A/N: Thank you for the reviews again. Remember kids, we're not even close to the end yet. I'm currently wrapping up the second part of this story and there will also be a third – and last – one. There will be darkness and angst, and lots of it too, but hopefully it will come out good in the end. Just hang in there…
CHAPTER 21: RAISON D'ÊTRE
His demon still screaming inside him, Angel hurried along the streets of Sunnydale. He wasn't sure where he was going or what he was going to do – but he wanted to get away from Buffy. It had been really bad back there, he had been on the verge of loosing control more than one time. A little slip of the self control and he could hurt someone – or worse – and he knew how the demon within would react to that.
Buffy hadn't followed him, which he guessed meant that she trusted him to still be soulful enough not be a danger to the population. Angel wasn't so sure about that. Every person he passed simply screamed bite me to him. The heartbeats of the people he met were like loud drums in his ears, just begging him to take what he wanted and snuff out the sound.
He could feel the inner battle of the demon versus the soul, and he could feel the soul loosing. On top of that, he still suffered from serious withdrawal symptoms. He had been feeding off living humans for several days as Angelus, and since he had gotten his soul back, all he had been drinking was cold pig's blood. The horrible cravings only seemed to make his demon stronger. With every person that passed him on the street were like waving a bleeding bunny in front of a starving wolf…
He stopped in the shadows behind the Espresso Pump. Not many people were out tonight… which was probably lucky for them. Sounds further down the alley got his attention, his sharp senses peeked. He saw a homeless woman pushing a shopping cart. What a worthless life, he caught himself thinking. She would be better off dead. Now, that was a dangerous thought, but somehow, in his current state of mind, he found logic in it. Who cared about that woman? By her looks she was alone and had been living on the street for quiet a while.
Without a sound, he started following the homeless woman. His weakened soul told him to stop, stop and immediately go back to Giles' place and let them chain him up. His strong demon however said "screw that" and encouraged him to continue his covert hunt.
The demon part of him repeated to him that the homeless woman's miserable life barely counted as a living human being. Except for a body that was still breathing and pulsating... hot blood pumping around her system... what was she? A shell of someone that had failed so miserably that she had gotten herself living on the streets.
Besides, what difference would another dead body on his account do? He had killed thousands and thousands of people over the centuries, it was his nature… No, not his, it was the demon's nature. Not him, not Angel.
Then again, if he did feed off her, maybe the cravings would stop… Yeah, they probably would. Of course, that was insane vampire logic. The whole reason to why he had cravings was because he had been drinking fresh human blood very recently – satisfying the demon's blood thirst would calm it for the moment, but in the long run only make it want more. He shouldn't be doing this.
But still… that woman, all that blood pumping away… Angel drew closer. The stupid cow didn't have the slightest idea that he was following her, he couldn't smell any fear on her and her pulse was normal. Normal and... rythmic. Speaking to him. No, singing to him, and what a beautiful sound it was.
She was an idiot that should be better of as food. Besides, if he didn't finish her off, she was one of the types that fledgling vamps usually took out. Alone and weak… To be missed by no one. It would be an honor for her to be killed by him instead of one of them.
Angel was so close now. One leap and he would be able to grab her… No. He really should go back to Buffy, right… now. Yes, right now.
He was just about to turn when the woman bent over and picked up a beer bottle, however, it was broken and she cut her hand on it. The strong, metallic and intoxicating smell of fresh, flowing blood was all that was needed for the demon to get the upper hand. Angel morphed, growled and jumped the woman, spinning her around and smacking her into the brick wall. She shrieked in surprise. When she saw his demonic face she screamed. A terrified cry that hade his whole body hum with satisfaction.
There was only two ways to shut her up – knock her out, or kill her. Angel's demon quickly settled on the latter. He put his left hand over her mouth and held her hard – not very polite to scream your killer right in the ear when he's trying to eat – and bit down.
The woman quickly went limp in his arms. He let her slump to the ground, dead.
Oh, no. What had he done? As soon as the demon was satisfied, for the moment, it resigned slightly and let Angel's fading soul be the more dominant of the two.
What should he do now? He couldn't really go back to Buffy – she would probably chain him up. Even if it would be just to keep her eyes on him in the beginning, Spike would be able to smell the fresh human blood for at least a day, until then, he had to stay hidden. Maybe he could follow her without her knowing it…
Wait, stop. NO, that was the evil stalker talking. Of course he shouldn't follow Buffy. Angel heard a sound. It was a young man that, judging by the reek of fear and racing heartbeat, had witnessed his dinner. He couldn't afford to have any witnesses. He saw the man turn and run, jump starting his predator instinct.
Well, he would just have to take care of that, then.
"Ah! Here it is." Wesley looked up from the Romanian Kalderash book. "'If the right price is not paid, the vengeance shan't withhold and the demon will walk the earth once more.' In other words, because Willow didn't die, Angel's curse is collapsing. His soul is slowly fading, explaining his ambiguous behavior tonight."
"Yeah, we got that," Buffy said tiredly. "Any word of how long it'll take?" Wesley shook his head.
"I'm afraid not. I suspect we're talking about days at the most, but I don't know…"
"Isn't there a kind of demon that can smell souls or something?" Xander said. "'Cause we could really use one right now."
"Well… Spike, what about you?" Buffy asked. "Can't you smell his soul or something?" The bleached vampire looked at her with a frown.
"Maybe. If I cared to. Which I don't. What'd be in it for me? Still haven't gotten the money for the last time I helped you sorry lot."
"What's in it for you?" Xander stared at him. "Maybe, oh, I don't know… NOT getting your insides ripped out by Angelus?" This was bad. Really, really back. Now they were facing another horror of Angelus, and the only one who might be able to sense his soul status was too pigheaded to help them?
Buffy just shrugged, realizing that if Spike didn't want to help, he wouldn't. She looked at Willow hopefully. She quietly shook her head.
"I don't have that kind of power. Maybe if Tara had…" she trailed off. "But I don't."
"It's okay Will," Buffy said, hoping that she sounded more convincing than she felt. She wasn't angry at Willow – but they had to do something. They couldn't just wait around for Angel to loose it completely… it just wasn't an option.
"So what do we do?" Gunn asked.
"Oh!" Cordelia exclaimed, thinking of something. "Wesley, the Host!" Wesley's face lit up. Why hadn't he thought of that sooner?
"Yes, of course! If we could get him here, he could read Angel."
"The who-do-what?" Buffy said, confused.
"There is a demon karaoke bar in L.A." Wesley explained. "It's owned by an empathic demon. When people, or demons, sing, he can read their auras, sense their futures. He's using his abilities to put people – and other creatures – on their paths."
"Like what, a demon guidance councelor?" Xander asked.. "A shame we blew up the high school, how fitting wouldn't it have been to have a demon councelor in the school that was placed over the Hellmouth?"
"And you know him how?" Buffy asked. Okay, things had been weird before. Now they their best hope was some sort of voodoo-ey demon?
"Angel sang for him once." Cordelia said. Buffy blinked. Hmm.
"Angel? Angel sang?" Xander cackled, trying to picture Angel on stage with a microphone. "Is he good?"
"Well, he does a good job if you HATE Barry Manilow, but…" Cordelia did a gesture with her hands. The gang that didn't know what she was talking about looked at her, bewildered. Wesley however, despite the serious situation smiled at the memory of Angel performing "Mandy".
"I'll call him," Cordelia settled. She took up her cell phone and dialed a number.
"I hope I got it right," she muttered.
"Hello? Is this Caritas?" Cordelia moved the phone away from her ear. They all heard a high pitched wailing, not very human sounding. "Okay, you don't have to scream! Can I talk to the Host? THE HOST. Thank you."
Cordelia looked at the others and tapped her fingers on her temple. "I think it was a demon that answered," she said. "Hello? Hi! It's Cordelia Chase, friend of Angel's… Good, you remember. No, we're not in town at the moment… We're in Sunnydale. Yes, we are helping Buffy actually. There may be a problem with Angel's soul… and we would need someone that could read him… I know it a bit of a drive, but lives depend on it! Please? Thank you! You can meet us in a shop called the Magic Box, we'll be there all night. See ya." She pushed the end button on her phone. "He's coming, in three hours or so."
"What did he say?" Wesley asked.
"Only that it should be a pretty interesting ride," Cordelia shrugged. Wesley frowned.
"Why?"
"He can't drive."
"Ah…"
"Pretending that I didn't hear that last part, how did he know about me, and Sunnydale?" Buffy asked suspiciously. How come a demon she had never met seemed to be pretty familiar with who she was?
"Buffy, he's empathic. He's read Angel. Why would he NOT know about you?" Buffy blushed and looked away. She didn't always think about how much Angel probably really thought about her.
"So what do we do until he shows up?" Xander asked. "Another wild goose chase, or to we sit tight?"
"I should probably go after him, to see that everything's okay, but you need to get to the Magic Box and wait for Cordelia and Wesley's friend… Spike, could you go with them?"
"Play watchdog? Nah. Gotta go get me smokes, 'sides, think you're better qualified to guard your little gang. Myself, not sure if I would protect or sit back and enjoy the show if Angelus made an appearance." Spike smirked. Buffy sighed.
"Fine. Could you keep an eye out for him then, if I go with them?"
"Whatever, guess I won't be able to avoid the bugger if he's organizing an all you can eat buffet in town. Later." Spike disappeared out the door. That was probably the closest thing to a "yes" she would ever get from him, Buffy thought.
"Okay, we better get going," she said, turning to the gang. "Let's hope everything runs smoothly."
"You mean," Xander said, "let's hope we don't get attacked by a certain spike-haired, sadistic bastard?" Buffy gave him a tired look.
Angel skulked alongside the bushes, watching - no, stalking - the Scooby gang as they departed from Giles' apartment, heading towards the town. He could see them all clearly in the dark. Everyone except Buffy and Willow were armed – not heavily, but obviously, they were prepared for, even if maybe not expecting, a visit from him. Angelus. Him. Wherever the border went…
Angel could smell them, the fear and anxiety coming off them in waves. Buffy wasn't afraid, though. In fact, she was the only one of them that he couldn't read any emotion from at all. She had shut herself off, he realized. With everything that had happened, she didn't bother to care anymore. She was just going through the motions, doing what was expected from her, but her heart wasn't in it. Angel was still too soulful to actually feel happy about that – that he was the one who was the cause of her dark state of mind, but inside, his demon cheered.
Angel stopped dead in his tracks. What was he doing here, anyway? Following, STALKING Buffy and her friends? Was it Angelus breaking out, or was it, as he told himself, simply that he wanted to keep an eye on them without upsetting them?
He turned around and walked away quickly. Best to stay away from them. Besides, they were going into the town by car and his was still parked at the mansion, so it wasn't exactly like he even could follow them…
Walking along the streets he soon ended up in town again. No knowing exactly how well he could keep his demon contained, he hoped that he wouldn't run in to someone he knew… Which failed miserably, of course.
It didn't take long before he ran into Spike. Literary, that was actually – Spike was hurrying out if a grocery store with two cartons of cigarettes hidden under his coat.
"Bloody hell! Watch it where you're going…" Spike looked up at the tall frame he had run straight into. Demon, his mind registered before he had time to see who it was. Otherwise his chip would have gone off.
"Oh great," he snorted upon looking at his grandsire. "So, which one of the egos are we currently talking to?"
Not taking his gaze off Angel, Spike stuffed his cigarette cartons back under his coat. He raised himself up to look closely into Angel's eyes. Angel grabbed him roughly and slammed him into the cement building.
"Bloody hell! What is it, what do you have against these smokes?" Spike whined and looked at his once again dropped cartons.
He glared. Angel glared back.
"Those eyes are what I would call inconclusive. What is it mate, we creating a new version? Half a soul, what should we call you, then? Angelu? Sounds bit French." Angel tightened his grip.
"Ah, you don't like the French if I recall. Right, the ashamed Scourge of Europe? The fluffy puppy with fangs? Or I know, Angus! Has a nice Irish clang to it as well. Heh heh." Angel snarled at him.
"What are you doing here, Spike?"
"I WAS getting smokes…"
"Stealing smokes?" Spike stared at him.
"Oh, like you never have! Don't give me the righteous nancy boy speech. 'Uh, my hairs sticks up and I'm bloody stupid, and I can't kill anymore 'cause I feel so bad about it.'" Spike imitated Angel with a mocking voice.
"And yeah, I'm EVIL, so why shouldn't I be stealing? Shouldn't you do something more true to character? Brood, read – or stalk, torture, kill? Take your bloody pick, mate." Angel let him go. Even if the peroxided pest was dangerously rude and cocky, he was right. Angel didn't know who he was, what he should do. Spike sniffed and chuckled.
"So! We have killed. I'll be damned. What now, going after one of the slayer's friends?" Angel flinched at his words.
"No! I'm not… I still have my soul. A part of it. And I'm NOT letting go."
"Then, why aren't you checking yourself in at the Scooby gang strong hold?" Angel didn't meet his gaze. What was he supposed to answer to that? He didn't know himself.
"Right. Maybe not that much of a soul left anyway." Spike picked up his cigarettes and disappeared.
"Here we are, and without any fatalities too. Color me surprised," Xander commented as he turned on the lights in the Magic Box. The gang all gathered inside. Prepared for a long night without much in the way of rest they all sat down where they could find a place. Everyone of course except for Buffy, who paced restlessly back and forth. After a few minutes silence, Xander cleared his throat.
"So, Buff. How's the fosse around the counter coming?" he asked, indicating her resolute wandering. She stopped and looked towards the gang, not really focusing on anyone. She was anxious, it didn't take an expert to see it.
Giles feared that her troubled state of mind might take her edge off when it came to what they were facing during the next few days, but he didn't say anything. The last thing he wanted was to trouble her further.
"There's at least a couple of hours before the demon shows up," Buffy said. Everyone looked at her. She blinked. "Not Angel! I meant the empathic demon. The question is what we should to until then…"
She didn't have time to say anything further before she was interrupter by Spike, who breezed in the front door, clutching two crumpled cartons of cigarettes and a six-pack of beer. They stared at him silently until Xander broke the silence.
"Spike. Just the toxin-carrying demon we wanted to see. What's up with the stomped cancersticks? Don't tell me the funny drunk behind the Espresso Pump jumped you." Spike glared at him.
"I'll tell you who jumped me. No, as the matter of fact, I won't. I'll leave that for you to guess." He gave Buffy a demanding look. She swallowed.
"Angel?" A beat of silence. "Or Angelus?"
"Well, not sure, pet. I'd say that peaches hasn't left the building completely, but there's more to him than meets the eye." Buffy just looked at him. What did that mean? In theory she could guess – he was neither Angel nor Angelus at the moment… But in reality? Spike he might smack even if his soul was in control, the question was how he reacted to other people. Her, his and her friends… Innocent people.
"What did he do?" She dreaded the answer.
"Besides protect the innocent smokes? Shoved me against a wall, the usual swaggering, huff ´n puff routine." Buffy looked down, relieved for the moment. Spike saw it. "He'd been drinking though," he revealed. Buffy's head snapped back up.
"Alcohol?" Willow said hopefully in a small voice.
"No Red, well, of course I don't know if the person he killed had been drinking…"
So he was killing innocents, Buffy thought. The fact that he would do that even when he had something of his soul left was… uncomfortable, but it didn't matter at the moment. What was important was that if he was a danger to the populous, which he obviously was, she would have to put a stop to it. Right now.
"That's it," she settled. "I'll have to bring him in now. I can't have him roaming free any longer. Soul or not. Feel like being useful Spike?" The blonde vampire snorted.
"Oh no, Spike's done his share," he said, lighting a cigarette. Giles glared at him, considering if he should put his none-smoking signs more visible, but realizing that beings like Spike wouldn't care either way.
"Spike's had enough excitement for one day and is going home to bang some bloody sense into the telly," he went on. "Spike's knackered. Ta." Without another word he turned and left.
"Great, the only extra muscle we have is going home to watch soap opera," Buffy said, clearly annoyed. "Sorry guys, but honestly, is anyone else up for Angelus – or whoever he is – hunting?"
"You know Blondie, if I were in a little better shape, I'd go with you," Gunn said. "Don't know if I qualify as help with this arm though."
"No, it's okay. It's not like I haven't gone up against him alone before, and besides, he probably has his soul… or a piece of it left now. I'll be okay. You sit tight."
"Buffy, please be careful. Don't put yourself in any unnecessary danger," Giles spoke up. She gave him a quick, somewhat annoyed look.
"You know me."
Buffy pocketed a stun gun and a stake and left before anyone else had time to tell her how she should do her duty.
