Disclaimer: I don't have to and you can't make me! Runs off. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA! I turn the corner and…

Crowd: Where are you going!

Me: eep… umm… nowhere…(goes back to laptop)

Anywho… I don't own any characters except for Jewel, Samuel, and Atticus. Who is Atticus you may ask? You find out soon enough… heh heh heh…MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAAAAAA!

Doctor comes in.

"Here are your daily non-crazy pills…"

"Do I have to take them…"

"Yes unless you enjoy being a psycho…"

"Oh. If you put it that way…'

ONTO THE STORY!

"Hey! You must take your pills!"

"I don't care and I don't want to! Crowd!"

They drag him away. I'm not mental or anything…I just thought the pill part would be interesting… Onto the story…

Readers thoughts: (tell me if this was what you thought via review) Yeeah…riiiight…

BANJO-KAZOOIE – TALES OF THE DEAD

(An epic tale of our two great adventurers)

Chapter 5 – Atticus the Slayer

Underworld

Kazooie refilled her egg meters after a particularly nasty battle with an ogre the size of a one-story home. They were on round 23,453.

"Battle Number 24,908,375,494,824,353…BEGIN!" yelled the tired devil.

"Hello." A tall man stood at the opposite side of the arena.

"DIE!" Grunty threw a spell at the calm stranger.

"Hey. You shouldn't do that. We haven't even introduced ourselves yet." He said behind Grunty.

"Wha!" She whirled around and cast another spell.

"Let's try this again. I am Atticus. And you are?" He was behind her again.

"The last person you'll ever meet!" Grunty spun and this time she hit cold steel.

"Fair enough…" Atticus said brandishing a large katana. This weapon was similar to the one in Bleach ®, anime, except it was wider, thicker, and, most of all, sharper.

His eyes turned from dark gray to a blood red. He was instantly behind her again. He lashed out, not with the edge but with the flat of the blade. As she turned, he disappeared, reappeared, and whacked Grunty again. This continued for a long time. Grunty was getting ticked off, Atticus seemed to be enjoying this, Kazooie was watching in awe, and the rest of the crowd was in confusion.

"What happened?"

"Where is he!"

"What's happening?"

"Who stole my burger!"

"It's my burger buddy!"

"I paid for it!"

"Well, it's mine now!"

"GIVE ME MY BURGER!"

"NO!" (eats burger)

"NNNNOOOOOOOOO! DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" (throws guy into the ceiling of the cavern)

The crowd was getting rowdy…especially the friends of the burger buyer and the burger thief.

"GRAH! Where is he!" Grunty panted as she was battered back and forth by nearly invisible enemies.

Atticus appeared beside Kazooie.

"WHA!" she exclaimed.

"Make this more interesting for me. Tell her where I am."

"Huh? Okay."

He vanished again.

"Grunty! On your left!"

"HUH! LIKE I'D LISTEN TO Y…" she was whacked from the left.

"Behind you!"

Grunty whirled and caught Atticus in his chest. He flew backwards and slammed against the wall.

"Ugh…" He got up slowly… and vanished.

"Grunty! On your right!"

"Stop helping me! I can do it mys…" once again, she was whacked. "THAT'S IT! EXPLOSION!"

She and the whole arena exploded. Of course, Atticus was above her already and was on his way down. A resounding crack shattered the air as Atticus stabbed downwards, straight through her stomach. He lifted her up and catapulted her into the wall causing a splattering sound. The crowd was silent. Yes, even the burger people…

"YYYAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!" They cheered.

"What the hell!" Kazooie stared at the cheering crowd.

"ATTICUS IS THE WINNER!" the short devil exclaimed as he held up Atticus's arm.

He jerked away, walked away, sat down next to Kazooie, and began to clean his katana.

"That was amazing!" Kazooie exclaimed.

"It was nothing…"

"Nothing! That was incredible! If I could do that I wouldn't be here!"

Atticus stopped cleaning. He looked at her. His eyes had resumed their usual gray-brown color. His gaze contained both sadness and disdain.

"It was because of this 'talent' that I am here in the first place."

Kazooie looked inquiringly at him. Another battle had begun.

"I am a mercenary. My assistance is not cheap and yet it's a living. I would take any job assigned to me. One day, a man came and said that he needed assistance in the mines. I went in and searched around. I had traveled many kilometers underground when I found a dead man. He had apparently been trapped here and had died. That's when the employer sent the whole mountain crumbling down on me. With my speed, I managed to get out…barely. But when I got out, he was waiting with a hundred or so men and said he was here to kill me. I fought, but in the end, I died from all the bullets. I managed to kill almost all his men before I died. I never did kill him and I never will…"

Kazooie stayed silent. A body hit the wall as another person won.

"How come your family didn't notice?"

"Well, almost all my family is dead. The only one alive is Samuel and he lives on some island and trains stupid skeletons… I don't think he even knows I'm dead. For all he knows, I'm still somewhere killing people."

"Who's Samuel?"

"My brother."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

GASP! Guess what! NEW PLOT UNFOLDS! THE PLOT THICKENS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Suddenly, the doctor jumps on me and gives me a calm shot!

Doctor: Take your medicine!

Me: I told you! I'm not crazy so your shot didn't work! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Doctor: Grrr… DIE! (jumps at me)

Crowd: (all take out shotguns and sniper rifles and shoot the doctor)

Me: Heh heh… no more crazy medicine for me… YESS! (dances around for a while)

Crowd: GET WORKING!

Okay… READ AND REVIEW! PLEEEEEAAASSSSEEEEE!