Lost in the Past

Chapter 34 - A Hard Goodbye

A/N - Technically this is the last chapter, because the next will be an epilogue that will lead into the sequel, setting me up to write it. So, yea there is one more, but really this is it! So sad...I want to thank everyone for their reviews, you've been awesome...and we hit 300! Thanks so much for sticking around, it was a long one. So, hope you liked what you read, reviewed, and feel satisfied that I close the story this way. Read onto the epilogue when it gets here, and please stick with me for the sequel!

He very carefully arranged his tie, making sure it was straight and presentable. The room around him was silent, the lack of sound literally pounding in his ears. He swallowed the lump forming in his throat for what seemed the millionth time. The little feet made noise downstairs, her high heels clicked loudly on the tiled floor, he hadn't said a word to her yet. At dawn that morning he'd gently lifted himself from the mattress and took a long run, clearing his head, today was the funeral, the one thing he'd been dreading from the moment they arrived back in Tree Hill. And as supportive as she was, he couldn't bear to face her, he didn't want her to see him in that state.


– 'I been changing but you'll never see me now, now I'm blaming you for everything' –

A light tap on the door startled him, he turned to find his little boy standing at the door, looking scared to move past that point. He softened slightly, and sat on the bed, motioning for the small child to come forward, he closed the door behind him.

"Hey," the older man's voice was softer than he expected it to be, but nonetheless, the little boy found it inviting and situated himself on the bed next to his father.

"Mommy said you're sad," his eight year old commented, looking up, he made eye contact with his father before looking down again. "She said grandpa and Whitey are gone."

"Yea."

The two Scott's sat in the uncomfortable silence for quite a few minutes before Lucas finally made himself speak again. He pushed his voice out from deep inside his throat, turning his head to face the small boy that sat next to him.

"You didn't really know your grandfather," he paused to collect his thoughts and began again, "and that's because your mother and I made the decision a long time ago to keep him away from you and your sister - "

"Was grandpa bad?"

The question caught the blonde off guard, how did he answer that without making Dan an asshole in his son's eyes. As much as he hated his father he refused to turn his little boy against the man, maybe when Nate got older he would learn the truth of Dan Scott, but for now Lucas wanted to protect him. Keep him away from the horror that was his "father".

"It's not that he was... bad. He was my dad, but I didn't see him much -"

"Like when you and mommy didn't get along, and I didn't see you?"

"In a way. The thing was I would've done anything to see you when your mom and I weren't together, your grandfather didn't. He just wasn't good at showing how he felt about me and your Uncle Nathan. So, I barely got to know him, but your uncle did and sometimes I think it would've been better if your uncle hadn't known him. Your Uncle Keith was more like a dad to me when I was growing up, that's why you know him but not your grandfather. Just...don't think of him as a bad guy, he loved me the only way he knew how and he wanted your Uncle to have a good life. I think somehow, he meant to be good but got messed up along the way," Lucas finished his speech slowly, giving his son portions of the truth, allowing him to know the parts about his grandfather that would help him understand.

"I'm gonna miss Whitey," his voice had lowered to a whisper, but Lucas heard him perfectly and the sympathy flooded his eyes.

"I know."

The eight year old launched himself into his father's waiting arms, tightly clinging as his tears fell. Lucas kept him tucked close to his chest, allowing his little boy to do exactly what he couldn't - cry. He rocked slowly, whispering soothing words to his son.

Peyton made her way up the stairs in her black dress and matching high heels to see where Nate had wandered to. Through the crack in the door she saw a sight that broke her heart. Her little boy protected in his father's arms as he cried about the loss of Whitey. Her husband's eyes teared slightly but he remained strong, holding the small child as though he was a lifeline to keep going.


– 'No more holding it in, how many years can I pretend? Nothing ever goes the way it should, no more sitting in this place, hoping you might see it my way, cause I don't' think you ever understood' –

The family stood solemnly next to the two coffins, exchanging greetings and sorrows with the many people of Tree Hill that showed up to say their good byes. Karen, Deb, and Keith stood closest to the wood boxes, stealing glances at the figures. From there was Lucas, Peyton, Nathan, and Haley. 'The Scott family reunion is complete' Lucas thought bitterly. He felt Peyton's hand gently grab his, a small squeeze for reassurance. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes trying to express what he felt for her, but he knew that was impossible.

"Thank you," he mouthed, a small smile appeared on her face but departed just as quickly.

Nathan's head was down, pointed to the floor, he could only nod as the people came by telling him how sorry they were for his loss, but he didn't care anymore. He couldn't. Haley kept looking at him, her concern was radiating from her eyes, but no one saw besides Peyton. Everyone else in that room was too absorbed in themselves to notice how worried Haley had become, something was up and the blonde intended to find out.

Jake and Brooke were seated in the first few chairs, showing their support for their friends and their loss of Whitey. The news had hit Jake hard, Whitey had been a man of knowledge, leading him in the right direction when he didn't know where to go, especially when it came to Jenny. The old man kept him in school, kept his spirits up, and Jenny had always looked at him like another grandfather.


– 'That what I'm looking for are the answers, to why these questions never go away' –

It seemed like hours later to Lucas when they could finally leave the cemetery and go to the 'party' that always came after things like this. It had been decided to go back to Deb's house, since she currently had the biggest and her new husband Ian had managed to get everything in order. The sun was shining brightly and Lucas knew that was how it should be. Dan didn't deserve a miserable day, he didn't deserve everyone to mourn his loss, but celebrate that he was gone, and that he was a miserable prick with no one left when he died.

He and Peyton were among the first to arrive, along with Nathan and Haley who had taken residence in their backseat. The four young adults made their way to the backyard where tables and chairs were set up, along with food for those who made an appearance.

"You wanna go take a walk?" Lucas looked to his brother, waiting for a response and got a nod. He informed Peyton as they started toward the road.

"Guess it's me and you, babe," she teased Haley, and though she received a smile, something was wrong. "Okay, c'mon, you're coming with me to the gigantic bathroom upstairs and you're going to tell me what's wrong," Peyton escorted the brunette and with much protest they finally locked themselves in the huge bathroom that lay in the middle of the upstairs hallway.

"What's up with you?"

"I think I have a problem, especially with the condition Nathan is in," she answered in a monotone voice.

"Oh no," the blonde breathed a sigh as she positioned herself comfortably on the floor, awaiting the news. Her hand subconsciously moving to her stomach as though awaiting a kick.

"Yea," Haley sat with her back to the tub, next to where Peyton's high heeled feet were resting.

"What drama is enveloping the Scott families this time?" a smirk of amusement graced Peyton's face, but her voice was serious as Haley took a deep breath.

"It's not really a big deal, and I'm probably being stupid for acting like it is, but I don't know how to do this again. Nathan is an emotional wreck he's been avoiding me and Will. I think I'm pregnant again, and I don't think he's going to be happy."

"Wow, guess we're on the same schedule again," her tone was one of banter, but she could see Haley's worry overcoming her again. "Sorry...this is a big deal...Lucas has been avoiding us too, but I'm praying that if I can just help him through this that he'll come back around. He's barely said a word to me today, but he did try to explain to Nate what was going on, and I'm really hoping that's a sign. I think everything is gonna work itself out, you and Nathan too," Peyton was optimistic on the outside, but inside she was scared to death to lose Lucas. She'd done it once, and she really was praying that he didn't close off and walk away from her again.

"Bullshit," Haley mumbled, making eye contact with her best friend.

"What?"

"I said that's bullshit and you know it. I can see it in your eyes, you're scared to death to lose Lucas. You're terrified that he's going to go find another girl again and you won't be able to do anything about it," Haley covered her mouth instantly, Peyton averted her eyes as they teared up, knowing Haley just mirrored her own thoughts.

"I'm so sorry, Peyt," Haley quickly tried to take back her harsh words, but it was no use.

"No, you're right...I'm scared. I can't go through that again...but what if I'm not enough?"


– 'I'm so far away. I been changing but you'll never see me now, I'm so far away, now I'm blaming you for everything' –

The silence surrounded the two brothers again, the sun was setting slowly in the distance as they walked. Nathan's head still remained down, he stared at the cracks in the street, trying to make sense of his screwed up life.

"I wanted him gone," he finally said quietly, Lucas looked over.

"I know."

"He was a selfish bastard my whole life, pushing me to be better, to do everything he couldn't. The same way my grandfather had done to him. He ran away from you, he ran from his problems all the time, he was an asshole."

"I know, I wanted him gone too...and now he is."

"Yea...ya know when I found out I had Will I was scared. I didn't know what to do with kids, and I was really, really scared that I was gonna end up like my father. It seemed to run in my blood to be that way, but I'm not, I love Will, I love Haley. If I didn't have to be like my father, why did he turn out like Royal?" Nathan's question made the wheels in Lucas's mind turn, it was something he hadn't considered.

"You beat him, Nathan. You did exactly what you wanted, and you came out a better man. Right before I told you about Dan and Whitey I was on the beach talking to Haley. She told me that he was a part of me, that I had a right to be upset and not feel like I owe him anything. She knows a lot but you're pushing her away, the same thing I did to Peyton when Haley left. Don't do it."

"I don't want to."

"Then don't. She'll be there to help you if you just ask her, just let her. She's worried about you, she needs you, Will needs you. Don't let Dan ruin what you've spent so much time creating."

"Yea."


– 'No more waiting for the end, of every day that I will spend. Wishing that I only had a choice, no more pushing you away' –

It was nearing ten o'clock when Peyton, Lucas, Nathan, and Haley walked through the door. Theresa, an old high school friend who was now with Tim, had offered to take care of the kids for the night as the funeral events took place. The four were exhausted, the week's events were finally catching up with them.

"Why don't you guys just crash here, you both look too tired to be driving. We can just put Will upstairs in Nate's room," Peyton offered to her friends, they both went to protest but thought better and agreed.

Lucas lifted Elizabeth from the couch, Peyton woke Nate from his sleep and led him up the stairs to his room. He nearly fell over and the blonde stifled a laugh at the little boy's zombie appearance. Haley cracked a smile as the two made their way to the eight year old's bedroom.

It was painted in a light blue, with a basketball boarder (that had been Lucas's choice). His bureaus were made of solid oak, and a mini basketball net hung on the back of his door. A small drawing pad lay on the ground, pencils littered the floor and a few pictures hung on the walls. A few of those drawings were Peyton's, a few were Nate's and it made her heart swell to see that he had gotten enough of both of his parents.

The little boy was clad in flannel pajama pants and a white t-shirt, his hair still damp from his shower. She led him to the bed, his eyes were open just enough to see where he was going. He collapsed tiredly into the sheets as she untangled his comforter, wondering what he did in his sleep that she had to fix it every night.

"Are you okay?" the little boy questioned his mother tiredly, her puffy red eyes just barely visible in the semi-darkness. She nodded silently, pulling the covers up over his small figure. She sat herself on the edge of his bed, looking at the small child that she and Lucas created, it still amazed her.

"Are you okay?" she pointed the question at him and he nodded too. She smiled gently, kissing his forehead and turning his TV on as she passed. He had always been one to need noise as he fell asleep, always hating the complete silence and darkness of his room.

She'd had more freedom with her little girl's room, which was painted a light red, but not quite pink. The curly blonde had always hated pink herself. A border with no particular painting came across the middle of the walls, a mural she had designed and painted herself on the wall behind her bed. Everything was simple, but one thing was for sure, the little girl was a born artist, even at four she had paper scattering her room, and she wanted nothing to do with basketball. Peyton smirked for a moment, 'that's my girl' she told herself every time she saw the room that was in a constant state of disarray.

Lucas gently laid her in the mess of sheets and blankets and pillows, covering her and planting a kiss on her forehead before shutting the light, making sure the hallway light was turned on brightly for his daughter's fear of complete darkness.

The two blonde's met in the hallway, he smiled at her, wiping her single tear away with the pad of his thumb. She also smiled, meeting his kiss, but pulling away before he could go any farther. His attempts at a pout were futile as she walked back down the stairs, motioning for Lucas to follow to retrieve their nephew.

He lifted Will the same as he had Liz and carried him to his son's room. It had been a few months prior that they received Lucas's old double bed for Nate, Karen wanted the extra room for storage. So, the blonde laid his nephew under the covers next to his own son, upon making sure they were both comfortable he met the rest of his family in the living room.


– 'Cause I will be busy watching things go my way, never looking back on this anymore, because what I'm looking for are the answers, to why these questions never go away' –

Brooke and Jake came knocking on the door only moments later, a sleeping Jenny cuddled into Jake's strong arms. Peyton looked surprised to find them at her door.

"Didn't you guys just get Jenny?"

"Yea, Jake locked the keys in the car," Brooke answered, obviously frustrated with the evenings events, stomping into the house, alarming Nathan, Lucas, and Haley. Jake smiled slightly, following his girlfriend deeper into the house and flopped onto the open cushion of the couch.

"Guess you guys need a place to stay?" Peyton laughed at Brooke's irritation and Jake nodded, his embarrassment painfully obvious. "Go put Jenny up in Liz's room, I'll get blankets."

Minutes later, Jenny was resting comfortably on the floor and the six young adults were seated on the couches, quietly reminiscing over their teenage years.

"Ya know this whole thing started because of Tim," Brooke commented, she was tucked tightly next to Jake and against the arm of the couch, looking quite comfortable as they laughed.

Peyton and Haley both scrunched their eyebrows at the brunette, wondering what she meant by that statement. She rolled her eyes and went on with an explanation.

"Think about it...Tim threw that New Years Eve party. The one where Lucas and Peyton got drunk and he cheated on me...again! But I cheated on him with Tim," she nearly gagged but continued, "and that's where Peyton got pregnant and where Lucas hit his head and like almost died. This whole thing is Tim's fault."

"Well, he's not really at fault because I think we're all pretty happy," Peyton insisted, and everyone agreed. "And besides, he got Theresa out of the deal. If he hadn't thrown that party he could've ended up with...me because before that party I was single and you pretty much hated my guts, Brooke." They all laughed, clearly disgusted with the Peyton/Tim idea. Haley chimed in.

"That night was crazy. Speaking of...Luke, why did you invite Peyton if you were with Brooke?" They all stared at Lucas, his face flushed red as he looked to the 5 eyes on him.

"Wait, you invited Peyton? You told me Peyton begged you to go because she wanted to be there, but didn't want to look stupid by herself. So, I had to ask Tim if I could just pose as his date," Brooke's surprise was evident as her explanation came, and Lucas searched for an answer. Nathan and Jake both tried to keep a straight face, but it was nearly impossible, Lucas was screwed.

"And you told me Tim asked Brooke so you had to ask me to go so you could keep an eye on Brooke, and if she was drunk you didn't want her all over you," Peyton stared at him, her eyebrows raised, waiting on his explanation. All three girls awaiting his response.

"Um..."

A few days Luke caught her walking across the street from the café and ran over to her.

"Peyton, wait up...can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Yea, I guess so, just make it fast I have somewhere I have to be."

"Ok, well I don't know if you heard, but there's a New Years Party at Tim's and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind coming along with me...ya know maybe just to keep me company?"

"You mean to keep Brooke away from you?" Peyton replied, laughing.

"Well, if ya wanna put it that way, then yea."

"I can do that as long as you like don't leave me stranded in some corner in the middle of a bunch of drunk guys."

They both laughed and at that Luke walked away and that made the rest of his day.

"I really wanted to be with Peyton?" it turned out to be more of a question than a statement and the three girls burst into a fit of giggles at his nervous answer.

"I'm glad you asked, if you hadn't we wouldn't have two kids and a house and we wouldn't be together," Peyton said happily, the rest of them gave an 'AWWW' and laughed as they kissed. As Brooke and Haley got fed up they each chucked a pillow at the couple and Peyton feigned anger.

"Hey, let's go swimming!" Brooke suggested, immediately shutting them all up.

"Um, yea, ok. Where would you like to do that?" Peyton questioned the brunette sarcastically.

"Ok, never mind Miss 'I'm pregnant so I can be a bitch', " Brooke winked at the blonde, and Peyton stuck her tongue out as she remained on Lucas's lap.


– 'I've been changing but you'll never see me now, now I'm blaming you for everything, I'm so far away' –

It was nowclose to 2 AM as they all sat on the couches, laughing at stupid things from the past. Nathan and Lucas were currently recalling their trip to the beach and the hell they went through with the kids.

"No, dude, that was the day you and Nate got in a jelly fight at my table," Nathan erupted into laughter as did Lucas while they all laughed along at the idiotic story from the two brothers.

"You shoulda seen him and Nate. He was flinging jelly like a 3 year screaming that he got the kids. They flung jelly in my eye -" Lucas was cut off by his brother.

"No, no, no. You got in on the action too. You picked up the other jar and started throwing it. Then the kids like overflowed the bathroom -"

"What!" Peyton was shocked at the amount of information she was receiving.

"Yea, Nate wanted to clean up for me and Nathan, turns out he couldn't figure out how to turn the water off," Lucas told her, winking at her just before she turned around.

"Well, I'm tired, I'm going to bed, you coming?" she looked at Lucas, eyeing him, trying to telepathically inform him that she wanted him tonight.

"Yea, yea, me too...there's the pull out couch and the guest room...your choice," he yelled as he ran up the stairs on the heels of his wife. Nathan and Haley walked up the stairs a few minutes later after claiming the guest room, Jake and Brooke arranged the pull out couch to their liking.

"That was fun," Peyton said, a twinkle emerging in her eye as she sauntered to the bed, hunger evident in his eyes.

"This could be more fun," he closed the gap between them, nearly tackling her on the bed.

"True," she mumbled as he kissed her passionately, lust more apparent in every kiss. Clothing was discarded quickly as a pile began to form next to the bed.

"That dress looked amazing on you," he breathed and she grinned, a light red forming on her cheeks. "Then again, it looks even better off," he added, taking in the sight of her fully exposed body. His breath still got caught in his throat every time he looked at her, and she still blushed. As they finally joined together as one, she nearly screamed but he kept her close, keeping her quiet. The sweat between them made the friction even more unbearable as he laid on top of her, their hearts beating in sync. His breathing was labored as he kissed her neck and they started again, making their love the prime focus.


– 'Hey, hey, watch me wave, goodbye to yesterday, nothing left in my way' –

The petite brunette now lay on her side, Nathan stared at her as they talked, she expressed her fears but he put them to rest with a few simple kisses.

"I'll be okay, Hales," he promised and she was at ease, but not completely.

"I need to tell you something..." she was apprehensive, but he laid another kiss on her lips.

"Nathan, you love Will don't you?" he furrowed his brow, expressing his confusion and nodded his head.

"Of course I do."

"Ok then. This might be a little shocking, but I want you to be happy about this."

"Haley, spit it out."

"I think I'm pregnant," his grin grew to a full fledged smile as he pulled her close, hugging her tightly.

"That's great!"

"So...you're happy?" she asked innocently.

"Yea, yea! I get to see you and the baby, and I get to watch him or her grow up and I get to hold the baby, this is great, Hales. Thank you," he told her sincerely.

"For what?"

"For giving me a baby. For being you, for loving me."


– 'Hey, hey I've been saved. With sun shining on my pain, getting me through this day' –

Her back was pressed against his chest, he kept her close, his breathing slowly lulling her to sleep. He whispered a few things to her, and she laughed lightly, her eyes falling closed slowly. He had just about fallen asleep too when it hit him, he needed to ask her, he needed to make it official tonight.

"Brooke?" he was louder than she expected and she was startled. Quickly she jolted upright and turned her head to look at him while he laughed at her shocked expression.

"What!" she hissed in a whisper.

"Marry me," he said seriously. He was up on his elbows as she laughed and laid back down.

When he remained staring at her she sat back up and looked at him as though he had two heads. He shrugged as if saying 'what?'

"You're serious?" he shook his head and she sighed.

"I love you. I want to be with you forever and I love how you are with Jenny. You're like a mother to her and I want to make us official. I want you, Brooke, I won't break your heart," he whispered, sitting up to her level.

"I'm scared," she whispered in the dark.

"Of what?"

"Getting hurt, losing you."

"Don't be. I'll always be there for you, no matter what happens. Just be with me," he pleaded and a few tears made their way to her eyes.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yes, I'll marry you, Jake," she gave in and he nearly yelped in joy. She jumped into his arms, letting him lay a gentle kiss on her lips. They would be fine. They all would be.


– 'Hey, hey watch me wave, goodbye to yesterday, nothing left in my way, feels so good to say' –

They were just teenagers who had to grow up, move on, but somewhere along the way the memories were overwhelming, they wanted to be the very thing they had tried to so hard get away from. They wanted to be young, they wanted to be free of the responsibilities of adulthood, and somewhere in that confusing journey we call life, they got Lost in the Past.

– 'I'm so far away' –

So, that was the last chapter, keep an eye out for the epilogue, I'm hoping to have it up asap. Please tell me what you thought, I really liked the ending and yes it is a little unrealistic to have all that happen, but for story purposes it went nicely. I personally like the ending passage, it tied everything together, so next is the epilogue. The song was "So Far Away" by Crossfade. REVIEW!