Lost in the Past
Chapter 33 - Please Do Not Let Me Go
A/N - The end is approaching, I'mmaking plans for the best ending I can give it, but still leave it open for the sequel. I'm not sure how I'm gonna top the ending of Too Young, Too Much, Too Fast, but I'm gonna try. So here's 33, only 2 left! Enjoy ;-)
Another sleepless night had come and gone, his feelings tore at his insides. His heart ached as he laid watching his wife sleep restlessly next to him. She tossed and turned, never settling down, never letting her worries escape her till morning. She had stayed up with him until nearly 5:30, he told her persistently that she could sleep, she had refused. She dozed off with a fight, still battling to keep her eyes open for him. He watched her now, almost wishing she could've stayed up for him, he felt so lost, so broken, and he didn't know why.
– 'If the walls in the room could talk, I wonder to myself, would they laugh, it's like some kind of jail' –
It was only eight o'clock that morning when he ran out of the hotel, back down to the beach. His breath had escaped him, he ran as fast as he could, throwing himself into the raging ocean before him. He walked back out, wet and cold, only to find Haley out on the beach staring at him.
"Hey," he said, walking up to her, sitting down on the warm sand.
"Lucas...I'm really sorry," her voice was sincere, but he didn't want pity.
"Yea, me too."
"Nathan's not awake yet...Peyton told me. I don't know how I'm gonna tell him, he's just -"
"Lemme do it," he insisted, knowing he would understand better than the girl next to him.
"I dunno, I feel like I should be the one -" Lucas' face remained stoic and she finally surrendered, "...just go easy on him...I don't know how he's gonna take this."
"I do. It's not gonna be pretty...but at least he'll take it. I don't know how I'm supposed to feel, he was never there for me. He never tried to be a part of my life...he doesn't deserve anything from me, but I still feel like I should feel bad...he was my father," she looked over to see him staring at the small grains that were sand. His arms came around his knees, he shook slightly from the cold wind that swept around him, the water still lingering in his sweatshirt.
"I've known you my whole life, you're a good guy, Lucas. It's okay to feel bad, he was still your father, even if you didn't know him. He was a part of you, whether that's good or bad, you have a right to be upset and still not feel like you owe him anything," Haley had always been insightful, giving him wisdom through his childhood.
"Yea...can we change the subject?" she nodded, "So, you and Nathan never got a proper engagement party, I feel like we stole your thunder or something," she laughed at his choice of words.
"Yea you did! I want a par-tay!" she shouted, he chuckled, shaking his head at his best friend.
"Ok then me and Peyton will start planning, ya know since we are the best man and maid of honor," he had a cocky grin on his face as he jumped up, and started running back to the hotel. She chased after him, going back in to face the day, and face her fiancee's grief.
– 'Beams of light, fall through the curtain onto the bed, I'm all alone now; I can do as I please' –
Nathan groggily opened his eyes, looking around for the petite brunette who had been sleeping beside him. He stood from the mattress, headed towards the door that connected their room to his brother's. His hand hit the knob, but it turned before he got the chance. Lucas stepped through, now in dry clothes, and sat on the chair only a few feet from his brother's bed. Haley, Peyton, Brooke and the kids had headed out to the beach now that the sun had made an appearance, Jake still remained sleeping.
"Where's Hales?" he was still confused as to why his brother had shown up, and why his fiancee was now gone, he began to panic, realizing something had gone wrong.
"She went out with Peyton, Brooke, and the kids. Jake's still sleeping," Nathan furrowed his eyebrows, still staring at his older brother who's face was full of concern and stress.
"You look like hell, man. Did you get any sleep last night?"
"Yea, like an hour," he turned towards the window in his brother's room, staring out at the beach where his family was. Nathan began to pace the room nervously before Lucas turned around to face him again. "You're gonna wanna sit down, Nathan," it was then that Nathan's hands began to fidget, his non-existent case of ADD began to kick in.
"I don't want to," his statement was clear and firm to the blonde. He would've done anything to not have to do this to Nathan, considering he was the one close to Dan, it was going to tear him apart. And then to have lost Whitey too, in simplest terms he had become a mentor to Nathan, becoming the father he never had.
"Fine. I don't know how to tell you this, Nathan - "
"Well, then just spit it out, Lucas," he was on edge. His nerves were falling apart, he was nervous, he couldn't sit still, just when everything came together it found a way to crumble. He knew from the minute he asked Haley to marry him that things were too good to be true. He averted his eyes, staring at the floor while Lucas tried to find the words.
"Last night...Whitey went to see Dan, he picked him up and they were driving. He was bringing Dan back to Tree Hill so he could...make amends with everyone I guess. They were on one of the back roads on the way from Chicago where Dan was living. My mom said Whitey had a heart attack while he was driving...they hit a tree head on," he had to pause to regain his voice, he saw Nathan's world collapsing around him, "they're gone, Nathan."
Lucas watched him carefully, knowing he might not handle it very well. Nathan stood still for moments, not moving, his eyes focused on an unknown destination. He looked up to make eye contact with his brother, and began to laugh. The blonde was as confused as ever, his little brother stood in the middle of the room, laughing hysterically, bitterly as he sat himself down on the edge of the bed.
"Of course they're dead, I knew things were too good. Why would I even think things would work out like that? God, I must be stupid...I wanted him dead, ya know? When we were in high school I wished for years that he was dead, but now I think he did it to spite me. He knew I was happy, why would he let me be happy! And of course Whitey went with him. I mean if you take the evil bastard you have to take the good guy too," he sat a smirk still on his face.
"Are you okay?" Lucas asked him cautiously, but Nathan just shook his head, put a pair of gray sweat pants on and headed for the door.
"Just...tell Haley I'll be back later," and with that he was gone.
"Nathan," Lucas said to the back of a door. He let out a sigh, stood, and headed out towards the beach to inform Haley that her husband was having a nervous breakdown.
– 'I don't feel like doing much of anything. True love ain't hard to find, now that you will ever know, will you leave for a while?' –
Haley stood with her arms crossed, staring out at the large mass of water in front of her. Peyton and Brooke tried to keep the kids together, it was like rounding up sheep in Peyton's opinion. It was as if she felt Lucas, the brunette spun on her heel, running to him with a sense of urgency inside of her.
"How is he?"
"I don't know. I told him, and as soon as I finished he started laughing. He was just laughing hysterically and then he ran out. He said to tell you he'd be back later, I'm not sure if he's okay..." he trailed off, watching Haley's reactions. Her eyes grew wide, realization hitting her, he wasn't going to be okay. His masquerade had always made it hard for her to read him, but she was improving, and she knew for a fact that laughing and running away was not a good sign.
"Oh, God. What am I going to do, Luke?" he shrugged silently, his eyes drifting to his wife. She ran trying to keep up with their kids, making sure they didn't drown in the waves. "Do you have any idea where he went?" her eyes filled with fear, awaiting some kind of clue.
"He just walked out, I tried to call back after him, but all I got was the back of the door. Do you wanna go look for him? We can watch the kids or I can go with you," he offered suggestions, but she wrapped her arms tighter around her, looking out past Lucas to the parking lot, their SUVs all remained parked.
"I wanna go by myself."
"Haley, I want you to go with someone. I don't want you by yourself," he was protective of her, had been since they were younger. She was his little sister for the most part, someone he didn't want to see hurt, he was only looking out for her.
"Fine. I don't want you to go though, you deserve some time with Peyton -"
"No, I'll go. I can spend time with her tonight -"
"Lucas, no. I want you to be here with Peyton. I'll just go ask Jake," her information shocked him in a sense. She had been looking out for him too, though he seldom took the time to notice.
"Jake?"
"Yea. He's a calm guy, and we're not all that close...but I know he would be good for something like this. Plus, I think he'd be good if Nathan wanted to talk, he can't be weighing all his problems on you all the time. You're upset too, I know you are. So just stay here with Peyton and Brooke, help with the kids and I'll go get Jake. I'll see you later," she walked off, back to the hotel in search of Jake. He watched her go, finally making his way to Peyton, Brooke, and the small group of kids that remained in a state of chaos.
"Where'd she go, Broody?" Brooke asked, interested in where the small girl had walked of to.
"To go get Jake. She's gonna go see if she can find Nathan, I told her to go with someone and she said not me that I should stay with Peyton and she said Jake would be good for something like this."
"He's perfect for something like this," Brooke winked and returned to running after the kids, into the surf. He stood silently watching his little boy run into the water, testing his luck, wading in a little deeper each time. He watched his daughter and nephew run in, scream at the low temperatures and run back out. He watched his long time friend's little girl, follow his son, realizing the best friend situation could cause them some trouble.
– 'Please do not let me go, please do not let me go, you were sweet enough to sing, oblivious to melody' –
Peyton sauntered her way up to him, a sly smile creeping onto her face as she approached him. She noticed how distant he had become, but she was determined not to let him go again. It had always been about the connection they had, the way he looked at her, pouring right into her soul with his eyes. Through high school it had done nothing but make her nervous, but now it captivated her. She felt safe when he looked at her like she was the only woman in the world.
"Hey," her voice was soft, lust lingering in it as he stared out at the endless sky ahead. He was startled as she spoke, moving his head to see her standing in front of him. He grinned slightly, just enough for her to giggle at his lopsided smile.
"I'm sorry, Peyt," the use of her nickname sent shivers running down her spine once more, but she waved it off. Her expression held her baffled thoughts, she cocked an eyebrow at his sudden need to apologize. She didn't know what he could've possibly been sorry for, but she knew he would apologize for just about anything these days. She took a step closer to him, they were mere inches apart as he gathered his thoughts. He opened his mouth to speak again, reading her mind and trying to explain himself.
"I've been somewhere else for these past few days. With the baby coming, and then you guys running down here, and then...everything that just happened. We haven't had any time together and when we were together I did nothing but yell at you. I feel horrible about that, you've done nothing but stuck by me and I always seem to be screwing up," the tears welled slightly in his eyes but he fought to keep them at bay.
Her eyes clearly softened as she stepped into him, letting her arms wrap around him tightly. He held her close, her heart pounding against his own, he made sure no tears escaped him before pulling away and letting a smirk cross his hardened features.
"Whaddya say we leave the kids with Brooke?" he wiggled his eyebrows at his wife, nodding his head towards the hotel where he knew an empty room was waiting.
"We can't do that, she can't watch all..." her words trailed as she felt his cold hands making their way up the back of her shirt. His big hands slowly roaming her lower back, hitting all the right spots as she literally melted into his touch. "Maybe we can...we have to be fast," she whispered hoarsely, pulling away with all her strength to walk to Brooke.
He smirked, knowing he still had power over her. He watched her swaying hips as she made her way to the brunette, watching his kids run around, oblivious to the rest of the world. Brooke giggled loudly before nodding her head and pointing to her watch. His petite wife nodded before running ahead of him to the hotel that was calling their names. He laughed, taking off after her, catching her just before the doors and sweeping the smaller girl up off her feet. Carrying her the rest of the way, into the elevator, pinning her against the wall.
"We can't do this in here," she mumbled incoherently against his lips, but he took no notice. The doors opened far too soon for him, he sent the machine up towards the top floor, managing to press the button that clearly read: EMERGENCY STOP. She smiled at his boldness, letting her tongue roam his mouth while he moved his hands to the hem of her shirt.
– 'Red suitcase full of clothes, washed up on a shore of memories, I'm all alone now, and I feel just fine, I don't feel much like doing anything' –
Slowly, Nathan Scott wandered the foreign Florida streets, unaware that his fiancee was roaming the streets, looking for him. His thoughts ran through his head at an unbelievable pace, he couldn't comprehend what he had heard. His father - gone, Whitey - gone. Never coming back. Reality wasn't coming, and still he walked, his feet splashing in the lonely puddles lining the streets.
He saw a million different things, dark memories flooding his mind that he had pushed back. Ones he didn't want to remember, ones he didn't think he had remembered, but they all came back in a rush.
"I couldn't give you the winning bucket, Nathan."
"He literally took me by the arm so that I wouldn't like, go flying, he kicked me so hard."
"Because you're not tough enough inside. I got coverage buckets you'll never get because you can't bang down low like I did. That's plus the fact your conditioning's for crap."
"You know this whole thing is just another chance for you to pick me apart and show me how much better you are. Well there you go, Dad, you just kicked my ass, congratulations. It was really great."
He was startled when a black SUV pulled up along side of him, Haley called him once more as he looked up at her, a blank look upon his face. She opened the door, standing in front of him while he stared at his reflection in the water this time.
"Nate..."
"What am I supposed to do?" he whispered brokenly. She felt her heart break for him, but in that moment she was left speechless, not knowing what to do for the boy in front of her. Jake looked on from the driver's seat, but he knew to leave them alone. He sat, watching the pained look on Nathan's face, knowing what it was like to lose someone, but not with the conflicting feelings that came with Nathan's loss. But he did lose Whitey and for that he knew a piece of his whole childhood felt destroyed.
– 'True love ain't that hard to find, not that either of us will ever know, would you lay here for a while?' –
His hands easily found the button to her jeans. Carefully he helped her step out of them while he kept her close, already without a shirt or shoes. Her hands pulled at the button to his own jeans, he helped her blindly, his lips never leaving hers. A moan escaped her, he knew he had done something right, but continued on with his journey, nonetheless. His still cold hands roamed along her back for the second time that day, this time retrieving the clasp of her bra, unsnapping it, letting the straps slowly drift from her shoulders. His eyes tracing her outline while she pulled on the waistband of his plaid boxers.
The kisses were frantic and fervent, becoming more passionate with every passing minute. Sensually, she slipped the last piece of her clothing off, leaving herself completely exposed to him. Nearly three minutes had passed, the rush was evident, they remained in the elevator, the thought that the building manager would soon have the machine running again lingering in the corner of each of their minds.
Her anticipation was building as he teased her. He lifted her up, her legs wrapping tightly around his waist while her hands ruffled his hair. She moaned again, Lucas smirked at his capabilities, but the teasing was getting him anxious too. He pushed in slowly, watching the pleasure fill her face while her hands remained wrapped in his hair. Pushing it in different directions, he looked as though he had been attacked.
The tension remained, the perspiration building on his forehead, feeling her building up with him he became much more urgent, moving at a faster pace, the momentum never fading. Her ringlets were matted to the nape of her neck, the sweat poured off her delicate face at this point, she felt him at the same level. Only a few more thrusts and she knew she would be gone.
Finally, his last push, harder than the rest, he heard her stifle a scream into his shoulder while he buried his face into the crook of her neck. Kissing her neck gently, he set her down to the floor, trapping her against the wall as they regained their breath - and strength. Quickly, they started to redress, she adjusted her hair as he pushed down his stick-ups. She wiped the blots of lipstick from his face as he tried to kiss her again. She giggled softly, still trying to clean him up slightly.
Once more he pinned her against the wall, crushing his lips against hers, not quite ready to push the button to make them move again. He didn't want to leave the little bubble they had created for the last ten minutes, it was the only place he felt safe - being with her was the only place he felt safe - the only place he wanted to be.
"Don't let me go," he pleaded, his words tearing at her heart. She wrapped her arms around his neck, his body flush with hers, letting him know she was there. His kisses had faded, but her presence had not. He let his head rest on her shoulder, knowing she was a permanent fixture in his life. She didn't let her grip loosen, she kept him safe, protected - everything he had always done for her.
This is probably one of my favorite chapters, I got to deal with my two favorite couples. I love the angst personally and I like seeing the girls comfort the guys once in a while. So many stories have the girls as basket cases, and as much as I like it (and I've done it), I do like this scenario too. Lucas is confused and probably won't figure things out for a while, it hasn't quite hit Nathan yet, so bare with me and stick around for these last two chapters. TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT!
No spoilers, two left...
