Chapter Seventeen - Separation and Duty
One week later, a Jedi-in-hiding gave his first military intelligence overview to Viceroy Bail Organa and his highest-ranking staff members.
As soon as he had delivered all the information and answered questions, Ben Kenobi moved to his seat at the far end of the conference table. He was still settling into his new job, not quite sure of himself yet, but he had to discuss a few things with Organa. Time was of the essence; Alanna and Lula were expected on Dathomir in a few days.
As the Viceroy pronounced the meeting adjourned, Ben locked his gaze onto Organa's and gently used the Force to ask him to stay. Organa consented, then told his other cabinet members to go about their business. As the doors slid shut behind the last person, he turned to the Jedi. "I only have a few minutes, Ben." He sat.
Ben stood and moved to the chair to Organa's right. As he sat, he began to speak. "It won't take long. I don't know if you are aware of this, but I still have another responsibility from which Master Yoda has not released me. It will not interfere with my duties in intelligence – it will merely be an extension of them.
"I wish to place an agent on Naboo. I already have one in mind, she is qualified to perform an assignment of this nature." Organa nodded in agreement, encouraging Ben to continue.
The Jedi sensed his concern. "It's only fair to tell you the nature of this obligation. My former apprentice married Senator Amidala almost four years ago." Organa's dark brows raised at that. "Anakin didn't know she was pregnant when he betrayed the Jedi, and he died shortly afterward. Master Yoda told me that I have a responsibility to this family, and he has not yet lifted that burden from me. All I want to do is plant this agent in the Senator's home, and she will watch over them. I must make sure that they stay safe."
Bail Organa nodded. He saw a fire in Kenobi's grey eyes, one that was fueled by something more than duty. "I trust you as much as I do anyone, Ben. In this matter you have autonomy. If they need you, just let me know how long you'll be gone." He shook Kenobi's hand, emphasizing his words. Ben thanked him, and they went their separate ways.
That afternoon, Ben met with the agent and offered her the assignment. After he finished describing the job, he added, "This is a request of a personal nature, Ensign. Accept or refuse, you will not lose your rank or position, even though this job may go on for years. I will understand if you decline."
The agent accepted without hesitation. Ben gave her several passcodes, and she left his office with a firm handshake and his profuse thanks.
Just over a tenday after Obi-Wan's departure, a young woman arrived on the front porch of Padm's residence. The Jedi healers were there, checking up on Padmé and the twins one last time before they left for Dathomir. Master Olau met the woman at the door and, after a few minutes of probing dialogue, led her to the parlor.
When Padmé came into the room, she found a tall, blonde woman in her mid-twenties waiting for her. The stranger bowed slightly. "My name is Laurae Antilles, M'Lady. I am seeking employment."
Padmé blinked. "Employment?" Whatever Padmé had been expecting her to say, that wasn't it. Remembering her manners, she gestured to a sofa. "Please sit, Mistress Antilles."
Laurae glanced at Master Olau, who quietly excused herself. "I have been instructed by a mutual acquaintance to seek employment in your service. He has other duties to which he must attend, and I am to be his surrogate." She added a little emphasis to her last word.
Obi-Wan! 'Surrogate.' Padmé smiled pleasantly. "Are you a Jedi, Mistress Antilles?" That was a stupid question, she thought. Who would admit it?
Laurae answered, "No, M'Lady. I work under the supervision of our mutual acquaintance. He has requested that I not reveal his location or any other information about myself, except that I am a qualified housekeeper and caregiver. I am also to be a messenger in case of great need."
Padmé thought about it, then asked, "How do I know that you are telling the truth?" Mistress Antilles had already said something that could qualify as a passcode, but Padmé wanted something more specific.
Laurae's brown eyes smiled. "He knew that a Jedi Master with red hair and purple eyes would be here. If she did not know for certain that I am not a threat, she would not have let me in."
Padmé kept her Queen face on, though her mind was racing.
Laurae continued: "Our acquaintance that sent me also anticipated your response. He desires me to say this:
"Senator, I regret that I cannot return.
I know your trust this woman must earn.
The servant who now recites this poem
Solicits to help with your younglings at home.
Two infant stars, they shine in the Force,
Like their father, whom I fought with remorse.
Your morning sickness was to us both unpleasant,
Yet through it all, still I was your tenant.
That time has passed. The first battle is won.
I sat with you, watched you bear daughter, then son."
Laurae added, "He also said, 'It's one for the book.'"
Padm's gaze flashed to the Jedi poetry book she'd given Obi-Wan. Then her bland politician's façade cracked, and she lowered her head in her hands. Her body shook with suppressed laughter, she couldn't help it. That was embarrassing. It certainly illustrates Obi-Wan's sense of humor, though I never knew he was a poet. And a bad one at that, she reflected. She raised her head, her giggles and her embarrassment now under control. "Mistress Antilles, what does our acquaintance look like?"
"My height, muscular but compact. Not quite forty, blue eyes, red-gold hair. He has a nice smile and a cleft in his chin." She blushed a little, then continued. "He did not always have an office job. His hands are calloused."
Yes, Mistress Antilles, you don't have to tell me that he's handsome. That was enough for Padmé, remembering those fingers on her skin. "You're hired." Laurae nodded, smiling. "About your wages," Padmé began.
Laurae shook her head. "I am on another payroll. Your friend said that it is the least he can do, when he cannot be here himself."
"Thank you, Mistress Antilles. And if you have occasion to send a report of us to our friend, thank him as well." She paused. "And tell him not to quit his current job, if all of his poetry is this bad."
Laurae grinned. "Gladly, M'Lady. Please address me as Laurae." Padmé found Obi-Wan's house key for Laurae and gave her the access code. Then she took the young woman to meet the babies.
She left Laurae with them and saw the two Jedi off, hugging them, wishing them well, and thanking them profusely for their service and kindnesses. Padmé would miss Lula terribly. The Padawan was sweet and earnest. She would even miss the prickly healer-master, though Master Olau had always disapproved of Padmé and her disreputable marriage to a Jedi Knight.
Blinking tears from her eyes, Padmé went to Obi-Wan's bedchamber and began to get it ready for its new occupant, Obi-Wan's poem keeping her company. Morning sickness, indeed, she thought, chuckling. If...when I see him again, he'll pay for that.
When Agent Antilles' messages from Padmé reached him, Obi-Wan Kenobi hooted with laughter, imagining the look on her face when she first heard the poem. He resisted an urge to send the Artoo-sized message droid back to Naboo just so he could say, "Let's see you do better in ten minutes." That indulgence could be fatal, however, since these droids were now only authorized for Imperial business.
Time passed. General Kenobi continued to work for Viceroy Organa. Through all the patrols, the snooping and sifting through reports, a part of his mind often dwelt in a small house near the edge of the Southeed Plain. While he knew that the Code forbade him to ever be a part of that family, the few wild daydreams in which Obi-Wan indulged were always of being a father and husband. Then he would shake his head and remind himself that Anakin's example had blocked that path. Then again, Anakin tried to have both. Making a choice between a normal life and obedience to the Code is all part of being a Jedi.
As the realities of his career settled in, Ben realized that detection was a constant danger. He unhappily accepted the fact that he and Padmé could not correspond as often as he would like.
The money he earned in his new career was more than he'd ever seen in his life. Poverty was one of the traditions of the Jedi Code; the Order provided for the individuals, who owned almost nothing but their clothes and weapons. Obi-Wan saved as much of the money as he could over the course of his first several months on Alderaan. He had no idea what to do with it, anyway, beyond his own basic needs.
Then, when the snows around Sanctuary would be melting, Viceroy Organa helped Ben send the majority of his savings to Naboo. The twins were surely crawling by now, and he felt like he hadn't done anything for his family. Kenobi felt better, knowing that Padmé would know what to do with the money. It was worth much more to him there than here. For Verlane, Obi-Wan sent off a historical novel that she'd enjoy, as well as toys for the children and a letter from Laurae's parents.
A few days after he sent the gifts, a package was on his desk. There was no name or card, but he opened it to find five handkerchiefs with his initials embroidered on them in blue. Autumn was fading into winter where he was, but Obi-Wan treated himself to a memory of the spring sun warming his shoulders, talking with his love in the garden he'd made for her.
Time passed. Padmé continued to work, both in Theed and remotely, as a political consultant for the Queen. Her royal and senatorial expertise were a great help to Jamilla. When a landmark territorial treaty was drawn up, agreed to, and signed amidst great fanfare, the people praised Queen Jamilla for her insight and skill. But Palace insiders, historians, and even some members of the general populace recognized their erstwhile Queen Amidala's fingerprints all over it.
With the three Jedi gone, Padmé began to see her sister and Sabé more frequently. She was still well-known and well-loved by her people, but she wished to remain as anonymous as possible. So the visits were always conducted in the privacy of their homes.
A year after Obi-Wan left for Alderaan, Padmé purchased Sanctuary and several square kilometers of the surrounding land from the government. Queen Jamilla wanted to bequeath it to her as a gift of thanks for two decades of service, but Padmé wouldn't hear of it. Instead, she used her pension from her time as a Senator to pay for her home.
It took Laurae and Padmé some time to become comfortable around each other, but they grew to be good friends. Laurae helped her keep her self-defense skills sharp, and Padmé was able to teach the young woman a few tricks, too. On clear days, they took the babies outside while they practiced their marksmanship. Padmé even encouraged the younger woman to have a life outside the house, as she did. She left her one-year-old twins in Laurae's care for several days, helping Sabé when she had another baby.
Laurae also was useful as liaison for Obi-Wan and Padmé. Despite her counsel for them not to communicate, she always found a way to get Padm's infrequent correspondence to Alderaan undiscovered. Padmé didn't know how Laurae did it, but it was always a happier day for her when the girl would enter the house, a missive from Obi-Wan in her possession.
But Padmé had no idea what to do with the money her friend sent. Surely Obi-Wan remembered that her salary as the Queen's consultant was generous enough to support four families comfortably, especially in such meager circumstances. She tried to get Laurae to send it back, but the Alderaanian refused. Padmé sighed and put it away for a day when circumstances might be less agreeable for her family, blessing Obi-Wan for his generosity.
While Padmé missed Obi-Wan, she still deeply mourned the loss of her husband. It was worse some days than others, especially at times when the twins showed signs of maturing. Padmé smiled through tears when Leia said her first intelligible word, and when Luke took his first steps.
The twins were almost two years old when Padmé left them in Laurae's care for the day to attend her sister's wedding. She and her nieces, gowned in red, served as Bride's Handmaids for Sola. Her own wedding to Anakin had been private and secret, and while she was thrilled for Sola, the ceremony left Padmé feeling very forlorn. She chose to leave when the dancing started. The introductory music for the Nagara Reel brought Obi-Wan to Padm's mind; it was the dance that they shared two tendays after he arrived to tell her of Ani's death.
Her mind began to spin with memories. During the hour-long journey home, Obi-Wan's wyvern eyes, earnest kisses, and dazzling grin danced before Padm's eyes and made her heart skip. She went on the nets when she arrived home and ordered a copy of the traditional music used for the Nagara Reel, and she listened to it often after that.
It had been months since he'd received a letter from Padmé. It was time to respond; an agent was traveling to Naboo the next morning. Obi-Wan sat in his sparse flat and put pen to paper, a nearby sleeve ready to hold the letter and keep it safe for the journey.
My dear Padmé,
As always, I'm sorry that it's been so long since I've written. All is as well as can be here.
So many questions! And there are so many that I must not answer. All I can say about my work is that part of my duties include the surveillance of Naboo, and through Laurae, you. My employer is a good friend and an understanding man. I beg you, don't risk exposure to come here. I want to see you again, very much. I want to run around with the children and talk to you again. But remember my promise. I will come home some day soon.
What I'm doing isn't easy, but it's a comfort to know that my work helps to preserve a peaceful way of life for you and so many others. The Emperor is shutting himself away from the people he has always claimed to be serving. We are slowly losing our freedoms, Padmé, and there's nothing I can do. I must not use the Force for anything; the merest indulgence beyond passively listening to it would show me to them, and Master Yoda has forbidden me to fight. Like you, I am bound to save myself for your children, and others like them. I'm not a warrior any more, I can only guide others in the right direction.
And I loathe it. I'm sure inactivity bothers you, too; you're the only one to whom I could ever admit this.
I wish I knew what Lord Vader was up to. He is a servant of the Dark Side of the Force, but I can't find any ulterior motives or underhanded dealings in his mercy missions. Yet. I cannot reconcile a Sith being champion of the downtrodden.
Give the twins an extra kiss each from me. I miss them so. I promise to be there for a birthday some day, they must be getting so big, now that they're two.
I miss you too, Padmé. I miss having someone to look after every day. You still practice Kabon, don't you? A smile came to Obi-Wan's face; he couldn't resist nagging her for a moment, since he had the chance. I woke up the other night after a dream where I remembered teaching it. It's silly, the things that I remember from my stay on Naboo. There's a flower here that smells like the leia. It looks very different, but I paused by the blossoms on the way to work and just breathed, and for a moment I was in your garden today. It reminded me that I'm not a droid after all.
Speaking of the garden, don't forget to fertilize the leia bushes as soon as the leaves begin to fall. They need the nourishment before the ground freezes to survive winter.
He wrestled with the next line for a long time. Love? I'm in love, not insane; she's probably still thinking of Anakin. Affectionately? I want her to be reassured by this, not disturbed. Obi-Wan bent over the paper again. With love? No.
Yours,
Obi-Wan
Kenobi's eyes overflowed as he folded the letter, then sealed the flap on the sleeve. Force, he missed her. But his work was not done, he had to stay for a while longer.
Could I bring her here? No, she had her own work. It would be selfish and unfair to ask her to relinquish something he couldn't give up, either.
The letter would travel alongside several private communications from Organa to Jamilla. Obi-Wan wrote the Queen's name on it, then added a few extra embellishments to the front and back of the sleeve that would mark it out as Padme's. He blessed the Queen's name, for her part in his plan to take care of his loved ones.
Padmé sat on her bed and opened the letter. She'd snatched it from Laurae's hand when it had been offered, then grabbed the girl firmly by the face and kissed her cheek, amidst the twins' laughter and Laurae's squawk of surprise. Not even Leia's tantrum during dinner could upset Padmé tonight, though her daughter was as infuriating as ever.
It'd been months since Padmé had heard from Obi-Wan; tonight her patience was rewarded...
I beg you, don't risk exposure to come here. Damn you, Obi-Wan. You always say that. I will come home some day soon. See that you do. It isn't a complete home without...
I cannot participate any more, I can only guide others in the right direction. And I loathe it. There's someone out there who knows what I feel!
I miss them so. I dare not utter the words "Daddy" or "Father" around them. What am I going to do when they're old enough to ask? What do I tell them, Obi-Wan?
I paused by the blossoms and breathed and closed my eyes, and for a moment I was in your garden today. It reminded me that I'm not a droid after all. Yours, Obi-Wan
Padme's arms ached to hold her dear friend, to remind him that he was alive and that she loved him so.
Love?! shrieked a part of her mind. When did this happen? Padme's eyes overflowed as she digested the letter, stretching out with her feelings. Memories flashed through her mind: the familiar whoom of his saber when the lupines attacked - the first time she ever saw him smile - the way his eyes twinkled with concerned merriment just before he persuaded Leia to let her breathe again - his mouth pressed upon hers.
Obi-Wan had poured so much of himself into Padmé, healing and caring for her. He lived with her every day for months, like she and Ani were never able to. Obi-Wan Kenobi had helped her to mend her shattered heart, piece by agonizing piece.
"I love you, Obi-Wan," Padmé whispered into the darkness of her bedchamber, willing the sound to travel across star and sky, so Obi-Wan could hear it and learn what he'd taught her today.
Now that Sola had found a husband, she and Sabé banded together to encourage Padmé to go out and see men socially. Padmé appreciated their concern, but she resisted. Her usual reply to any advice of that sort was always, "Not yet."
Sabé brought her husband and children out to Sanctuary for Verlane. Her son was three, and the twins were a month shy of the same birthday. Sab's husband and Laurae took the older children out to play in the garden while she sat with Padmé in the parlor and talked. When Sab's attempt to set Padmé up with someone resulted in yet another not yet, Sabé sighed, "Then when, for goodness' sake?" She shifted her infant daughter in her arms while she waited for an answer.
Instead of answering, an interesting parade of expressions marched across Padm's face. The one that caught the bulk of Sab's attention was the last one. It was a look of contented affection.
Sabé was clever; it only took her five seconds to figure it out. She gasped and exclaimed, "You sneaky – why didn't you tell me?!"
Padmé grinned, and her face glowed bright as a sundown. Luke, tired of his sister's rambunctious play with their friend, trotted into the parlor. He clambered onto his mother's lap. "But what if he doesn't come back?" Sabé asked tentatively.
Padmé thought of the promise Obi-Wan had made to return, but decided not to mention it. She ran her hand through her son's short, sandy hair. "I will wait until I don't feel like waiting any more," she replied. "I still feel like waiting." Padmé smiled sadly at her friend.
"You've already waited almost three years," Sabé reminded her, amber-brown eyes sympathetic.
Padmé shook her head. "Actually, only about ten months. It wasn't until Sola's wedding that I began to think of him more than Anakin. Ani will always have a place in my heart, but I didn't die when he did." Her arms wrapped protectively around Luke.
Sabé smiled sadly. "One more question, and then I'll leave you alone. How do you know that it isn't just because he was isolated here with you for half a year?"
"How did I know I loved Ani?" Padmé quipped. "I did think about that. All I can say is that this is how I feel. Today." She looked at her former decoy, tears filling her eyes. "Ani wasn't easy to get over, and I can't conform to someone else's schedule of when I should stop mourning for him and find someone new.
"I love Obi-Wan." She laughed a little, wonder winning over loneliness. "I loved him before the idea even occurred to any of you that I should move on. It just took me a while to figure it out." Luke chose that moment to reach up and pat his mother's face, and Padmé smiled again.
As Sab's husband led his son to their speeder that evening, the former handmaiden pulled Laurae aside. A moment of hushed conversation ensued. When she caught up with her family, Sab's husband noticed that dimples were denting her cheeks, as if she was enjoying some private joke.
Almost three years had elapsed since Ben arrived on Alderaan. He kept a close eye on Naboo through his intelligence network and Ensign Antilles, though there was rarely any cause for concern.
He continued to send what money he could for their support, as well. Obi-Wan also sent and received Verlane gifts, even though each holiday just reminded him of his lonesomeness without them.
Correspondence remained minimal. Kenobi assured himself that it was due to the concern of exposure that prevented him from sending messages more often, but that wasn't all of it.
He and Padmé parted well enough, eight months after his battle with her husband that had left her a widow. Who could know that eight months would be a long enough time to change me so much? But he still left her. And he had no idea what her feelings were. For all Ben knew, Padmé thought of him as a friend, like a brother, even after the two kisses they had shared.
Shortly after his third Verlane away from Naboo, Ben came into his office to see a holoprojector on his desk. He switched it on. A dozen still images of Padmé and her children smiled out at him, each one appearing for about ten seconds, then switching to the next. He noticed a small sleeve sticking out from under the projector. Ben opened it and read the message written in a flowing, unfamiliar handwriting:
Ben,
Take a look at these and see what you're missing.
Sabé Orla
"Sab," he snarled. She obviously had help. He couldn't decide if he was more annoyed about Ensign Antilles being in on this, or with himself for staying away so long. Ben looked at the holos; this one showed a towheaded little boy with Anakin's eyes. Ben smiled back. The next picture showed a sweet-faced child with red ribbons in her dark curls. Padmé alone looked out from the last one. She looked a little worn, but her wide smile took his breath away.
It's time, he decided. They're the only family I have. What was I thinking, staying away for so long?
He left a coded message with the Viceroy's assistant, letting Organa know that he was leaving. Kenobi sat in his office for some time, thinking. Then he sent a message to Laurae Antilles' family, and left to run an errand.
Ben answered the door chime that evening and found Bail Organa standing outside his quarters. "Viceroy, come in," he said in surprise.
"Ben, I'm Bail when you're off the clock, you know that," Organa said, stepping in. "I'm sure you must be busy, getting ready to go." He looked around Ben's austere flat. "You really need to keep a little of that money you keep sending away and do something with this place."
Kenobi shrugged off the tease and replied, "I'm only going for one day, so there isn't much to do. But please, sit. Can I get you something?"
"No, thanks." Bail chuckled as he took a seat. "One day, after almost three years of uninterrupted work?" Ben shrugged and sat across from his guest. "Where are you off to, anyway?" Organa continued.
Ben looked at his friend, then answered, "Why do you ask when you already know?"
A grin crossed the Viceroy's face. "So I do," Organa said. "And it's about time, Ben. You've done some extraordinary work here, for which I am very grateful, but don't think I haven't noticed the time you spend focusing on Naboo. Not to mention the money you send."
"Master Yoda –" Ben began.
"Your sense of duty is admirable, but we both know that is not the sum of your motivations," Bail interrupted. "Ben, if Padmé feels the same way you do, accept it. Don't get mired down in ideals that you can no longer serve, and that no longer serve you." He looked into his friend's eyes and saw something there. "But you've already decided that, haven't you?"
"Yes. I have chosen." Kenobi smiled; he couldn't help it. Then he shrugged hopefully. "If." All of Ben's hopes were wound up in that one little word.
Bail knew exactly what Ben meant. "I'm glad to hear it." The Viceroy stood and extended his hand. Ben shook it, thanking him for the visit, and showed Organa to the door.
Bail glanced at two objects on the sopha; a battered lightsaber handle, and something else. He grinned again as he recognized an artifact from his friend's old life sitting next to a symbol of a new one.
Author's Notes: Hey there, sorry I've been so slow in updating. I was out of town for a while - business mostly, but some pleasure thrown in there (don't get any funny ideas, I was comet-watching), too.
And I just have to say that I do not like the way the website is working now - it won't accept certain special characters, so when you see Padme's or Sabe's name with the "'s," the little diacritical mark is absent. Otherwise, the "e" is just gone altogether.
Thbhbhbhbhb!
Adelaide: I like clean-shaven Ewan best (like Catcher Block from Down with Love), though a scruffy-Episode 2 Obi is yummy, too. Duty sucks, doesn't it?
Princess-Kinky: Thanks very much, here's more. Finally. [sheepish-grin]
Leia Avenrose: Welcome, I love long reviews. (Long review, longer response - I can be exceedingly circumloquacious.) I'm glad to have you aboard! I've said it before, I'll say it again, converting someone to the Obidala side of the Force (insert a silly face here), even for a short while, is the greatest compliment my writing has ever gotten. I'm branching out from Obidala into other areas, but I'm still mostly Obi-centric. (I adore that sexy, gorgeous Jedi with all the adoration that a sane and rational thirty-year-old woman can lavish upon a fictional character.) If you find that you like other Obidala stories (to make sure you have a balanced opinion), there are a few well-organized websites that I'd be happy to suggest that are all about the Obi-Padme looooove... ; ) But Obidala was, oddly enough, the first SW fan fiction I read when I got this computer last year, and I dove in. (Anakin is gorgeous, and I dig the whole "Destiny" thing, but that whole "You are in my very soul, tormenting me" thing gives me the creeps. But that's me!)
There are a few Episode 3 spoilers present, but they're the no-brainers, things established decades ago, mostly. I was about ten years old when I learned about the Obi-Ani lava fight, and Supreme Chancellor's destiny was revealed in the novelization of ANH. Shrug
Yeah, Force kind of takes the place of deity, in general or specifically. George wanted something god-like, without bringing God or gods (and therefore, religion) into it, so he invented the Force. I read "Chaos" in the novelization of ANH, Vader uses it when he's choking that Rebel officer in the first scene. "Chaos take your mission," Vader snarls as he's snapping that poor bloke's neck, so I figured it was a kind of Damn and Hell hybrid.
I love Ewan's singing, a good singing voice makes almost any man beautiful in my eyes. I do need to see Moulin Rouge - I've seen the end, but that never puts me off seeing a movie.
Sorry I haven't read yours yet, I promise to get to it soon - some time in between my three jobs and the five-odd authors for whom I'm beta-reading!
Aerlinnuial: Thank you! This is my Obi-Padme bridge between AotC and ANH. I'm branching out into AU stuff, but this was my first fic and I felt obligated to stick to established movie canon. Once.
