Crossroads of the Heart
Author's Note:
Fire Emblem is the property of Intelligent Systems and Nintendo. I tried getting the horizonatal lines I normally use for scene breaking to display for about a half hour, and I'm giving up right now. Thanks, the new document editor is so much better than the old one! Argh. How infuriating. Be warned, this chapter is another really long one.
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Chapter 12: Look Forward, Never Back
The walk back from the land that had once been the Taliver Bandits' territory had been long and somber; Serra sighed with relief upon seeing the gates of the town they had chosen to stay in growing nearer in the distance. The look on Lyn's face when she had exited those ruins... she shivered. That look alone had quelled all thoughts of inquiring into the matter of what had happened; though it was clear enough that their mission hadn't exactly been a success.
She stole a glance to her right, where Erk -- Erk, of all the people to meet here -- walked with a stiff gait, staring straight ahead. Likely making certain not to so much as peek in her direction. Lyn had been so distraught she had barely even noticed their new arrival, nodding absently at him before insisting they head back at once. Serra opened her mouth several times as though to speak to him, but each time thought better of it, an angry expression manifesting itself on her face and deepening with each aborted effort.
Indignation still welled within her at the memory of their last meeting; the things he'd said... she had sworn to herself to shed no more tears on his account, but then, she had never thought to see his face again, too. Now that he was back, aside from that first shouted warning, he'd not spoken a word to her, but wasn't that to be expected? What do you say to someone after you've torn their heart out and stomped on it a few times for good measure?
Another quick glance; he was still walking that way, a scowl of sorts twisting his fair Etrurian features. She watched has he brushed a lock of violet hair from his face in an irritated manner, shifting the weight of his anima tome to his other arm. Shockingly, he turned toward her then, and before she could look away, their eyes met -- just for a second.
They both immediately turned away, averting their eyes from each other like children caught in the midst of some forbidden act. She felt a rush of warmth to her cheeks; why was it that this man, whom she had decided long ago to loathe, could still make her blush?
Silence, then, for a little longer.
Truthfully, Serra hated silence. She was quite aware of the fact that many people considered her somewhat of a chatterbox -- she glanced in Matthew's direction pointedly, though he was too busy conversing in whispered tones with Guy to notice -- but they simply didn't know what it had been like for her, growing up... that dismal Ostian abbey, where the children looked about with defeated eyes... there had been enough silence there to last anyone a lifetime. A flash of pride burned within her; she, at least, had made it through those trials just fine! Not many could say they had that particular strength of character!
Especially when she should have been living the high life as an Etrurian noble. That was the most painful part, though not many knew of her lineage. She glanced again at Erk despite herself; she wondered what he would think of her if he knew.
He'd probably laugh in her face. Etrurian ladies were supposed to be quiet, humble, obedient women... they were supposed to be like... well, Priscilla. She barely restrained a laugh, herself. Yes, who would believe the truth? The most ironic part, of course, was that she -- a trueborn Etrurian -- had been raised as a Lycian... whereas Priscilla, the perfect picture of an Etrurian highborn Lady, was actually of Lycian blood. She wondered if Erk knew that. If he knew of the shame of House Cornwell, how Lord Uther had both judged and punished their transgressions... she shrugged. It likely wouldn't matter to him.
He already hated her so, after all.
They passed through the town gates, what little conversation there was fading away as Lyn turned from her position at the lead to address them. She informed them that she would be heading back to the inn to gather her thoughts; they were dismissed with a plaintive plea not to cause trouble -- though Lyn had looked directly at Sain when she said that. Rath, Kent and the Pegasus Knights went with her, leaving the rest of the party to their own devices for the remainder of the day. Not that there was too much of it left -- the shadows of the late afternoon draped the town, giving it an even more dismal look than usual.
Irritation knitted her brow; this was simply foolishness! When had she cared before about his disapproval, his clearly unwelcoming glances, his ridiculous dark demeanor? She held her head high, deciding to end this awkward charade at once -- if he thought he could ruin her day, he had another thing coming! She marched right toward that stupid, ungrateful, loathsome mage, already sure of what she had to say.
"I wanted to thank you," She began in a cool tone, ignoring his unhappy look in response to her approach, and continuing in that no-nonsense demeanor even as he opened his mouth to reply with some no doubt bitter insult. "Yes, Erk, thank you -- thank you for invalidating your own vile claims! You see, Erky, I haven't forgotten what you said, but really, if you are going to claim something with such conviction, it is hardly befitting to contradict yourself later, is it?"
"What are you talking about?" Erk replied in a mystified voice, though he still did not appear all too happy to be speaking with her again. "And don't call me that!"
"Don't tell me you've already forgotten!" Serra scolded, crossing her arms, holding her staff close to her chest. "Now, Erky -- if you're going to tell me you'd be happier if I were to die, you really should stop saving my life, don't you think?"
"Serra..." Erk sighed, though she plowed on before he could get a proper reply in.
"Or do you just enjoy being miserable? I'd hardly be surprised if that were the case -- it would be so typical of you!" She was shouting now, just as she had back then.
"There's no need to make a scene--"
"But do you have to stick around this way with that frown on your face, as though I should feel guilty for being alive?" She felt tears spring to her eyes, and immediately hated herself for that. So much for that oath she'd sworn. "Especially when it's your fault that I am in the first place?!" Those tears she hated so spilled down her cheeks, and she brushed them away furiously with trembling hands.
"Stop that," Erk hissed, shifting uncomfortably at the stares they were receiving. "Serra -- the things I said back then -- look. I was angry, and I may have been too harsh..."
"...Don't try and tell me you didn't mean it now," Serra sniffed, glaring at him despite her tears. "No one can say something like that with such conviction without meaning it."
"Perhaps at the time, I honestly believed it..." Erk frowned. "You said it yourself, though. Serra, if I really wanted you to die, I would have let it happen, all right? Now stop that -- sniffling doesn't suit you."
"S-so... so..."
"...I'm sorry, all right? Is that what you wanted to hear? Will you knock it off, now?" He hardly looked sincere, but at this point, Serra wasn't about to pick and choose about her apologies.
"...Erk?"
"What?"
"...I'm sorry, too..." Serra sniffed again, shrugging slightly at his incredulous expression. "I, um... I know I bother you, so..." She turned away, stepping backward a few paces before turning to walk properly in the other direction.
He watched her go, looking slightly dazed -- but Serra didn't bother looking back to see it.
She made it a suitable distance away, turning blindly into a narrow alley, a collection of shady looking buildings with run down signs swinging noisily above their doors. Choking back a sob, Serra leaned heavily against a rough brick wall, burying her face in her hands. Damn that man!
The unmistakable sound of a heavy wooden door being thrown open startled her moments later; she looked up in surprise to see a door not far from where she stood spring open, slamming against the bricks upon reaching the end of its swing. Her mouth opened slightly with surprise as a familiar face appeared through that threshold; was that Sain?
"And you call yourself a knight!" A disapproving female voice shouted after him, and it appeared as though the bewildered social knight was pushed bodily out, stumbling over himself as he went. "Really!"
"I assure you, I am a knight!" Sain called back, looking a bit perturbed as he glanced over his shoulder to retort.
The door slammed shut with no reply, and Serra watched incredulously as Sain dusted himself off, muttering to himself.
"It had to be the bloody innkeeper's daughter, did it? Why do I always have the worst luck with these--"
He cut off sharply, noticing her at last, partly due to the well timed sniff Serra chose to employ at that particular time. His eyes widened for a moment -- it wasn't often she caught Sain off guard -- but in no time he had reverted to his more familiar confident expression, donning that characteristic smirk she was growing to know so well...
"...L-lady Lyn said not to get in... get in trouble, you oaf," She shot at him; a horrible pretense at good spirits, as she still couldn't quite get her voice to stop hitching.
"...Serra? What are you... are you all right?" He did look legitimately concerned, then, that smirk sliding off his face as quickly as it had appeared.
"It... it certainly didn't take you long to find some other girl to amuse yourself with, did it?" Serra continued, knowing she really shouldn't have been surprised.
"Hey, it's not like that! I mean, it was just a harmless compliment is all, I didn't mean a thing by it, really!" Sain frowned, approaching her, still wearing that concerned look. Serra wondered if it was just another fabrication of his, another technique he had honed in his years of chasing women.
"Sure," Serra shrugged, looking away from him, wiping her still teary eyes. Crying was bad enough, but in front of Sain?
"What's happened?" He inquired, rather shocked by her apparent sorrow. "If there's anything I can do..."
"No, there isn't," Serra assured him, though he didn't look particularly convinced.
"You're certain? If there is one thing I hate, Serra, it is seeing a lovely face like yours marred by tears..."
She opened her mouth to tell him that she could see through his stupid advances, but she couldn't quite find the words to say. Instead of scolding him, then, she sighed in a defeated manner, and moved a pace toward him, closing the already suspiciously close distance between them. He reached a hand wordlessly to her face, brushing away the remnants of tears that remained, and though everything told her not to do it, Serra gave in to the overwhelming urge to wrap her arms around that rogue knight, to hold him close and take comfort in the fact that there were still some things in her life that remained constant.
Naturally, he didn't resist, returning the embrace with a surprised yet pleased expression on his face that Serra couldn't see anyway. A fresh set of sobs assailed the distraught cleric, and he stroked her hair helplessly, whispering what comforting words he could find into her ear, content for the moment just to be the shoulder she cried on.
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Erk stared after Serra for some time, pondering their latest encounter. Something at the back of his mind compelled him to follow -- it wouldn't do anyone any good if he saved her from the Ganelon bandits only to have her fall victim to ruffians in the back alley of some run down border town, would it? A moment's indecision, a plaintive sigh, and he felt his feet moving as though by their own accord -- he had always said it, the woman was more trouble than she was worth. By far. But hadn't it always fallen to him to protect her?
Even if he had whined and complained... she had been right, way back then, her retort to him on Valor -- she really had always been there for him in return. To heal his wounds, to ease his loneliness... even if he hadn't been able to appreciate it back then. He was still having difficulty appreciating it now. The woman was, after all, positively infuriating.
He had been too harsh, though, to reduce her to tears. He could see that now, after having had months to ponder his situation, to clear his head and come to terms with his feelings for Priscilla. Serra was annoying, childish, absolutely intolerably bratty at times, but... he was certain she had always meant well, as hard as it was to believe sometimes. He could almost lead himself to believe that even their nastiest arguments -- barring that final, decisive verbal match -- had been rather therapeutic; he'd never had any other avenue to vent his frustrations, after all.
Almost.
He rounded the corner she had disappeared behind, frankly a bit disturbed at the direction his thoughts were taking, and stopped quite short. Of all the men he saw Serra pursuing -- Matthew, for one, and that grim faced Ostian knight that had always been by Lord Hector's side -- Sain had certainly never been one of them. Serra was prone to missing -- or misinterpreting -- the things she didn't want to hear... but he had never truly thought of her as a fool.
Seeing her this way, embracing that rogue knight, a man well known among their armies for his lecherous nature... it was just about enough to make him sick.
What was it about women that seemed to attract them to the worst matches possible?
He backed away incredulously, certain he hadn't been detected by either one. At least she was taken care of, so to speak -- lecherous or no, Sain could certainly fill the role of making sure she wasn't hurt, moping around the town... at least not physically. He'd undoubtedly find a way to levy his own particular brand of damage, likely of the emotional sort -- but it was none of his business, was it?
What should he care who that woman dallied around with in spare time?
Still somewhat dazed and having no particularly pressing issues to attend to, Erk turned to make his way back toward the quarters he had been informed they were perusing, a rather homely looking building with a creaking sign outside indicating its function as an inn. He was entirely unaware of the thunderous expression on his face, or it might have afforded some concern -- after all, he had said he didn't care, hadn't he? Throwing open the door, perhaps a bit more roughly than he originally intended, he spared a cursory glance around the inn's surprisingly well outfitted lobby; he was pleased to see an array of tables and the familiar atmosphere that indicated a dining establishment in addition to the promise of a warm bed.
This same glance told him that none of his company at least were here downstairs; they were perhaps speaking in private in some quarters above, on matters he had only the vaguest knowledge of thanks to his late entry into this strange campaign. He was actually rather eager to hear the full story, as the bits and pieces he'd gleaned from Matthew and the others were rather intriguing.
Resigned, he placed an order for a meal and drink, choosing the table furthest from the scant company gathered in the establishment, as was his custom. He didn't consider himself antisocial, as Serra had so often accused him of being, but his upbringing hardly facilitated sociability, and his interests usually didn't cater to the conversational interests of the common folk besides. In fact, Pent, Louise and that sweet girl Nino were the only people he could recall ever having a genuine interest in his theories concerning magic and its many applications. It was a pity, really. A crying shame.
He ate in morose silence, waiting patiently for Lady Lyndis to appear and call a meeting, or whatever it was they did to inform the group of their next mission -- the whole thing was fairly unclear to him at this point. Yet, of course, tagging along with this group at least gave him a sense of purpose, the comfort of familiarity... two things he had severely lacked of late, never realizing how much he craved them until exposed to them once again. This, then, was likely what appealed to mercenaries... but he had lived that life for awhile, and he was certain that wasn't how he wanted to spend the rest of his days. Perhaps this new distraction would again instill in him the conviction he had lost, the drive again to fulfill his goals.
The door banged open again, prompting to raise his head in curiosity; a decision he immediately regretted as Sain and Serra swept in from the twilight settling around the city outside. He looked away at once, studying the table before him in a calculated fashion, though not before noticing the blush on Serra's cheeks, the way Sain had his arm slipped around her shoulders so...
First Heath, a deserter from Bern, an unrefined mercenary... and now Sain, a known flirt, a shameless skirt-chaser parading himself as a chivalrous knight... he slammed those thoughts to a halt as soon as he realized their implications. He did not think of Serra the way he so often did of Priscilla. the situations were completely different, it was ridiculous to even make the comparison.
Yet his mind insisted upon it, much to his dismay. Suddenly the food had lost its flavor, the drink its refreshing qualities. He frowned and stole another glance in their direction -- perhaps Serra was right. Maybe he was a sucker for self flagellation.
They were seating themselves now, Sain grinning like a fool, proudly declaring something he wasn't entirely sure he should be sorry he couldn't make out. Erk watched as he took the debt of payment for their meal upon himself, noticed the way they spoke as though they would never lack topics of conversation -- no wonder, they were both so terribly chatty -- and those thoughts he dreaded so did nothing but manifest themselves more firmly in his mind, much to his dismay. On one hand, he was certain he wouldn't want to hear Serra talk for minutes on end, let alone longer -- but then why was he sitting there, with these feelings twisting his stomach so? He couldn't possibly be jealous; not of someone unfortunate enough to have Serra shadowing his every step, speaking about every last trifle on her mind, putting on those infuriating airs...
The way she always had done before... with him.
He blinked as she suddenly turned in his direction, their eyes meeting for just a moment -- long enough for her to smile at him in an utterly perplexing fashion, but not long enough to reveal whatever meaning she had behind that gesture...
Then, back to the usual, conversing pleasantly with Sain as though nothing had happened...
Erk stared -- he was quite the advocator of calculated logic, but try as he might, no amount of rational calculation could explain to him the situation unfurling before his very eyes.
He hated that, too.
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Lyn looked around her, at the array of concerned faces turned in her direction, her conscience grumbling a bit at the worry she saw reflected in their eyes. Kent had always fussed over her this way -- truly, if she were in Fiora's position she wasn't sure how well she'd take that overzealous knight's affections in her direction, but the eldest Pegasus sister didn't seem to mind. Yet she had never grown entirely used to the prospect of people concerning themselves so with her wellbeing, and clearly her distress of late was taking a toll not only on her personally -- it simply wasn't fair to cause her dear friends such anxiety as well.
So, she attempted to smile, to assure everyone with her mannerisms and perhaps speech imbued with false emotion that she was fine, not to worry on her behalf.
She should have known it would not be so easy to fool them.
They had discussed at length the best course of action to take from here, though of course the plan would have to be presented to the others as well, not that Lyn was planning on giving them much of a choice. Fiora and Farina, who had returned to their home in Illia following the conflict with Nergal, were quick to provide a new direction for her campaign -- rumors of a Lycian man with no sense of direction, who had wandered into Illia's borders one day and never left, despite constant claims that he would return to his home just as soon as he figured out which way he should depart to do so. Apparently, he was quite the celebrity, at least according to Fiora -- he supposedly had a way with the frozen soil of Illia, growing crops in conditions that even the most seasoned agriculturists in the lamentably poor country failed to produce food in.
It was likely he stayed because he saw the good he did... Lyn was absolutely furious with the man, but she knew he had a good heart behind that frank demeanor he was so famous for. Oh yes, she was quite eager to hear his explanations for his actions. Simply put, she was unsure anything he said to her would justify his actions, but she had to hear it straight from him. She had to understand better why the revenge she had swore so long ago was denied her -- no, stolen from her, and when she was so achingly close!
She was aware that she was frowning again, that Kent and Rath were frowning in return, and she sighed, again plastering that reassuring smile on her face. Their expressions did not change with hers, but what else could she do?
"Then it's settled," Lyn spoke carefully, shifting her gaze between those gathered in the room.
"Shall I gather the others?" Fiora offered politely, moving for the door as Lyn nodded her assent. Kent raised a brow, and Lyn nodded at him, too -- they both exited together, though Kent cast her another concerned look over his shoulder as he went. Lyn shook her head; the man was going to get himself in trouble with his lady if he kept it up, she was sure of it.
"Illia... it's been so long," Florina spoke, an odd occurrence for her in a room containing even one man, but she was understandably excited. "Oh, Lyn, I have so many things to show you -- you've never seen my home town, have you? The spring at Pyrene, the--"
"We're not going to sightsee, you know," Farina interrupted her, frowning.
"Well... I know that, but..."
"I'd love to see your hometown, Florina," Lyn smiled, wondering what had provoked the older woman's rebuke. Were her sisters always so hard on her? Even more mysterious, Farina's scowl only deepened as Florina grinned even wider in response to her enthusiasm -- Lyn eyed the woman suspiciously. She'd never gotten to know Florina's sisters too well, though she'd stories of them all the time, and she was certain they'd heard plenty about her... she'd been so preoccupied with duties during the battles with Hector and Eliwood she'd hardly paid them a glance. She felt a little guilty over it; she knew Florina had probably been disappointed with their lack of socialization. She'd always spoken as though she assumed her best friend and her sisters would be nothing but the best of friends.
There was little time to ponder that situation, however, as Fiora and Kent returned with surprising speed, the rest of their party in tow. Matthew and Guy followed close at their heels, with Sain and Serra behind them, Erk slipping in at the tail end of the group. They settled into various positions about the room, each sporting curious expressions.
"Everyone..." Lyn began, seamlessly falling into her role as fearless leader, a position she had long grown accustomed to holding. "I'd like to begin by offering my most profound thanks -- without you, I never would have made it this far."
Their murmured replies assured her that it was no trouble, a response she had been expecting. That had been the easy part -- she was sure most of them wouldn't like what she had to say next.
"Thanks to Fiora and Farina," she sent the Pegasus knights a grateful smile before continuing, "we have a fairly good lead on Sir Wallace's location. It seems likely that he's made his way to Illia, of all places..."
"I hear the women of Illia are positively lovely," Sain pointed out characteristically, earning a rather annoyed glare from Serra that shut up him quickly.
"Lovely," Farina shot back from across the room, "but way, way too good for you."
"Peace," Fiora glared at her sister, disapproval evident in her tone.
"Illia... I never thought I'd have the opportunity," Matthew mused, leaning nonchalantly against the wall near the door. "When do we depart?"
"As soon as we can," Lyn began hesitantly.
"Wonderful. I'm rather tired of this gloomy atmosphere, myself."
"Matthew..." Lyn sighed. "Let me finish. I'm positive we're done with battles on this journey..."
"You'll need me for other things," Matthew interceded quickly, alarmed at her tone, suddenly suspicious of where this was going.
"I really think I've kept you and Serra away from your duties long enough," Lyn attempted to explain.
"Oh, no! Nonsense, Lady Lyn!" Serra piped up, distressed. "You can't send us back!"
"Lord Hector would never allow it, anyway," Matthew reasoned, for once agreeing with Serra. "We're with you, until this whole mess resolves itself."
"He sent us with you for a reason!" Serra exclaimed forcefully, crossing her arms. "He'd never forgive us if we abandoned you now."
"The fact remains that we've been gone for how long now, without any word back -- he must be worried sick," Lyn retorted. "You two know Ostia -- and Hector -- the best out of anyone here, and..."
"We can write to him," Serra argued, unconvinced.
"...Not to mention the journey to Illia is rather difficult, what with the mountainous borders and less than welcoming climate," Lyn continued, ignoring her. "You must understand."
"This is so unfair!" Serra complained, and Lyn half expected her to stamp her foot like a spoiled child.
"Traveling back to Ostia ourselves is probably more dangerous than going on with you," Matthew noted reasonably. In addition, the thought of traveling all that way, alone with Serra... he shuddered.
"Try to understand," Lyn pleaded, though her stubborn side was clearly showing through. "As far as anything is concerned, this journey is over," she explained. "I merely need to locate Sir Wallace, have a few words with him..." her face darkened severely at this. "Then it's back to Ostia. Two weeks, three at the most -- you can return to your duties in Ostia, inform Hector of what's happened... and I'm sure you two will be fine," Lyn raised a brow in response to Matthew's last comment.
"Unless they kill each other first," Guy noted in a mutter only Matthew, who was standing next to him and had ears trained to catch things of that sort, overheard.
"I have the perfect solution," Farina interceded in a rushed tone, calling the attention of those gathered on herself. "If I may."
"What is it?" Lyn inquired curiously.
"Florina and I can escort them back. We can be in Ostia faster than anyone else, and they won't have to worry about going alone..."
"Farina!" Florina exclaimed, looking a little upset at the suggestion. "But I--"
"Florina," Farina gritted her teeth, fixing her younger sister with a stern expression. "Just hear me out, okay? Fiora won't want to leave Kent, and besides, someone has to show Lyn around Illia--"
"But, I..."
"I don't like it," Fiora insisted, interrupting them both with a very suspicious gaze trained on her more cunning sister. What on earth did she have planned -- it was quite clear there was something prompting this sudden volunteering on her behalf. Fiora knew her too well to accept that she would suggest such a thing out of the kindness of her heart; Farina was a good person, but that hardly meant she did much of anything out of her way without some assurance that it would benefit her or her agendas in some way.
"Well, I think it makes perfect sense."
"It's a fine plan," Lyn agreed thoughtfully. "But, Florina, if you don't want to go--"
"I'll go," she whispered, still frowning. "It's... it's no problem... I guess..."
"Florina, really..."
"No, it's fine! If it will help you out, Lyn..."
"Then it's settled!" Farina clapped her hands in a way that made Fiora's suspicious glare deepen considerably. This was a most distressing situation, but it was quickly spiraling out of her control.
"I'm going to ride a Pegasus?" Serra inquired, looking slightly intrigued and a bit less angry than she had before Farina had made her suggestion.
"You can ride with Florina," Farina assured her. "Pegasi don't like men, so I'll handle the more difficult task..."
"You want me to get on one of those things after hearing that?" Matthew protested, arms crossed defiantly. "You're joking, right? Besides, you know I'll be helpful -- I'll find out where Sir Wallace is quicker than anyone else."
"I think that I could handle--" Fiora began, then frowned when Matthew cut her off.
"Not as well as I could. And I'm not riding a bloody Pegasus," he insisted, his tone offering no quarter for argument.
"If I may..." A new voice cut in, and all eyes shifted to the speaker; Erk shifted nervously under the weight of all those gazes. "If there is a free seat, I'd be willing to go."
"Erk?" Lyn sounded as surprised as Serra looked -- in fact, the cleric was all but staring at the mage with almost comically wide eyes.
"That works, then, doesn't it?" Matthew sounded convinced, and somewhat relieved. "Serra can talk to Hector. There's no reason for me to go, too."
"Well, I suppose..." Lyn looked a bit shocked at this turn of events, though for that matter so did the majority of the people gathered.
"...Matthew gets to stay and I don't?" Serra predictably complained. "That's so unfair! Really!" She tossed her hair back in that uppity way she had, putting on her best offended face. "I'm just as useful as he is -- no! Far more! Besides, he's supposed to be my bodyguard!"
"Serra, please," Matthew groaned, bringing his hands to his temples; he could already feel the onset of a very painful headache. They'd convince her to go, of course, but she wouldn't be leaving without making a spectacle of herself as usual, it seemed. "I hardly think you'll need a so-called bodyguard in the sky."
"I'm sure you can see," Lyn explained carefully, an idea dawning on her. "You, Serra, are quite simply the only one I feel I can trust this matter with properly -- do you see anyone here more dependable than you?"
"Hmm... well..." If the cleric saw any of the bemused grins on the faces of her companions, she didn't let on. "When you put it that way..."
"Right, I knew you'd understand. I'm counting on you, Serra," Lyn encouraged her, feeling a bit bad at the pretense but keeping it up just the same. She nodded in response, looking a bit brighter already.
"If that's all?" Farina asked plaintively, clearly wanting to get out of the overcrowded room they were all packed inside.
"That should do it," Lyn dismissed them wearily, stifling a yawn. "I suggest you all get some sleep..."
Murmured assent from all involved reached her ears as her companions shuffled out; something odd caught Lyn's attention as Sain shuffled by, heading after Serra -- who seemed intent on staring at Erk for the moment -- toward the door.
"Sain?"
"Milady?" He turned to meet her concerned eye, looking rather surprised.
"Is something the matter?" She asked pointedly, knowing Sain well enough to use as direct an approach as possible. He'd wiggle out of admitting anything was wrong to her no matter the issue given half a chance, she knew.
"No, nothing!" He assured her, smiling.
"...Sain..." She spoke in a warning tone, and he backed away, still wearing that silly grin.
"Really! Don't you worry about me -- it's my duty to fuss over you, isn't it?"
"Perhaps according to Kent..."
"No matter!" Sain continued in that merry voice, already turning back toward the exit. "Until morning, most lovely Lady Lyndis!" He bid her farewell, closing the door behind him.
She was certain, though, that something was bothering him about how the arrangements had turned out. She couldn't fathom why he would care, but...
Well, there was no use in worrying over it. She hadn't bothered to point out that since Caelin was all but out of her hands at this point that they did, in fact, no longer have any particular duties toward her to fulfill, but... she sighed. Kent and Sain... not only had they been her most valued knights, but also two of her dearest friends, for all of their oddities. So many things were going to change so very soon; worries over the future coupled with the emotional drain this journey had been so far... she sat wearily on the edge of the small bed that adorned her room, closing her eyes.
She lay back, trying to stop her racing thoughts, but there was no end to the torrent of worries rolling through her mind at a dizzying pace. Foremost, of course, was what she would say to Wallace when they located him; there was no doubt in her mind that it would not take terribly long to do so. Wallace would be quite out of place in Illia, and word about a foreigner's success in Illia's meager farmlands would have spread quickly besides. They'd find him, likely with ease.
Honestly, she fervently hoped that he had a suitable explanation for her, because at this point she couldn't be certain she'd have the patience for words, least of all unconvincing ones. Whatever justification he had used for these actions... he couldn't possibly fathom how deeply this affected her, the disrespect for her wishes it showcased so plainly.
There, now she was angry again, and despite her weariness, she never could get to sleep when she was furious. She was just about to stand up and begin pacing when a soft knock on the door prompted her to sit up and eye her door curiously.
"Yes?"
The door opened a crack, and the face she had been expecting peeked in -- Florina always did that, tapping so lightly you could hardly hear it.
"Umm... sorry to bother you... but, uh..."
"How many times must I tell you, Florina, you're never a bother! Come in," Lyn invited, indicating that she should take a seat.
"Fiora wanted to speak with Farina about something," Florina explained, shrugging. "I hope they aren't fighting again..."
"They certainly do seem to argue a lot, don't they?"
"Yes, but... well... they never mean half the things they say..."
"Well, you're free to stay here as long as you like."
"Um... yes, thank you... Lyn?"
"Yes, Florina?"
"You know... you know that people are worrying about you, right?" Florina frowned, fidgeting nervously in her seat. "I mean... you're okay, right?"
"Florina... I'm fine, really. I just need to speak with Wallace... that's all. Really."
"I'm sure he has a good explanation," Florina agreed.
"He had better," Lyn replied darkly, brow furrowing.
"Um, well... yes..."
"Sorry," Lyn quickly amended, ridding herself of that dark expression.
"N-no need to apologize."
"How about you, Florina?"
"...What about me?"
"You know..." Lyn shrugged. "You really don't have to play the escort back to Ostia."
"Oh, not this again," Florina sighed. "No, you're right -- it isn't fair to keep Lord Hector worrying about us so, is it?"
"I should have written something," Lyn fretted in response, studying some unseen object on the floor with averted eyes. "A letter, or at least a quick note, but we've been so rushed about, traveling from here to there..."
"He'll understand," Florina soothed her as best she could.
"...Regardless... you and I, Florina -- we'll visit Illia on our own sometime, all right?"
"Really?" Florina brightened up a bit, a small smile appearing on her face.
"I know you've wanted to show me around," Lyn shrugged. "I'd love to see everything you have to show me."
"You'll just love it, I bet!" Florina spoke wistfully, clearly reminiscing about her homeland herself. "I mean, it's kind of cold, but..."
"I'm sure it's beautiful."
"I can't believe you're going to see it without me..."
"Florina, I told you--"
"No, I'm going!" Florina jumped up hastily, clearly not wanting to explore that line of conversation again. "I've already decided to do it!"
"All right, all right!" Lyn stood with her, holding her hands up in a defeated gesture. "I won't bring it up again."
"Thank you."
"As long as you're sure..."
"Lyn!" Florina groaned, heading for the door. "Maybe my sisters are done, um... talking. I'll see you in the morning..."
"All right. Good night, Florina."
Her friend waved timidly as she went out, and Lyn grinned after her -- she'd come about as near to a glare as she'd ever seen just then, which was probably more amusing than it should have been. She had a feeling her sisters had been discussing Farina's volunteer action; it had seemed odd to Lyn, even, but Fiora had especially been perturbed about it. There was something strange going on with those women, but likely it was none of her business, so there was no sense in contemplating it. She had enough on her mind already, but she did hope they didn't hurt Florina in the process of whatever they were going through.
Amusement quickly faded, though, and Lyn began that pacing she'd been on the brink on before Florina had appeared, unable to sleep. She recalled what had happened the last time things had been this way, she alone in her room, unable to sleep... she blushed at the memory. Hector probably was beside himself with worry for her. At one point, knowing this might have bothered her, but... she thought back on the words they had shared, and she found that those feelings, at least, had changed. He didn't worry himself sick over her because he thought she couldn't take care of herself... as she had once foolishly assumed...
She sighed in frustration, running her hands through her hair. No, he worried about her because he loved her. There. It was a concept she'd been avoiding purposefully throughout her latest journey, a thought that made her simultaneously flush with happiness and ill with indecision. She knew she cared for him as well, that when he told her things like that a very large part of her wanted to hear it -- but that other part of her, the part that balked at the thought of leaving the plains again... how could she ever suppress that part of her fully? No matter the decision she made in the end, part of her would not be satisfied.
This was ridiculous, she noted, heading suddenly for the door herself. Surely her companions were all asleep by now, shut up in their rooms. They wouldn't notice if she left to get some air; she'd always loved staring up at the Sacaen sky at night -- the millions of stars in the sky, the scent of the grass wafting around her... it had never failed to calm her nerves in the past. Of course, they were at the very edges of Sacae now, and there certainly weren't any grasses in the center of this town, but... the principle was probably the same.
She opened the door, feeling like a child sneaking out of her room to some illicit ends; it was odd that the fear of reprimands from Kent or even Sain made her feel that way. Especially Kent. Thankfully, there was no one in sight in the hall, and she made her way out at a brisk pace, looking over her shoulder once or twice despite herself.
The lobby downstairs was dim and abandoned; the employee charged with watching over the place at this hour to help the occasional late night wanderer snored softly at his counter, head resting peacefully on his crossed arms. Lyn resisted the urge to snicker at that, opening the door softly and stepping outside into the cool, yet pleasant, night air.
A full moon in the sky above flooded the town with eerie, yet beautiful light, and Lyn looked up at that celestial body with a look of wonder. There were fewer stars to see because of it, but she hardly minded -- the moon itself was quite a lovely sight this way on its own. She moved away from the inn several paces, heading around the building to get a better view, and a sound caught her attention, her well trained Sacaen instincts immediately sending a hand to her sword in response.
"Going somewhere, so late at night?"
She sighed with relief, relaxing her tensed muscles.
"Rath... what are you doing out here?"
"And alone, too... I'm curious to know your own answer to that question, Lyn."
"Nowhere in particular," Lyn answered carefully, still curious as to why he was out here as well. "I find it easier to settle an anxious mind out in the open, rather than stuffed in a room like that..."
"I see..." Rath nodded, seemingly satisfied with her answer. "I am much the same way."
"Is there so much on your mind, too?" She sounded a bit surprised at the thought, though she realized of course that just because he was so quiet all the time hardly meant he didn't have a million thoughts in his head. The thought intrigued her.
"You could say that," He spoke in an almost guarded tone, which was slightly perplexing -- what did he have to hide from her? He made no move to elaborate, and Lyn shifted awkwardly as the silence between them stretched. The strangest thing, she pondered, as she studied his face as best she could in her peripheral gaze, was that he didn't seem concerned at all... she wondered if she should say anything at all.
"I--"
"So, you--"
Lyn stopped short, as did Rath, and their gazes met again. She quelled the almost overpowering urge to laugh -- perhaps they'd been spending too much time around Kent and Fiora. This was certainly not a problem she had ever thought to have with Rath.
"Sorry. You were going to say?" Lyn prompted him after a moment, when he made no move to speak again.
"...You're leaving again, are you?"
"Well..." Lyn sighed, leaning against the building they stood beside, staring up again at that beautiful cloudless night sky. "I suppose I am..."
Rath nodded shortly, following her gaze upward for a brief second, wondering what she saw up there that was so interesting. She was so peculiar sometimes... but he wouldn't have changed a thing about her for the world. There were so many mysteries surrounding this woman, a constant air of intrigue he felt compelled to explore time and again. He returned his eyes to her inclined face, and wondered how she would react if she heard these thoughts. If she heard the thoughts he didn't even dare to think.
"...As much as I may not want to. This is something I have to do. I have to know..."
"...Of course."
"Rath? Why that odd look?"
"...It is nothing."
Lyn studied his expression carefully, quickly concluding that he was either lying or had suddenly adopted quite an unusual face for neutrality. It had always been difficult for her to read this man -- he was so puzzling, but she always felt as though she had to try to understand him anyway. After all, she was the only person he really ever spoke to... she still wasn't sure what to think of that.
"Tell me the truth," She scolded him, for once on the rebuking side between them.
"...I heard you say..." He paused, frowning. "You're going back to Ostia, after Illia...?"
"I..." Lyn ran a hand through her hair, that familiar tension that resulted from having too many conflicting thoughts and emotion at once making her wince. She had come out here to escape that!
"Have you not settled your... affairs, then?"
"Rath..." She wondered why should feel so hesitant to tell him the truth -- there certainly was no reason for it. Yet, here she was, wondering how to approach the subject... something within her shied away from the thought of suffering his disapproval; was that the reason behind this sudden catch in her throat? She'd always hated to think she'd disappointed Rath, as odd as it seemed, but there it was. "No... just about everything is taken care of concerning the succession."
"...I see."
"There will be one final meeting among the Lycian council; in fact, it should be taking place rather soon now."
"And you must appear there?"
"...I doubt I'll be back in time for that. Hector has all of the details, though, and my written word should suffice..." She trailed off, noting his raised eyebrow, blushing slightly in response. "I apologize... the affairs of Lycian nobles hardly matter to you, do they?"
"I hardly think of you as a Lycian Noble..."
"No, that's not what I..." Another sigh. "I know you don't, but... that is part of who I am."
"Of course. ...I don't mean to offend you."
"You're not!" Lyn noticed the sharpness in her own tone then, and took a step back, a bit surprised at herself. "...I mean... who am I kidding, I don't know what I mean!"
"I don't want to upset you," Rath moved away from her as he spoke, backing away toward the inn's entrance. "...I apologize for interrupting."
"Rath, wait," Lyn spoke quickly, moving forward to catch his arm before he could turn away. His eyes bore into hers, questioning. "...I'm the one who should be apologizing. My temper lately... no better than that of a child..." She felt her face redden at her own admission.
"Why are you going back?" Rath inquired plainly, a question so blunt and unexpected as a response that Lyn simply stared at him for a moment, baffled by his concern on that issue. "If there is no longer anything holding you there, why..."
"There is," Lyn cut him off, dropping his arm, and her speaking volume as well, her eyes sliding away from his. Rath felt something within him rumble with warning, and he realized what it was a moment after that displeasing feeling settled itself in his stomach. It was apparent, now -- and it was what he'd been afraid of all along, wasn't it?
"...I understand."
She looked back at him, brow wrinkling with the question already forming on her lips, but he continued before she could ask what he meant. That secret part of him was clamoring up now, wondering why she was so hesitant to come out and say what the truth of the matter was.
"I hope you're happy with him," He spoke mildly, turning away from her even as her eyes widened in response to his words, not wanting her to see the look on his face -- there were some emotions still, it seemed, that he could not mask. And Lyn knew him better than... better than anyone, really.
Lyn stared after him, mouth slightly open. Would there be no end to the complexities she was already growing so tired of juggling? That slight ache behind her eyes deepened, and she groaned softly, covering her face with her hands, the sky above forgotten. She had come out here to gather her thoughts, to ease her mind, to find some relief from the whirlwind wreaking havoc in her skull...
"Rath..." She whispered into her open palms, wondering why the urge to chase after him remained.
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"Don't bat your eyes like that at me," Fiora hissed, infuriated at her sister's disrespect, her refusal to reveal the plot she was no doubt hatching--!
"Long day tomorrow, sister," Farina spoke nonchalantly, that lopsided grin still plastered on her face, that face Fiora barely restrained herself from slapping at uncontrollably. Farina needed a good beating; the problem was administering it would be a good deal harder than it had been when they were children.
"Tell me what you're up to!" Fiora all but begged, now -- maybe she'd get enough of a kick out of that to say something. "Farina, please..."
"I'm telling you, I'm not up to anything!" The younger, more stubborn woman insisted, knitting her brows with irritation. "Why is it that you always think I'm plotting behind your back?"
"Do you think you can lie straight to my face and get away with it?!"
"I'm not lying!"
"There is absolutely no reason for you to be departing for Ostia tomorrow--"
"Maybe I'm just tired of your constant nagging at me, did you consider that? It's a fine way to escape this constant barrage of accusations you're always piling on me!"
"Each and every one is entirely well founded, and don't you sit there pretending that they're not. You know I'm right. Farina, please -- before you hurt someone..."
"I'm not stupid, all right?" Farina growled, her expression both hurt and offended. "You think you're the only one we're allowed to turn to for help with our problems--"
"The things you consider helpful are disastrous at best!" Fiora exploded, interrupting her sister with her shouts. "I thought that you and I had agreed to work together; not for you to go traipsing off to Ostia with Florina, leaving me to grab at straws in the shadows!"
"We have never worked well together, have we, sister? The problem is, of course, you're simply unwilling to do what needs to be done, especially in this case--"
"What exactly does that mean?!" Fiora nearly choked -- if that wasn't an admission of guilt...
"Do I have to spell it out for you?!"
"You're going to do nothing but cause trouble for yourself, drag Florina into the mess you create, and in the end nothing will be resolved, but a thousand new problems will have presented themselves. Whatever you're planning--"
"For the last time, I'm not planning anything!"
"So you're just going to rush into there, then, without a plan? That's even more preposterous!"
"First you berate me for planning something horrible, then you chastise me for the opposite? Make up your bloody mind!"
"You know very well what I mean, you heartless--"
Fiora nearly fell forward as the door swung open behind her, admitting their youngest sister into their presence, and ending the quarrel quicker than just about anything else could have. Florina looked at them with a positively furious expression -- shocking on a face like hers -- and Fiora noticed as she focused her gaze on her youngest sister that she was trembling.
"That's enough!" Florina shouted, her voice shaking, though it hardly deterred from her speech. "Is... Is this what you two do every time I leave, for even a second? I can hear you all the way down the hall!"
"Florina!" Farina exclaimed, shocked. Fiora felt much the same way, staring shamelessly.
"You don't have to pretend to get along for my sake," She continued, her voice much quieter now, dropping to its usual level as she went on, until she was barely whispering. "I was so glad to have you both back, but... but... if you c-can't..." her voice hitched, breaking Fiora's paralysis. She moved quickly to place an arm around her baby sister's shoulders, brushing her hair back with her other hand, already thinking of words to soothe her.
"Florina, hush... stop that. Farina and I -- we have our differences, but we love each other." Fiora shot a rather dirty glance at her sister as she said that; regardless of how true it was, the woman was completely impossible. And besides, this situation was entirely her fault. "And we both love you, so just calm down..."
Farina watched the two of them, knowing she'd be little help in this type of situation; she was always making her youngest sister cry, it seemed. She fervently hoped Florina hadn't been listening to their actual words; not that she'd given anything away, but the fewer suspicions from her, the better. Fiora sniffing around at her heels was bad enough.
She'd always been terrible at things like reconciliation, consolation... but... she planned to make up for all of that stuff in the past. She'd never be able to make Fiora happy; that woman was set to disapprove everything she did for the rest of her life, she was sure. But Florina... that was another story.
Oh, yes. Another matter entirely.
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Author's Note, Revisited!
Okay, first off, I am so, so sorry for the delay. I had most of this chapter written last weekend, then realized I absolutely hated the way it was turning out, deleted the about 5,000 words I had written on it, and started over. The worst part is, I STILL don't like this one much, but I'm not about to write this blasted thing again. In other news, I'm really infuriated with this site right now. I hope they fix all of this wonky document editor stuff soon because it shouldn't take over a half hour to submit a new chapter, and then STILL not have what you wanted done. Ergh.
Erk is such an angst bucket. I'm rather surprised at the responses I've received concerning his introduction; there seems to be a sort of split of opinion. It will be fun to see how you all respond to the stuff I have planned. :)
Winteress: I liked the way that scene turned out, too. Recommendations make me happy! As for Nino and Jaffar... it's interesting seeing what everyone jumps for as soon as I start dragging in new people. I already have this story outlined to its finale, but I get ideas at the weirdest times...
TheOneAndOnlyT: Another Nino and Jaffar request... about the lateness issue, part of it is that I told myself I'd make weekly updates, because I'm terrible with scheduling and actually doing things I tell myself to do. And that really, really needs to change. I got a good laugh out of you thinking Erk was Hector – he's probably the last person I was thinking about writing that scene! :)
Macross-Green: I'm a little hard on myself, I think, but I will say I'm rather proud of this story so far. That's more than I can claim for 90 of the stuff I write...
Malignant Plate: Aw, not an Erk/Priscilla fan? Sorry! Thanks for the compliments – I'm really new at both action and romance scenes, so it's nice to hear that you like the way they're turning out.
Firelien: I'm really impressed with your ability to predict what I've been planning so far. I wonder how much more of it you'll guess. :)
Shnickers: The way I see Lyn... she really doesn't enjoy violence and killing things at heart, but when she's really pissed off, she might think she does. Some people tend to get irrational and think things they normally wouldn't under extreme emotional situations like that, so that was sort of what I was going for. And I'm glad Lyn came off as scary in that chapter, as that is what I was aiming at. I personally think a furious Lyn would be absolutely terrifying. :) I'm sorry you're not a fan of Erk/Serra... hopefully the other stuff in the chapters ahead will make you happy to make up for it...
Mizuki: Thanks for the compliments. :)
Angel White: Can I just call you Sapphire on here? Hee. And yes, I love the Serra Roulette too. She's such a naughty cleric... I'm glad I'm making you like her more... I didn't know you didn't like her. :/
Rolfson: Wow! Thanks for reminding me about that one... I read it way back when, and I still remember when Lady Rose put up the last chapter... it's always so sad when a good story like that ends. Unfortunately I didn't mess around with my profile until just recently when I started this story... I'm sure there are other stories I've read that I forgot about and need to put on my favorites... sigh...
Bachou: Hee hee, I love hearing everyone's opinions on what couples should end up together, etc. Although it's odd knowing exactly who will be disappointed and who won't... thanks for your review! :)
Sodge: FIVE GOLDEN MANBABIES, etc. I like how you jumped on this boat before Zap did. What a jerk.
