A/N: Hello folks! I wrote this awhile back. The original chapter was a lot longer, but it wasn't finished, and now my muse has gone awandering, so I figured you guys deserved something while we waited for her majesty to return to me.
PLEASE don't forget to review! It'll help my muse come out of hiding! (I hope!)
Flames will be fed to my dragon (with you along with it)
(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)
:Sam:
"You have to leave him behind."
I stared at the computer blankly, the figures on the screen just a blur behind the tears I refused to let fall.
"SGC personnel only. Be ready to ship out 0900 Monday morning."
It was Friday afternoon.
"...suggested sending the Alpha Teams though a week or so early. Just incase our calculations are off."
It was exactly 10 days before the estimated first contact with the Goa'uld.
"I know leaving your families will be difficult. But remember people; this is for the continuation of the human race. Your sacrifice will ultimately bring our salvation."
I wanted to kill him. I wanted to shove my P90 down his throat and never take my finger off the trigger.
The words the General had uttered a few hours earlier were running through my head, his voice mocking me as it spelled out my worst nightmares in intricate detail.
"...Leave your families..."
I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to block the words from my mind. Somehow, through some great act of denial on my part, I'd managed not to think about what being in command of the Alpha site actually meant. But now it was staring me in the face and I couldn't run from it anymore.
I had exactly two days to tell the man I loved that I was never going to see him again.
A sob got caught half way in my throat, and I stubbornly pushed it away, digging my palm into my eye in an attempt to keep back the tears. I was not going to cry. I opened my eyes back up in an attempt to focus on my work, but the screen was a watery blur. The tears, more stubborn then I, refused to leave, and my bottom lip trembled as the first one fell, trailing down my cheek.
Wearily I stood up, closing down my computer and gathering my work. I couldn't put it off any longer. My mind was in conflict: part of it screaming at me to stay and avoid the confrontation between myself and Guy, knowing it would only end badly, and the other pushing and prodding me to enjoy the last few hours I ever would have with him.
Our relationship had been strained for months now, the tension in my house almost reaching unbearable heights whenever I was home. And the worst thing was, I never had the time to feel bad about it. My time was so consumed at the SGC, that it wasn't until I was walking through my front door that I remembered my life wasn't full of roses.
As I left the mountain, I realized that it didn't matter anymore. When confronted about their ability to defend Earth, the SGC was skeptical at best...bottom line was; if the Goa'uld attacked there wasn't much they could about it.
Which meant...I closed my eyes again as I pulled up at the security gate. It meant that anyone left behind on Earth was either going to die or be enslaved. Which included the man I loved.
And Jack.
(O)(o)(O)(o)(O)
It was late in the evening when I got home. I'd called earlier and Guy had dinner ready. Well...more to the point he had my dinner already glad wrapped and ready to stick in the fridge.
Ouch.
I ignored the gesture, removing the wrap as Guy sat down at the table. His eyes swept over me as I joined him, and I couldn't help shiver at the hungriness in them. Like an animal starved, I could almost picture him devouring me in his mind. Guilt was a constant in my life, the voice in my head telling me I was a horrible wife for ever making this man sleep in an empty bed.
I could only take small comfort in the sadistic thought that soon it would be all over for Guy, and he wouldn't spend the rest of his life with the knowledge that his wife loved her work more then him.
The night went smoothly, my dark little secret tucked deep inside me through dinner, the late night movie, and the frantic love making afterwards. Almost as if Guy sensed this could be the last time he would ever have me. I spent Saturday in his arms, and with every second that passed, it drew closer to having to leave him.
I wrestled deep inside of myself. Should I tell him? That I was leaving him forever, but not to worry because he would most likely die in the ensuing weeks? My heart wrenched, but I tried desperately to hide the tears from my husband. I wanted the weekend to be perfect.
Sunday came. Guy's surprise at having me home for two days turned into suspicion, his eyes narrowing, and I could almost see the gears inside of his head working. But instead of accusing, he waited until we were driving home from dinner out before speaking.
"Do you remember on our honeymoon?" He asked, glancing at me before his eyes darted back onto the road, "What you said?"
I nodded, "I remember."
He looked at me again, "Times almost up."
I remembered that too. It was almost exactly six months since Guy and I had gotten married, when I'd sat him down in our honeymoon sweet and promised him I'd quit the air force for him.
"It's nearly over." The voice sounded like it belonged to someone else. I almost felt like a stranger, staring down at another woman in the car as she lied through her teeth to her husband, "I have to go away for a little while...and then I'll be home for good."
I felt physically sick, hating every inch of myself. How dare I abuse his trust this way. How dare I sit here, pleasantly telling him in a few short weeks I'd finally behave like the wife I was. I knew there was a simple solution, but try as I might, I couldn't tell him the truth.
That night, I made love to my husband, burning the very feel of him into my memory. His features were etched into my brain as I memorized every inch of him. He slept, and I sat awake, just watching.
It wasn't even dawn when I slipped out of my husbands arms. Moving silently I collected my things, knowing this would be the last time I stepped foot in that room. Ready, I stopped at the edge of the bed, staring down at the sleeping form of the man I loved. His skin soft, his mouth slack, he looked like a little boy in the darkness, so naïve and unaware of the dangers around him. And like a parent unwilling to expose such an innocent soul, I had shielded him from them.
Closing my eyes against the thoughts of my duplicity, I reached down, planting a soft, final kiss against his forehead. Guy didn't even stir.
Gathering my gear, I headed out, careful not to slip on the wet pavement. Chin high, eyes clear, I made my way to my car, got in, and drove away without ever looking back.
With the streets empty in the pre-dawn morning, my trip didn't take long, and I parked outside of Jack's house and killed the engine before it woke anyone. Without thought I got out and started towards his house. I couldn't think. Wouldn't allow myself too, knowing I would be opening a door to a room full of emotions I wasn't ready to deal with.
I reached Jack's door and I paused, listening. By all accounts Jack should be sleeping, and I wondered, suddenly, if I should wake him. While it hadn't occurred to me before, unexpectedly showing up on Jacks doorstep at three in the morning probably wasn't the smartest of moves.
A high pitched, rapid fire puppy bark started to my left, and I could hear Whiskey pawing at the fence to the side of the house. Quickly, hoping the dog wouldn't wake the neighbors, I moved to the fence, opening up the gate enough to slip through without letting Whiskey out. Getting down on my haunches, I scooped the pup into my arms, and Whiskey fell instantly silent, his soft tongue licking my cheek.
"Carter?"
My head shot up at the sound of Jack's voice, and I let Whiskey down, standing up, "Jack?"
"Come on up."
I kept walking around to the back of the house; Jack was staring down at me over the railing of the observation deck on his roof. Carefully climbing the ladder, I didn't speak until I was standing beside him, "How did you know it was me?"
"Whiskey." Jack indicated to the overeager puppy, who's front paws were on the first wrung of the ladder as he looked up at us with woeful eyes, "Barks at everything that moves." He paused again and smiled, "Except when it's you."
I nodded, and smiled in spite of myself. I raised my gaze, taking in the star filled sky, at the moon that burned so brightly, bathing us with enough light that I could see Jack's features perfectly.
Or maybe I had spent so many hours studying his face I could see it when I closed my eyes.
I lowered my head, to find Jack studying me intently, his face somehow softer, but his eyes no less intense. He knew as well as I did why I was there.
"Couldn't sleep?"
"It's your last night on Earth Carter." He said by way of explanation, his smile almost mocking. His fingers moved to cap the end of his telescope, then he sat down, gesturing me to do the same.
Opting out of the single chair across the landing, I moved to sit next to him, almost falling into the seat as weariness took over me. The entire weekend had been a roller coaster of emotions, and I really wanted off.
The silence stretched, but I felt comfortable in it, just enjoying the company of a man who had never, the entire time I had known him, let me down.
"I'll miss you."
(O)(o)(O)(o)(O)
:Jack:
Carter looked at me suddenly, and I realized numbly that I'd spoken out loud. She seemed to be studying me, trying to gauge if I really meant it, when her eyes fell shut as she drew in a shuddering breath.
I could only guess to what she was thinking, and my heart went out to her. She looked devastated. I wanted to tell her it would be okay, but I knew it wouldn't. My Sam was going to leave me. I hadn't dwelt on it too much...analyzing my feelings had never been my strong point, but having Carter here was driving the point home. And suddenly I couldn't hold back anymore. Ever respectful of Sam's marriage, I'd stayed a healthy distance from the woman I loved, but something in my brain had just snapped. Her last night on Earth, and damned if I wasn't going to enjoy it with her.
Slowly, almost by its own accord, my hand shifted. Carter's eyes opened at the movement, and she watched mutely as I reached over, brushing my fingers gently over the back of her hand. Her eyes darted to mine, full of questions, and I held her gaze. She looked back down at my hand, which had halted enough for her to pull away if she chose. I wouldn't dare go further if Carter didn't encourage me.
Sam, the woman who held my heart, her breath hitched, kept still. Her eyes found mine again, and I suddenly looked away, satisfied I wasn't going to far, concentrating on our hands as I slowly entwined our fingers.
Carter's fingers moved slightly to make my job easier, then her hand squeezed mine gently. I looked up to see a single tear drop from her eye.
With my other hand I reached up, my thumb catching the delicate drop as the rest of my fingers curled around her chin, just gently touching her perfect skin.
"I'll miss you too." Her words were but a whisper, and then she turned to me fully, her other hand reaching up to grab the one holding her face, her eyes alight with tears that refused to fall, "Jack...if things had been different..." her eyes fell shut, the hand holding my gripping me tighter, "I know I have to ...but I don't want to leave you Jack."
Sam was talking so fast, her sentences clipped and her voice had a strange, horse quality to it that scared me more then facing a whole mothership full of Jaffa.
I had to stop this. Her emotions were careening out of control. This was not the Sam I knew. I searched for something, anything that would bring her back to earth.
Afterwards, I would kick myself for a fool. For being so utterly stupid. But at the time it seemed perfectly acceptable. As Sam's eyes opened I lent forward, my hand once again finding her face, cupping her chin. If her eyes winded in surprise, I didn't notice. I shifted on the bench, bringing her closer to me, and I found no resistance. It seemed an eternity, like a giant void had opened up between us, and I spent years closing the gap. Anticipation was making me quiver like a school boy on his first date. We were close now, I could feel her breath against my face. In my hands, her body trembled.
And then I kissed her.
Softly my lips found her's, gently probing, hesitant and unsure. Her lips were soft, moist and tremulous. This kiss was chaste, but I felt a flare of passion spark between us. Sam hand gripped mine tightly as she gave a gentle nip on my lower lip.
I could have lived a lifetime in that moment, my arms wrapped around the woman I loved on a rooftop under the stars. I could almost forget that she belonged to another, of the coming war and her immediate departure.
But all too soon she was pulling away, her luscious lips freeing themselves of mine. Gently, Sam rested her forehead against mine, her breathing labored, which surprised me. I held onto my last shed of will not to kiss her again. It was all I wanted, one more kiss: one more caress and one more lover.
I swallowed hard, and Sam's forehead came to rest against my shoulder.
"I love you Jack."
My whole body tensed. I wanted to believe her, I wanted to tell her not to go, to stay and live the rest of her life with me, however short that life might be.
Instead I squeezed her tightly, hugging her for the last time, and when I spoke, my voice wasn't even a whisper. Just the passing of air across my lips.
"Sometimes, I really wish you did."
(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)(o)
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