Disclaimer: La la laa… I don't own a thing except for Jewel the breegull (maybe a couple of other characters) hint hint… Fua ha haaa! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! MUA HA HAAAA (cough cough)(sips water) HAAAAAAAAA……(runs around in circles pointlessly)…Okay… that's enough… Read on…
BANJO-KAZOOIE – TALES OF THE DEAD
(An epic tale of our two great adventurers)
Chapter 3 – Master Shaman and an Old Enemy
"WHAT THE!"
Grunty stood over her glaring down.
"What are you doing here!"
"I'm dead! Whaddya think!"
"Didn't you get away?"
"NO! Of course I didn't! Do you think I'd be here if I did!"
"Well…"
"That little friend of yours slashed me to ribbons after I killed you."
"Why aren't you in
the burning pits? You are evil enough…"
"Hmm… well… I
dunno…"
"(muttering) maybe it's because if you farted, the whole place would be decimated…"
"What was that?"
"Nothing… Hey! How can you get outta here?"
"Well, there's always breaking out, but you wouldn't get more than ten feet before their laser snipers get you…
"They have laser snipers!" Asked Kazooie incredulously.
"Yeah. I would know! I've already tried. Blasted a bit of my spine…
"No wonder. I thought you looked shorter."
"Enough with the cheeky responses."
"So, any other means of escape.
"There's always the slim chance of someone coming to save you… But that bear probably committed suicide already…"
"Maybe not…"
Isle O' Hags
Banjo sat on the raft and slowly paddled the small craft. Jewel sat atop the mast in search of land. They had already been traveling for five days and according to the shaman, they should be nearly there.
"There! We're almost there!"
Banjo paddled faster. The raft bumped against the shore. Banjo leapt out. Jewel glided down on silent wings and followed Banjo. They reached a giant mansion in the middle of the island.
"What the hell is something like this doing here!"
"Banjo… What the hell is that!"
A mid-sized dragon creature was charging at them. Jaws open in a silent snarl.
"A guard maybe…"
The dragon breathed fire and nearly burned off Banjo's head.
"SHIT! Jewel! Take the right!" Banjo shouted as he darted towards the left.
Banjo leapt up and came crashing down with tremendous force. Jewel nimbly dodged the claws and raked upwards with her talons in a mighty back flip. The poor creature squealed in terror as Banjo picked it and shook it roughly.
"Tell your master to meet us." He threw the creature. "NOW!"
The terrified dragon scurried off. Banjo and Jewel walked towards the house.
Underworld
"HA HAA! ROYAL FLUSH! I WIN AGAIN!" Kazooie does a little victory dance. "THANKS FOR THE MONEY!"
"Grr… my money… HEY! WAIT! YOU CAN"T HAVE A ROYAL FLUSH! I KAVE THE KING OF SPADES!"
"Oh crap…"
"GIMME BACK MY MONEY!"
"AAAAHHHHHHHH!" Grunty chases Kazooie around the table with a knife. Cards fly out from under Kazooie's feathers…
"YOU LITTLE CHEAT!" Dropkicks Kazooie out of the pub.
"Oww…" Kazooie gets up and dusts herself off. "Hee hee… I still have her money…"
A table flew out of the pub, landing short by a couple feet.
"HAHA! YOU MISSED! MY GRANDMA COULD DO BETTER! (Oh wait…you're older than my grandma…)"
"GRAAAHHHH!" Grunty charges!
A lightning bolt zaps her.
"HEY! No Fighting!"
"Who is this guy?" Kazooie wondered. "HEY! Where are you!"
"Oh! Um…I'm… not behind you!" The voice said hastily.
Kazooie turned around and walked towards a water barrel.
"I'm also not above you!" It said realizing his mistake.
As Kazooie looked up, there was a loud poof from inside the barrel.
"Kaff! Hack! Cough! WHAT THE FUCK!" Notices a devil that appeared out of nowhere trying to sneak away… "DIE!"
"AAAAHHHHH!"
"()#(!#(#)#((!((#(" beats up poor devil…
Devil crawls away… right when Grunty comes out of the pub
"DAMMIT! THAT HURT!" Beats up the devil worse than Kazooie did…
"WAAHHH! I'M TELLING! WAAAAAAHHHHH!" Runs off sobbing.
Grunty and Kazooie: 0.o …um… whatever…
Kazooie walks back to her apartment to see, with some satisfaction, that the devil that the statue had landed on was twitching under the ten-ton block, trying to get out.
Monk Island
"SAMMY! BIG FAT UGLY BEAR BEAT ME UP! WAAAHHHHH! hic"
"I told you to call me Samuel! And it's your own fault that you pick fights with innocent looking travelers. Now, where are they?"
"sniff on the road here…"
"Well, I'll go get ready."
"YEAH! Beat them up!"
"No Flame. They're obviously here for help."
Flame pouts and walks off.
"Hmph…"
elsewhere-
Banjo walked up to the door and pounded on it. He pounded so hard in fact, that the whole thing flew off its hinges.
"HEY! I CAN SUE FOR THAT!"
"Sorry." Mumbled Banjo.
"We've come for help." Jewel explained.
"What can I do for ya?"
"Well, we have to bring back someone from the dead."
"WHOA! WAIT A MINUTE! I can't do that."
"Is there any way to?"
"Yeah… but"
"YOU MUST TEACH US!" Shouted Banjo dragging the man up.
"HEY! LET GO OF SAMMY!" Flame breathes fire again and burns Samuel because he's in the way.
"HEY! THAT HURT!" Chases Flame around with katana that appeared out of nowhere.
"AAAAHHHHH! SOORRRRYYYY!"
Samuel comes back. "pant Anyways come in."
The two travelers followed Samuel into the house with Flame trailing warily behind.
"Sit down and I shall explain…"
………………………………………………………………………………………………
Wooo! What will happen! Will they be able to accomplish their mission! HOW SHOULD I KNOW! Anyways. Thanks for reading! Remember, you can give me advice on what you want seen in the next Chapter in the reviews! THANKS FOR ALL THE WONDERFUL REVIEWS! I FEEL SO HAPPY! Jinjo voice: WHEEE!
BYE-BYE!
