Chapter 4
"That was your plan?" Maureen balked. "Run away, have the baby and then show back up later hoping they'd all say how cute she was and totally forget everything now that they've seen their grandkid?"
"Basically." Roger shrugged at her. "We really thought we had it made too. You know, nobody hassling us. We could do whatever we wanted. Didn't have to listen to our parents go on about anything thing. Hell I was 17 years old living with my girlfriend in my own apartment. At the time it seemed perfect."
"So you guys just hid out?" Mimi asked him.
"Yeah, pretty much. I mean I was like seriously freaked somebody would find us. April's dad was this big time lawyer. I didn't know what he was going to do, but I just kept picturing him having an APB out on my car and stuff. So we hid the car in Mike's backyard and just hung out.
"I mean I was working everyday anyway. Sometimes we went to the movies. Or we'd walk down to the 7-11 for slushies. But that was pretty much it. We stayed off the boardwalk so we wouldn't run into anyone and just hung out back at our apartment." He said with a small somewhat sad grin.
"I just can't picture you and April playing house." Maureen said.
"Yeah well April would get up every morning and make me breakfast. Eggos with peanut butter or Poptarts. And she'd make me lunch too. She use to put notes in my lunch from Amber and stuff." Roger saw the amused grin on Collins' face. "Hey we were in high school. At the time it was really cute."
"I think it's sweet." Joanne told them.
"April kept watching all these cooking shows saying how we better learn to cook because we can't be feeding Amber peanut butter and jelly, baloney, mac and cheese and frozen waffles.
"And she kept reading all these magazines Connie had on kids and parenting and stuff. She had this huge list of stuff we were going to need to baby proof my mom's house when we moved in with them. And how my Dad was going to have to quit smoking cigars around the baby and all. Stuff like that." He gave another little shrug.
"Connie gave her a bunch of baby clothes. She had these cute little dresses picked out for Thanksgiving and Christmas. April kept joking about taking Amber to our senior prom the next spring. Getting a prom picture with her all dressed up and all." He gave a little laugh thinking back on that. "I mean we really thought it was all going to work out."
"Wow." Maureen said. "That just so doesn't sound like April."
"At least the April we knew." Collins added.
"That's just it." Roger said softly looking up at Collins. "By the time you knew her, she was a totally different person. We both were."
"I can't believe you guys never said anything." Maureen said. "And it all just sounds so strange. April making you lunch and talking about the prom. And being an honor student."
"Yeah well you don't know everything Maureen! We weren't always junkies you know!" Roger snapped at her.
There was a moment of silence before she spoke again. "I'm sorry." Maureen said barely above a whisper with her eyes on the floor.
No one knew what to say so they all sat there silent for a minute. No one even making eye contact. Finally Roger spoke. "You guys want to see some pictures of Amber?"
"You have some?" Mimi asked, surprised.
"Yeah. A few." He told her, suddenly feeling somewhat guilty.
"I'd love to see them Roger." Joanne spoke up.
"Me too." Mimi said softly.
Roger got up and went into his bedroom. He could hear them whispering out in the living room. He dug through his closet till he found the box that held everything related to April in it. It felt strange to be talking about all of this. Especially to Mimi. April and that whole part of his life was something they just didn't discuss.
He set the box down on his bed and started to pull things out of it. It had been a long time since he'd been in that box. And even longer since he'd been in the envelope he was looking for. He was just starting to get nervous that something had happened to it when he found the envelope.
It was near the bottom of the box. Under a small pink and white teddy bear he had won early that spring. Before anyone knew April was pregnant. Right after they had found out at Planned Parenthood that the baby was a girl. He won two teddy bears that day. One for April and one for Amber. That was the day they decided to name her Amber. April had told him that she made them leave the other teddy bear with Amber when they took her away. She hoped someday, when she was bigger she'd know it was from her real parents. Roger stared down at the bear for a moment, wondering if somewhere out there was a little girl with a pink and white teddy bear.
Carefully he picked up the bear and set it on the bed. He reached back into the box and pulled out the manila envelope. Amber's name was written across it in April's neat handwriting. He hadn't looked in that envelope in years. Not since right after April died. In the beginning they'd talked about her a lot, but it always made April cry. Eventually less and less. The day April killed herself she had pulled out that envelope. Roger had found it on their bed.
Silently he walked backed out to the living room and sat back down next to Mimi. He dumped the envelope out on to the coffee table. About twenty pictures and some papers fell out.
"Oh Roger's she's beautiful!" Joanne told him, flipping through the pictures. "Amber Michelle Davis – 10 minutes old." She read off the back of one picture.
"Wow you guys look so happy." Mimi said sadly, about the picture of Roger standing next to the hospital bed where April held the baby. "And so young."
"We were young." Roger told her looking at the pictures. "God I was scared to death I was gonna drop her or something the first time I held her. She was so tiny. But she wrapped her whole hand around my finger and just hung on."
"Oh look at Mark! He looks about twelve and terrified!" Maureen gave a snotty laugh.
"Yeah well, what you don't know is he was grounded because he wouldn't tell anybody anything about where we were. To try and get him to talk his parents took away his car, his license, his camera, his phone and his ATM card so he couldn't get any money. But he never said a word." Roger snapped at her again as he ripped the picture of Mark holding Amber out of her hands.
"Before we left he got a text pager so I could get a hold of him if I needed him. Nobody knew about it. I paged him and told him April was in labor. He had to wait till everybody at his house was asleep. Then he snuck into his sister's room and stole her car keys and her wallet. He climbed out his bedroom window, jumped off the porch roof, pushed his sister's car down the driveway and rolled it down the street some so no one would hear him start it. So yeah Mark committed his first felony to come and see us even though he knew full well he'd have hell to pay when he got back home. And we found out later he broke his foot jumping off the porch roof. And he still did all that!
"So yeah he had a right to look terrified. Plus he was scared he'd drop Amber too." Roger gave a small grin thinking back on all Mark had done for him and April during all that. During everything actually.
"And just one more reason why you gotta love Mark." Collins told them as he looked at the pictures. Pictures of people he never knew. They certainly weren't the Roger and April he knew.
"So how did they find you?" Mimi asked him softly. She wasn't really sure where her place in this conversation was. She wanted to know. She wanted to be supportive. But she wasn't sure exactly where she fit in.
Roger let out a sigh as he looked at the pictures of April and Amber. They were both so beautiful. And Amber looked just like April. Even then she had April's eyes and nose. Without looking up from the pictures he answered her. "It wasn't his fault. They would have found us eventually. I mean we gave the hospital April's insurance card so they would have found us. We didn't think about that. And we didn't know her parents hired a private investigator to look for us either. Had we known, I never would have let Mark come down. I wouldn't even have told him. But it's not his fault. He was just trying to help. I don't blame him. I never did. Neither of us did. But I still think he doesn't believe me. Even if he did it wouldn't matter. Mark blames himself enough for both of us."
