Random Tales of the Magic Roundabout
By Todd Fan
Disclaimer: "Hey, that snail was about to charge!"
More randomness! Just in time for April Fools Day.
Chapter 3 - April showers.
"APRIL FOOLS!"
Florence let out a breath. It was the kind of breath one lets out when they are trying not to release a big ball of anger onto a target. She put down the now empty milk carton, and wiped the white liquid off her face. Dougal grinned happily from his place on the floor.
"The old exploding milk carton trick", chuckled the dog, "I can't believe you fell for that one"
"Me either", muttered Florence, "April Fools Day already? Mmm, holidays do come quickly when you try to avoid them, don't they?"
"YEP!", grinned Dougal, "no hard feelings, Florence?"
Florence gave a forced grin.
"None at all, Dougal", she said, "I don't mind reeking of milk for a week, really, I don't"
Dougal, not used to Florence using sarcasm, smiled and nodded.
"Great!", he said, then pattered to the door, "right, now I've got to get everyone else"
"Lucky them", muttered Florence, then sighed, shaking her head, "I don't know how Dougal manages to stay sarcastic all the time, it makes me feel lousy"
Unknowing of the fate that was to befall them, the other residents of the Enchanted Land were blissfully going about their buisness. Brian was humming happily to himself as he slid along. It had been a good morning so far, he'd got some DIY done in his shell, and now he was going to see the love of his life. He stopped dead, however, when Dougal lept out from behind a tree.
"Oh my God, Brian, LOOK OUT!".
"What? What?", asked Brian, looking in every direction, "what is it?"
"Salt attack!", shouted Dougal, then tugged at a rope, emptying the white contents of a bag onto the mollusc.
"HELP!", screamed Brian, "it burns...IT BUUUUUURRRNNNNS!. It..."
He paused, blinking.
"...This isn't salt"
"APRIL FOOLS!", shouted Dougal joyfully, before tottering off.
Brian watched him go, then gave the 'salt' a sniff.
"...How unlike Dougal to waste sugar", he mused, "maybe he's sick"
"La la la la, la la LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Dougal winced as he neared Ermintrude's shed. Maybe, maybe just one day, she'd decide NOT to sing. That would be a blissfull day for all involved, no doubt. He loitered in the door for a few moments, until the bovine noticed him.
"Heloooooo Doooouuuugaaallllll", she sang.
"Yes, that's great", winced Dougal, then gave her a sweet smile, "I just heard some GREAT news, Ermintrude"
"Oh?", asked Ermintrude, smoothing out her hat.
"Yes", said Dougal, "I heard, strictly on the grapevine, mind you, that some big opera tallent scout was staying in the village"
"An opera tallent scout?", asked Ermintrude, her face lighting up.
"Yep", said Dougal with a nod, "apparently, he's looking for someone to star in his latest piece"
"Oh...oh joy!", said Ermintrude happily, "finally, my chance to shine. A chance for my true tallent to be discovered!"
"I think he's leaving today", said Dougal, then added with an evil grin, "you might catch him...if you're quick"
"Of course!", said Ermintrude, hurriedly running out of her shed, "thank you, Dougal, I shall remember you when I'm rich and famous!"
"Sure you will, Ermintrude, sure you will", chuckled Dougal, moving onto his next victim.
It didn't take Dougal long to reach Dylan's warren, or rather, one of the holes he assumed belonged to Dylan, as most of the residents didn't 'do' underground, the lapine was left in relative peace...But not today. (1)
Dougal cleared his throat, leaning down the mouth of the hole. And then he began to sing.
"Bright eyes, Burning like fire, Bright eyes, How can you close and faiiiiiil?" (2)
He paused, allowing his voice to echo through the warren. A few moments later, when he assumed the sound had reached Dylan, he heard a squeal of terror. A few moments later, Dylan dashed out of another hole.
"Not the song, NOT THE SONG!", he shouted, "There's a dog loose in the woods!"
Dougal watched, amused, as Dylan ran in a panicked cricle before racing off in the direction of the Village..
"Poor bunny-wunny", chuckled Dougal, "it gets him EVERY time"
With that, he headed off in the general direction of the village, humming happily to himself.
When he got there, Ermintrude was pacing irritably by the Roundabout. Mr Rusty was leaning on the controls, watching her in the quiet way he had.
"I can't believe that lying, cheating...MONGREL!".
Dougal had to bite his tounge to avoid shouting out that he was NOT a mongrel, but a pure-bred Maltese Terrier, thank-you-very-much.
"He does it every year", pointed out Mr Rusty calmly, "I'd have thought you'd be used to it by now".
Brian slid up sugar still piled onto the top of his shell.
"Is this the 'rant about Dougal' line?", he asked, "because I don't thin near-death experiences are all that funny"
"Tell me about it", saod Florence, hopping off the Roundabout and walking over, "just look at Dylan"
They turned to the rabbit, who was curled up in a little ball, rocking back and forth.
"Bad bunny song, bad bunny song", he chanted repeatedly.
Florence sighed, patting Dylan on the head.
"It'll take him weeks to get over this", she said, "you know how he feels about that film"
"Oh you guys just can't take a joke, can you?", said Dougal as he pattered over to them.
"I'll joke YOU a minute!", snapped Ermintrude, raising a hoof, "keep still, and I'll show you a GREAT joke, It's called 'Whack the Dog'".
Zebedee sprung into the middle of them before and all out war could break out.
"Now now, lets not resort to violence", he said, "it solves nothing"
"Says you!", snapped Ermintrude.
Zebedee smiled sweetly.
"It wouldn't be fair to treat him so harshly", he said, "especially since the candy seller has fallen ill, and his store will be closed for a week"
Dougal's face fell.
"No sugar?", he whimpered, then let out a scream, running off in the direction of the candy store, "NO SUGAR!"
Florence glanced at Zebedee.
"It's nothing serious is it?"
"No", said Zebedee, "I just gave him a holiday. I thought you might want Dougal to have some...discomfort at this time of the year"
The group blinked at him.
"Did I ever mention how much we all adore you?", asked Ermintrude.
"Probably", replied Zebedee, "time for bed"
(1) - Okay, I'm not sure if Dylan ACTUALLY lives in a warren. I don't recall it ever being shown, but my memories of the show are vauge to say the least. I know he slept alot by a blue tree, but as he's a rabbit, I shall assume he lives in a warren. So there.
(2) - Bright Eyes, by Art Garfunkel. Famously sang in the movie adaptation of Watership Down. It is my belief that this movie must be the rabbit equivalent of a really, really bloody slasher movie. Count the rabbits that die bloody and violent deaths, really, it's frightening. Especially that dog bit at the end.
And another chapter done and dusted. Weeee! Do review. Until next time...
