Angel and Cordelia walked through he door of the Hyperion almost an hour later. Fred was sitting on the floor playing with Connor. Wesley's head was visible inside his office.
Fred jumped up when she saw them. "Wes has been in there all morning," she said. "He's doin' more research on Bamboria demons."
"Where's everyone else?" Angel asked as he scooped up Connor.
"Charles is in the shower. Everyone else went out for breakfast. They said they'd be back later."
Cordelia nodded slightly, her gaze fixed on the sight before her. Angel was smiling, chuckling as he tickled his son. Connor was laughing, head thrown back in joy. The happiness she was witnessing made her heart melt. The love that Angel and Connor shared, it was nothing like her relationship with her father. She bit her lip as she realized that she'd never get the chance to fix that relationship.
Angel frowned as he saw Cordelia tense up. Just minutes before she had been happy and smiling. Now she looked sad. Angel moved forward and bumped her shoulder with his. "Hey," he said when she looked at him. "No brooding."
She gave him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "Hey, isn't that supposed to be my line?"
"Only if I'm brooding. Which I'm not, by the way."
Cordelia smiled again, and this one seemed more genuine. "I noticed that. You and Connor were having a good time."
Connor started squirming in his father's arms and Angel put him back down on the floor. The vampire gazed wistfully at his son. "It's weird. Having Connor, someone I love so much. And he loves me back. I mean, I loved Buffy and she loved me, but this is different. He needs me. Hell, I need him. That's never happened to me before."
"You'd better make sure damn sure you don't screw this up then, Broody Boy," Cordelia said playfully.
Angel shot her a glance. "I'm sure you'll keep me in line."
Cordelia's smile wavered and her voice dropped. "You know I will."
Angel dropped his gaze. "Listen, Cordy-"
Wesley came out of the office, cutting Angel off. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the pair. "Morning, Angel, Cordelia."
Cordelia stepped away from Angel. "Hey, Wes. Anything new on the Bamboria demons?"
"Other than their unique mating habits, no," Wes said wryly.
"What kind of unique mating habits?" Fred asked, unable to contain her curiosity.
"Well, the female is the dominant partner in the relationship. She initiates the mating. Females compete for their choice in males."
"How is that different from the real world?" Cordy quipped.
"It's a fight to the death."
"Oh."
Fred gulped visibly. "Well, I'm glad I'm not a Bamboria demon."
As Wes and Fred engaged in a more in-depth conversation about Bamboria demons, Lorne breezed through the front door.
"Morning, Princess. Angelcakes, how's the little one doing this-" The green demon cut himself off and gave Cordelia a second glance.
Cordelia squirmed uncomfortably under his gaze. "What?"
"Anything you want to say, Princess?"
"No," she said irritably. "Anything you want to say?"
Lorne shook his head. "Now, Princess, you know that's not the way things work around here. I don't read and tell."
Cordelia gave him a hard look. "Good."
Buffy, Xander, and Willow walked into the hotel, stopping at the palpable tension between the beauty queen and the green demon.
Buffy spoke first. "What'd we miss?"
"Nothing," Cordelia said briskly. "We were just discussing the fact that his suit clashes with his skin."
Angel stepped between his two links to the Powers. "Where's Spike?"
Buffy shrugged nonchalantly. "Don't know, don't care."
"Don't know, don't care?" Lorne echoed disbelief evident in his voice.
"We had a fight last night and we haven't spoken since," Buffy said casually.
"You weren't very nice to him, Buffy," Willow said gently.
"So? He wasn't very nice to me either."
"So who's throwin' a party without invitin' me?" Everyone turned to see Gunn coming down the stairs. "I know ya'll wouldn't be throwin' a party without the life of it, now would ya?"
"Don't you mean the entertainment?" Cordelia quipped. "Cause watching you dance, man, that's funny."
Gunn shot her a look. "Don't be startin' something with me, Barbie."
Cordelia grinned. "Hey, all I'm saying-" She stopped abruptly, then let out a scream. Flashes of color. Bright. Red. Blood. Lots of blood, flowing in a strong, steady stream. A red face, demonic eyes glowing, laughing, enjoying the pain, sucking it up.
With another scream, she came back to her own body. She heard sounds, voices. She felt soft material against her bare arms, smooth, cool flesh on hers. Someone was holding her. Angel, probably. She lay still in his arms, knowing his heightened senses would pick up on her slowing heartbeat. He would take his cue from her.
She felt Angel shift against her as the ache in her head began. He moved to pick her up and she went with it, leaning into him, trying to bury herself inside his soul. He was so big, so strong, so…Angel; he would keep her safe and make all the pain go away.
She felt him stop walking and started to shift in his arms, expecting him to place her on the couch. Instead, he sat, cradling her in his arms, her body held tightly to his chest. She knew the others were there, but she lost herself in Angel's touch; his strong arm around her waist, supporting her should she need it; hand cool but soft against her face as he brushed the hair out of her eyes. She allowed Angel's presence to lull her into a calm that would soon be shattered.
"Another vision?" Buffy asked. "What was this one?"
"Yo, we usually wait till Barbie's ready before we go askin; her questions," Gunn said.
"But what if it's important?"
"They're all important," Angel said. "If it's urgent, she'll tell us."
Cordelia opened her eyes slowly. "It's alright," she said. "I'm ready."
"Do you need some aspirin or some water?" Fred asked.
"No. Aspirin doesn't help anyway." She shifted slightly on Angel's lap so that she was sitting upright. "I didn't see much anyway. There was a lot of red. Blood. And then the laughing demon."
"That's all?" Buffy asked incredulously. Willow nudged her. "What? I mean, I thought she got these visions to help people. How in the world does this help anyone?"
Wes cleared his throat. "Not all the visions have someone to save. Some are merely informative."
"That's what this one was," Cordelia said. She stood up. "I'm going to go home, maybe get a little sleep. I'll be back tonight for the thing."
Angel stood as well. "You're not driving."
Cordelia gave him a look. "I wasn't planning on it, Mom."
Willow stood up. "I can drive you home."
Cordelia hesitated. "Are you sure? You don't have to…"
Willow nodded. "It's fine."
Buffy stepped forward. "I'll come too."
Cordelia rolled her eyes and mumbled something only Angel heard.
Willow's car, which was really Spike's, was parked in front of the building. Cordelia climbed in the front seat, leaving Buffy to huff as she crawled into the back.
After a few minutes of silence, Willow started a conversation. "So are your visions always that intense?"
Cordelia sighed. "They didn't used to be. I mean, they were always painful, but they were never this bad. The longer I have them, the worse they get."
"Is there something you can do? A way to get rid of the pain?" Willow asked.
Cordelia shook her head, wincing as the throbbing intensified. "There's nothing I can do. Doyle, he's the one that gave me the visions, he was half-demon. He handled the visions better than I can, but they were painful for him too."
"So, what, you just put up with this pain for the rest of your life?"
Cordelia sighed. "It doesn't exactly work like that."
"What do you mean?"
"Humans can't handle the visions long-term. They're too hard on the brain."
"So what happens?"
"All human seers have died. They've suffered massive damage to their brains."
Willow was quiet for a few minutes. "So you're going to die?"
"Yes." Cordelia said it quietly, acceptance evident in her voice.
Buffy spoke for the first time. "Does Angel know?"
"He knows that the visions are getting worse, but he doesn't know that they're killing me," Cordelia admitted.
"You have to tell him," Willow said. "He needs to know."
"Why? So he can kill himself looking for a solution that doesn't exist? So he can walk on eggshells around me and treat me like I'm made of glass? So he can give me pitying looks? I don't think so."
"Cordelia's right," Buffy spoke up from the backseat. "Angel doesn't need to know. We'll just have to be there for him when it finally happens. Rest assured, Cordelia, I'll take good care of Angel."
Cordelia felt a tightening in her chest, but she ignored it. She had long since admitted to herself that she loved Angel. However, she had to be fair to him. No use teasing him with something he couldn't have.
No one spoke as Willow pulled the car up in front of Cordelia's apartment building. Cordelia thanked Willow for the ride, nodded curtly to Buffy, and got out of the car. As she walked to her building, she thanked whoever was listening that her apartment was on the ground floor; she didn't know if she could handle stairs right now.
Dennis opened the door before she even got to it. She gratefully went through it and collapsed in a heap on the couch, not even taking off her coat or shoes. A cool washcloth floated through the air, followed by her pills and a glass of water.
Cordelia opened her eyes long enough to swallow the pills and a little water. "Thanks, Dennis." She was vaguely aware of the cool breeze signifying Dennis' response. She tried to focus on anything but the rhythmic pounding in her head: Justin Timberlake, the dress she fell in love with on her last shopping trip. Her last coherent thought was that she'd have to get some new shoes to go with the dress…
> > > > > >
The sound of the phone ringing startled Cordelia. She looked around, but couldn't seem to find the phone. The phone on her desk wasn't ringing, and even if it was, Fred was sitting there, perfectly capable of answering it. No, wait, Fred was crying. Gunn sat beside her, trying to comfort her, but he looked miserable himself.
Cordelia started toward the couple, but before she reached them, the scene had changed. Lorne and Wesley stood in the garden talking quietly.
"I can't believe she's gone," Wes said. "It was so sudden."
"Princess was sick for a long time," Lorne said. "She just never said anything."
Cordelia took several steps back. Dead? She was dead? Then how was she here? Angel-he must be devastated. She started to turn around, but the scene changed again.
This time she was in the office. Angel stood at the desk, his back to her. He turned suddenly, and Cordelia saw that he wasn't alone. He had his arms around Buffy and she was holding Connor in her arms. They were all smiling.
Cordelia staggered backward. She was dead and Angel was here, with Buffy, happy. He was totally not grieving over her at all. No tears, no brooding. She really didn't mean anything to him at all.
The phone continued ringing, and Cordelia saw it on Angel's desk. The phone was ringing, but no one was answering it. She looked at the caller ID and was shocked to see her number on it. She was calling Angel, but he was too busy with Buffy to notice.
The phone continued ringing and suddenly the room started spinning. Around and around, she spun dizzily, and suddenly everyone else had disappeared. She was spinning, surrounded by red, and the Bamboria demon was laughing at her, and-
She was jerked back into reality, her body still being shaken by insistent hands, her name being called by a panicked voice. She opened her eyes and waited for her vision to focus, blinking slightly when Angel's face came into view.
Cordelia could see the concern visible in his eyes. His mouth was moving, but she chose to focus on catching her breath instead. She closed her eyes and tried to slow her rapidly-beating heart.
Angel shook her again and her eyes shot open. "Will you give me a minute?" she snapped. "I'm having trauma here."
Hurt flashed across his face. "Well, excuse me for worrying about you."
They sat in silence and Cordelia could feel her heart rate return to normal. Suddenly Angel snapped. "What the hell happened, anyway? Do you know how long I was trying to wake you up?"
"Excuse me? What gives you the right to come in here and act like a jerk? I told you that I wanted to be alone-"
"And I left you alone. All afternoon."
Cordelia stilled. "What?"
"I said, I gave you all afternoon."
"What time is it?"
"6:30."
"Oh my God! I can't believe I was out that long!"
"What happened?"
"I fell asleep, I guess. I mean, I had to be sleeping, because I had this dream, and- anyway, I better go get ready."
"What kind of dream?"
"Listen, it's not important-"
"Cordy. What kind of dream?"
"I was dead, OK? I was dead."
"Dead?"
"Yeah, and everyone was grieving. Except for you. You and Buffy and Connor had a nice happy little family thing," Cordelia said before she could catch herself.
"Me and Buffy? Why would me and Buffy-"
"Because you were together. A couple. Add Connor and you get a family, get it?"
Angel looked at her for a minute. "Cordy, you know that if anything ever happened to you, I'd be devastated. And you know I can't replace you. I wouldn't even try."
Cordelia examined her nails. "Yeah, well, it was just a dream."
Angel took her gently by the shoulders. "Cordelia, you are one of the most important things in my life. I can't lose you. And if I ever did, I certainly wouldn't turn to Buffy for anything, especially as a replacement for you."
Cordelia whacked him on the shoulder. "See, this is why I didn't want to tell you. It was a dream. No big deal."
"So we're fine?"
"We're better than fine; we're great." Cordelia gave him a bright smile. "I'm gonna go get ready."
