Uber-long delay. Hopefully it'll be worth it.


"Heya buddy! Wow, Zim, I didn't know your house was so big! It took me forever to find you!"

Zim screamed as Keef skipped merrily into his lab, dropping the beaker he was holding. The glass container shattered against the floor, the pinkish-purple contents oozing around glass shards before a drain opened up, cleaning the mess then reforming as part of the floor. Zim stared slack-jawed as the efforts of the afternoon disappeared, leaving no trace of his brilliant work. The beaker had held a highly potent mind-control serum, which had taken the entire afternoon to perfect. He had, of course, made a few improvements to each experemental batch, so it had taken considerably longer than it should have. A drop of the fluid in the beaker could have put a whale in a coma, but is should've been fine for use on Keef...

"Boy, I'm sorry Zim. Did I scare ya? Huh?" Keef beamed at his bestest friend, quickly forgetting the broken beaker.

Zim whirled around to face him, eyes narrowed into furious slits. "Keef..." he hissed, raising a shaky fist to eye level to express anger he had no words for.

"Yeah, Zim?"

"You need to leave. Now." Zim would rather not have to brutally murder his date type thing for the dance until after he'd served his purpose, and in order for that to happen, he needed to not be anywhere near him.

"Aww, but Zim! You said you were gonna make me somethin'!" Keef whined.

"I did. You BROKE it," he snarled. "GIR! SHOW KEEF OUT!" He screeched, seeing the human open his mouth to speak, most likely in his defense.

The little robot appeared, doggy suit intact and in duty mode, and dragged Keef to the elevator.

As he was being hauled away and the door was closing, Keef called out "Okay! See ya tomorrow, buddy!"

Zim screamed.


Meanwhile, Dib was being faced with his own problems. He had the phone propped lazily against his shoulder, not even half listening to the stream of babble coming from the other end.

"How did you get my number, anyway?" He interrupted, the first thing he'd said since 'hello.'

"Oh, uh, it was in the book," Gretchen answered, matter-of-factly. She was also blatantly lying. Due to the great Professors fame and to limit the amount of scary stalker fans, the number was not listed in any public access book. Suspicious, but the girl had continued her ramblings, and Dib doubted he'd get a straight answer if he asked again, so he let it drop for the moment.

She continued her one-sided discussion on the worst flavor of popsicles as if he'd said nothing, and he set the phone down and picked up a magazine. He could still hear the static buzz of her voice so he'd know if and when she wound down or said something warranting some kind of response, but there were other things he could be devoting his attention to.

After about an hour of this, though, his remaining sanity was screaming for mercy.

"Gretchen! I, uh, have another call! I'll see ya tomorrow, 'kay? Bye!" He interrupted, hanging up quickly and tossing the phone away as though it would bite him.

"Sounds like she really likes you."

Dib whirled around at the sound of the smug voice to face Gaz, who was leaning in the doorway sneering at him.

"What the- Gaz!" He yelped, rather surprised to see his younger sibling actually put herself voluntarily in his presence.

She graced him with an explanation. "You've been acting way too normal lately. Mysterious Mysteries has been on for half an hour, and I come up here to see if you're dead and you're on the phone? There's something not right going on here. You've upset the balance of the universe."

He blinked at her unusually long speech. "You never talk to me that much! I think you might be right about the balance of the universe thing. Hmm..." He mused over that for a moment before sudden realization struck. "NO! Mysterious Mysteries was a new episode tonight!"

In his haste to reach the big TV in time for the last segment, he pushed past Gaz. The universe was not so off-balance that she could let that slide, however, and so terrible vengeance was wrought. Painfully.


Zim emerged cautiously from his labs the next morning, having had the computer scan the perimeter of the base four times for any trace of Keef. Each scan had come up clear, but he wasn't taking any chances.

After creeping cautiously through the kitchen with still no sign of his tormentor, his confidence again began to build. He was back to full swagger by the time he'd reached the door and had begun whistling as he made his way through his yard to the sidewalk.

"G'moring, Zim! Didja sleep well?"

Zim shrieked and jumped back several feet as Keef popped up from beside the fence, where he'd presumably spent the night if the crumpled sleeping bag and candy bar wrappers were any indication.

Zim gawked at him from his spot on the sidewalk, shocked and utterly speechless. Keef just smiled and continued talking.

"Surprised ya, huh, Zim? Heehee, you shoulda seen the look on your face!" He giggled, pulling Zim up and leading him foreword. "Wow, this is gonna be just SO MUCH FUN!"

Zim snapped back to reality and promptly smacked Keef away again. The child was going to have some nasty bruises if he didn't start being careful.

"Keef! WHY are you STILL HERE! Don't you have anything better to do!"

"Not really. So anyway, I was thinkin' we could do somethin' after school today! How about getting ice-cream? I love ice-cream! Do you wanna get ice-cream, Zim?"

"...NO, Keef. I have... plans, for this afternoon," he hissed. Keef's face fell, much to Zim's delight.

"Oh... well, maybe I can come?" He asked hopefully.

"NO! No, it's... personal business. Uh, doctors appointment!" That excuse ran rampant in all rooms save Ms. Bitters, who instead got lines about vampires and exploding school buses. Zim had picked it up from Billy Slunchy, his 'faithful' informer.

He grinned, an idea hatching in his mighty brain. "Why don't you take GIR into the city for a while? He sure loves the city, and I don't get to take him there much..."

"Oh, boy, that sounds great, Zim! GIR is such a good dog, you remember that one time, with the suprise party and how he helped buy decorations and the cake, and I don't really remember the party that well, but I'm sure it was just great! And then that other time..."

Keef kept up his cheerful speech about how great a little doggy GIR was until they reached the school. By the time they'd reached the steps, Zim had tried and succeeded in tripping him 58 times, with only three failures. Keef had occasionally managed to catch a post of fence to regain balance, and the idea that the incredible Zim, his bestest friend, would try to trip him never even crossed his mind.

As always, Keef abuse managed to lift his spirits some, especially when Keef was the cause of his misery, and he managed to keep a relatively good mood until they reached the building and saw Dib, thoroughly cornered by Gretchen with no hope of escape.

This was unacceptable. How did the human expect Zim to start his day without the usual morning confrontation? When would he learn that Zim was his chief concern, not some puny Earth child!

Even the oblivious Keef noted the sudden change of attitude. He backed cautiously away, words halting in mid-sentence as a feeling of doom filled the air.

He stormed across the skoolyard, grabbed Gretchen by a pigtail, and tossed her away. After watching her sail a few yards back with a satisfied smirk, he turned to confront Dib.

"HUMAN! What is the meaning of this! Do I take this lack of interest as your surrender and declare Earth defeated? Are you giving up our battles for some GIRL!"

Dib glared back, secretly grateful and very amused with Zim's removal of Gretchen. "Of course not! We're going to the dance together, while YOU go suffer alone! You know, I'm sure they'll find out you're not human after they take you away. Dad said they do horrible tests on the social failures to find their flaw; do you really think you can escape this time?" He smirked, self-confident.

"Hah, wrong as always, Dib-worm! I too have a date, like and NORMAL Earth-larva would! That doesn't mean I neglected my mission, unlike a certain big-headed planetary defender..."

"My head's not big! And who would want to go with a lizard like you?"

He almost regretted having to answer that. No, he did regret it. "..Keef. But you're going with Gretchen! HAH! Pathetic!"

"At least she's a girl!" He retorted, surprised not only that Zim had a date, but a little unbelieving of his identity. Zim accepting Keef as anything except a target for stress relief seemed unlikely and weird.

"SO?" The alien was, again, oblivious to what was and was not acceptable on Earth.

Dib just glared at him for a moment before shaking his head. "Nevermind. You're too stupid to understand anyway," he sneered, baiting Zim's temper.

Zim snapped something at him, but the screeching of the bell drowned him out. Children rushed in a mooing herd into the building, nearly trampling the pair arguing near the stairs.

Today had the makings of a long day.


Yay new chapter! Sorry for the horrible delay, I haven't had time to do much of anything. My computer has just been sitting, gathering dust and making sad neglected computer sounds because it wasn't turned on in three weeks. But I'm alive, and still able to type, so the story goes on.

I can't believe this beast is only on Tuesday. That's like, three days until the actual dance starts! Arrg! I never thought it'd last past 7 chapters...

Speaking of, I tried to make this one longer, but it didn't work too well. I just can't write long chapters, I guess.

And Billy Slunchy is the kid whose mom Zim's Robo-Mom was poking on Parent-Teacher night. He's Zim's source for a bunch of information, really. Just thought I'd clear that up.