Dilemma Chapter 5: Irony

There was silence.

Kaoru looked on blankly, her eloquent expression pure poignancy to Kenshin.

"Kaoru-dono... what's wrong?" What else was he to ask?

Instead of words, tears emerged from Kaoru's face.

"Kaoru! Tell me what's wrong!" Kenshin virtually shouted, anxiety rapidly creeping into his expression and voice.

"You. What did you tell her." Kenshin all but accused the man seated in front of Kaoru.

"The truth. You killed..."

"No! It's a lie..." Kaoru now burst into tears. "You couldn't have killed my father... It's not true! It's not true... right, Kenshin?" She was pleading rather than accusing.

What was one to think or say upon being treated to words like that?

"I... I..." It wasn't often that Battousai was at a loss for words.

The probability of being real whatever Kenshin was forced to think, based on the few words Shin and Kaoru gave, made his head spin, his heart in agony. A horrible feeling was creeping into all of his thoughts and senses at the prospective knowledge gained within s short moment.

"I don't have knowledge of doing such a thing." Between it all, Kenshin managed to find some calmness and basic rational thinking.

"I'm sure you don't remember each one of your countless murders." The words were cold, but Shin's strangely reasonable tone wasn't. "Of course I'd be lying if I said someone witnessed it. But there was too much evidence that you didn't bother or have reason to hide. All of the wounds showed that it was Battousai's sword skills that were responsible. And there had been two killings in the prior two nights, both known to be in your hands. And lastly, you left this." Shin reached into his gi.

He pulled out an aged, crinkled piece of paper, approximately the size of an adult's hand.

'Tenchuu.'

Kenshin and Kaoru looked on, all animation frozen. Kaoru knew, solely from Kenshin's self-told story, of his old 'Tenchuu' ideals and that he left such notes to accompany his victims.

"It was a cloudy night." Shin ruthlessly continued, though almost poetically. "There was a crescent moon. Kamiya-san was killed on an empty street. Four leafless acorn trees formed a square around the area. There was a cart about twenty feet away. Kamiya-san was returning from the Yamato- Ya restaurant, about three hundred feet from it when he was killed. His four companions were also killed." Shin told it as if it were yesterday that he returned from his errand to find his master's deathbed. "Two in the throat, one in the stomach, and the other twice into the chest. Kamiya- san was slashed in the stomach, back, leg and face."

Kaoru stared at Kenshin through her tears.

"I remember." Kenshin whispered.

Kaoru grew more incredulous and agonized by the second.

"I remember..." Kenshin repeated.

It was too overwhelming for the young woman in the room. Her body and head created a thud as she lost consciousness.

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Kaoru awoke, expecting the familiar sights and sounds; the sparsely furnished room, the sunlight penetrating the shoji, the birds chirping, and that distinct and serene feeling that was waking to the morning. Instead, blackness greeted her, and the wind chime along with it. It was night.

Everything had been a dream.

Or so she wished.

The day's events registered to her once again, driving her to rapid depression. She would have begun to weep did she not feel another presence in the room.

"Kenshin?" Despite what had occurred, why did she speak his name so easily?

"Kaoru-san. You are awake." Instead, Shin's voice reached Kaoru.

"Shin-san..." Relief or disappointment - Shin could not tell.

"I am sorry for telling you the things before. I felt that I had to for you and your father." Shin realized bringing up the subject seconds after Kaoru had recovered her consciousness was not the most compassionate action, but he had to reason with her; she had to know that it had to be done for her own good.

"..."

"I know it must hurt, Kaoru-san. But would you rather have found out later? Or would you rather never have found out such a thing?" Shin reasoned.

"Why... why do these things happen to me?" Kaoru spoke painfully.

"I'm sorry." Shin both apologized and sympathized earnestly.

"I'll get you something to eat." Shin rose to reach for the door.

"Where... where is he now?" Kaoru asked, not looking up.

"I don't know. He left after you fainted. I think he will come back though - his things are still in his room."

Kaoru strangely felt relieved. Shin walked out to gather some food.

Through the agony, Kaoru somehow started to think about what Shin had asked. Would she rather never have found out? Surely, she would be a substantially happier woman right about now - but she would virtually be living a lie then. And worse, the prospect of finding out such truth at a later date when... she and Kenshin have furthered their relationship would put her in pure hell -- not that Kaoru wasn't already in pure hell right now. Kaoru ceased her thoughts, for she couldn't think clearly for more than a second. Instead, tears threatened her once again, and she helplessly gave into them as she broke down into sobs.

What irony. She had thanked Kenshin countless times, albeit silently, for taking her loneliness away; for bringing a family to her. She had told him that his past didn't matter, that his sins were forgiven. It had been easy for her to say it wasn't his fault Tomoe died, and it had been easy to be angry at people who held grudges against Kenshin for his actions a decade past. Yet, ironically, he had been the one to bring her the loneliness in the first place... and now, it certainly wasn't easy for her to say it wasn't his fault - that he had to kill, that his past sins were forgiven, and that his past didn't matter to her.

As agonized and hapless Kaoru felt however, her situation was congruous with any painful revelation, any painful experience; no matter how much one wishes he or she never knew or experienced, knowing and experiencing are always ultimately for the better. And after time, she would realize just how important it is that the knowledge was gained, that the experience took place.

--THE END--

- - Author's Note: Just joking :P It's not the end, nowhere near it in fact. Sorry about the really short chapter after the really long time, I should have another chapter up in the next day or two... and I think the story will be written more easily from here on for a while. I really wanna write long chapters, but once I've written a bit, I get easily tempted to just post it as one chapter! Please tell me if you'd rather me post short chapters continually, or take more time and post longer chapters at a time. Or I'll just keep posting ridiculously short chapters and be proud of them :P

Thanks so much for the reviews everyone, just the one reply from me this time, for CEEGEE. I don't know for sure, I've looked through the anime and manga but I can't find the exact info regarding when Kaoru's father went to war (or maybe I didn't look hard enough). So I figured most people wouldn't know either... and came up with the story. It's not intended to be AT, so please assume for this story that Kaoru's father fought in the Bakumatsu, against Kenshin. If you do find out the exact details, please tell me the page/episode reference or an URL.

Please review! Reviews are the sole motivation for a fanfic author! The more I get, the more I want to write!