Innocent's Violence
By Kimra
Part 5
He stared at the mug of coffee clenched between his palms. A slither of hot steam curled its way towards the roof before fading into nothing. He wasn't breathing well. He could hear the ragged breaths being drawn in and released like a broken symphony. And it wasn't just his breathing, every part of him seemed to shudder and pulse at odd intervals. His mind transfixed with one thing… one person alone.
He wondered if he was sane, if somewhere in the last few days he had hit his head and he was stuck in one of the strangest dreams he had ever had. But no. He had had stranger dreams before and in the end they hadn't been dreams so he reluctantly accepted the reality around him. He just wished it could be a dream to wake from.
On the other side of the counter Motoki chirped a question. But Mamoru didn't hear the words just the tone and as his eyes jumped up in surprise at the interruption to his thoughts.
Without pause or reason he found himself assessing his friend. For what he wasn't sure, but he knew within seconds that if a fight between them broke out that his friend would stand little chance.
The blonde man smiled teasingly. "I see it's going well." His voice tinged with amusement, laughter edging his words.
Mamoru's hands flexed around his cup tighter, wondering how much pressure he could apply before the china shattered below his hold. He didn't know what Motoki was saying, didn't really care, all he could think of at the moment was that this man knew Usagi, that she liked him and because of that, he didn't.
A growl settled at the back of his throat, a noise he refused to release as he logically explained to himself that he was being unreasonable, that Motoki was a friend and had always been a friend, and more, Motoki had no interests in Usagi. He didn't know why but the last thought allowed him to pull in his control and push away the predatory need to stare down his friend or kill him.
Instead of releasing the growl, Mamoru let a groan escape his tired throat, his head lightly hitting the counter between his arms. He was going insane, there was no question about it, in a matter of three days she had, as he always suspected she would, driven him completely insane.
His mind did what he most didn't want it to do. It went back to the scene that had played out earlier that afternoon. It couldn't have been long ago, minutes, hours, he wasn't sure, all he knew was his coffee was still steaming. But Motoki could have refilled it, could have changed it and he wouldn't have noticed.
The taste of her still lingered in his mind and on his tongue, the taste of vanilla and cream, blood and saliva, power, fragility, youth and strangely enough innocence. The feel of her in his arms, the thunder in his body as he had delved into an experience he would never be able to explain.
Another groan escaped him, more animalistic then the last, less concealed. He didn't care if every creature in the arcade was looking at him he didn't raise his head from the counter where it had collapsed. He couldn't cope, not with this, not with her. If there was one creature in this universe who had been made merely to confuse and bewilder him it would have to be Usagi Tsukino.
Motoki's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Hey, man. Are you okay?"
Mamoru raised his head to meet his friends partially amused but slightly concerned expression. "Got a shot gun?" Mamoru asked lightly, his whole body protesting the tints of amusement that laced though his voice.
Motoki's eyebrow rose in curiosity, his expression slightly concerned. "You feeling okay?" He tried again.
Mamoru gave a bark of a laugh. Not in this life time was there enough time to explain to Motoki the foolishness of asking some questions.
"I'm fine, man." He made it sound light, and oddly it did. He was impressed his voice didn't tremble because the rest of him was shaking from the flushes of adrenaline and horror that alternated though his system every time he let his thoughts go back to her.
"You going to drink that?" Motoki asked gesturing to the forgotten cup of coffee.
Mamoru looked at the coffee in his shaking hands not at all interested in the bitter sweet drink. It was nothing like her, the taste of her blood, what ever had compelled him to draw it out, had been icy and smooth, like a chilled wine. It had been laced with power and oddly enough a strange sense of promise.
He nearly chocked at the thought of her again. Something overwhelming plunging through him sending his nerves into a rusted hum that mimicked the way he'd felt with her so tight in his arms.
Abruptly he stood pushing the coffee away from him, knowing keenly that if he drank it right then he would be sick.
"No." He whispered, his eyes fixed on the counter, on the cup that still steamed. He hadn't been there for very long. "No…" he was uncertain, unsure what the next move had to be. But she was there waiting for him, he knew, and he had to face her eventually. "No I have to go." He said the words clearly as he turned from the counter, taking the first steps to a destination he was still uncertain off.
Four pairs of eyes stopped his progression momentarily, each pair slipping across his body with intense scrutiny. He felt himself freeze, felt his insides twist with a warning of danger and his hand hitch to his jacket pocket unthinkingly. It had been years since battle instincts had played a part in his life, but just the look in their eyes aroused those instincts like second nature.
The violet eyes moved beyond him first, finding another target deeper within the arcade walls, the green's where next to leave.
"Motoki." Rei's voice was smooth, a silky quality to it that trailed over skin and sent shivers along any listeners spine. Rei walked past Mamoru, heading, he guessed for the counter. Makoto seemed more hesitant her eyes scanning him one more time before moving beyond him.
"What can I do for you Rei?" Motoki's voice was as charming as ever, and Mamoru suppressed the need to role his eyes only because he was still under the deep scrutiny of the two remaining girls.
"I was wondering if you'd seen Usagi today."
Mamoru flinched, but at Rei's question both Ami and Minako had turned their attention towards Motoki as well, and neither noticed his reaction.
He moved between the two without question or comment and made his escape onto the street, the arcade doors closing silently behind him. There was something dangerous about them he did not want to see.
Rei stirred her milkshake thoughtfully. Nowhere. She was absolutely nowhere that they could think to look. Two nights and Usagi hadn't reappeared. In the pit of her stomach Rei felt the worry churn.
A hand touched her shoulder, equally worried minds offering what comfort they could give through a link that seemed tenuous and fragile since their friends disappearance. Rei cast a smile to Minako for the physical contact her eyes quickly diverting back to the milkshake.
It was food, food she didn't need but she had to order something after talking with Motoki. He was suspicious enough that Usagi wasn't there, though Makoto had done something rather interesting with her voice and he had almost forgotten what they where talking about. Rei reminded herself that questioning Makoto would have to happen latter for now they had to focus on the important task. Usagi.
"Maybe we should look harder?" Ami suggested from her corner, her blue eyes almost black with the downcast expression she had. There was a hush for a few moments, every one of them considering the options before them.
"We don't know if she's in danger." Minako began tentatively.
"But we don't know if she's safe." Makoto interrupted with a growl.
Rei pushed back the urge to shift away from the girl. Her imagination wasn't playing tricks on her, Makoto was becoming more aggressive. "We have to assume she's in trouble. She's never disappeared before." She kept her voice calm. They where all on edge after losing one of their own, and she could feel the tension along the veins of their bond.
"She has." Minako was quite once more, the voice of reason amongst them all. It was scary when the blonde became the voice of reason because it spoke of the true danger of the moment. Minako only became so serious when the stakes where high.
"That was a long time ago and it doesn't count." Makoto snapped back.
"She has never disappeared without a reason." Ami tapped her fingers on the table, and Rei could see them itching to help. She nearly smiled, there where just some things time couldn't erase.
"But she has a reason. She's close to mating." There was strain in Minako's voice, a surrender that was not safe.
"I thought she was just avoiding us." Makoto whispered, a volume only they could hear. "But, this afternoon, when the bond just vanished like that…"
Ami gripped Makoto's hand, her eyes no longer black, instead blazing with an anger that was aimed at none of them. "We should have seen it coming." She told the others, that anger directed at them only for a moment before it was focused on other things, things she would not explain.
"The bond was never meant to break." Minako whispered, her eyes where crystalline, tears where threatening. All of them stopped to stare at the girl, and the next moment they where all flooding her with reassurance. Minako didn't seem to respond, her body still attention fixed away from them. "Did we ever consider, that the bond of a mate is stronger then what we have?" Everything froze at Minako's words, eyes turned to her with fear and confusion. Minako looked at none of them, her eyes fixed on the untouched food sitting before her.
"What do you mean?" Rei breathed, her hands where sweaty, she could feel her heart accelerating in a way that was painful for the rest of her body to keep up with.
"You think we're too late?" Ami asked panicked. Her eyes where suddenly huge her voice quivering with shock and hysteria. "That she's already mated?"
"I don't know!" Minako shouted suddenly, the eyes of the arcade fixing on her as she flung her plate across the room jumping to her feet. "Do you think I know anything? I'm saying what if! What if it's too late? What if the reason we can't reach her is because they wont let us? What if she went to them before she went to us?" The last words twisted all their souls hurting more then any physical wound ever would. Makoto reacted first, her body rising to face the unmeasurable anger directed at them all from one small blonde.
"She wouldn't do that! Usagi's stronger then that."
"Well how do we know that? Who told you she was infallible? There isn't a trace of her! We've searched half the city, everywhere she hangs out! She hasn't even been home! The only smell within half a mile of her house was human!"
Rei jumped to her feet suddenly, not in anger in panic, her hand slamming against the table. She heard it crack at the pressure and saw the heads of all her friends jump to face her. Her heart was beating wildly, every eye in the arcade was trained on her, waiting for her next move and it had to be good. She glared only fleetingly at her friends then cracked the biggest grin her trembling body could maintain.
"You have got to lay off those sci-fi manga Minako! I swear, if you become any more of a space cadet I'll have trouble deciding who's worse, you or Usagi." She tried to sound light and reprimanding all at once, knowing it wasn't her pathetic excuse that would make the greatest difference.
Minako blinked then turned on her mega watt smile her hands taking up the familiar pose of Sailor V. "You know what they say Rei, if you can't beat them, join them."
From the corner of the booth where Ami was still sitting a small cough came. Heads turned to the blue haired girl. "That made absolutely no sense Minako." She sounded like a know it all, her voice almost superior as she looked up at them.
Minako flounced quickly, throwing her arms above her head and doing a little twist that was almost impossible considering their closed quarters. She gave a shrug, certain that the arcade could see and threw herself back into the seat. Each movement perfectly timed to seem normal.
"Sit down Makoto." Rei ordered lightly, and the tall girl sat reluctantly, her eyes fixed on the crowd that still stared. Rei glanced at Motoki to find him completely uninvolved in their display, his attention on something behind the counter. With a sigh Rei shoved a warning through their link and reprimand for words that shouldn't be said aloud. All eyes shifted from her briefly then back to each other. She tasted the apology from Minako but the emotions where laced with resentment.
Silence controlled them as they all allowed each other to calm down, sorting through their privet thoughts.
Rei's eyes shifted to Motoki playing ideally with one of the chips on her plate. She didn't want to think about Usagi, those thoughts where too uncertain so she sort the trivial to deal with the time that would exist before her friends would again attempt to open their mouths.
There where children who ran about the arcade, cries of joy and some of rage that echoed off glass windows and solid walls. The chime of games distant in her hearing, the chatter of a few students from Usagi's school in a booth just behind theirs. Motoki was making coffee's, his smile pleasant and seemingly permanent. A few boys sat at the counter, one of them reading a book. Everything was as it always was, except for Usagi, she was meant to be there shouting at Mamoru.
Rei's eyes skipped back to the counter only to remember seeing him leave as they entered. It seemed discordant to have both absent.
"We have to look for her." Ami said slowly, aware of frayed tempers and unstable emotions.
Rei looked back to her friends knowing they where ready to continue. "I agree." She said it as calmly as Ami, as stably as she could. There was a tremor in her body, of excitement or fear or both she wasn't sure.
Makoto nodded her head sharply, no doubt in her eyes or through the link that bound them.
"It's going to be dangerous." Minako warned softly, her eyes pleading her hands fisted. "I want to help her. I do. But if we can't help her, if it's beyond the chance to help, then we'll be harming her." Water shinned across Minako's big eyes, her voice firm and unwavering. "I don't want to destroy her."
It was a time for decisions, for weighing the odds. They did it unconsciously, opening the floodgates of their links to one another, fortifying bridges that had begun to crumble over the months.
Minako's thoughts where clear, those of a fighter trying to protect and at the same time accept that things may have already spiralled beyond control. She did no want to cause more damage then good. But there like the rest of them was the throbbing need to help, to try, to rescue.
There options where simple, accept and ignore, or fight and possible damage. All four minds merged together, a keen absence where Usagi's psyche would usually make itself known. Unconsciously they all tried to compensate for her loss, tried to decide what she would do.
And the second they did so they all knew what had to be done.
Rei was standing before she was aware of the motion, the others with her. They moved for the door as one, and stoped as one when a male figure loomed before them arms crossed over his chest as he blocked the door way. They paused to allow him past but he did not move, they went to moved past and he blocked.
Danger thrills went through them all, through the link, and amplified itself when each realised that the danger was not only to themselves but to each other as well. They assessed as one, something they had not done for a long time.
One of them said he was male, one of them disagreed, it was decided he might be female. One of them noted green eyes and short blonde hair. One a body of a warrior, muscles and balance. One a cocky attitude, assured and in their way.
It was unanimously decided that Ami, as the least threatening should talk. The link broke down a notch. "Would you mind moving so we may go past?"
The man who might be a girl glanced over its shoulder to the outside then looked back in at them a mocking smirk moving into place across it's features.
"What's the hurry, girl? The sun's already up."
He was trying to be calm. She could see it in every movement he made, every breath he drew in. She would have offered a reassuring smile if she hadn't been so scared herself. The kitchen bench was between them, something they had done without thought in their attempts to deal with the awkward situation.
Usagi smiled bitterly, knowing the physical barrier was necessary, she felt the pull to draw closer to him even now. The same pull that had tugged at her since he had walked back into the apartment.
"Where do we start?" Mamoru asked slowly, his hands resting on the kitchen bench, eyes level with hers.
She wanted to sigh, at least they where looking at each other.
She licked her upper lip nervously, preparing herself for anything. "Ask me anything." She whispered it, and suddenly she needed to look away because she was afraid of the questions he would ask.
He chose the easier questions, and she resented him for it. "Your family?"
"Are dead." She snapped the words quickly but her voice was breathless from the emotions that clogged her throat. She was unwilling to broach the topic further, after all she had told him to ask, not promised to answer. She met his eyes then, once more aware that the contact had to be made, he had to see that she was not willing to go there with him.
His expression did not change, his eyes no darker or lighter, and she was thankful for the static response.
"Your friends?"
"Are friends." She replied tightly. Nothing would bring her to betray them, ever.
"Are you going to answer anything properly?" He demanded harshly.
She met his eyes with an expression of her own anger. He didn't flinch, she knew she could make him but the reaction wasn't necessary.
"Ask me for the answers you have a right to." She growled it low, the resentment shifting into anger so quickly it shocked her.
He muttered an oath, his hand raking through disarrayed hair. He turned from her for a minute and stalked over to the fridge, opened it and stared at the contents within. She could hear his heart beating quickly, smell the sweat on him and the tinge of blood still dominating his scent. She closed her sense off, unable to deal with that smell right now. Her stomach twisted in a knot, warning of hunger that had yet to be satiated. It had been months since she had gotten a proper meal.
Slowly his pulse began to settle.
"Are you hungry?" He asked absently and she looked passed him into the fridge as best she could from her corner of the kitchen.
She spied something of interest. "Is that chocolate?" She perked at the idea of a snack, but the emotion dulled when he looked over at her incredulously. "What?" She demanded defensive.
"You want chocolate?" He asked it slowly, watching her for signs of deceit and she frowned at him in response.
"Since when haven't I wanted chocolate?" She demanded as tartly as she could. She had thought he would know her better then that by now, when there was chocolate she was always first on line.
"So what?" He asked casually turning to stare at her with curiosity, she noticed he had no chocolate in his hands. "You want chocolate today? Blood tomorrow?" He was frowning but it was nothing to the frown she adopted the second the words registered.
"Bastard." She muttered her eyes dark as her thoughts shifted to the stronger of her cravings. "Why can't you ever be nice?" She demanded, her eyes moving quickly from him to the floor as she clenched her hands into tight fists. If she hadn't already suffered from the guilt feeding from him created she would have been across the room in less then a second. She was listening to his pulse again, but this time with different intents.
He shifted his weight, she was keenly aware of the motion. The fridge opened and closed again, and while she counted her heart beats, and tried to control her breathing he moved across the room to her. She looked up when he was before her, his uncertainty obvious as he held out a plate of chocolates.
"I'm confused." He told her when she reached for the chocolate unthinkingly. Her eyes jerked to his, startled by the thoughtfulness in her voice. Her breathing stopped when she realised he had crossed the boundary of the kitchen bench.
"About what?" Her words where breathless as she stared up at him, her mind working to tell her to look away, her fingers lingering over the peace offerings.
"Vampires live off blood. So why do you eat so much?"
It was almost a question she could answer so she gave him a small smile.
"I just get hungry sometimes." She snatched a chocolate off the plate with deft fingers and slipped it into her mouth to prove a point that didn't need proving.
He raised a brow at her, looking down his nose and said it a voice that made it sound like a correction. "All the time."
She pouted annoyed then strangely found the humour in it and grinned. "I just get hungry. Sometimes I need food, sometimes I need blood. Different parts of me need different things."
He put the plate on the bench by her hip, not retreating for his post before her. "So vampires are normal… except for the blood?"
"Yeah sure." She muttered amused at his ignorance. "And that whole sun thing."
"Usagi?"
"What?"
"What sun thing?" He was looking out over her shoulder into his lounge room where the setting sun's rays lingered still.
Usagi's stomach clenched as she followed his gaze, her mind berating a slip that shouldn't have happened. "Nothing." She snapped.
"Don't avoid the answer." He growled quickly, annoyed by her sudden withdrawal.
"Look Mamoru. Lets get this straight right now. I'm not exactly human, I'm not exactly vampire. I can't explain it, I wont explain it and it's just something you have to accept." She could see the discontent in his expression, the need to understand more then she could explain. "Vampires have a tendency to burst into flames and stuff when subjected to light. The older ones can stand a bit, so I'm told, but-"
"They don't walk about going to school?"
Usagi could hear the soft reprimand, as if she had done something wrong for trying to remain as she had been before it all. She looked down from him feeling the alienation that had become her life. "We- I needed some sort of normalcy. If I was one, or the other, I think I'd be okay. I think I'd belong."
"Why aren't you one or the other?"
She meet his blue eyes pleadingly. "Can we talk about something else?"
His expression was grim, his eyes dark as they stared at her. Slowly he reached forwards, breaking the small distance between them and traced his index finger along the vein of her throat down to her collar bone. He looked contemplative when his eyes moved back to her face. The contact between them broken as he lifted his hand away from her skin.
"Okay." He whispered it, his voice a little deeper, a little more dangerous. Usagi bit back on any sound that wanted to escape as she fought the escalation of her pulse. Her breathing was still calm, she was abnormally proud of that, but her heart refused to bend to her will and slow it's pace.
He looked away, his sight going beyond her and into the lounge room. She didn't object to the break, or the silence that settled between them, using time to control what a simple action had unsettled. She wondered why he had touched her, they had been doing so well until then. Now she couldn't bring herself to look away from the man before her.
"What was that that happened between us?" He asked slowly, still not looking to her.
"It was sex Mamoru," she replied quickly, then calmed "or the beginnings of it." Her hands where shaking now that the memory was drudged up. She realised the conversation had just taken a dangerous turn that she had been waiting for. It was easy enough to ignore something when your attention wasn't focused on it, but he was now asking for answers to things that left her blood burning.
"I know that. But why you? Why like that?" Confusion reigned in his tone, uncertainty that was out of place in his soothing voice. She tucked her hands between the bench and her bottom, unwilling to let him see the shaking that would not subside.
"I don't know much. I can't explain everything. But what I know is that when a female vampire reaches an age she goes into- heat- I guess. She has to mate, it can drive her insane if she doesn't, the very least she'll kill everyone around her." And gods she was looking at his neck again, at the bandages that peaked out from under his black shirt.
"And your at this age?" He sounded calm, she hated him for that because her body was on fire, burning with sensations that did not belong to a calm rational conversation.
"I told you I was different. It can take a hundred years, sometimes twice as long for the woman to mature enough to mate. It took me three years." She couldn't stop the bite that had started to seep into her words. She felt bitter and annoyed that she was in this position when she by rights should have had another ninety-seven years of peace. She could see he wasn't satisfied, as if he expected more of her. She bit into the inside of her check, letting her own blood wash through her mouth. "The mating." She began with a deep breath. "I barely know anything. The men, they don't let you know it's their power over us." She was rambling, but for everything she was worth she had to ramble, her mind couldn't quite focus. "I know there's sex, I know there's blood exchanges, it's a ritual, but I don't know anything else." Anger boiled up with the other emotions and she spat her last words with animosity. "I didn't need to know any more." She hated the ignorance that had kept her away from information that would now be vital to her existence. They all would have looked, searched, researched but they had done nothing but try and survive in their changing world since their creation.
"You think it was a mating ritual? How can that be? As you said. I'm human."
"So am I, sort of, at times." She felt pathetic because of her inability to understand. Her mind shifting for a moment from him as she too tried to puzzle over the unexplainable. "So maybe I don't have to mate with a vampire, maybe I can mate with anyone." Frustration returned. "I can't offer you answers Mamoru, I can only offer you my best guess."
"Right now your best guess is more informed then mine."
She didn't meet his eyes as she said the next words. Words that needed to be said but she wished she could avoid. "Maybe as a human I was attracted to you, and that attraction made it possible." She loathed that it hurt so much to admit such things.
"Maybe you where attracted to me?" His raised his brows as he watched her, his eyes full of mischief and teasing.
She threw her hands in the air. "Oh gods! You are so vain!" She glared up at him, still so close. "Yes okay, yes I was attracted to you! But in any other circumstances I'd have too much pride to ever admit to such a thing!" Why did she say that? She wasn't sure, the last words had tumbled from her lips before control could be exerted.
"What does pride have to do with it?" His voice was soft, calmer, not so teasing and just a little curious.
She felt bare and exposed, why did she have to explain things she had been hiding since they met when he was free to keep his secrets? "Because you Baka! Because I get laughed at enough! I don't need to give you another reason to belittle me!" It came out in a scream, her voice cracking and frayed with each word. She wasn't looking at him, wasn't even looking near him. She didn't want to see him laugh any more now then she had then. And her over reaction seemed a guarantee that he would find it a hundred times more amusing.
Her nails dug into her palms as she waited for the reaction that would break her. She hated this dependency on him, where it had come from she would never know, but for so long now she could not remember even when it had begun she had found herself striving in some way for his attention, his good opinion. She didn't think much into it. Because their relationship had been fights and arguments, and the way to stay an equal to remain good enough had been to fight back. It had been simple. But within the simple actions she realised things had been working against her. Dependency had been built. A day without an argument left her angry and impossible, a day with an argument left her angry and unfulfilled. And the very thought of losing the chance to spar with him, to fight with him was terrifying.
His lips met hers. A soft kiss, a kiss of honesty and trust. Her eyes jumped to his, a sense of surprise throughout her being. He moved back quickly a half smile on his handsome face.
"I think we both have too much pride." He whispered before his lips where once more sealed over hers.
She surrendered to her emotions again. Pushing the kiss into something less controlled. He didn't fight the progression, pulling away for a breath before returning, hands clasping around her. Her fingers slid into his hair, pulling him down to meet her lips with more force. She pushed back the need to bite, to draw the blood out, enjoying an experience that was entirely human in it's simplicity.
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