CHAPTER 7: SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL


"Can you do it, or not?" Despite his new, awkward sense of self-control, Angelus was getting impatient. He had more interesting matters to attend to and this sorcerer was taking an awful amount of time to get to the point. Maybe he should just snap him in half and find another one…

"Do not try to hurry me, vampire. I know what you are thinking. I would not try to do it if I were you. I haven't lived on this plane of existence this long because of my psychical strength, but because of my mental strength. Try anything, and I shan't be cooperative - I will demonstrate my powers to you. More correctly, on you."

Angelus glared at him. If it wasn't so hard to find competent sorcerers in Sunnydale, he would just kill this one and be done with it. If this had been another time, a time where he had less in the way of self restraint, he might have anyway. But no, not now, he wouldn't.

"Okay. One more time. A simple yes or no will do it. Can. You. Do. It."

"The deadliest magic's are needed to rob this creature of its soul. But, of course I can do it."

"Well, that's peachy. When?"


Angel closed the door behind him. After they had discovered Riley's body Angel had taken Buffy home.

She still had trouble hunting Angelus, though not as serious as two years ago since Angel was with her as well this time. He sighed. She was so tired, having not allowed herself any rest at all during the last few days, so Angel had talked her into going home and try to sleep for a few hours.

He would go to the Magic Box and tell everyone the news about Riley. That should be fun, this night's main event even. Or so he hoped. He was pretty sure at least Xander would be pretty harsh when Buffy wasn't around to glare at him. He got into his car for the drive into town. He kept the top down to be as aware of his surroundings as possible. If he was to see his alter ego on the way, he should make a stop. Unfortunately not to stake the bastard.

Well, at least he hadn't run in to Buffy's mother. He had the feeling that she wouldn't be very happy to see him back in town, especially not coming into her house with his arms around her daughter in the middle of the night. Apparently she had traveled out of town on business overnight, leaving Dawn to stay with a friend.

Angel was brooding. Since this wasn't really the time to skulk away and sit in a dark room and do it, he did it while he was driving to the Magic Box instead. He actually had no idea how to control his evil self. He couldn't kill him without dying himself. Buffy had just lost her boyfriend, how would she react if he disappeared as well? The ride back from Riley's frat house had pretty much convinced Angel that he still meant something to Buffy. The way she had acted towards him… the way she had held on to him when they walked to the car… it was more than taking comfort in him because she was shocked and grieving.

So the question was, what could he do about his evil counterpart? He wasn't sure whether he could hurt him badly – maybe that would affect them both as well. A wounded Angelus might be easier to handle, but not if he was hurt as well.

That left protecting the people Angelus was likely to strike until the gang could rejoin them. However, protecting people from Angelus… from him, was easier said than done. To his advantage, what the evil version said earlier was true – Angelus was always a part of him, which meant, Angelus had no upper hand in the fight against Angel. Well, he had, in a way. He had the privilege of being the one to hunt, not the one to be hunted. Angel would be hindered by the people he had that he had to keep safe, a burden Angelus didn't have.

Angel tried to imagine what he would do, right in this instant, if he didn't have his soul. In other words, what Angelus might be planning right now... Very confusing. To have a chance here, he would have to think like his soulless persona, act and react like him – not exactly something he was eager to do. Buffy was fairly safe for the time being, just like last time he wouldn't go for her first. Well, he would, but not in the straight up killing her style, that was much too simple for his taste. Willow was probably safe right now since the curse couldn't do anything to him… Besides that, there was really no telling what he could be up to.

Angel remembered his thoughts just after he lost his soul two, nearly three years ago. He wanted to give Buffy as much pain and suffering as he possibly could, but he had no real plan, at least not in the beginning. Mocking their night together, and killing the gypsy man, that was planned, but meeting and siring Buffy's classmate Theresa and even coming across Acathla – those were only whims. Angelus could decide on a random kill at any point.

He wasn't even in town yet when he felt the familiar tingle as always when a vampire was nearby. He stopped the car. The feeling was usually stronger when it was a vampire from his line – this time it was even stranger. Well, it wasn't very surprising since the vampire that stepped out of the shadows was himself…

"Well hello there, Angel." Angelus pronounced his name like it was tainted. "My my, don't you look dull and brooding tonight. Did you loose something?" Angel got out of the car and walked closer to Angelus. The expression "you have to face your inner demons" suddenly came to mind, he had used several times himself during the last year while talking sense into troubled clients. Right now it seemed a little too ironic to even be amusing.

"Yeah, but it seems to bounce back again, and again, and again… Why are you here? You can't kill me, even if I reckon you'd like to kill the sickening souled version of yourself, because if you do, you'll die yourself. And please, don't ask how I know you would like to kill me – it's because the feeling's mutual."

Angelus just smirked at him. "You have really embraced the concept of self-criticism, haven't you? Wow, this is a very beautiful moment we're having. I don't need to ask you anything, I know what you're thinking. A hundred plus years, locked beneath the soul. I know everything. I would guess your recent brood session was about – how do you stop me, hm? Or maybe your exact thought was, 'how do I stop me' 'cause, after all, we are one and the same."

Angel just glared at his evil self, a bored look on his face. What was it with soullessness that made him love the sound of his own voice so much?

"Don't you have anything interesting to say? Cause I'm kinda bored here."

"Oh, yeah, there was one other thing. I brought a friend that wants to say a few words."

A robed man stepped out from the shadows.

"This is Mehing," Angelus said cheerfully, clapping his hands together. "He performs spells. His specialty is souls, in particular soul extraction. Yeah, this guy just loves soulless things." Angelus smirked, waiting for Angel to realize what was about to happen.

Angelus' plan struck Angel. Oh no. This he hadn't thought of – even though it made a certain kind of sense. As long as he, Angel with a soul, was out there, Angelus was under the constant threat of being put back together with him, and everything would be as before. If Angel didn't have his soul, on the other hand… That would mean two of Angelus, which was a twin couple destined for destruction, and if the gang put him back with himself, the soul would still be absent.

He couldn't leave Buffy alone fighting against him – both of him, to be more precise. She may be the strongest human being he had ever met, but it would be too much. She would never be able to protect everyone that she loved… It was impossible. The robed man started humming an incantation.

Without another thought, Angel ran up to the man, grabbed him and snapped his neck with a deft twist. The man fell to the ground with a thud, and Angel studied his work. He wasn't sure what to feel. This person may be innocent up until now, but he was about to unleash Angelus – what did that make him? An evil sorcerer, or just someone who was really fond of living, he thought bitterly. His evil self was very – persuasive, when he wanted to. Still, one dead shaman was better than the many, many people that would go if the plan had succeeded. But something bothered Angel. This wasn't his style. He was usually the one to lead people away from all the action, not the other way around.

Angelus looked slightly amused, maybe somewhat impressed by his resolute action. Snapping necks with experienced hands, breaking them like kindling without a second thought. Now that was something he could appreciate in his souled version.

"Nice! Really, wasn't sure you'd kill a non-evil human without brooding about it for hours first. Of course, I'm not so stupid I bring the sorcerer with me and introduce you to him before he takes your soul. I mean, please! No, this was just for the kicks of seeing the look on your face." He smirked. "The real deal is somewhere else, probably performing the spell right now. And no, even if follow my tracks, you won't be fast enough."

Angel shook his head. Great. Not unexpected though, he always had been one to love a little sadism. He quickly decided that the only thing he could possibly do except standing there like a big idiot, was get to the Magic Box – if he made it before the spell had time to kick in, they could contain him and re-curse him as soon as possible. No harm, no foul. He leapt into the car and stepped on the gas, hearing his own mocking laughter in the background.


"Ianus, abs implore abeo. Expurgo adsero, dissolve adsero. Lutum conscientia, alieno. Exorere, Angelus. Prodi ex loco tuo pass, in hunc mundum vivorum."

English translation: Janus, I beseech thee. Cleanse him, release him. Wash away the conscience, let him be free. Arise, Angelus. Come forth from your place of the hidden, into this world of the living.


Pressing the car Angel accelerated as he passed the Restfield cemetery on his way into town. He remembered the first time he had been about to loose his soul. After the pain hit him, the only think he could think of was to get away from Buffy until it happened. He hadn't even been completely sure WHAT happened, but his instincts had told him that it wasn't good, and that Buffy would be in trouble if he didn't get away from her. Never before had the road to the Magic Box been so long…

A minute later, the pain hit him with full force. He gasped, struggling to hold the car on the road. The pain was recognizable, in a terrifying way. The fire spread from his chest to his head, making him dizzy and forcing him to stop the car completely and concentrate on getting through it. He held his forehead against the wheel and tried to hold on. The mere effort to draw breath feeling like a thousand daggers plunged into his chest, but he fought it. He could feel his soul being ripped away from his body; feel his demon soaring with life. The pain would pass soon – pass and be forgotten, as soon as the soul was gone from the body. And he couldn't do anything about it.

Angel closed his eyes and inhaled a deep breath. He tried to fight the change, but it was useless. The only thing he could think about Buffy. What would happen now? How much would he hurt her this time? He hoped that she would take the big decision and kill him as soon as possible. If he destroyed her, he didn't want to come back again. With one last moan, Angel let go.

"Buffy…"


A/N: This chapter came out a little short, but the next one will be longer. Excuse the Latin above. I've used an English-Latin translator, but I can't guarantee that it's correct. Bear with me.