AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm so amazed by this ep and the evolution of the MSR that I had to get it on paper.

THANKS: I owe a huge amount of thanks to Mallory and to CindyET for helping me flesh out these
characters after this ep. I also owe a huge amount of thanks to Jim for getting my ass in gear.


You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You lift me from up above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

----- "I Belong To You" by Lenny Kravitz


I can't believe how angry you are. You, the believer, Mr "Trust Everyone," who runs off on a moment's
notice. You are mad at me for ditching you. Why won't you accept that I believed that he might have held
the answer to everything. He was known enough in the past to destroy the world, why not try to save it. But
no, you don't believe me at all.

Why?

I wish you would quit trying to protect me, Mulder. I am an adult, an FBI agent, and perfectly capable of
taking care of myself. All I want to do is prove myself to the world, to the bad guys. But mostly, I want to
prove myself to you, prove myself worthy to be your partner.

Why can't you understand that?

You're upset with me, I can see that. You think I should be better than you. You think that I shouldn't have
been swayed by that black-lunged son of a bitch. Well, I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I am human. And
yes, Mulder, I was afraid for my life. But I felt I could serve the greater good this way.

Why can't you trust me?

That's all that I ask of you. That's all that I've ever asked. I told you long ago that I trusted you, yet you can't
seem to return the favor. I know that he left you for dead, he admitted it. And I know now, beyond a doubt,
that he is the only reason I survived my abduction, he told me. I know, you want to know why I believe him.
Well, Mulder, I don't know why, but I do.

Why can't you see that I love you?

I did this to show you how much. But your eyes are closed, your ears deaf to my pleas. You seek only to
condemn me for my perceived betrayal. I don't know what to do to make you hear me. I need you and I
need your help. Please, won't you just look.

Why can't I tell you this?


End

Originally published: 03/22/00