Alone
Severus opened his eyes to total darkness; there was no ceiling and no sky, everything was just completely black.
For a while he just lay there, peering into that darkness and hoping that his eyes would eventually adjust to it so he'd at least be able to figure out where he was. He let his fingers slide across the floor; it felt cold and rough. Stone.
He thought about whether he should get up from the ground at all. He was tired; he didn't even want to find out what that demon had in store for him next, and he didn't know where to go or what to do anyway. Eventually though, he decided that he didn't want to lie around here for the rest of his days either and sat up.
"Where are you?" he asked into the darkness. It surprised him a little how loud his own voice sounded in the silence that surrounded him. "If you want anything from me, you'll have to come to me. Because I'm not going to move an inch away from here."
He got no reply, everything remained dark and quiet.
It was what he'd hoped for. Obviously there wasn't much the demon could do once the victim stopped providing the necessary information. Nonetheless, Severus was quite convinced that his opponent wouldn't give up so easily. And although shutting that demon out of his thoughts seemed to work rather well for now, it still demanded a certain amount of concentration, and he wasn't sure just how long he'd be able to keep his guard up like this.
He blinked into the darkness. He had to be somewhere in the dungeons, otherwise it wouldn't be so dark. Unless, of course, he wasn't inside Hogwarts any longer.
Carefully he got back to his feet, stood up straight and raised his hand to touch the stone above him. There were no more than three inches of space between his head and the ceiling.
Standing there in the dark and hearing nothing but his own breathing, he suddenly realised that he was alone. Now it was just him and his own mind against that demon. Often enough he'd claimed that he preferred being on his own. And he'd been convinced that it was true. But then, maybe he'd never before been so alone.
The thought of having to spend the rest of his life here suddenly invaded his mind. How long would that be? Could he even die here at all?
Eternity. Here. Alone.
He shook off the mere idea. It would all work out. Everything he planned always worked out. Although this time he didn't have a plan. Not yet, at least.
The book should be inside the rune circle now and therefore safer than if he'd taken it along. Next he had to find Malfoy and then all he needed was a little time without the demon at his heels so they could make it back to the painting.
He'd have to sacrifice a pawn – Thesdale. He'd need a diversion and Thesdale was the perfect man for the job. Ignorant moron; without ever realising it he'd always been just a puppet with someone else pulling the strings, and it would be no different now.
But who am I to judge that.
"I could really use some light," he whispered to himself as he slowly stepped forward while holding his hand out in front of him to keep himself from running straight into a wall. His fingertips touched something solid and he instinctively pulled back his hand. A wall.
He followed it until he reached a corner, turned left and then he saw light. It was a weak green glow at the end of a narrow corridor.
Severus stopped walking. "Ah, I see," he said softly. "You're still here then."
Now he finally knew where he was. He'd been here countless times before, in his dreams. For years he'd had those nightmares about the dark corridor and the strange green light, but that had been so long ago, he'd almost forgotten about it. But now he was here again; he was home again.
The demon must have caught a glimpse of this old memory in those few seconds when he'd actually allowed him to see inside his mind. It wasn't something Severus would have expected him to pick, but at least another little trip back to Snape Manor was something he could easily deal with.
Slowly, he started walking towards the light. He'd never done that in his dreams. Because he'd always known that he shouldn't; that something bad would happen if he came too close to the green light, that it was evil. Now the demon obviously expected him to run away just like he'd always done, but he wasn't going to play along.
"A child's nightmare?" Severus asked into the darkness. Obviously, the demon couldn't even distinguish between something that had really happened and something his mind had only made up. "That's just a memory of a dream, it's never been real."
"All dreams are real."
There was the familiar voice again, his father's voice. Severus didn't see him yet but he heard his footsteps moving towards him. A moment later a tall man with long black hair stepped out of the green glowing light at the end of the corridor and stood before him, his arms folded over his chest.
"They might be real to you, but not to us," Severus replied.
"Yet they scare you."
"Actually, they're not even scary anymore when revisited in our waking hours."
His father looked at him out of narrowed eyes. "I see," he said thoughtfully. "As primitive and weak as you mortals are, there still seems to be a lot about you I don't understand."
"Why? In all this time, haven't you found enough guinea pigs?"
"Not many are able to withstand my powers long enough."
"You said you've been waiting for one for too long already. So time does mean something to you after all, doesn't it?"
His father smiled at him. Severus knew that it wasn't a good smile; it was a dangerous smile. "You don't believe that you can really take me on, do you? The mind of a mortal man, whose lifespan is nothing more than a blink of the eye compared to even the short history of mankind? Against a mind older than time itself and wiser than any man could ever even dream about?"
"Oh, I believe I can."
His father's smile grew even wider. "I've met only a few of your kind. More powerful than other mortals and, as it seems, even more arrogant," he said. "So arrogant even though you've always known that you're a coward and a failure. Your father already told you that, didn't he, Severus? He always knew it, too."
"My father's dead and gone."
"Dead, yes," he replied softly. "But no one who's dead is ever truly gone. Death isn't the end, Severus. It's just a beginning; it never ends." His smile turned into a broad evil grin. "But you knew that, didn't you?"
"Do you really think I care about what you're telling me? You're a liar. You're playing with false realities, you're pretending and deceiving. You can't even tell the difference between a lie and the truth. It's all the same to you."
"But aren't you a liar, too? A traitor and a turncoat, caught in this tangled web of lies you weave?"
Severus remained silent; he'd had enough of the demon by now. He didn't want to discuss his life with that thing, and he didn't want to entertain it any longer.
"Where's your sharp tongue now? Did the truth leave you speechless?"
Severus kept looking at him with the most indifferent expression he could manage.
"Or do you just not want to speak to me?"
More likely.
"Talk to me. Tell me everything. Trust me," his father whispered, his voice now suddenly persuasive instead of cold and threatening. "Don't you know you're so much like me? I know you better than anyone ever will."
No, I'm not. And I won't talk to you. Often enough I've been told how annoyingly stubborn I am; let's see if you can outlast me.
"I know where you've been, what you've done and what you've seen. I know everything about you."
I can't imagine you do.
"If you want to understand, you'll have to change your point of view," his father said softly. "You have to stop seeing me as your enemy, because I'm not. And you'll have to realise that you need look no further than at your own reflection to discover my true identity."
"Come," he added after a moment's silence and turned away from him. He started slowly walking towards the light and motioned him to follow. "Come with me." Then he stepped into the light and the green glow swallowed him.
Severus felt tempted to follow him, as if some unseen power was drawing him towards the green light. But he didn't want to do just as he was expected to do. He turned around to take the opposite direction and found his way back blocked by a cast iron gate.
"I see," he said to himself. "So I'm not even given a choice any longer."
Without hesitating, he followed his father into the green glow. As he stepped inside he was forced to close his eyes when the weak glow turned into a bright and almost blinding light.
Now he felt the demon's presence closer than ever before. He was surrounded by the same coldness, anxiety and horror he'd felt when they'd gone through the painting to get here, but now the feeling was a hundred times more intense, almost unbearable. Its presence was everywhere around him, constantly drawing nearer as this world kept tightening its grip on him.
"You can't fight me forever."
The voice was barely more than a whisper, but it was coming from everywhere around him and echoing in his ears.
"Don't be a fool. You know you'll never win."
His heart was beating faster, and it was becoming harder and harder to breathe. He felt cold, sick and weak.
The physical effects of fear, nothing more.
His hands were shaking, and he felt that his knees were about to give in. His instincts told him to run, but, at the same time, he was unable to move, paralyzed with fear. More than that; panic.
Concentrate. Fight it.
He'd never felt fear like this before, not when he'd been surrounded by Dementors and not when they'd locked him up in Azkaban; not even when his master had drawn his wand on him.
"I'm stronger than you. I can make your defences crumble down. I can break you."
No. I'm not giving up so soon.
"I can bring you to your knees."
Severus tried to fight the fear. He told himself that it was irrational and unfounded.
He felt the demon's presence invading his mind. There was no way he could shut him out any longer, not like this.
"I can destroy you."
The words rang loudly in his ears and caused a stinging pain inside his head. He raised his hands to cover his ears but it made no difference, the whisper just kept growing louder while the pain became more intense. He gasped for air. His heart was beating so fast now that he feared it was going to tear his chest apart.
"I can break you, Severus."
He dropped to his knees, his hands still covering his ears. The world was swirling around him, and the force of gravity seemed to become stronger, crushing his body to the ground and leaving him unable to move.
"Easily."
Then all of a sudden, it was gone. It was dark and silent once again. The blinding light, the whispering voice and the unbearable fear, it was all gone.
He could breathe easy now, and his heartbeat also seemed to return to normal.
Slowly, he opened his eyes. At first, he saw only darkness, but, after a moment, he could make out a person standing a few steps away from him. Black robes and black leather boots.
Severus felt weak. He wouldn't be able to fight the demon much longer. Actually, he was rather sure that it could already have won this time.
Just like it had said – it could easily break him. But then why hadn't it?
It didn't want to. That's the only logical explanation. But why?
"Now look at you," his father said softly. "You're so pathetic. Despite knowing that you don't stand a chance, you're still not willing to give in. That's neither a sign of courage nor of strength, it's merely stupid and obstinate."
Severus let his eyes wander through the dusty and almost empty room; yes, he was definitely back home.
"And what for really? Do you ever pause and reflect on what you're doing, and why you're doing it?"
"No, I don't," he muttered. Right now I'm more interested in why you do what you do.
Slowly, Severus stood up. He still felt a little shaky and had to keep one hand on the wall to support himself.
"Well, thinking has never been your strongest side, has it?"
"I suppose not," Severus replied indifferently.
"But it might be about time for you to think about a few things now."
"Really? And what would that be?"
"Your arrogance, for instance," his father said. "You're very proud of yourself, aren't you? You're so important and so valuable; you're something special. But they don't appreciate you as much as you deserve, do they? It doesn't have to be that way, you know?"
Severus remained silent. He knew from experience that a few minutes of silence would suffice to drive his father mad. And he'd also found that silence was often very effective whenever he wanted to be left alone or when he tried to get rid of someone; people quickly tired of talking to themselves, maybe demons did too.
"You're risking so much, and they know that. But does anyone ever thank you for it?"
"I'm not asking for it," Severus said in a low voice.
"They don't even care how hard you've got it. They're all just using you."
"That's not true," Severus replied and at the same moment regretted that he'd even opened his mouth. It was harder for him to take no heed of his words than he'd have expected. Maybe it's true. Maybe he's not lying now.
"You know it's true," his father said. "You're the black sheep that found its way back to the light. But Dumbledore knows that it doesn't mean that you've changed; you're still the same man."
"I don't think I am," Severus said.
"It doesn't matter what you think. The only thing that matters is what they think. And they all know that you can't be trusted. They'll always doubt you, but they'll try not to let you notice; not as long as they still need you. And once it's over, Dumbledore will send you back to Azkaban where you belong."
"No, he won't," Severus muttered defiantly.
"You can't be so stupid as not to realise that. He doesn't give a damn about you; nobody does!"
It's true.
"They don't even care if you live or die; if they did, they wouldn't keep sending you back to your old master. And they wouldn't expect you to risk your life to protect that little brat Potter," his father said, folding his arms and slowly taking a step towards him to look straight into his eyes. "Why are you here? Why did they pick you?" he whispered. "Think about it, and tell me I'm wrong."
I made a promise to Dumbledore. It's my own free will.
But still... Had Dumbledore ever told him that he appreciated what he did? Ever? Had he ever even had so much as a 'well done' for him? No, of course not. All he did was to ask more and more of him.
No, wait. He had. He told me that I'm doing a good job. I remember that.
Do I really remember it? Or am I just imagining that I remember it?
Severus realised that it was becoming difficult for him to distinguish between his imagination and what had really happened. He was losing his grip on reality.
It's inside my head.
A wall. Build a wall.
He remembered how Dumbledore had taught him to completely shut anyone out of his mind. He'd never used it against his master, because it would make it very obvious that he was hiding something. It was his last line of defence, the only thing he could do in case someone would try to force him to give away anything that had to remain secret.
Severus concentrated on banishing the demon from his mind and building up walls around him and it actually seemed to work, at least his thoughts were beginning to become clearer.
It's trying to confuse me. It wants me to believe what it tells me and what it shows me.
Yes, that's what you want. You want more than just my memories.
"A willing victim. That's what you need," Severus said. "You told Potter that you weren't strong enough to come with him yet, but that he could help you."
His father watched him out of narrowed eyes, wearing a curious expression.
"You need someone to take you to the other side," he continued. "But you can't force me to help you. You tried to scare me to make me obey, but it didn't work. And now you try to persuade me, to make me trust you."
The demon stared at him, his expression full of suppressed anger.
"I'm afraid you picked the wrong guy," Severus said with a victorious smile on his lips. "You'd definitely have been better off with Potter. I can see through you now, you can't fool me any longer. You can't manipulate me when I know what you're trying to accomplish."
His father's black eyes were now glittering with fury. "You think you're so smart," he spat. "But you'll realise that I spoke the truth. You'll be lying on the ground, writhing in pain and drowning in your own blood, and then you'll realise it. But then it will be too late."
"You can't impress me with your hazy predictions," Severus said. "You might want to try Thesdale; he's hungry for power and rather simpleminded as well."
"Do you remember the very first mistake you made?" the demon whispered. "Do you remember what you saw, and what you never told anyone about?"
"You know that I remember," he replied coldly.
"And I know that you still regret it. Remember this moment, Severus," his father said in a low and dangerous voice. "It will be another one of those you'll regret for the rest of your pitiful existence."
Having said this, he disappeared.
"Fine," Severus muttered to himself. "So I'll have something to do for the rest of my pitiful existence."
He turned around, found the green glowing light gone and stepped back outside. It was still rather dark, but he could see the light of some burning torches coming from the end of the corridor. This wasn't his parent's house any longer; he was back at Hogwarts now, back in the lower dungeons. Now that he knew where he was, it wouldn't be difficult for him to find his way back out.
#-#
Once Severus had made it back to the Entrance Hall without any further incidents, he was quite convinced that the demon had lost interest in him once and for all. He definitely hoped so because he knew that another confrontation with that thing would most likely cost him his sanity.
The Entrance Hall lay quiet and peaceful, and the torches on the walls cast a warm light into the darkness. For a moment, he stood looking at the mighty wooden doors, unable to shake off the uncomfortable feeling of silence and loneliness that seemed to emanate from the empty castle; by now he understood very well what Lupin had meant back in the woods when he'd said that the place was giving him the creeps.
But unfortunately, he couldn't leave yet. Malfoy and Thesdale still had to be around somewhere, there wasn't really anywhere else they could have gone. Severus was sure that even if they'd noticed that not everything here was what it seemed to be, they probably wouldn't have risked trying to enter the castle.
So he'd have to go outside and search for them there. Well, anything was better than staying in here.
He heard someone clearing his throat, winced at the unexpected sound and whirled around. There was no one there, and it took him a second to realise that the sound had come from a large landscape painting on the wall to his left. Snape frowned and slowly stepped closer when he noticed a familiar person standing in the middle of the stormy and dark landscape.
"Lord Macius," he greeted the painted wizard. "I'm surprised to see you here, so far from your usual residence."
"I know where I belong, and I have my reasons for not leaving there too often," Lord Macius replied gruffly. Right now, as he fought his way across the painting with the storm ripping at his cloak and the rain drenching him, it was rather obvious why he usually preferred to stay in his study. "However, I thought that maybe I could be of assistance."
Severus arched an eyebrow at him, wondering how a painting could possibly be of any help here. "How long have you been up here already?" he asked then.
"Too long."
"Do you know if anyone else entered the castle?"
"There are shadows sneaking through the night. Yet in here, there's no other living soul in sight."
It rhymes. But well, at least he's still making sense; I already expected they wouldn't dare to set foot in here without knowing for sure what they're dealing with.
"Thank you," Snape said quickly and turned to leave.
"Professor," the wizard in the painting called him back. "Should you be in need of a guide, or if there's anything else I can do, I'm at your service. I'm part of this world; Escharoth has no power over me and no interest in me."
"Escharoth – is that his name?"
"He goes by many names."
Yes, I've heard that before.
"Is there anything else you know about him?" Severus asked.
"All I know is that he's been waiting for centuries to finally break out of the world he's been confined to for so long."
"I figured that out already," Severus muttered and started walking over to the entrance doors.
"Waste no time." He heard Lord Macius calling after him as he opened the heavy wooden door. "Leave before the night is over or you might never leave again."
Severus contemplated only briefly whether he'd been talking about the night here or the night in the real world, whether the night herewould ever end and what time it might be back at the real Hogwarts; then he decided to do as Lord Macius had suggested and not to waste time thinking about things he couldn't influence anyway.
#-#
The first thing he noticed when he stepped outside was that it was cold; really cold. Obviously Escharoth, or whatever his name might be, was rather fond of cold weather. Well, it could have been worse. At least it wasn't raining.
Severus stood outside the entrance doors and let his eyes wander across the grounds, trying to figure out where to search for Malfoy.
Definitely not in the woods; it might make the best hiding place, but Lucius had never particularly liked it there. He might have left the castle grounds. But where would he go? Where could he go, actually? How far did this world stretch?
Well, Lucius isn't an idiot. Once he realised where he was, he definitely left the grounds and tried to disapparate, which of course didn't work. Clever as he is, he most likely figured out pretty quickly that he's still caught in this illusion.
But then what? He knows that Potter came through a painting located inside Hogwarts, so it should seem quite reasonable to him to search for the way out inside the castle as well. But he couldn't know for sure that Dumbledore wasn't there, so if he'd try to get in, he'd try to remain unnoticed.
Severus looked down the path leading away from the entrance doors and into the darkness.
"Come on, Lucius," he whispered to himself. "Where did you go..."
How would I do it if I'd try to get into the castle without anyone noticing? Well, I wouldn't try it, because I know that it's impossible.
Slowly, he started walking down the path, the sound of the gravel under his boots much louder than it should have been. After only a few steps he came to a halt again.
"Lucius!" he called out into the night. He waited for a moment, but he got no reply. "Malfoy! Thesdale! Anyone?"
Silence.
"Maybe the werewolf was right," he said to himself. "Maybe it is a stupid idea, and I should just leave."
But he wasn't the kind to turn his back and run; even if he called it a tactical withdrawal, it wouldn't really make a difference, it would still be nothing but running away. He buttoned his coat, put up his collar and started walking again.
"And maybe I should stop talking to myself. Mentally sane people don't do that."
Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it. Many thanks to everyone who reviewed, I'm glad you liked it! Sorry for the long wait; it's great to see that so many of you are still reading this, thanks for being so patient with me :)
It will be two more chapters after this one and I've almost finished writing the next one, so it won't take me so long to update.
