I think this is my favourite chapter... testimony to my ability to annoy people even when my avatar has been brutally murdered. Yay, go me. Ah, so you people miss me? Aw, that's so sweet...
Whitney: definitely writer's prerogative, I think. I know lots of people are Bloomies, my little sister included, but I just cannot stand him... of course, lots of people can't stand the people I love, too (coughGerardButlercough) Glad you weren't offended by it, anyway. You might enjoy my LOTR stories, where I make fun of him a lot, if you're willing to keep your sense of humour going...
Katter: I die! There ya go! End of the suspense:)
Nikoru Sanzo: It said you'd already reviewed because I took off a few chapters. I've ben getting hit so hard lately by FF's rules I daren't violate them at all... so I took off the author's note and also the script chapter I had. It didn't really interfere with the story, so that's alright. Thanks for reviewing anyway!
svu-chick-katarina: I can't stand being accused of being cliched, so that's why I killed myself off. I don't think that's ever been done before... just watch, now I'll find a zillion stories just like mine... glad you love the story. Keep reading!
Terreis: "bizarre and oddly entertaining." LOL, my all-time favourite epithet! That is going on my gravestone! Thanks!
eris: champagne. Definitely champagne.
Seadragon68:well, you never cease to be amazed when Random is around (cough) Right, people? Right?
Carnicirthial: (see reply to Nikoru Sanzo for explanation) Glad to see ya! Did you get my e-mail about your story? You should put up an excerpt on the web so people can go see it.
Once again, I want to thank you all for voting in favour of the Writer. And for the two who didn't: (bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep) Have a nice day:)
No, officer, it really is a free country...
Chapter Fifteen: After the Death
And now, a poem:
"She's dead," said Carl, mildly aghast,
Staring at the corpse of the female
Who lay on the ground in a curious way
Not looking at all like a whale
"This is terrible," our favourite friar went on
Looking exactly like Babbit
"You really must stop killing young women, VH,
"This is becoming quite a bad habit."
"Don't lose it," said Van Helsing, beginning to sweat
As he began to sip the bitter cup
Quietly leaning on Carl's shoulder for leverage
He braced himself mightily and threw up
"Van Helsing, please don't," said our long-suffering friar
"Its ridiculous and doesn't help in the least,
"Also disgusting, and not only that,
"It's getting all over the deceased."
"This is ridiculous," said Van Helsing loudly
"I can't believe we keep such perfect time!
"I've never spoken in verse my whole life
"Why should I suddenly break out in rhyme?"
"It is indeed odd," agreed Carl
"It is something of a marvel—
"It would seem," Carl said,
"She isn't actually dead,"
and caught his blond hair in a snarl.
"What do you mean?" said Van Helsing
His body suddenly convulsing
"Do you mean she still writes
"Stupid lines for us guys?"
Now what bloody rhymes with Van Helsing?
"That's what I think," said Carl firmly.
"And if we're not careful, I fear
"We could be speaking in rhyme our whole lives
"Ah, she's released us from limericks, I hear."
Said Van Helsing next, "Why don't we
"Say something incredibly funny
"Or something quite crude
"Or at least rather rude
"So she'll relinquish the poetry."
"I don't think that would do us service,"
said Carl, a bit nervous.
"Or maybe," Van Helsing went on
"We could just hint 'em—
"Something terribly mean
Or drastically obscene
So then she'd be forced to print 'em."
"I think," said Carl with a look,
"She got that one out of a book."
"I know," said the dark-haired man,
"She should come up with something more original than—"
Quite suddenly he stopped, as he'd run out of words
A severely ticked expression he began to wear
Arrogantly he began to make war on empty space
As though the Writer were in the air
Instead of, which was certainly less sweet,
Lying dead in the gutter, on the ground at his feet
"I find it extremely obnoxious," quoth he,
"This trend that is sweeping the nation,
"This awful habit of attempting to insert as many superfluous syllables in the penultimate line as you possibly can
"It's turning into quite an irritation."
"Good lord," said Carl, mildly peeved
And instantly developing a slight tic
"You'd think you were born in this century
"Since when did you become a poetry critic?"
"Now that," said Van Helsing, beginning to whine,
"Now that was a spectacularly stupid line."
"Oh really?" said Carl, peeved as a bat,
"And pray tell me, sir, what exactly was that?"
"This is stupid," said Van Helsing
With something approaching rational calm
"It's not us we should make war on, its her,"
And again he attacked the air without a qualm.
Carl in the meantime scuffed at the sand
And in some embarrassment buried his head in his hands
When out of the building did roar
A man who looked quite insane
He set on the first person he saw (a native Londonian)
And the man of his blood he did drain
At last he set the unfortunate down
And looked around him a bit
Upon seeing Van Helsing his eyebrows were raised
And the first thing he said was, "Twit."
"I beg your pardon," said Van Helsing, offended,
"What was that you just said?"
"I think you heard me," said Dracula,
and called him a moron instead.
It appeared that the mortal enemies were about to fight
(Except that of course Dracula wasn't mortal)
When Carl became quite distracted by something
Pointed at the street and said, "Look, there's a turtle!"
There came from the listeners a collective groan
But even then the Writer's hold was not thrown.
Whilst her poor body lies mangled and bleeding
Her spirit back into reality was receding
"So everything goes,"
She sighed as she rose
And took her farewell of proceedings.
