A/N - Even though I didn't get quite the response I was looking for after
the first chapter, I'm going to continue with this, because I can't wait
till I get to the end. (trust me, it's good!) Hehe.
Thanks to Fi for beta-ing, you can blame her for any mistakes. ;)
Feedback - PLEASE guys! I live and breathe off these things!
***********
:Jack:
I didn't want to do this. I mean, sure I was dying to meet Carter's new man, but not like this. I wanted it to be crowed; where I could observe the man discreetly without worrying he was just trying to impress me. But Carter had arranged lunch for us. Thankfully she'd invited Daniel, The Doc and Lt. Haley to come along too. Being alone with those two wasn't something I looked forward too. I was standing in Carters kitchen, tossing salad while she set the table. She was nervous, I could tell. She's never said anything, but I knew our opinion of him was going to matter to her. I knew she'd never be with a man that didn't match up to my standards. I felt so horrible, having that sort of control over her, but I was also secretly glad. Guy was the first man she'd ever introduced us too. I knew there'd been a few before, but except for vague references, they'd never seemed to be the main focus in her life. But this one was different. She spoke about him all the time, and even the way she spoke was different. Enthusiastic. Like he did matter. A great deal. The doorbell jarred me out of my thoughts, and Carter shot a glance in my direction before heading to the door. I watched out of the corner of my eye, still pretending to toss the salad as she opened it.
Guy was tall, about my height. Dark hair that was neatly cropped, he was wearing jeans and a light blue shirt that fit him nicely. He was young, by my standards. Older than Carter though, but only by a few years. He looked casual and relaxed, and his face broke into a grin when he saw Carter. He reached for her, and I watched mutely as they shared a kiss.
"I've got someone I want you to meet."
Carter brought him over, and I finally got a decent look at him. His eyes were brown, but light and I could see the laughter in them. The most stressful day he'd ever had was probably marking the school papers so they would be in on time. His hand outstretched and he smiled again. "O'Neill right?"
Carter always said I was a great judge of character, and my instincts told me straight away that this guy was one of those unique types no body ever wanted to let go of, "Jack." I smiled, shaking his hand firmly, "And you must be Guy."
He nodded, "Sam tells me you're an Air Force Colonel?"
"Retired." I came back automatically. I had to make that point clear to everyone, because no one seems to realize what it means, "I usually spend most of my time up in Minnesota now."
"Fishing?"
I looked up at him and smiled, "Let my secret out huh?"
Guy grinned, "Sam might have mentioned something about it."
"You guys should come up sometime." I offered, praying for some company for once. Ever since that first time I had invited Teal'c, he's never agreed to come back and Daniel has refused me more times then I'd asked. Carter.. well, she is another story all together.
Daniel and the Doc arrived, and they were busy talking with Guy when I stole a few moments with Carter. "He's a nice guy." I told her honestly, and she beamed me back a smile.
"I was hoping you'd say that." She involved herself again with arranging the crackers and things before stilling her hands and looking up at me, "I really like him Colonel."
"I know." I didn't know what else to say, but it was evident by anyone's standards that she was hooked on this guy. Big time. "Just." What could I say? Turns out I didn't need to. Carter could read my thoughts.
"It's okay Colonel, you don't have to worry. I won't do anything stupid."
I nodded, "Stupid Carter? From you?" I chuckled as I went back to join the party.
------
:Sam:
It was late morning when I woke up the next day. Guy was sleeping peacefully by my side, and I was a little surprised. Both of us were early risers, him by nature, me from years of military training, but for once I was content to sleep in. Last night had been great, and I'd finally braved the meeting between Jack and Guy. My biggest fear had been that they wouldn't get along, but everything had run smoothly, and Guy had told me later that he really liked Jack. The only problem was Guy still didn't realise the extent of my friendship with Jack. Janet had warned me for a second time, but I still didn't know how to bring the subject up, without making it seem like I had something to hide.
Guy stirred beside me, and his eyes open. Just the site of them made my heart jump. He smiled at me, and I snuggled into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. "Morning beautiful." He mumbled into my hair, and I let out a contented sigh.
"Morning." I replied, then glanced up at him.
He kissed me tenderly, then smiled again, "Wild party last night."
I laughed, lying back against his chest, "Glad you had a nice time."
Guy paused, his hand reaching up to stroke my hair gently, "You all seem pretty friendly. Really close."
I nodded, "They're like family now. With what we do." I trailed off. I didn't usually talk about the SGC, not that there was much I could say, but Guy had a sense that it was dangerous. You really can't keep those things from someone your this close too.
"Sam. we're you and Jack ever." Guy paused, causing me to turn back to look at him and finish his sentence.
"Together?"
Guy nodded, "I feel like a jealous school boy asking Sam, but I have to know. The two of you.."
"It's okay." I leant back into his chest. I'd been looking for an opening, this was as good as I was ever going to get "It's complicated between us. There was a time, I guess if I'd had the chance I would have been with him. But in the military, the regulations forbade officers in the same chain of command being together. We spent so long denying having feelings for each other.." I paused to look up at him again. I had no idea what sort of effect this was going to have on him. Guy didn't say anything, watching me impassively, so I continued, "It just turned into something else. He's my best friend, and I trust him with my life. But we're beyond the relationship." I looked up at him again, "You don't have to worry bout him."
Guy gave me a tight smile, then smoothed my hair down and kissed my forehead, "I know."
I wasn't sure if he really did, but I wasn't about to press the issue. Guy would have to be content with that, and for the fact that I was here with him, not with Jack.
"I love you Sam." Guy whispered.
Arms wrapped around my lover, I practically froze. Only once before in my life had I said that to man, and had it said back. Yet, it didn't seem as frightening as it had the first time, and before I could think I found myself saying it back. "I love you too."
-------------
I was absolutely exhausted. The last two weeks at the SGC had been so hectic, I hadn't had five minutes to sit down and think. Driving home, I was going to welcome the few days I had to myself. I'd start with a long hot bubble bath, then maybe call Guy and see if he... With sudden shock I realised I hadn't called him. During the problems at the SGC, everything else had fled my mind, and Guy had never even entered my thoughts. And now he'd been sitting at home for two weeks without word from me. I could just imagine the sorts of things he's thought has happened to me. I pulled into my street, dreading having to make up more lies. I'd gotten away without telling Guy much about the SGC, but I knew I couldn't ignore his questions this time. I pulled up in front of my house, surprised to see the lights on. Then I noticed Guy's car parked in the driveway. Stepping out, I ran lightly up to my house, cautiously opening the door. Guy lay on the couch, the tv's lights playing across his face. Beside him was a cup of something I could only guess was coffee, cold now though, and his eyes were close. His breathing was slow and steady, but worry lines across his forehead betrayed the fact that he wasn't sleeping peacefully. His eyes were lined with circles, and my heart sank. What had I done to this man? I moved infront of him, crouching next to the couch, and gently touched his shoulder. "Guy?"
His eyes flickered open, and he regarded me through heavy lids, "Sam?"
"I'm here." I whispered.
He reached out, running a finger down my cheek, "Are you really?" He blinked slowly, and I suddenly wondered if he was fully awake. "I see you in my dreams..." his voice trailed off to a few unintelligible words, then he closed his eyes fully and his hand dropped.
I sighed, leaving him to sleep as I went to the kitchen to fix myself my own coffee. I felt so bad. I couldn't believe I'd left him in the dark like that. If it had been me in his position, it would have destroyed me. Without thought, I picked up my phone and dialled a familiar number.
"O'Neill."
"Yeah it's me."
"What's up Carter? Haven't heard from you for a while..." I could hear the smile in Jack's voice, and I realised he had probably been as worried as Guy. But the difference with Jack was he knew if anything disastrous had happened, he'd be notified about it. Either by Daniel or Janet, somehow he'd find out, and he would be comforted by the fact that everyone was doing their upmost to put it right. Guy doesn't have such certainties. And his overactive imagination could conjure up all sorts of worst case scenarios, with nothing to confirm or deny.
"Problems at work." I said tiredly, leaning against my bench, "Things are heating up there."
"Anything you can't handle?"
I winced. There were only so many things I could tell Jack these days, and even less I could say over an unsecured phone, but I had the sudden urge to share what was going on with someone. Somebody that would understand the dangers I went through to keep this planet alive on a day to day basis.
"Why don't you come over?"
I almost burst out laughing. Jack could even read my silences. It was so bizarre, but he knew exactly what I needed. I smiled, dragging my phone into the lounge room to slip on my shoes. "Sure, I'll be right there.."
Guy was still asleep on my couch. I looked down at him, debating wether I could leave him there to see Jack, or if I should stay until he woke up.
"Carter?"
"Yeah. Listen, Guy's here, I really should stick around. Why don't I come over tomorrow?"
Jack paused, "I'll have to get back to you on that one Carter. Give me fifteen."
I nodded, putting down the phone and walking back into the kitchen to finish my coffee. I really did want to see Guy. I was just dreading the explaining I'd have to do, explaining that I'd never had to think up before. And the last thing I wanted to do was lie to him. Finishing my coffee, I turned to the sink to rinse my cup out when strong hands grabbed me around the waist. I jumped, then the hands continued around my middle, crossing over each other. They pulled me backwards, until I was leaning against a well muscled chest, and a head came down until the persons lips could brush against my ear.
"God Sam, where have you been?"
I turned in Guys arms and he pushed me back against the sink, his hands reaching up to cup my face. He breathed my name again, his eyes searching my face until they locked with mine, and I saw it all. The hours he had spent glued to the phone, waiting, hoping and dreading it to go off with news. The days he had spent watching the driveway for my car, calling the mountain but getting no answer. The pain and the worry, it all flashed across his eyes and my heart sank. It was all my fault. Before I could speak, Guy reach down, crushing his lips against mine as he hungrily kissed me. His hands roamed, caressing my cheek, his fingers trailing down my neck. I started to get lost in the feel of his body pressed up against mine, and the feelings he was starting to arouse in me.
When the phone rang. Guy's body went rigid, and his hands tightened around my shoulders. He pulled away, giving me a tight smile as I reached past him to pick up the phone. "Carter."
"Yeah it's me."
I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face at the sound of Jack's voice, as Guy watched me intently. "Hey."
"Still up for tomorrow Carter?"
"Yes sir. Time?"
Jack paused, "Lunch?"
I nodded, "See you then sir."
"Right. And Sam?"
I was half way to pulling the phone away when I stopped. He never called me Sam. "Sir?" I questioned.
"I'm retired Major."
I smiled again, then tried a word that was almost foreign to my lips, "Sure Jack. Whatever you say."
------
"Sam?"
I looked up from my place on the edge of the bed. Guy looked at me through lazy eyelids.
"Where are you going?"
I pulled on my other shoe, then stood up, running a hand through my still damp hair, "Just out for a few hours. I'll be back soon."
"Hmm," Guy mumbled, rolling over on his side, "That's what you said two weeks ago."
I paused, then walked over to his side of my bed and sat down next to where he lay. He opened his eyes fully and looked up at me, "I'm sorry Guy." I said softly, reaching out to run my fingers across his hair, "I didn't mean for it to happen."
Guy smiled, reaching up to take my hand. He pressed his lips to them, then lazily stroked it as he spoke, "I know. Just promise me it won't happen again." Abruptly I pulled away and stood up, causing Guy to sit up in alarm, "What?"
"I can't." I turned away from him, cursing myself. I should have known this was going to happen. It always did. For some reason I thought it would be different with Guy though. Because we were so close, because he had never said anything before. But it was different now.
"You can't?" he echoed.
I turned back to look at him, at his chocolate brown eyes that were full of worry and confusion. I sighed, then sat back on the bed next to him, "I can't promise you Guy. I'll never be able too."
"Why?"
I bit my lip, "Guy, you know the work I do is dangerous. Your not supposed too, but you know."
"Sam." He said my name gently, "I don't even pretend to know what it is you do. I don't want to guess. But the days you stumble in here all bandaged up and hurting.. I don't know what to do. You can't keep this from me forever."
"..But I have too." I hated it. I hated it all. Not being able to share my day-to-day life with the man closest to me, and I knew he would think it was because of one thing..
"You don't trust me?"
There it was. My most hated word in the entire world. Trust. But damnit, I didn't WANT too loose Guy the way I'd happily gotten rid of the others. I'd had a very straight forward rule. If they couldn't accept it, they couldn't stay. Guy had been changing my rules from the word go, but I inwardly cringed as I realised this was one he could never touch. "Guy, listen to me. This has nothing to do with how much I trust you. or how much I love you. But you have to understand this. If you can't accept the work I do, that one day I might not come home, then we can't be together." I saw the look of dread on his face, but I forced myself to continue, "I can't give up my work, not for anything. I do love you Guy, but this is more important then both of us. If we stay together. there is always going to be that chance that I won't walk through that door ever again."
Guy was silent for a long time after that. I left to go see Jack with him still sitting on my bed, trying to take in the information. I didn't blame him for being shocked. I guess he always thought that 'it could never happen to us' and that when it came down to it, I'd give it all up to be with him. And I guess that's the biggest reason I could never hold a relationship. Because no one could stand for coming second best. That I would drop everything for my work, but hesitate when it involved them. But it was the way things had to be, and I still wouldn't change it.
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Please guys send feedback! If there isn't a good result again, I may loose heart! (and you wouldn't want that too happen now, would you?) Hehehehe.
Feedback - PLEASE guys! I live and breathe off these things!
***********
:Jack:
I didn't want to do this. I mean, sure I was dying to meet Carter's new man, but not like this. I wanted it to be crowed; where I could observe the man discreetly without worrying he was just trying to impress me. But Carter had arranged lunch for us. Thankfully she'd invited Daniel, The Doc and Lt. Haley to come along too. Being alone with those two wasn't something I looked forward too. I was standing in Carters kitchen, tossing salad while she set the table. She was nervous, I could tell. She's never said anything, but I knew our opinion of him was going to matter to her. I knew she'd never be with a man that didn't match up to my standards. I felt so horrible, having that sort of control over her, but I was also secretly glad. Guy was the first man she'd ever introduced us too. I knew there'd been a few before, but except for vague references, they'd never seemed to be the main focus in her life. But this one was different. She spoke about him all the time, and even the way she spoke was different. Enthusiastic. Like he did matter. A great deal. The doorbell jarred me out of my thoughts, and Carter shot a glance in my direction before heading to the door. I watched out of the corner of my eye, still pretending to toss the salad as she opened it.
Guy was tall, about my height. Dark hair that was neatly cropped, he was wearing jeans and a light blue shirt that fit him nicely. He was young, by my standards. Older than Carter though, but only by a few years. He looked casual and relaxed, and his face broke into a grin when he saw Carter. He reached for her, and I watched mutely as they shared a kiss.
"I've got someone I want you to meet."
Carter brought him over, and I finally got a decent look at him. His eyes were brown, but light and I could see the laughter in them. The most stressful day he'd ever had was probably marking the school papers so they would be in on time. His hand outstretched and he smiled again. "O'Neill right?"
Carter always said I was a great judge of character, and my instincts told me straight away that this guy was one of those unique types no body ever wanted to let go of, "Jack." I smiled, shaking his hand firmly, "And you must be Guy."
He nodded, "Sam tells me you're an Air Force Colonel?"
"Retired." I came back automatically. I had to make that point clear to everyone, because no one seems to realize what it means, "I usually spend most of my time up in Minnesota now."
"Fishing?"
I looked up at him and smiled, "Let my secret out huh?"
Guy grinned, "Sam might have mentioned something about it."
"You guys should come up sometime." I offered, praying for some company for once. Ever since that first time I had invited Teal'c, he's never agreed to come back and Daniel has refused me more times then I'd asked. Carter.. well, she is another story all together.
Daniel and the Doc arrived, and they were busy talking with Guy when I stole a few moments with Carter. "He's a nice guy." I told her honestly, and she beamed me back a smile.
"I was hoping you'd say that." She involved herself again with arranging the crackers and things before stilling her hands and looking up at me, "I really like him Colonel."
"I know." I didn't know what else to say, but it was evident by anyone's standards that she was hooked on this guy. Big time. "Just." What could I say? Turns out I didn't need to. Carter could read my thoughts.
"It's okay Colonel, you don't have to worry. I won't do anything stupid."
I nodded, "Stupid Carter? From you?" I chuckled as I went back to join the party.
------
:Sam:
It was late morning when I woke up the next day. Guy was sleeping peacefully by my side, and I was a little surprised. Both of us were early risers, him by nature, me from years of military training, but for once I was content to sleep in. Last night had been great, and I'd finally braved the meeting between Jack and Guy. My biggest fear had been that they wouldn't get along, but everything had run smoothly, and Guy had told me later that he really liked Jack. The only problem was Guy still didn't realise the extent of my friendship with Jack. Janet had warned me for a second time, but I still didn't know how to bring the subject up, without making it seem like I had something to hide.
Guy stirred beside me, and his eyes open. Just the site of them made my heart jump. He smiled at me, and I snuggled into his chest, wrapping my arms around him. "Morning beautiful." He mumbled into my hair, and I let out a contented sigh.
"Morning." I replied, then glanced up at him.
He kissed me tenderly, then smiled again, "Wild party last night."
I laughed, lying back against his chest, "Glad you had a nice time."
Guy paused, his hand reaching up to stroke my hair gently, "You all seem pretty friendly. Really close."
I nodded, "They're like family now. With what we do." I trailed off. I didn't usually talk about the SGC, not that there was much I could say, but Guy had a sense that it was dangerous. You really can't keep those things from someone your this close too.
"Sam. we're you and Jack ever." Guy paused, causing me to turn back to look at him and finish his sentence.
"Together?"
Guy nodded, "I feel like a jealous school boy asking Sam, but I have to know. The two of you.."
"It's okay." I leant back into his chest. I'd been looking for an opening, this was as good as I was ever going to get "It's complicated between us. There was a time, I guess if I'd had the chance I would have been with him. But in the military, the regulations forbade officers in the same chain of command being together. We spent so long denying having feelings for each other.." I paused to look up at him again. I had no idea what sort of effect this was going to have on him. Guy didn't say anything, watching me impassively, so I continued, "It just turned into something else. He's my best friend, and I trust him with my life. But we're beyond the relationship." I looked up at him again, "You don't have to worry bout him."
Guy gave me a tight smile, then smoothed my hair down and kissed my forehead, "I know."
I wasn't sure if he really did, but I wasn't about to press the issue. Guy would have to be content with that, and for the fact that I was here with him, not with Jack.
"I love you Sam." Guy whispered.
Arms wrapped around my lover, I practically froze. Only once before in my life had I said that to man, and had it said back. Yet, it didn't seem as frightening as it had the first time, and before I could think I found myself saying it back. "I love you too."
-------------
I was absolutely exhausted. The last two weeks at the SGC had been so hectic, I hadn't had five minutes to sit down and think. Driving home, I was going to welcome the few days I had to myself. I'd start with a long hot bubble bath, then maybe call Guy and see if he... With sudden shock I realised I hadn't called him. During the problems at the SGC, everything else had fled my mind, and Guy had never even entered my thoughts. And now he'd been sitting at home for two weeks without word from me. I could just imagine the sorts of things he's thought has happened to me. I pulled into my street, dreading having to make up more lies. I'd gotten away without telling Guy much about the SGC, but I knew I couldn't ignore his questions this time. I pulled up in front of my house, surprised to see the lights on. Then I noticed Guy's car parked in the driveway. Stepping out, I ran lightly up to my house, cautiously opening the door. Guy lay on the couch, the tv's lights playing across his face. Beside him was a cup of something I could only guess was coffee, cold now though, and his eyes were close. His breathing was slow and steady, but worry lines across his forehead betrayed the fact that he wasn't sleeping peacefully. His eyes were lined with circles, and my heart sank. What had I done to this man? I moved infront of him, crouching next to the couch, and gently touched his shoulder. "Guy?"
His eyes flickered open, and he regarded me through heavy lids, "Sam?"
"I'm here." I whispered.
He reached out, running a finger down my cheek, "Are you really?" He blinked slowly, and I suddenly wondered if he was fully awake. "I see you in my dreams..." his voice trailed off to a few unintelligible words, then he closed his eyes fully and his hand dropped.
I sighed, leaving him to sleep as I went to the kitchen to fix myself my own coffee. I felt so bad. I couldn't believe I'd left him in the dark like that. If it had been me in his position, it would have destroyed me. Without thought, I picked up my phone and dialled a familiar number.
"O'Neill."
"Yeah it's me."
"What's up Carter? Haven't heard from you for a while..." I could hear the smile in Jack's voice, and I realised he had probably been as worried as Guy. But the difference with Jack was he knew if anything disastrous had happened, he'd be notified about it. Either by Daniel or Janet, somehow he'd find out, and he would be comforted by the fact that everyone was doing their upmost to put it right. Guy doesn't have such certainties. And his overactive imagination could conjure up all sorts of worst case scenarios, with nothing to confirm or deny.
"Problems at work." I said tiredly, leaning against my bench, "Things are heating up there."
"Anything you can't handle?"
I winced. There were only so many things I could tell Jack these days, and even less I could say over an unsecured phone, but I had the sudden urge to share what was going on with someone. Somebody that would understand the dangers I went through to keep this planet alive on a day to day basis.
"Why don't you come over?"
I almost burst out laughing. Jack could even read my silences. It was so bizarre, but he knew exactly what I needed. I smiled, dragging my phone into the lounge room to slip on my shoes. "Sure, I'll be right there.."
Guy was still asleep on my couch. I looked down at him, debating wether I could leave him there to see Jack, or if I should stay until he woke up.
"Carter?"
"Yeah. Listen, Guy's here, I really should stick around. Why don't I come over tomorrow?"
Jack paused, "I'll have to get back to you on that one Carter. Give me fifteen."
I nodded, putting down the phone and walking back into the kitchen to finish my coffee. I really did want to see Guy. I was just dreading the explaining I'd have to do, explaining that I'd never had to think up before. And the last thing I wanted to do was lie to him. Finishing my coffee, I turned to the sink to rinse my cup out when strong hands grabbed me around the waist. I jumped, then the hands continued around my middle, crossing over each other. They pulled me backwards, until I was leaning against a well muscled chest, and a head came down until the persons lips could brush against my ear.
"God Sam, where have you been?"
I turned in Guys arms and he pushed me back against the sink, his hands reaching up to cup my face. He breathed my name again, his eyes searching my face until they locked with mine, and I saw it all. The hours he had spent glued to the phone, waiting, hoping and dreading it to go off with news. The days he had spent watching the driveway for my car, calling the mountain but getting no answer. The pain and the worry, it all flashed across his eyes and my heart sank. It was all my fault. Before I could speak, Guy reach down, crushing his lips against mine as he hungrily kissed me. His hands roamed, caressing my cheek, his fingers trailing down my neck. I started to get lost in the feel of his body pressed up against mine, and the feelings he was starting to arouse in me.
When the phone rang. Guy's body went rigid, and his hands tightened around my shoulders. He pulled away, giving me a tight smile as I reached past him to pick up the phone. "Carter."
"Yeah it's me."
I couldn't stop the smile spreading across my face at the sound of Jack's voice, as Guy watched me intently. "Hey."
"Still up for tomorrow Carter?"
"Yes sir. Time?"
Jack paused, "Lunch?"
I nodded, "See you then sir."
"Right. And Sam?"
I was half way to pulling the phone away when I stopped. He never called me Sam. "Sir?" I questioned.
"I'm retired Major."
I smiled again, then tried a word that was almost foreign to my lips, "Sure Jack. Whatever you say."
------
"Sam?"
I looked up from my place on the edge of the bed. Guy looked at me through lazy eyelids.
"Where are you going?"
I pulled on my other shoe, then stood up, running a hand through my still damp hair, "Just out for a few hours. I'll be back soon."
"Hmm," Guy mumbled, rolling over on his side, "That's what you said two weeks ago."
I paused, then walked over to his side of my bed and sat down next to where he lay. He opened his eyes fully and looked up at me, "I'm sorry Guy." I said softly, reaching out to run my fingers across his hair, "I didn't mean for it to happen."
Guy smiled, reaching up to take my hand. He pressed his lips to them, then lazily stroked it as he spoke, "I know. Just promise me it won't happen again." Abruptly I pulled away and stood up, causing Guy to sit up in alarm, "What?"
"I can't." I turned away from him, cursing myself. I should have known this was going to happen. It always did. For some reason I thought it would be different with Guy though. Because we were so close, because he had never said anything before. But it was different now.
"You can't?" he echoed.
I turned back to look at him, at his chocolate brown eyes that were full of worry and confusion. I sighed, then sat back on the bed next to him, "I can't promise you Guy. I'll never be able too."
"Why?"
I bit my lip, "Guy, you know the work I do is dangerous. Your not supposed too, but you know."
"Sam." He said my name gently, "I don't even pretend to know what it is you do. I don't want to guess. But the days you stumble in here all bandaged up and hurting.. I don't know what to do. You can't keep this from me forever."
"..But I have too." I hated it. I hated it all. Not being able to share my day-to-day life with the man closest to me, and I knew he would think it was because of one thing..
"You don't trust me?"
There it was. My most hated word in the entire world. Trust. But damnit, I didn't WANT too loose Guy the way I'd happily gotten rid of the others. I'd had a very straight forward rule. If they couldn't accept it, they couldn't stay. Guy had been changing my rules from the word go, but I inwardly cringed as I realised this was one he could never touch. "Guy, listen to me. This has nothing to do with how much I trust you. or how much I love you. But you have to understand this. If you can't accept the work I do, that one day I might not come home, then we can't be together." I saw the look of dread on his face, but I forced myself to continue, "I can't give up my work, not for anything. I do love you Guy, but this is more important then both of us. If we stay together. there is always going to be that chance that I won't walk through that door ever again."
Guy was silent for a long time after that. I left to go see Jack with him still sitting on my bed, trying to take in the information. I didn't blame him for being shocked. I guess he always thought that 'it could never happen to us' and that when it came down to it, I'd give it all up to be with him. And I guess that's the biggest reason I could never hold a relationship. Because no one could stand for coming second best. That I would drop everything for my work, but hesitate when it involved them. But it was the way things had to be, and I still wouldn't change it.
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Please guys send feedback! If there isn't a good result again, I may loose heart! (and you wouldn't want that too happen now, would you?) Hehehehe.
