A/N: ANGST. Fair warning, I mean this piece to be angsty. But I suck at writing angst, so don't be surprised if it's crap angst.

Corey

Not Ready To Let Go by Corinna McD

PROLOGUE

She should have let him go. She should have moved on a long time ago, and she shouldn't have let herself be destroyed.

She'd become that pitiful high-school girl, the one that had the crush on the same unattainable guy for all four years, the girl that lay awake at night, crying herself to sleep because she was miserable all the time. She was the girl that everybody spoke carefully around, the girl people hid things from because they didn't want to set her off.

And Sara was done being that girl.

Take a deep breath. Sara obeyed her mind's order and took in a gulping breath. She had to do it now or she'd never get up the courage again. Softly, Sara knocked on the door of Grissom's office.

"Come in." He nodded. The two of them had a relationship that could be likened to riptide. The harder you tried to fight, the more tired you became until you could fight no longer and the tide sucked you under.

I'm not going to get sucked under. Sara carefully placed the piece of paper before Grissom. "Before you say anything," she preemptively cut him off. "Just hear me out. I came here because you needed me. Over the past few years, other people have been able to fill that need. Cath, Terri Miller, Lady Heather, Sophia…you don't need me anymore."

"Sara –"

"Grissom, don't deny it. We both let our feelings get in the way. Please don't try to convince me that the lab needs me, or that this is the best place for me. Really, it isn't anymore. I need to…fix things. Until I told you about my childhood, I never really realized how much I had tried to suppress it. I guess Freud was right, some people are just bad at sublimating. So now, since I can't sublimate this, I need to face it head on. I've already called my adoptive brother. He's got this practically palatial house out in San Mariano and he said I could stay there until I find another job. He's going to set me up for some interviews. Grissom, I've come to accept it, and I'm sure that you will too. This isn't working, and one of us needs a change. You have the most tying you to Vegas and I'd really like to see Riley again, so…I guess this is my official resignation."

Grissom stared at it wordlessly for a few minutes. "Sara, please, understand that I never, ever wanted to hurt you."

"I know, Grissom. There was never any doubt in my mind that you didn't mean to hurt me. If I thought you really wanted to hurt me, I'd have left long ago. I just need to go."

"When do you leave?" His voice cracked.

"Actually, this letter is more of a formality than anything else. I spoke to Ecklie several weeks ago, and he's agreed. He was very nice. Even offered to write me a letter of recommendation."

"What do you mean a formality? And if you're really serious about this, and I can't change your mind, I'd be happy to write you a glowing letter of recommendation."

"It's too late." She practically whispered. "Steve Shane, my old supervisor, already wrote me one. And this is only a formality because I…I leave…tonight." She only mouthed the last part. She couldn't bring herself to utter aloud that this would be her last night in Vegas, the last time she would set eyes on Gil Grissom, the man she loved, forever.

"Tonight?" Grissom threw his glasses on the desk. "You can't be serious? Oh God, you are serious. "Have you told the rest of the team?"

She nodded. "They've known for a couple of weeks. I told them after I first made the decision. The boys tried to change my mind. They offered me bribes like you wouldn't believe. Greg offered to do my paperwork for a year, Nick offered to have you offed, Warrick promised to help me with all my house chores for at least a year. Catherine and Sophia were more than happy to see me go." Sara shrugged and the corners of her motuh twitched up in a half-smile. She handed Grissom her pager and her gun. "Here, these belong to the lab." She sucked in a deep breath. "This has been a long time coming, Grissom. I want to stay, but it's just so hard, because I love you." There. She'd said it. "Anyway, maybe we'll see each other again some day. With that, she turned and walked out of Grissom's office, positive that 'maybe' would never happen and that she and Grissom wouldn't see each other again.