Chapter Fourteen
My tongue felt stiff in my mouth from disuse. My head felt heavy, my body felt weak. It was a struggle to open my eyes, and once I did the room was so blindingly shut that I closed them again. After a long moment, I saw a heart rate monitor, the line steady. I glanced down with difficulty and saw my body wrapped tightly in a white sheet, and noticed I was wearing a hospital gown instead of my dress.
The room was void of people. Through the closed window I could see it was around midmorning. What had happened? Last thing I remembered was the church, and Jake's eyes.
Jake.
"JAKE!" I yelled into the room. My yell was little more than a whisper to my ears. A Doctor burst in through the door.
"Mrs. Jagielski, how are you feeling?" he asked, approaching the bed and checking my pulse.
"Jake. I want Jake, why isn't he here?" I asked.
"We advised against it. I'll get someone to go find him," said the doctor.
"Wait! What about my baby?" I said.
"By the early results, I can say that you'll both be fine," he said as he exited.
"Peyton," he said softly, entering and sitting on the bed, gently hauling my upper body onto his lap.
"Jake. I missed you," I said.
"We've all missed you," he said. I could see his eyes growing wet.
"Why? What happened? How long has it been?" I asked.
"Shh, you need rest. You collapsed at Karen's wedding, apparently you were doing too much. You almost lost the baby, they managed to stop it, you'll be fine if you take it easy. So they fixed everything and then they didn't wake you up so you could rest, and it's been two days and about six hours, twenty minutes," he said.
"Where've you been?"
"In a hospital chair. With Haley and Luke, they're both around. Jenny's with Brooke. How are you feeling?" he asked.
"Okay. Weird. Like I've died and been born again. By the way, what do you mean by taking it easy?" I asked suspiciously.
"Bed rest," he said apologetically.
"What? For four months? Why the hell does Haley get to be so good at this?" I asked. He laughed.
"Nathan had to basically carry her home to get sleep-he's worried about her. Yeah, four months. Or less, if it all works out. Come on, we'll be fine. I'll keep Jenny out of your hair, Haley can spend the time with you I won't spend," he said.
"Pity visits? I'm a freakin' invalid. Do I have to stay here long?" I asked.
"No, you can come home," he said comfortingly. Home seemed like a blessing.
"Oh my God. I just remembered, I got a call from the dredging people," I said.
"I know."
"He's…"
"I know," he said quietly.
"For real?" I asked anxiously. Slowly he nodded.
"How?" I asked. I hadn't received the whole phone call. Did I want to know? Did I need to?
"Peyton, I should tell you later-the doctors said you can't get stressed out right now," he said.
"Tell me now," I demanded. I felt numb-my body wouldn't let me feel pain.
"Peyton…"
"Jake." I said firmly.
"There was a storm. He was on a transport, he fell somewhere off the coast of California. His crew couldn't see anything. They reported him missing as soon as they could, but…"
"So no one's found him? It could just be a mistake, right?" I said eagerly.
"It was a hurricane in the middle of the night. I'm sorry," he said. I shut my eyes tightly. Could it ease the pain? Could anything?
"So he's dead. In the bottom of the pacific ocean?" I asked.
"He loved the water," said Jake. I nodded.
"I can't believe it," I said. I tried to sit up, but Jake grabbed my wrists.
"No, don't. They don't want you to get up. They said if you even get worked up they're going to have to sedate you until you're more healthy," he said soothingly.
"How am I supposed to be calm about this?" I asked. He sighed.
"Peyton, all your father ever wanted was for you to be happy, to be loved, and to never be alone. Now that that's true, what life did he have?" asked Jake. I stared.
"What do you mean? He was about to have a grandchild!"
"A grandchild he'd never be able to form a real relationship with. Pey, you saw how he was last visit. Seeing you with me and Jenny, completely independent from him-it made him useless," said Jake.
"But I love him," I said.
"Yeah, and he loves you," said Jake.
A week later I was almost ready to go home. Jake had left only when I'd forced him to shower, Luke, Nathan and Brooke came daily. Haley was advised against it, because of the stress-and it drove her crazy.
Brooke came to see me the morning of the day I was scheduled to leave. I looked at her in surprise as she came and sat by my bed in a chair.
"What are you doing here? I'll be home in a couple of hours!" I said.
"I know, but I've got to go soon. And I want to talk to you," she said. She'd extended her visit home because of the events.
"What's up Brookie?" I asked. She sighed.
"We're growing apart," she said sadly.
"We are not. We talked on the phone every other day," I protested.
"Yeah, about makeup. Or boys, or hair. I have absolutely no idea what's going on in your life," she protested.
"It's harder when you're not around Brooke," I said.
"So you just want to give up on it? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" she asked. Her eyes skimmed to my prominent belly.
"I wanted to see your face when I told you," I whispered. Tears filled her beautiful brown eyes.
"Why? Because you thought I'd be mad? I'm happy for you Peyton," she said. She wasn't backing down.
"But you'd still rather it was you and me pregnant, not Haley and me," I said.
"Tutor-Wife would make a way better mom than me."
"Brooke, that wasn't my question," I said insistently.
"Yes! You're right! I wish we could go back to the way we were, or have kids at the same time like we'd always planned. I wish you could have come to college with me, or I could have stayed home. I wish Lucas Scott didn't exist, and I wish Jake Jagielski would keep his hands to himself!" she exclaimed.
"But not Marvin McFadden? Brooke you've changed too," I reminded her.
"I'm the same."
"You're not. You're better at relating to people, you're nicer to strangers, you care more about more things," I said.
"I'm growing up," she said tearfully.
"Yeah, just like I am! I just did it differently, because I had to!" I said. Sometimes I tried to forget that I'd married Jake out of necessity and how long it had taken for me to fall in love with him. Not long, really-just too long.
"But it turned out well!"
"This will too," I promised, reaching for her hand.
The stupid doctors were making me stay in bed all the time, so they wheeled me right out of the car and helped me in. When Jake pulled up to the house he came around to the side and carried me into the house and up the stairs, into our room. He'd installed the television, brought books and my computer within arms reach so I wouldn't really have to get up for four months.
Four months.
Karen came to drop Jenny off soon after I arrived.
"Sorry I messed up your wedding," I said as she dropped Jenny onto the bed, who screamed my name and tumbled into my waiting arms. I inhaled her scent as Karen laughed.
"Honey, it's not your fault. How are you doing?" she asked.
"Well I feel weak, and scared, but I've actually been able to keep my thoughts away from Daddy for stretches of about five minutes at a time. I'll be okay," I said confidently.
"How's the baby?" she asked. I knew Karen would be the baby's grandmother, biologically or no.
"Fine. A bit small, but fine. I'm scheduled to start two weeks after Haley, which is nice. How are you and Keith?" I asked.
"It's perfect," she said honestly.
"That's great-our first weeks were kind of tumultuous. How's Luke with it?" I asked.
"You don't know?"
"He never talks to me anymore," I said ruefully.
"He will, eventually. He's fine-he's always wanted this, even before I realized that I did. But he had to go back," said Karen.
"You're lucky you have Keith, now that you're only child is gone," I said. She shook her head.
"No. I've said this before Peyton, but you and Haley are as close as I'll ever get to having daughters, and I don't regret any of it. If your child would regard me as it's grandmother I'd be honoured," she said, kissing my forehead.
"I guess I need a surrogate dad as well," I said, sadness seeping into my voice.
"You have Whitey," she said. On glance at her was all she needed-we both knew how old Whitey was getting.
"I'm lucky to have Jake," I said.
"Yes, you always have been," she said.
"And I always will be," I answered.
