>Hey guys. It took me FOREVER to update. Sorry. I had it done before, but when I read through it, I felt I had rushed too much while writing it. It was only half as long as this one and not as good. So read it and PLEASE review, because they help soooo much. Your suggestions mean a lot, and it's also motivating. Someone asked me to put in scenes that wern't in the movie, and I probably wouldn't have done that if you hadn't put that in the review. So um...yeah...here's the chapter

April 15, 1912

Carpathia

Dear Diary,

"Today was lovely. Everything is perfect and I just love my life. Jack and I are planning to marry."

That is what I so badly want to write. With all my heart and soul, I wish that was the truth. It's not, though. Okay, here it goes:

I am overcome with emotion. Heartache, despair, love, compassion, guilt, sadness, depression, loneliness, emptiness, and above all, sorrow. I am completely overcome with sorrow. I don't know how to write this. I don't know if I can. My hand may not be able to. It may just stop working. And that wouldn't be so bad. I keep telling myself that if I don't admit it, it just didn't happen. But that's so unhealthy, so I will try. But that's all I can give you. I will make no guarantees.

I will start from the beginning and work my way till morning. Let's see, where did I leave off. It was right after the drawing. That beautiful drawing. I emerged from my room wearing that lovely pinkish dress I told you about earlier. Jack had been looking out the window, and he approached me, saying "It's getting cold."

"Oh," I said, concerned. I hate the cold.

"Hey, you look nice." He skimmed me up and down. I wondered if he was picturing me with my close off, as he had seen me earlier. But before I had time to thank him, I heard the clack of a key in the lock. Someone was coming! I grabbed Jack's arm and rushed toward my room. "My drawings!" he whispered when he realized that mine was in the safe where anyone could find it. (He was oblivious to my plan for Cal to find it.) But I hushed him and forced him into my room. Then we quietly escaped to the hallway and walked down the hall, thinking proudly how clever we were to have alluded Lovejoy. But then I heard a door close behind me and turned around to see him walking after us. We sped up and so did he. Then we started to run! We kept bumping into people as we made our way to the elevators.

"Down! Go! Now! Hurry!" We shouted as we stumbled inside. Jack closed the door just in time for Lovejoy to slam his hands up against it. Jack mocked him and I made a…rude gesture for lack of better terms! Ha! We were laughing our heads off! After we were down a few floors below, we ran down a flight of stairs and Jack bumped into a man and knocked over a tray of tea. We hurried behind a closed door and tried to catch our breath. I swear, that was the most fun I've had in years. "Pretty tough for a valet, this fella," Jack commented. "He seems more like a cop."

"I think he was."

"Oh shit!" Jack cried, he realized that Lovejoy had caught up to us.

"GO!" I shrieked. He raced through the hall with Lovejoy close behind. I screamed with delight as Jack pushed me into the nearest room and locked the valet out. A loud noise, recognizable as the engines, filled our ears and we covered them. He shouted at each other but couldn't hear a thing. Eventually, we ended up climbing down a ladder and found ourselves in one of the boiler rooms! I looked around in wonder and amazement. Smoke and steam were everywhere.

A worker ran up to us. "What are you doing down here!" Jack seized my hand and again we began to run, ignoring the worker shouting, "It could be dangerous!"

As we rushed by, the laborers watched us curiously. "Don't mind us!" Jack cried, making me laugh, 'You're doing a great job, just keep up the good work!" I was sweating terribly from the heat and the running, so when we found ourselves in a storage room, I shivered from the sudden cold. The room was very large and plain, with exposed pipes on the whitewashed walls and ceilings. There were stacks of crates and trunks belonging to the passengers. "Well, look here," Jack said and we marched over to a shiny new black and red Renault. Jack inspected it, impressed, and I stood smiling, watching him. I cleared my throat and indicated the closed door in front of me. He grinned and opened it, and held my hand as I climbed in.

"Thank you," I said, sounding stuck up. He sat in the drivers seat and beeped the horn.

"Where to, Miss?" He said in a bad English accent.

I slid down the window separating us and whispered in his ear, "To the stars." Our eyes met and giggling, took hold of his arms and pulled him into the back seat with me.

So now we were just sitting there together, facing one another, and his arm was wrapped around me. I touched his face, cherishing him. His free hand stroked my hair and I took it and kissed his artist fingers. Gentle but strong. Roughened by work. I felt his soft touch upon me and felt terribly sexual. Diary, you must promise not to judge. Should I be ashamed of what I'm about to tell you? Or embarrassed? Perhaps, but I am not. I looked into his eyes and made my decision. "Put your hands on me, Jack," I whispered. I took his hand and moved it to cover my breast. We leaned into each other and started kissing, and I slid down the seat under his welcome weight.

It's hard to describe exactly what led to the events that followed. As if by instinct, or perhaps just impulse and desire, I started to remove his coat and flung it onto the floor or the car, and he raised his arms as I pulled his shirt over his head. My dress was a bit of a struggle, though my slip came right off. I don't know how I should word this next statement. I've been taught to be discreet, but this is a journal after all. So, I'll say this. When I stepped into that car, I was an untouched virgin. But when I stepped out, I was not. I felt myself surrender to him…to his touch. I will never forget that touch. And yes, we made love. Right there in the car. It was without a doubt, the best experience in all my life, as it came from true love. We continued kissing the whole time, sometimes he ran his fingers through my hair. It was perfect. The windows began to fog and it was getting late, but we didn't care. I felt as if the rest of the world no longer existed. Like we were the only two people on earth. There was a time only days ago when I would have done anything to avoid going on this ship. But at that moment, I would have done anything to stay on it. To stay below decks. In that car. With Jack. I became more overwhelmed in it, and in a moment of passion, I felt my hand suddenly slam up against the fogged back window, and then slide down in a veil of condensation. Jack and I were intertwined now. As one. His coat covered us like a blanket. He was above me and both of us were naked and sweaty. We looked at each other with adore and love. I don't know why I didn't say those 3 small words then. It didn't occur to me. But he knew it. He knew I loved him.

Jack was shaking. "You're trembling," I said.

"Don't worry," he said, his breath heavy. "I'll be alright." We kissed again. I then kissed his forehead and he rested his head upon my chest. I just held him for dear life. A few minutes passed in this manner, and then he shot up. "Oh, shiiiiit," he whispered. I knew why. Footsteps.

"Damn it!" I cried softly. We began to dress quickly and quietly, though I only had my slip on when he pulled me out of the car and led me behind a stack of trunks. I tried to be silent as I put on my dress and shoes, but we couldn't help but laugh a little as 2 stewards searched aimlessly for us. Their searchlights flashed from here to there and skimmed everything. Then, one of the lights fell upon my handprint in the car. One of the stewards snapped his fingers, indicating the print to his companion. Jack and I couldn't help but watch as they prepared themselves to catch us.

The steward opened the door, crying "Got yer!" And his light upon the car seat revealed absolutely nothing. Oh, their faces were classic! Conveying sheer stupidity. "What the..." One of them began. Jack and I covered our mouths but could barley contain ourselves. I eyed a door and we quickly crept out of the storage room. We went through the threshold and found ourselves on the boat deck. We were laughing so hard we could hardly stand! Holding hands, we spun around, breathless.

"Did you see their faces!" Jack cried. "Did you see their—"

But then I stopped laughing. It was time to say it. To say it all, and I held a quieting finger to his lips. "When this ship docks," I told him, "I'm getting off with you."

"This is crazy!"

"I know!" I was delighted. "It doesn't make any sense!" I looked at him and he looked at me. It was the moment of truth. "That's why I trust it." We stared at each other and then jumped into yet another kiss. Our longest so far. It was intense. It was passionate. It was everything good. And I so wish I could stop here. That I could put this diary down. But I cannot. Because that kiss was perhaps the last good thing that will ever happen to me. Ever. For as we were kissing, I felt a vibration under my feet. Jack felt it, too. We pulled apart and glanced up and saw it. The iceberg. An enormous iceberg was floating there, scraping the side of this ship. Chunks of ice fell and Jack moved me back to protect me. Then we both stood transfixed for another moment at the almost unearthly berg. That horrible berg. How I now hate that berg.

I'm very cold right now. I'm going to go inside for a bit and get a hot drink. Then I will be back to write more.

Later

Let's see. Where was I. Ah, yes. The iceberg. We ran to the side of the ship to try to catch another glimpse of it as we sailed away. For some reason, we were just…drawn to it. And as it faded away into the darkness, I could still feel my heart pounding in my chest. I turned to Jack and neither of us knew what to say.

"Do you think everything's okay?" I asked, feeling that if he said it was okay, then it really was okay.

"Yeah," he said, but he sounded unsure. "Yeah, I'm sure everything's fine. Come here. It's cold." He grabbed my hand and pulled me to him, holding me close against the frigid air. "Let's go," he said, wanting to get away from the side of the ship. I leaned against his chest as we walked, and I could feel his heart beating extra hard as well. We were about to head inside, when a chunk of ice, left over from the berg I suppose, came sliding over to me. Some boys were playing with it. Kicking it around and tossing it and such. So I kicked it back. Soon, Jack and I were playing with them. But still, this didn't ease my nerves. Then some men walked by, talking about flooding.

"This is bad," Jack said, finally being honest.

"We should tell Mother and Cal."

"Now it's worse."

"Oh, come on, Jack. Come with me. You jump, I jump, Right?"

"Right."

I don't know why I needed to tell them the ship was sinking. I think that's not really why I went down there. I didn't care if he knew. That was just my excuse for facing Cal, so I could tell him it was over. I now wish I hadn't taken Jack with me. As we walked down the corridor to my suite, I began to feel a combination of emotions. First of all, I was apprehensive. I didn't know if Cal was going to try and shoot Jack! But I was also relieved. It would finally be over and I could go on living my life with Jack. And then there was hope. I knew Cal wouldn't simply step aside, but I really hoped Mother would defend me.

"Just keep holding my hand, Jack." I told him. I needed his presence. When I was with him, I could feel courage inside me.

Lovejoy was standing a little way in front of us. "We've been looking for you miss," he said, and put his hand on Jack's back. I didn't say anything. I wish I had. But the moment had passed. I long to have said some excellent come back.

"Yeah, I bet you were."

"Why? Are you in love with me? Or maybe with Jack?"

"Why have you been looking for me? Maybe so I can help you pull that stick out of your ass. Hmm?"

Ah, the wisdom of hindsight. Lovejoy held the door open and we all walked in. "Something serious has happened," I said, wondering why Cal and Mother were waiting for me with the master at arms.

"Yes it has," said Cal, an anxious expression written upon his face. "Two things dear to me have disappeared tonight. Now that one is back," he glared at me, "I have a pretty good idea where to find the other. Search him." He indicated Jack.

A steward or whoever he was pulled off his coat, and it was as if a magnetic force drew his hand right into the pocket. It then came out holding—would you believe it—the heart of the ocean. "Is this it, sir?"

Jack's jaw dropped and his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. "This is horse shit!"

"He couldn't have!" I refused to believe it.

"Of course he could have, dear. It's easy enough for a professional."

As I watched the master at arms put the hand cuffs on Jack, I began to feel unsure. "But I was with him the whole time. This is absurd." I trusted Jack. He wouldn't betray me! Surely not! Surely not.

Cal put his lips to my ear and whispered quietly, "Perhaps he did it while you were putting your clothes back on, dear."

As I looked at Jack in chains, the thought occurred to me that he surely would!

Finally Jack piped up, "Real slick that Cal, Rose. He put it in my pocket!"

"Shut up!" Cal snapped, perhaps a little too quickly.

"It isn't even your coat is it?" One of the guards looked at the tag, "Property of A. L. Ryerson."

"I just borrowed it, Rose. I was gonna return it!" He seemed to have an excuse for everything.

"An honest thief!" Cal snickered. "We have an honest thief!"

"Rose, you know me! You know I didn't do this, Rose," Jack protested as they dragged him away. "You know I didn't do this, Rose!" He repeated. They pushed him out the door and began to drag him down the hall. "Rose, you know me! Rose!" His calls faded away behind the closed door. I could have died. How stupid was I? To allow myself to love a man who would bring me nothing but pain. How vulnerable was I? How ignorant? I silently cursed myself and I cursed Cal. I cursed him for standing near me, as a reminder of my idiocy. I don't know why, but I didn't feel myself cursing Jack.

"Will you excuse us for a moment," Cal said tenderly to Mother. Please don't leave, Mother. I thought, Please. But she nodded and left the room, leaving me alone with Cal. I wished that Jack would march into the room, get down on his knees and apologize. Then punch Cal and carry me away. But I looked to the door, waiting for Jack to come and save me, but there was nothing there but a hunk of wood. Why the hell was I so forgiving? "Well it is a little slut isn't," Cal said. He raised his hand and I felt a horrible blow to my cheek. My head moved with the slap and the room spun. "You look at me when I'm talking to you!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook me. I held a hand to my face, wondering if his strike would leave a bruise. A mark of my loathing.

But before Cal could do more to me, the door suddenly opened. Jack? I thought. No, it wasn't Jack. A steward, however, entered. "You're to report to the deck with your life belt," said the man.

"Not now, we're busy," Cal said sternly. inconvenience

"I'm sorry to inconvenience you, but it's captain's orders." Boy, am I glad he was so persistent. "Now, it's quite cold out tonight." He let himself into the closet. "I suggest to coats and hats." He came out holding two life vests. He must have noticed the look on my face, and didn't think it had anything to do with the man who was still holding me roughly. "Nothing to worry about, miss. I'm sure it's just a precaution." Mother came out and the steward told her the orders.

"Well, I suppose we should take this as if it were actually an emergency. Rose, get your coat on," she said. Then I smiled at her. As much as I detest that woman, I don't think I had ever been as happy to see her as I did right then. "Well hurry up, Rose! Let's not wait for the grass to grow."

"No grass in the ocean, Mother."

"Don't be saucy, missy. Now put on your coat this instant!" And I was back to loathing her. She didn't even notice the red mark on my cheek! So I went into my wardrobe and pulled out my thickest wool coat. I remembered Jack telling me it was really cold out a few hours ago. Figured it was probably colder by now, seeing as it was past midnight. However, when Mother saw me in it, she said, "Absolutely not! What about your pink coat? We got it to match that silly little dress of yours. Go put it on!"

"But Mother," I whined, "It isn't nearly as warm!" But there was no convincing her. I felt tired and lazy as I removed the wool one and put on the much thinner pink garment.

"That's more like it," she said when I was changed, and we walked out of the suite and headed for the deck. Though she revolts me, I stuck close to Mother, afraid of Cal hurting me again. Oh, God. I can still feel the sting of his blow.

I assumed we were going to wait on the deck itself, but everyone was inside, hovering around the grand staircase. Apparently it was too noisy and cold, and no one thought the situation was serious. Cal was making infantile complaints about having to be up and about at this hour. Mother got settled with some friends and told Trudy to have a cup of tea waiting for her for when she returned to her room. Then I noticed Mr. Andrews. He looked so nervous. Like someone had just died. He was checking his pocket watch and drinking in the sight of the people around him; some dressed up, some in pajamas, some in lifebelts, some wearing no shoes. And then as I looked into his eyes, I knew that something terrible was about to happen. Maybe it already had.

"Mr. Andrews!" I ran up to him and said, "I saw the iceberg and I see it in your eyes. Please. Tell me the truth."

He seemed to be looking past me. Or maybe into me. "The ship will sink," he said finally, his voice full of regret and sorrow.

I could feel my eyes widening. "Are you certain?"

He nodded solemnly. "In an hour or two, all of this will be at the bottom of Atlantic." He looked like he was about to cry, and don't blame him. Needless to say, I was in both a state of shock and denial. Slowly, I moved my hand to cover my mouth, in fear that I might scream. "Please, Rose, get to a boat. Don't wait. You…remember what I told you about the boats?" he said gravely.

I nodded. "Yes."

"It seems there are not enough for everyone aboard."

"About half actually"

"I understand," I said. Cal was standing behind me. He was speechless. And for perhaps the first time in my life, so was I. Then I suddenly remembered Jack. The ship was sinking. And he was locked up somewhere. Locked up in a sinking ship. I moved away from Cal, not wanting to be near him. For some unexplainable reason, I still felt like I could trust Jack with my life. And I knew he still trusted me with his. Even though he was a liar and a thief, I heard myself praying that he would be alright.

My hand is so tired. I've written so much. I don't think I can anymore; not for today, anyway. I'm so exhausted, I could sleep for hours and hours. In fact, I think I will. But I will write more tomorrow. I promise.

Your friend,

Rose

P.S. I have never felt this much pain in all my life. Keep that in mind.

>That was it. A bit long. Not my longest, though. So, like I said, PLEASE review. It means a lot! Thanks, and I hope you liked it! (;