Crossroads of the Heart
Author's Note:
Fire Emblem is the property of Intelligent Systems and Nintendo.
Chapter 13: Decisions that Last a Lifetime
For the moment, there was little to do -- a brief reprieve from the whirlwind of activity that had encompassed their travels of late. Kent took the moment to send a concerned glance in Sain's direction; the man had been acting a bit odd since Serra and Erk had departed with Fiora's sisters back for Ostia. Their days since then had been spent traveling back to Bulgar, as they were currently poorly outfitted for a journey to the bitterly cold mountains that composed the majority of Illia's land. Sacae enjoyed a naturally warm climate, but there were likely provisions in Bulgar that certainly could not be secured in the small border towns they had previously been spending their nights in.
Throughout the journey, Kent had noticed his companion's apparent moroseness... no, that was too strong a word. Sain could never truly be described as morose, but he certainly had been quieter than normal. Perhaps it was a side effect of the majority of the party's women departing -- he was bold enough to levy the occasional comment in Lady Lyndis's direction, but nothing more than to elicit a chuckle, or perhaps a good natured rolling of the eyes... she had known them long enough to have long grown used to Sain's posturing. Surprisingly, he made no moves in Fiora's direction -- surprising, yes, but lucky for him. Kent frowned.
"Sain... why the long face?"
"Hm? What do you mean?" A surprised glance, a typical grin. Kent sighed.
"Come, now... surely your mannerisms of late aren't entirely due to the lack of available women in our camp?"
"Mannerisms?" Sain fixed him with an innocent look, blinking his eyes in a way that set off several red flags in Kent's mind at once. He never used that look, unless he was really up to something, or trying to hide something... he'd been like since they were children. Did he still think he could get away with it with him?
"...Fine. If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine... but don't go pretending like nothing is wrong when something clearly is."
"You know, Lady Lyndis has been saying the same thing," Sain complained, crossing his arms. "The last thing I need is the two of you mothering me around..."
"Lady Lyndis? ...I'm surprised she bothers, considering the response she's likely to get..."
"Hey! I treat her with nothing but respect!" Sain exclaimed indignantly. "Besides, she knows..."
"I know. ...There, see, that proves it..."
"What?"
"You'd never get so offended at such a comment... what on earth is the matter with you?"
"I'm fine, really. Give me a good pub with some fine ale and a few pretty girls, and I'll show you just how fine I am, in fact."
"Really, I think I'll pass..." Kent rolled his eyes, yet he barely suppressed a grin.
"I hardly think Serra would appreciate that, hm?" Came a stern reprimand from behind them as Fiora approached, smiling at Kent and frowning in disapproval at Sain. "Why that surprised face, Sain?"
"Fiora..." Sain looked about helplessly. "Really, Kent, I don't know how you stand it..."
"She has a point," Kent grinned at his trapped expression. "I wasn't going to bring it up, myself... but..."
"Now that the subject has been breached, are you really going to continue denying it?" Fiora raised an eyebrow. "Or are you simply trying to fool yourself?"
"Of course not!" Sain frowned.
"Sain, do you know how long it has been since you've spouted some entirely inappropriate comment in my direction?" Fiora inquired, a complacent smile on her face.
"...Uh..."
"Five days. Ever since Serra left..."
"That's a coincidence! In fact, I'm ashamed I've slacked off so in my ministrations!" Sain scrambled for words, and Fiora chuckled at his apparent distress.
"I wonder how long you'll keep telling yourself that..." Fiora shrugged. "Kent, a moment, if I may?"
"Certainly..." Kent levied a flat glance in Sain's direction, contemplating the matter himself. "Perhaps you should think about things a little, Sain... before you go running off to some pub somewhere..."
"...I don't know what you mean!" Sain backed away. "Anyway, I'll leave you two alone..." He looked from one to the other, still frowning, then made haste in the opposite direction, muttering about something Kent couldn't quite catch. But he had a general idea of the subject.
"Do you really think that's what it is?" Kent inquired curiously, watching him go.
"I'm just about positive... did you see the way he was frowning so, watching that mage watch that woman? Honestly, it's as shocking to me as it is to you..."
"I did notice, but..." Kent sighed. "What an odd pair."
"Actually, I think they're rather suited for each other," Fiora spoke thoughtfully. "They're both loud, disruptive, and entirely disrespectful..."
"Fiora..." Kent laughed, shaking his head. "You may be right..."
"Regardless," She spoke in a dismissive voice, her tone clearly indicating she had no wish to continue that particular line of conversation. "Lady Lyndis is waiting for us... we've quite a bit to do before we can depart for Illia..."
"Yes, of course..." Kent moved to her side, offering his arm, which she gladly took -- they hadn't had much time to themselves of late, with all of the unexpected twists and turns their journey had taken. A small smile appeared on Fiora's face as they walked together through the streets of Bulgar, toward where Lady Lyndis waited... truthfully, she was rather excited to show Kent the lands she loved so much. She was also somewhat nervous; though she loved Illia with all her heart, she knew perfectly well that most people looked on her lands with contempt. Of course, Kent would never go so far as that, but the snowy climate, cold days and freezing nights hardly appealed to most people.
She sighed, hoping that he would appreciate the serene beauty of the snow covered soil, the breathtaking sight of the crystalline white mountains surrounding them on all sides... Fiora cast a glance northward, where the mountains were a mere shadow on the horizon from this distance. At her side, Kent seemed to sense her discontent, which was hardly surprising. It was uncanny, sometimes, how well they could read each other.
"Are you well, Fiora?"
"Yes, I am. I'm... quite looking forward to returning home..."
"The way you speak of it so fondly, I must admit I'm rather excited to see it myself," Kent smiled, and Fiora silently thanked him with her eyes -- so he did know what was bothering her, and just how to make her feel better, too. She slipped her hand into his almost shyly, thinking again on how lucky she was to have found a man like this to spend her life with. At her side, Kent was thinking much the same thing.
Lyn was quick enough to greet them as they approached their destination, waving in a hurried manner. She certainly was anxious to be off, but departing for Illia in their current state would have been quite foolish.
"Kent, Fiora!" She nodded to each in turn, casting a confused glance about. "Where's Sain?"
"...I thought it best to leave him to ponder a few things on his own," Kent explained carefully, shrugging as though the matter were clearly inconsequential.
"...Is he really all right?" Lyn inquired, that worried look appearing on her face again. "He's been acting so strange..."
"He's fine," Fiora smiled reassuringly, glancing back toward where they had parted ways with the unruly man. "I'm sure he'll meet up with us later."
"All right," Lyn conceded, her tone taking on a brisk, business-like quality. "Then, I have some places in mind that could carry what we're after..." She gestured for them to follow her, heading for the business district of Bulgar with a purposeful gait.
Kent and Fiora exchanged glances, and followed after only a moment's hesitation.
"Shouldn't you be going with them?" Guy complained, casting Matthew, who stood nearby him as always, a rather unhappy look.
"Fiora knows more about what's required than I," Matthew shrugged, smiling. "And Lady Lyn knows this city well enough..."
"Sounds like a bunch of terrible excuses to not do your job to me," Guy snorted in response, looking away, possibly for an escape.
"Now, Guy, there's no need to be so bitter," came the typical chastising reply; Guy cringed inwardly at that cheerful tone. He had no idea how someone so terrible could put on such a good natured air all of the time. He figured it must have been a practiced skill, developed to throw people off from his real personality. Which was, of course, that of a dishonorable, disagreeable, utterly despicable... well, there really weren't enough negative adjectives, to be honest.
"I am not bitter," Guy responded, eyebrows locked in an irritated expression, a frown plastered on his face. "In fact, I'm happier than I've been in a long while!"
"Oh?" Matthew cast a curious glance at him, eyebrow raised expectantly.
"Yes! You'll be out of my hair soon enough, running off to Illia!"
"Hmm. I suppose that is a problem..."
"If by problem, you mean solution to all of my troubles," Guy muttered darkly.
"Really? But, Guy, how are you going to make good on your oath if--"
"I've paid you back, ten times what I owed!" Guy growled furiously, though Matthew didn't even flinch; if anything, his self-assured smile merely seemed to grow wider, if that were possible!
"By my calculations, you still owe me... three favors," Matthew corrected him patiently, folding his arms across his chest.
"By your calculations? What kind of arithmetic is that?"
"That doesn't matter," Matthew waved the question away nonchalantly. "What does matter, though -- you still owe me, and how will you pay back your debt if you stay here in Sacae, while I am attending to my duties in Illia?"
"Fine! Then let's take care of this right now!" Guy demanded. "Ask me something, demon! Or better yet, draw your sword and we can settle this like men!"
"I seem to recall what happened last time you tried to get out of it like that..." Matthew spoke thoughtfully, watching Guy's face darken considerably in response.
"You attacked me in my sleep!" Guy exclaimed furiously. "How was I supposed to--"
"Inconsequential details," Matthew spoke dismissively, adding a shrug at the end for good measure. "I gave you your chance, didn't I?"
"That was hardly fair!"
"Guy, you can't expect to waft through life that way -- assuming people will give you breaks, treating the world like a moderated schoolyard... there won't be anyone to watch out for you. There won't be anyone to enforce those foolish rules of honor you have floating around in that head of yours..."
"Well, that... that may be... but that's no excuse to exploit the system, either!"
"Why not?" Matthew blinked, genuinely curious as to how he reached such strange conclusions. "Your reservations only hold you back."
"At least I can sleep at night," Guy fumed in response.
"You know, you're always saying you want to be the best swordsman in Sacae..." Matthew eyed him critically, and Guy shifted uncomfortably under his stare. "Is that just a dream of yours, or a goal?"
"...What?"
"If it's just a dream... be done with it. You have enough wild ideas in your head... you're enough of an idealist already. There are plenty of dreamers with swords... stronger than you, with more talent, even... to be the best, you'd have to beat them all."
"I-I... I know that!" Guy stared at him incredulously, wondering where this sudden lecture had come from. It wasn't like Matthew...
"What will you do when you hit your wall? That one opponent you'll never be able to beat?"
"Are you implying--"
"When you hit that wall that you just can't get over... I suppose that's when you'll finally realize. You're not special, not at all. You're just another face in the crowd, one of the masses..."
"Matthew..."
"Most people... they give up then."
"But I--"
"...They think up some excuse why they don't have to try... it's the only way they can go on with their lives."
"I'm different!" Guy exploded insistently. "I won't end up like them! As long as I live, I'll keep fighting...!"
"I see..." Matthew exhaled, then smiled in perhaps the most genuine way Guy had ever observed. "Then... best of luck, Guy. I'm rooting for you..."
"You're...?"
"You're to become the best swordsman of Sacae, right? Then... how about this. I'll call off your debt if you succeed."
"...What?"
"If we're not going to see each other again, there's a way for you to ease that fool conscience of yours," Matthew said cheerfully, and Guy could do nothing but gape in response. "You know you moan and complain about our little deal... but that idealistic brain in that head of yours would never let you shirk your end of the bargain..."
"But..."
"All of this time, Guy... I've noticed. You're a little foolish, a little impulsive... but I think you'll do all right. So how about it? The only thing left that I want you to do... is reach that goal of yours. All right?"
"...All right!" Guy spoke with renewed confidence, though he was still somewhat reeling over this sudden change.
"But you know... to do that, Guy... one day, you're going to have to beat me... and to do that, you're going to have to be stronger."
"I... of course! I will!"
Matthew nodded, for the moment, at least, content. He turned way to depart, sending a last smirk over his shoulder as he went.
Guy watched him go, wondering if their most recent exchange had really just taken place. He stood there, pondering his words, wondering if he had in fact been too hard in his estimation of the man. Had he really been so concerned with him, his goals? It was a little hard to believe, but... there it was... and once he'd departed, it was all too likely they'd never see each other again. Guy frowned; he never thought he'd look forward to the day Matthew departed from his life for good with anything but absolute joy.
Troubled, the preoccupied swordsman turned to the building at his back -- the same establishment Matthew had found him approaching in the first place, back when he had first involved them in this mess. The other members of the Kutolah Tribe that had accompanied them back then had long returned without them; only Rath remained, brooding at a table on his own as usual. Frowning, Guy wondered if he should even bother attempting to strike up a conversation; fellow tribesmen they might have been... well really, Rath was his superior, being next in line to lead the Kutolah, but he never made a big deal about that. Either way, the man never really spoke with him...
"Hey, Rath..." Well, it was someone to talk to. Even if the conversation would be one sided.
"Guy." He looked up, and Guy found himself wondering what exactly was going on... he'd been wondering for awhile, but he hardly knew where to begin. Or if it would even be prudent to do so.
"Can you believe they're leaving?" Guy sighed, slumping into a chair across from the taller, quieter man. "So what are we going to do? Head back to the rest of the tribe, right?"
"I suppose."
"You know..." Guy hesitated for a moment, but plowed forward after this brief hesitation, figuring the worst that could happen was that he would be met with silence. Which he was used to, conversing with Rath. "Lady Lyn is a Sacaen, too, right?"
"Aye, she's from Sacae..." Rath raised a brow, clearly wondering why Guy would choose to traverse this path of inquiry. "She's the daughter of the Lorca chieftain... I'm surprised you hadn't heard until now..."
"One or two things," Guy shrugged. "I'd never heard of the Lorca... But why is she going back to be with those Lycian Lords?"
"Guy..." There was a dangerous sound to his voice, then, but naturally Guy didn't catch it.
"Come on. You've been traveling with her for a long time, haven't you? What do you make of it?"
"...Lyn is of our people. No matter what she chooses to do... that fact would not change."
"Well, yeah... I mean, you're right. Sacae warriors proudly defend their own, huh?"
"You..."
"Yes?"
"Why did you leave the tribe?"
"To become a great soldier of Sacae!" Guy proclaimed proudly, though he was somewhat surprised to hear Rath inquiring about him. He'd never expect him to care about such things. "You know I'm no good with the bow, and hopeless at hunting... but our chieftain told me I had a good sword arm."
"I see..."
"So I've been traveling and training to grow stronger... so that I can defend our tribe as best as I can."
"I suppose that is a worthy goal," Rath conceded. "You sound rather disappointed that they are leaving... I would have thought you'd be beside yourself with joy."
"Well... I'm glad enough, to be sure," Guy muttered. "At least that Matthew's going to be gone, but... I still wonder about Lady Lyndis. I thought she was coming back to stay, you know?"
"...As did I," Rath agreed, looking away.
"It doesn't seem right... I mean, I don't know her as well as you, but... I can't see her leaving us for good," Guy spoke thoughtfully. "I mean, her tribe might be... well... but she knows the Kutolah would welcome her, right? Chieftain Dayan actually sounded like he really wanted to meet her."
"I'm sure he did," Rath muttered, though Guy again missed the dark tone he took, lost in his own train of thought.
"You told her that, right?" Guy asked suddenly, and Rath peered at the man curiously.
"I think that it would be best to let her decide for herself."
"But how can she decide if she doesn't know the whole story?" Guy blinked innocently, and Rath wondered if the man was merely playing at ignorance, or if he knew a bit more than he let on.
"...She decided well before I had the chance to tell it," Rath explained in a bit of a strained voice -- this was not the best avenue of conversation for his current mood.
"...Oh?" Guy furrowed his brow, clearly dissatisfied with that answer. "How do you know that?"
"I've spoken with her."
"And I guess she convinced you she'd really be happier away from the plains, huh?"
"...More or less."
"Did she really say that, Rath...?" Guy was frowning still, looking back toward the door.
"Guy. Let me ask you something."
"Huh?"
"Do you honestly think, even if I knew Lyn had a pressing reason to return to Lycia, that it would be my place to attempt to convince her to stay?"
"...Well..." Guy seemed to ponder it for a moment, tapping his fingers on the table as he thought. "From the sound of it..." He hesitated.
"...What is it?"
"...Now, I don't want to make you angry..."
"I won't be angry. Tell me what you think."
"All right. Knowing you, Rath... you probably didn't even offer a reason for her to stay..."
"And that means?"
"Well..." Guy sighed. "The way you are, you'd just sit there and let her say whatever it was she said, and then you'd walk off without saying a word..."
"And that would be wrong?"
"Of course! You said she had a good reason to go back to Lycia, but... if you have a good reason for her to stay... I don't think it would be fair to keep it from her, and let her make her decisions without knowing the whole story. That's not being fair, or honorable... it's just, well... running away."
"Is that right?" Rath seemed to be mulling his words over, and Guy breathed an inward sigh of relief that he really didn't seem angry at all. Merely contemplative.
"That's what I think," Guy spoke in a final tone, nodding to emphasize his resolution.
"...Maybe." Rath sighed, standing with an abrupt motion. "I'll think on what you said. Thank you, Guy."
"...Sure..." Guy shrugged, watching the other man retire upstairs. There were things going on here that he wasn't entirely sure he understood, but he couldn't help but think that he had probably just complicated matters... quite a bit. Yet... perhaps it would be worth the complications in the end. He certainly liked to think that his advice would do some good.
The most irritating part, Rath noted, was that it was entirely possible the young, naive, wide-eyed swordsman of Sacae had a point -- he had certainly never expected to be the one asking him for advice, but to receive information of the sort to set him thinking this way... it was more than merely strange. Preposterous, perhaps, was the better word. He drew the sword he had kept sheathed at his hip for months -- ever since the daughter of the Lorca had passed it to him on Valor -- studying his reflection in the dull iron surface of the blade. A blade... a fitting metaphor for the situation presented to him now.
Perhaps, if he could walk the edge just so, eyes set on the point, never wavering in his gait... yet if he started down that path, had the gall to step from the safety of the hilt and risk everything for a walk on a path of daggers... to fall from either side meant disaster. There would be no one to catch him, nothing to grab ahold of, and even if he managed to catch himself, it would do nothing but lead him to hold desperately onto the serrated, razor sharp edge of his own oblivion.
What could be worth the risk?
He laughed quietly, a dry sound. As though he did not know the answer to that question. She was worth that risk. She was worth a thousand such gambles, laid side by side to form a gauntlet he could never hope to pass through unscathed. His hands tightened on the hilt of the blade, and he noted his expression reflected in its metallic surface tighten in a way that surprised him.
The question, then, that he did not know the answer to. What did he have to offer her? The man she currently planned to return to -- he had power, wealth, influence. He could provide her with all of the things a woman should seek in a man, and as much as he hated to consider it, as much as he wanted to think of that Lycian Lordling as a monster, an enemy wholly unworthy of the hand of the woman he loved... he knew that he could not. He knew, though he hated having the knowledge, that he was just as good a man as he, and how could he compete?
He could offer her a life here, on the plains she loved so well. That was to his advantage, surely. She had been the Lorca chieftain's daughter; he could offer her the position of the Kutolah chieftain's wife. Yet, he knew Lyn wouldn't be concerned with things like that... she wasn't returning to Ostia because she wanted to be its Lady. She wouldn't stay here with him because of his position, either. He could offer her his unconditional love, but who was he to assume that Lycian Lord wasn't offering the same thing? He couldn't afford to make stupid assumptions. She wouldn't be abandoning the plains for no reason.
Yet, even knowing all of this, he knew he would follow Guy's advice. There was nothing to be done about it; he couldn't simply let her go. Guy was right on one thing at least: it likely wasn't fair at all to let her leave him again, to watch her leave without saying a word, without ever letting her know the truth... but at the same time, was it truly fair to complicate her decisions so? It was a dilemma he'd been struggling with for some time... since that night, the last night they had spoken. She had enough indecision to contend with... would he merely be causing her unnecessary pain? He couldn't bear to think of being the source of any pain for her.
But how could he be what he wanted to be for her, if he let her walk away...?
The meager light filtering in from the small window that graced his room faded gradually as the day wore on, and he continued his pacing, his contemplation, even as the light dwindled completely away, giving in to the long shadows of the evening. The last evening he'd have with her, if he said nothing. Perhaps the last even if he found the courage to speak his mind. It was a painful thought.
It stuck in his mind as he strode purposefully for the door, refusing to leave him during the long walk down the stairs, and hung persistently foremost in this thoughts even as his eyes searched the floor for the one he sought. There, huddled with her knights, the pegasus knight and Guy standing nearby, looking rather at a loss. Only when he caught sight of her face, furrowed so as though working through some difficult puzzle, but beautiful just the same, did the thought flee his mind, replaced by the resolve he would so desperately need to initiate the talk he fully intended to have with this woman tonight.
He approached their group, though Guy was the only one who noticed his advance, waving boyishly though his face revealed a surprising amount of concern. Rath nodded at his fellow tribesman, hoping the gesture would lay at least some of his worry to rest, then turned his full attention to the conversation taking place nearby.
"It is troubling, but we'll find no better here," that solemn-eyed pegasus knight was speaking, sounded worried yet resigned. "Then again, we did fine in the Bern mountains with far less, didn't we?"
"...We did," Lyn agreed. "Yet I was under the impression that the mountains of Bern are laughable compared to the peaks of Illia..."
"A fair impression, and probably true," Fiora sighed. "But I am somewhat biased."
"If you feel what we've managed to find is sufficient, then it's good enough for me," Lyn shrugged.
"We're a resilient bunch..." Fiora eyed those that would be traveling with her back to her homeland with a critical gaze. "The hardest part will be the border crossing, through the mountain pass -- there are villages past there where proper provisions can be had, and there are no more peaks between there and our destination."
"Then it's settled," Lyn decided, and her companions nodded in agreement.
"It would be easier if you all could fly, but..." Fiora shrugged. "I don't anticipate any problems."
Lyn nodded, stood and stretched her sore muscles, a signal of sorts to the others that the discussion for tonight had reached its conclusion. Kent and Fiora retired to speak in hushed tones, Sain remained where he was, chin resting on a hand in a thoughtful pose. Guy yawned at his side, and Rath felt much like doing the same, but he very much doubted there would be any sleep for him tonight, regardless of the outcome of his actions. Lyn's eyes opened, and she seemed to notice him standing there for the first time; their gaze met for a mere second before she cast her eyes hurriedly in another direction. It was an ongoing theme for them of late, ever since that night.
He shouldn't have said what he did. That much was clear to him now. He'd probably even known it at the time, but reflections could not change the past. If she reacted so to that, how would she respond to what he had to say this time?
"...Lyn." He closed the distance between them purposefully; Guy seemed to be the only one paying attention to them now. She watched him approach with trepidation clear in her eyes, but she made no move to leave, or otherwise avoid his advance. "We need to talk."
"...I'm not sure if--"
"Please," Rath interrupted her, and the intensity of his gaze froze the words on her tongue. She looked upon him helplessly, and he wasn't sure if he should be concerned at her hesitance or pleased to see her giving in.
"...All right." She sighed, and Rath motioned for her to follow him outside, away from prying eyes and unwanted interruptions from her companions. She did so, confusion shining in her eyes as he continued walking past the threshold, away from the inn, with no sign of stopping. He moved quickly, though there were no crowds to obscure him from her as he pulled ahead at this time of night, and she nearly had to jog to keep up with him. The city gate came into view, and Rath moved toward it purposefully, never looking back, confident that she would follow.
"Rath, where are..."
"Sssh..." He hushed her with a sound, moving out beyond the gate, onto the dirt path that led away from Bulgar, westward, back to Lycia. They did not follow this path for long; the sun's light was nearly extinguished completely beneath the mountains, but Lyn had no reservations about leaving the path when he did, following him into the grasses that composed the majority of the plains. The memories this trek elicited were almost painful.
Rath looked back then, after walking a good distance into the grass, studying her face. It was as he expected; a wistful expression, that look of longing he had witnessed on her so many times before.
"Rath--"
"You asked me once..." Rath spoke softly, surprising her to silence before she could finish whatever statement she had been about to make. "Why it was that I seem never to speak... do you recall my answer?"
"...You said there was no need," Lyn responded carefully. She remembered the conversation well.
Rath nodded, breaking their gaze, gesturing about him at the expanse of wilderness that surrounded them.
"If you're silent..." Rath nearly whispered, his voice so low, "There are many things here to be heard... things that most people miss amid their own foolish desire to hear the sound of their own voices... the replies of others."
Lyn studied him silently, wondering what he meant by this new speech.
"The wind across the plains... the sounds generated by every individual blade of grass. The voice of Mother Earth, so soft that most do not care to hear it... and in my experience, perhaps most of those who do still listen don't bother to understand..."
He turned to face her again, a conflicted look meeting her puzzled gaze.
"When I was alone, wandering on the plains... that voice was the one thing that I took comfort in. A presence that would never abandon me, when everyone else had... when I had nothing left."
"Rath..." She knew why he was telling her this. It was apparent; the conversation they had shared...
"And you, Lyn of the Lorca? Daughter of the Plains? What did you hear, when you were left to yourself, alone in the world?"
"...The same thing," She whispered, emotion charging her voice with heartbreaking sorrow... the sadness she had felt back then, the intolerable pain of solidarity. The memories were fresh in her mind, as though merely days, rather than years had passed since then.
"...You will never truly forget that voice," Rath continued, casting his gaze to the west. "Despite the choices you make, the places your decisions lead you... the memories will always be there. The sound of the wind will remain in your soul, and you will always recall the mournful sighs of Mother Earth, calling her wandering child back to her home... her heart."
"Wh.. Why..." Lyn felt tears welling in her eyes at his words; he was telling her things she already knew, things she had been trying to deny for so long that she had nearly convinced herself that they were false. "Why are you..."
"I want you to look around one last time, Lyn... look at everything around us, remember the way you felt then... knowing the way you'll always feel in the future... then look me in the eye, and tell me you'll be happy somewhere else."
"I..." Lyn felt the words catch in her throat, felt a dull ache develop behind her eyes from the effort of holding back her tears.
"If you can do that, I won't say another word."
"I... Rath, I don't..." She stammered, feeling very small beneath the weight of his eyes on hers, like a child trapped in a persistent nightmare. "I don't know if..." Her voice caught, and her resolve wore away; the ache behind her eyes was becoming unbearable as it was.
Rath watched silently as she raised her hands to her face, though not before he caught sight of the tears, tears she tried for a moment to hide, before giving up even that pretense. His stomach twisted in a most uncomfortable fashion; he hadn't meant to make her cry, he hated to see a plainswoman distraught so. Not just any plainswoman... he walked slowly toward where she stood, her beautiful face still hidden behind those hands, her soft sobs driving daggers into his heart.
"I can't..." She whispered, sensing his presence, so near to her now. "I can't say..."
Rath took her hands in his, held them close to his chest, above his now rather rapidly beating heart.
"Then... let me ask you this. Could you find happiness here... with me?"
"Rath, please..." Fresh tears spilled down her cheeks, and she returned his plaintive look with a mix of sorrow, frustration, and anger in her eyes. "Don't do this..."
"It has already been done," He said softly, awaiting her response.
"...Can't you see?" She pulled away from him, shaking her head. "I've already promised... Rath, I can't stay. I can't, I..."
"This is not about what can and cannot be done," Rath reprimanded her quietly. "This is about what you want, and do not want to do."
"What does it matter if our dreams cannot be realized?" Lyn responded angrily, taking another step away. "Even if I wanted to stay, even if I... if..." She shook her head, unable to express her thoughts in such a state. "There will always be a part of me that remains unfulfilled, Rath. Always. If I leave, if I never return -- if I stay and disavow my dearest friends -- I will never find satisfaction."
"Is that what you truly believe?" Rath sounded both sad and surprised, though his gaze never wandered from hers.
"...It is."
"So you've already resigned yourself to a life of endless sorrow?" He paused, then shook his head. "That doesn't sound like you, Lyn..."
"I cannot change what is."
"You can shape your reality to something much better than what you expect for yourself at the moment."
"I could do that anywhere."
"...Not with this wind forever at your back."
A silence stretched between the two, Rath staring at her intensely, Lyn considering his words, statements that invited hope she had already begun to give up on. The part of her that never wanted to leave the plains, that wanted nothing more than to sink into the grass beneath their feet and sleep beneath the stars as she always had before clamored desperately for her to listen to what he was saying, to take his wisdom to heart. Her tears, forgotten momentarily in her sudden blaze of anger, refreshed themselves anew, slipping down her cheeks even as they stared at each other, even as she saw him approach her again, even as half of her dreaded his intentions and the other welcomed them with open arms.
His arms slipped around her, and she stood there dumbly for a moment, her last ounce of resistance draining from her as she returned the embrace, her tears staining the fabric of his Sacaen garb, the scent of the plains, of home, of everything she longed for and denied herself emanating from him. After a moment, her eyes opened again, and she found herself facing west -- somewhere, far in the distance, impossibly far in that direction, another life awaited her... a life she had promised to return to.
A life she was no longer sure she could lead.
Author's Note, Revisited!
Rath just isn't playing fair anymore, is he?
Rolfson: Right, I'll get on that as soon as I have the time for a long read. :)
Shnickers: Oh, I've seen the Lyn/Hector picture. I have all the CGs, and 95 percent of the supports at the moment! Phew! You're right, it's quite adorable, I love it. :) You're completely right about the absurdity of Serra and Sain not having an ending... I was also extremely shocked. Same with Serra/Lucius and Raven/Rebecca... after supports like those, how could they NOT have endings? Some of the decisions are simply baffling. I'm glad you have such an open mind concerning pairings, and to answer your question, there will definitely be more Sain and Serra interaction. After a bit of a lengthy wait, but... and you're right, the image of Erk riding the pegasus was something I purposely avoided thinking about! But I figure, if the pegasus knights can rescue people on the battlefield, it shouldn't be a problem to carry them off for the purposes of fanfiction... I'll leave the messier details to your imaginations. It won't be the last time the Pegasus Sisters play chaperone... :) I'm looking forward to writing Illia, too -- I've never seen it used as a setting, so I'm really just going by what few supports mention it...
Mizuki: Thanks for the compliments, and I certainly hope you won't be disappointed!
GaretFire: I don't get the Sain/Fiora ending either, but their supports are certainly hilarious. I wouldn't count Sain out so quickly; he's a rather stubborn man... Thanks for your review.
Timmycheese: It's the same way writing it. I don't realize the chapter is long until I'm in too deep to shorten it, but I've pretty much resigned myself to it now. Hm, another Serra/Erk fan... cue mysterious smile. :)
Firelien: I hope everyone knows why Farina's going to Ostia, haha. That was supposed to be obvious, no fair predicting that. :P I hope you liked this one, lots of Rath for you, hm? :)
TheOneAndOnlyT: ...Offhand, I wouldn't say Rath is quite out of the picture just yet...
Winteress: Eek, I hope you can update soon! I love that story!
AmbieChan: Yes... Florina is such a martyr, isn't she? Thanks for the review. :)
Kratos Aurion: Ooh, there are plenty of good Hector/Lyn stories, though. In fact, go read "Epiphanies" right now! It should still be on the front page... :) Oosh, not a Pegasus Knight fan, eh? I'm surprised you like this fic so much considering how integral those three are... and feel free to IM me, I love to chat. Maybe a little too much.
Malignant Plate: Hahah, I'm glad not everyone's forgotten about Oswin. I never looked at Priscilla that way, actually... I didn't even realize all her supports were with guys, and I have them all. Hrrm! Really, Fiora knew the basic motivations behind Farina's volunteering... she was more concerned with uncovering a definite conspiracy plan, and taking out her frustration. :) I love your story "Epiphanies" and you'd better update soon. :P
