CHAPTER THREE:

THE ENDING OF THE BEGINNING

The door to the apartment was abruptly kicked open, practically knocking the door off of it's hinges. "Aaaand we're home!" Excel said in a sing-song voice, holding her arms up into the air dramatically. "Hello, cheap living establishment! Hello, kitchen in dire need of cleaning! Hello, Mench..." The girl trailed off, her emerald eyes blinking as her arms slowly fell to her sides. "Uh, Menchi?"

The blonde began to quickly dart to and fro about the apartment, checking all of the places where Menchi could be - Hiding in their 'beds', in the refrigerator, the stove, the pressure cooker... "She's not here!" Excel announced, taking a step out of the apartment, looking over to where she had laid Hyatt against the wall. "Hyatt, Menchi is gone! She might've been captured by enemy agents! Who knows what kind of torture she's being put through right now!"

A variety of images flashed through Excel's mind - Menchi being stretched on a torture rack, Menchi being electrocuted, Menchi being subjected to Chinese water torture...

"Or..." Excel began, a slightly blank look on her face as she looked to the door, "Maybe I just left the door open on accident again and she wandered out." The girl poked herself on the side of her head. "Either way, we've got to find her! But first thing's first... I need to deal with Ha-chan!"

She began to turn her head back to look towards where she had put Hyatt, but suddenly found herself staring face to face with the anemic girl who had apparently recovered while Excel was imagining Menchi's tortures. Excel let out a squawk of surprise, falling backwards onto the ground. "H-ha-chan! Don't surprise me like that!"

Hyatt tilted her head briefly, then bowed. "I'm sorry, Senior. I feel much better now."

Excel slowly stood back up, sighing to herself. "Well, that's good, at least. C'mon, we've got to find Menchi!" Just as the girl started to head off, she felt a thin hand grabbing her arm. With a slightly confused look on her face, Excel turned her head back to give an odd stare at Hyatt. "What is it, Ha-chan?"

"I think I left something in the apartment, Senior." Hyatt said pleasantly. "Can we go back inside for a minute?"

After scratching the side of her head for a moment, Excle shrugged. "Sure, why not?" She mumbled before stepping back into the apartment. Hyatt walked in afterwards, closing the door behind her. Faintly, there was the sound of a lock clicking.

Then, silence. Another few moments passed before a small, white furred dog popped her head out from behind the trash she'd been using for cover. Seeing that the proverbial coast as clear, she began to happily head out, her tail wagging cheerfully. Suddenly, a paid of gloved hands grabbed the dog, picking it up into the air. The dog let out a yip of surprise, then tilted her head as she saw who picked her up.

"There there, Mince." The mysterious person said in a silky voice. "No need to worry. All is going according to plan..." The person let out a melodic giggle as one of the gloved hands began to slowly pet the dog's head.

Back in the apartment, Hyatt turned from the now-locked door, looking to Excel. "Senior... I think we're alone now."

"The beating of our hearts is the only sound." Excel said, then tilted her head. "Well, besides us talking, and all. But what's Tommy James & The Shondells got to do anything with this?"

Hyatt smild. "Oh, Senior, you can be so cute..."

Excel blinked. "Cute? Wait... Wait, something's wrong here."

Hyatt shook her hed. "No, I think it's quite right..."

Excel frowned. "Wait a minute. Single-verb, extremely out of character actions? Song lyrics disguised as dialogue? A sudden drop of grammar and drastic increase of spelling errors? A general lack of coherent plot?"

"I don't think we ever really had that, Senior." Hyatt interrupted, that slightly vacant, almost too-happy smile still on her lips.

Ignoring her, Excel continued. "All of these could only add up to one thing... Either I just logged onto ShoujoAi MUSH, or I'm trapped in a Yuri fanfiction!" She announced, an edge of panic in her voice.

Hyatt: Is there even a difference between those? Besides, it's not so bad, Senior. You'll like. moves closer

Excel quickly shook her head. "No, no, stop it with the half-assed script style. We're not going that low."

Hyatt: pouts But Senior... wraps her arms around Excel

Excel: Well, maybe...

Excel cut herself off, quickly shaking her head again while waving her hands about. "No, no! Get out of my head!" The girl shouted, slipping from Hyatt's arms and darting into the bathroom, slamming the door, locking it, then barricading it with a few pieces of wood and a couple nails that just happened to be lying around the bathroom floor for some reason.

Panting slightly, Excel stood in front of the mirror, staring into it despondantly. "What am I gonna do? If I don't do anything, the story will never continue, and I'll never see my Lord Ilpalazzo again!" She banged her head against the mirror in frustration.

The girl's reflection began to fade, soon replaced by the smirking face of the devil Excel. "It is I, Bad Excel!"

The blonde pulled her face back, tilting her head up to look into the mirror curiously, her head tilting to one side. "Bad Excel? But I thought you were dead!"

Bad Excel narrowed her eyes. "Killed me? I'm just a clevah metaphor for 'da moral thought process! I can't be killed! What're yah, an idiot or somethin'?" The conscience pointer her pitchfork at Excel for a moment, then slowly lowered it again. "Anyway, I say yah should give in and let the Yuri run it's natural course!"

The face then began to fade, replaced by the angelic Excel."Yes, Excel!" The other conscience said. "You must give in! It is your only option!"

Excel stroked her chin in thought, weighing her choices. "Let's see... I can either give in, or I could give i-Wait." The blonde slumped over slightly, that blank look on her face again. "That's the same thing! Aren't you supposed to give me the other morally upright option?"

Good Excel shook her head. "No. Sadly, this is your only choice..." She trailed off, poking herself on the side of her head. "And I owe Bad Excel give bucks. My hands are sorta tied, so to speak... Sorry!" The image then quickly began to fade.

"No, wait!" Excel shouted. "There must be another option! And just how the hell does a conscience owe someone money! You're not even real!" However, her question went unanswered - She was merely standing into her normal reflection once more. The girl sighed. "I guess... I have no other choice."

The door was unlocked and the boards torn away. Excel slipped out of the bathroom, and, with a heavy sigh, slipped back into Hyatt's arms, since she had been holding that same position since Excel left.

"Well, Ha-chan..." Excel murmured in a hushed, gentle tone, slowly stroking her hand through the other girl's hair. "I guess I give up."

Hyatt gave the other agent a small squeeze, her hands roaming along her back affectionately. "I knew you'd come to your senses, Senior. They all do. We all float down here, Ritchie."

"Stop with the Stephen King quotes and kiss me."

With those words, the two began to slowly draw closer to one another, clinging to each other. Excel could feel Hyatt's warm breath as her soft lips moved ever closer to her own, slowly letting her eyes begin to close.

"Oh, Senior..." Hyatt murmured as their lips were almost touching. "I... I..." Before the girl could finish her words, she suddenly coughed a lungful of blood point-blank onto Excel's face, slipped from her arms, then promptly fell to the floor and fainted.

There was a moment of silence as Excel stood perfectly still, her arms still held as if gripping Hyatt, her lips still partially parted in anticipation for the kiss, her green eyes open wide with a shocked look. Slowly, she raised a hand up, wiping away some of the blood on her cheek, before turning her eyes down to stare at her blood smeared fingers. "Sometimes..." She muttered to no one in particular. "I hate my life." And with this, she collapsed, crumpling to the floor next to Hyatt, passing out.

The door to the apartment slowly opened, despite the fact that it was previously locked. The mysterious figure walked into the room, still lightly petting Menchi. "Perfect." It murmured, then suddenly spoke up. "I, Elgara, knew this would be the perfect way to get my revenge! Good thing the author was so easily bribed with Fleetwood Mac bootlegs!" The woman grinned triumphantly, letting out an obnoxious laugh. Menchi, meanwhile, squirmed from her arms, slipping out of the open door unnoticed.

As Menchi slipped out, Nabeshin walked by the door, glaring at Elgara. "Sheesh, can't that bitch learn she ain't supposed to be in this story?" The afro wondered mumbled before closing the door quietly with his heel.

Just as Elgara finally began to stop laughing, a knock came from the door. The third ACROSS agent blinked, turning her head over her shoulder. "Eh? I thought I left that open..." She turned around, opening the door casually.

"Hello." The girl standing behind the door said, bowing politely. "My name is Liana. I'm a poorly thought-out, one-dimensional character, inserted into the story for the sole purpose of having poorly written sex with you."

Elgara slumped over.

"Oh, hell."

LE FIN

So there you go, boys and ghouls. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed spacing out enough from my classes to write it. Feel free to review it, or send any comments, love letters, used underwear, or bricks to .