry, no no no nonononono…

The door shut with a fatal thud.

He was gone.

*

"Obi-Wan!" He had reached the edge of the clearing when he heard the shout. Obi-Wan!

The Jedi turned. Padmé was moving down the front steps, so he hastened back to the house.

Padmé hugged him fiercely, then she raised her chin to show him her tearstained face. "I'm sorry, I was so awful in there, I'm so sorry. All you've done is be my hero since you showed up, and I was just shameful." She tucked her head under his chin as she tightened her arms around him.

Obi-Wan smiled into her hair. "It's all right," he said. It really is all right, you just mended my heart as easily as you broke it.

Forbid me ever to leave you, Padmé. If you ask...if you could love me, I'll obey
, Obi-Wan thought, but he didn't let her sense it. It would have to be her idea.

*

Padmé's thoughts were moving along similar lines, but they came to a different conclusion. It's going to be all right. I think he'd stay if I asked, I really do. But Master Yoda doesn't so much as blink without good reason, and Obi-Wan needs to survive. And I need to make sure I can handle life on my own.

But…
Still gripping his shoulders, Padmé stepped back. "Promise me that I'll see you again."

"I'll be able to keep an eye on you, where I'm going," he started.

She reached up and wiped the moisture from under her friend's eyes. "I forbid you…"

Obi-Wan's eyes widened.

"...to stay away forever." He sighed, half in disappointment, half in relief.

"I will see you again, Padmé." Obi-Wan held his love as tightly as he dared, feeling her body shake in his arms. He could sense anguish welling up within Padmé; he had to go before he changed his mind. "Come on," Kenobi said, putting his arm around her waist. He led her up the steps to the door.

Once there, he turned to her for another hug. Tension sang in the tight set of her shoulders as he held her close. When they parted, Obi-Wan lowered his chin to kiss her forehead. She was raising her chin to speak, so instead of her brow, he felt Padmé's mouth under his.

His resolve to leave fled at the sensation. Obi-Wan drew breath to tell her so, but her finger on his lips silenced him.

"It's all right. I know," Padmé said. Please don't actually say that you didn't mean to kiss me, I don't want to hear it, she thought. "I was just going to say, I'm going to miss you, too." She paused, then added, "You should get going." Padmé's voice was little more than a whisper. Her finger trailed down the caress the cleft in his chin that she hadn't seen in thirteen years.

Obi-Wan lowered his chin, pressing his lips to her finger again. He looked absolutely miserable. "I will send someone here to watch over you. I have to go, but I won't abandon you, Padmé."

"How will I know this person is your surrogate?"

"You will know." Obi-Wan's entire body rang taut as a lute string as he hugged her one more time, briefly, tenderly, closely. But if he kissed her again, he knew he wouldn't leave.

Obi-Wan walked away. At the edge of the clearing, he turned. Padmé was leaning against a wall for support. When she saw him look back, she waved a little, then her hand came to rest over her heart.

She refused to call him and cleared her mind of anything that might make him turn away from his duty. But as soon as he disappeared into the forest, Padmé's control broke. She fled to the nursery and the ysalamiri bubble. Then Padmé sat in the rocking chair and cried.

*

Author's notes: As always, thank you for reading! Much gratitude to those who review, too!

Confused11: When I originally posted this story on the boards at theforce.net, I posted them in sections, creating more suspense. But I want to keep the chapter numbers that the website provides in sync with the names and numbers that I created, so yes, this is a very long chapter. But it isn't the longest, that is still to come. Thanks for the compliment and well-wishing.

Adelaide: Yay, indeed. I did a lot of research for this story, I'm glad the technicalities of the story - childbirth and such - are working. If Obi-Wan ever did become a husband or father, I think he would throw himself into it with such devotion and thought, just like he does as a Jedi knight.

Princess-Kinky: Thank you very much! I appreciate your review.