Chapter 5

"What do you mean Mark blames himself? What happened?" Joanne asked him.

"Is it Mark's fault you got caught?" Maureen asked, a little too eager.

"No it is not Mark's fault!" Roger told her before shaking his head. "No. Listen, like I said we gave them April's insurance card. They were going to find out she was in the hospital. They just found out sooner that we expected."

"How?" Collins asked.

"Mark used his sister's credit card to buy gas before he headed back home. The gas station was just down the street from the hospital. Like I said, it wasn't his fault. Who would have thought they'd figure anything out from that? But yeah, that's how they found us." He set the pictures back down on the coffee table.

"Mark got home and they were all there waiting for him. His parents, my parents and April's parents. And you know he still never said anything. His sister Cindy didn't either. But my dad asked Cindy how much gas was in the car before Mark took it. They figured out he had to of bought gas, and Cindy cracked under the pressure and told them he had taken her credit card too.

"Her parents got to the hospital and said give the baby up or I go to jail. And I said I'd go to jail because April wanted to keep Amber. We both did. And then my parents got there and everyone was yelling at everyone. April was crying. Amber was crying. My mom was crying. Her dad kept going on about sending me to jail which just got my mom and April going again. Then April's dad's lawyer showed up, with cops and warrant for my arrest in Scarsdale.

"By the time everyone was done, April was so upset, and we were so confused and so tired. We hadn't slept in like 36 hours at that point. The cops had cuffed me and were ready to take me away. April was so scared they were gonna send me to jail. It just felt like we didn't have any options. So we gave her up." He gave another little shrug as he picked up another picture and looked at it."

"Oh honey that's so sad." Mimi told him taking his hand into both of hers.

"But for about twelve hours she was all ours." He stared at a picture. "Nobody knew about her but us and Mark. And we stupidly believed everything was going to work out. But then they all showed up. And by the time she was one day old, we never saw her again."

"Oh Roger that's horrible." Joanne said, wiping away a tear that had formed.

"So what happened then?" Maureen asked.

Roger shrugged. "Nothing. School started. We were seniors. April's parents said we weren't supposed to see each other so we had to sneak around for awhile. My mom didn't care so she was cool about that. But nothing was ever the same. I was supposed to be one of the co-captains on the baseball team that year, but I quit baseball. The band let me back in, but they kicked me out before the year was up because I didn't always make it to practice. And April was just so depressed. By the time graduation came she'd gone from high honors to barely passing. Mark did half our homework that year. She just didn't care. And I don't think she ever spoke to her dad again."

"I don't think I'd talk to him either if it was me." Joanne said.

"No I mean literally. She never spoke to him. If he said anything to her she'd just give him this icy glare and walk away. She just sort of pretended he didn't exist anymore. Between that, and just being depressed she stayed away from her house a lot. Her mother finally agreed to 'let' her start seeing me again, but I'm pretty sure she knew we never quit in the first place. But none of it helped.

"We started smoking weed to sort of dull it. We went to freshman year of college. We didn't even party or anything that much. I hooked up with these guys forming a band. April would hang out and get stoned during rehearsals. Our grades sucked. Mark was like seven hours away at Brown. We knew we weren't going back.

"April's mom thought she was doing better. Before our grades came out April told her mom she needed to pay for the next year's tuition. Her mother put the money into her account. We packed up our dorm rooms, when back home and got some more of our stuff, said goodbye to Mark and left for the city.

"We found an apartment and The Well Hungarians started taking off. For awhile it seemed like it was getting better. Especially after Mark showed up at the end of his sophomore year and we moved into the loft with Benny. But Mark could tell how depressed April was. By that point I didn't even see it between all the crap we were doing. And Mark still felt guilty, which just reminded April of it more I guess.

"So that's what Mark meant…" Collin trailed off, thinking back to Mark's little outburst before hand.

"Yeah you know Mark. I really think he thinks if her parents hadn't done all that, April and I wouldn't have run away, wouldn't have become junkies, wouldn't have turned up positive and April wouldn't have killed herself. Plus he blames himself for setting all that in motion as well. Which is all total bull. He didn't do anything.

"But he's right about one thing. Her dad went to so much trouble to keep her from throwing her life away. Instead she ends up a junkie who kills herself in our bathroom." He let out a sigh as he rested his head back on the seat of the chair he was leaning against.

"I still can't believe you're a daddy." Mimi said quietly. "It just seems so strange."

"Yeah well considering it was only for about twelve hours or so I don't know if it really counts."

"Of course it counts. You went through hell to try and do what you thought was best for your kid. That's what makes you a daddy. A good daddy."

Roger gave a small, tired laugh. "Yeah right. I got to go to bed." He started putting the pictures in the envelope.

"Roger what are these?" Joanne asked him, looking at the papers that had fallen out when he dumped out the pictures.

"I don't know. Adoption papers I guess. April just always kept them with the pictures."

"Oh." Joanne answered as she folding the papers back up and put them into the envelope.

Roger picked up the envelope and his glass and walked over to the kitchen. He sat the envelope on the counter as he put his glass in the sink. "I'm going to bed. I'll see you guys tomorrow. Are you coming to bed?" He asked Mimi.

"Yes, in just a minute." She told him, as she helped Collins pick up the rest of the night's glasses and such.

"Okay." Roger walked out of the kitchen and started heading towards his room but he stopped and turned towards Mark's. He knew Mark was awake. He knew Mark had heard everything through the thin walls. Without bothering to knock he walked into Mark's room. "Hey." He whispered.

"Hey." Mark whispered back, not turning to look at him.

Roger sat down on Mark's bed. "You gotta get over this. We never blamed you you know? It just worked out that way. They would have found us eventually. And them finding us, or all the crap her parents did didn't make us junkies. Or make her kill herself."

"Well it sure as hell didn't help!" Mark whispered back, still facing the wall.

"She's better off Mark. What kind of life would she have had? We couldn't have given her anything. Teenage parents. No money. We probably wouldn't even had graduated high school. We probably wouldn't be much better off than we are now."

"Maybe. But you'd at least have your kid. And April wouldn't have killed herself. And you wouldn't have, well you know."

"Yeah I know."

"I just wish it was different."

"Me too." Roger said softly as he stood up. "I'll see you in the morning."

A/N Glad you guys are liking this. I'm starting to put together a prequeal of this story. Hopefully I'll get a lot of it done next week while I'm on vacation with my little junior Renthead. Reviews will of course help inspire me! I'm not sure if I'll be able to post at all next week, but I'll be back before next weekend. Don't forget about me!

Thanks for the reviews so far. I'm glad you guys are liking this.

Kelby