"MOMO?"
It was Shion who called me, but I wouldn't respond back. I didn't even turn my head to address her. I didn't want to be rude, I just wasn't in the mood for company. All I wanted to do was lay in my bed, inside the small cabin room reserved for us in the Durandel. It was as much Shion's room as it was mine, though, so of course I had no right to ask her to leave. Maybe I needed the company after all.
"MOMO…" She started again. "Are you alright? You've been looking so gloomy lately." I usually didn't like to express my sadness, because I never wanted to worry anyone. But ever since that incident in the Encephalon world, I just couldn't hide my feelings.
When we traveled to that virtual world, the world inside KOS-MOS' mind, I finally met Daddy, for the first time ever. I've always dreamed of that moment, where I could finally see him with my own eyes, and not as an image stored in my memory.
But it wasn't a pleasant reunion. I saw Daddy rant and ramble like a lunatic; just how so many people accused him of being. I saw Daddy take his own life, falling toward the pavement in a fiery death. And not once did he notice me. Not only did I lose my one, perhaps only chance to see him, but now all I had left was a painful memory. Was this better than having no memory at all?
"You saw something, didn't you?" Shion acknowledged. "A memory that you wanted to stay in the past."
I was surprised that she managed to figure it out, but I still wouldn't respond back. All I did was stare at the ceiling, watching the fan twirl slowly around.
"I'm sorry, MOMO." She continued. "I didn't want to involve you. It was supposed to be just me, but in the end, I had no control over who the Encephalon chose to bring along."
"No, Shion." I finally spoke back, still looking at the ceiling. "I know it wasn't your fault. I would've wanted to come along anyway. It's just…I wasn't prepared for what I saw. I'm sorry for worrying you, but…I just can't get over what happened."
"Did you see…someone important?" She asked. "Someone that you cared about?"
Still staring at the ceiling, I nodded in response.
The room was silent. For a moment, I wondered if Shion had left. Then, she started speaking again.
"I know how hard it must be, to watch someone important disappear from your life." The older woman continued. "But you have to remember that it's still just a memory."
"I know." I answered. "But it still hurts. It's just too painful."
"They may be painful memories," She replied. "But sometimes you have to learn to accept the pain. Once you learn to look past the pain, you'll still have the memory of that person close to you. And I know that, even it was a bad memory, they would still want you to remember them."
I finally turned my head to look at her. Watching her smiling face peer down at me, like an angel watching over me while I slept, began to lift the sadness from my heart. But I still had some doubt left.
"How can I accept the pain, Shion?" I asked her. "How can I
learn to look past it?"
"I can't answer that, sweetheart." She responded, her warm smile still gazing
toward me. "But I've learned through experience, that the best way to let go of
pain is to share it with the people who are close to you now. You can
relinquish that pain to them, and they will gladly share some of your burden.
And you can do the same with their pain, and thus the combined feelings you
share with each other, can overcome any sadness. And remember, MOMO, that I'll
always be here, willing to share any pain that you feel."
Hearing her kind words, a smile formed around my lips, the first smile I had all night. "Thank you, Shion." I answered back, my spirits lifted. "And I'll always be here to share your pain as well."
"Okay, it's a deal then." She retorted cheerfully. "But for now, I have something that might help you sleep. A bedtime story!"
I could feel my smile instantly drop in surprise. "Really?"
"That's right. Take a look!" Enthusiastically, she lifted up a large object that I hadn't noticed earlier. It was a square shaped folder of sorts, with a collection of old paper contained within its hard cover.
"What is that?" I asked, perplexed.
"It's a book, of course." Shion quickly answered. "I asked Jr if I could borrow one to read you a story. He has a really big collection. I was sure surprised that a kid like him would be so into books."
"A book?" I had heard of them before. They were used as a means to collect stories and other data, and were all written in paper. I never actually saw one, since nearly all books were replaced with optical discs, which could contain far more data, and were easier to carry around.
"But wouldn't it be difficult to read a story from that?" I answered, ever curious.
"No, it's fine." Shion answered again, confident as ever. "I
actually prefer reading stories this way. My brother always had a really large
collection, so I always borrowed a few from time to time. Somehow it feels
easier reading something historic when it's presented in a historic format.
Plus, I enjoy the smell of the pages."
I smiled once again to her cheerful demeanor. I was definitely looking forward
to hearing a story from her. I began to remember how much it meant to me for
Mommy to read me a story, even though she never did.
"I think you'll really like this one. It's called Pinocchio. I think you'll be very surprised by how much you have in common with the character."
Although I was still listening, my mind wavered a bit. I felt glad to finally experience the joy of a storybook, yet I also felt sad that Mommy wasn't the one to do it. I decided not to think about her any longer, because it might cause me to cry again, and I didn't want to ruin this moment between Shion and me.
"Shion…" I quietly called out to her.
"Mm?" She mumbled, still smiling.
"Thank you." I answered back.
"Any time, MOMO." She responded, her smile still filling me with comfort.
"MOMO."
A voice, calling out to me like before.
"MOMO!"
I could feel the urgency in the person's voice.
"MOMO!"
Who was calling me? Why weren't my eyes open?
As I struggled to open them, a sharp pain raced all over my body. I winced at the sudden rush of anguish. I was hurt, though I couldn't remember why. I was as much frightened as I was confused. But then I felt a pair of arms wrapped around me, supporting me in my current distress. The arms felt slender and warm, as delicate as a woman's touch.
"MOMO, please! Please wake up!
I finally realized who was calling to me. Who was supporting me. It was the
same voice that had been supporting me for the longest time. A voice that I
would forever keep close to my heart. The voice that I've longed for, for so
long.
I wanted to answer to Shion's call, but my injuries were too
severe. All I could do was let her comfort me, as she promised to in the past.
But I couldn't do the same. I couldn't share her pain, or anyone else's. I
fought with all my heart against that man, and failed. I was so certain that I
was going to die.
And yet here I was, protected by the first woman who has ever shown such
kindness and love toward me. I thought about Mommy, how I always wanted to
experience this security and love from her. It saddened me that a person I only
knew for a short time would display the love that Mommy would never show. I
felt waves of tears pour down my face.
Clearly aware of my sadness, Shion tightened her hold around me, burying my face in her neck. Her warm embrace surrounded me, replacing the pain that I felt earlier. I tried to return her gesture by wrapping my own arms around her back. This was the most I could do. I still wouldn't stop crying. It embarrassed me, that all I could do was cry. I know that I was still a child, but so was Jr, and he still managed to stand up and fight like an adult. He experienced even worse pain than I did, yet he never gave up. I was truly worthless.
Despite that, as Shion continued to comfort me, I momentarily forgot about my uselessness. I even forgot about that devilish man, who had been haunting my thoughts for so long. I was in complete peace. This was definitely the feeling that a mother would give to her child. The feeling that I've dreamed about for so long. If only Mommy was willing to embrace me like this. I may be a Realien copy of her first child, but I still loved her. And yet, I loved Shion as well. I know it was wrong to think this, but if it were up to me, I wished that Shion were my Mommy instead.
"Mommy…" That one word escaped my lips before I realized it. In response, Shion tightened her grip further, and suddenly began to cry as well. I could feel her teardrops land on my forehead. I felt so ashamed for thinking out loud like that, and even worse for making her feel just as bad.
"I'm here, MOMO." She spoke to me, no longer in tears, but still full of sadness. "I'll always be here for you."
I finally stopped crying. I still felt embarrassed, but I also felt grateful for having this brief moment, to finally experience the love that a mother and child share. One day, I would like to repay the favor to Shion, by sharing in her pain. I hope to get that chance one day, and yet I also hope I never get the chance. I never want that warm smile of hers to fade away.
"Is she alright?" A new yet familiar voice appeared. I instantly recognized it as Ziggy's, even though my eyes were still closed. I was relieved to find out that he was alright, but I was more surprised by the emotion in his voice. For someone who claimed to be an 'ex-human', this was the first time that he sounded like a real caring person.
As the two adults exchanged words, I thought back to how Ziggy and I first met, and how he had always watched over me ever since. I've always felt safe around all of my friends, but I always felt so much more when I was around Ziggy. At first, I thought it was pretty neat to have such a strong adult as my guardian. But over time, I've learned to realize how much my life had changed when Ziggy appeared. I've become more confident, I've made such wonderful friends, and discovered many new sensations. I owe everything up to this point because of him. If Jr was like the handsome prince from my stories, then Ziggy was like the noble knight, always by my side. Like Shion, Ziggy had become the parent I always desired.
But then, I felt another person's presence, even though I could only hear Shion and Ziggy's voices. Somebody was watching me from afar, even though my eyes were still shut tight. However, I didn't feel afraid at all. In fact, I felt at peace, as if that person's eyes were comforting me. I've experienced this silent warmth before, but when?
Before I could figure it out, a huge quake rocked the entire room. I nearly screamed in shock, but my voice was muffled as Shion threw herself to shield me. My body landed hard on the cold floor, and I could hardly breathe underneath Shion's heavier body (much heavier than I imagined). The shockwave of the explosion rattled through my back. Even with Shion protecting me, I was still afraid. Was the battle still going on? I began to think of Jr, praying that he wasn't the one fighting.
After the noise died down, Shion slowly rose off of me, and gently lifted me from my shoulders. One of her hands supported my head, while another gently pressed onto my chest. I decided to try opening my eyes.
But then a deafening scream startled me, so I continued to keep my eyes closed. Once again, I only had a voice to identify, but something about the roaring cry filled me with fear. There was a sense of hate and cruelty hidden beneath the screams of pain. It belonged to that man. It seemed the tables finally turned, and he got a taste of his own medicine. His torment was apparent in his screaming. His cries went on for so long, I felt sick.
Except it wasn't the screams that were making me sick, it was my own feelings. I was actually enjoying hearing that monster suffer. I wanted him to pay for everything he did. I wanted him to experience the pain that he caused to others. And feeling this way toward someone, even someone as evil as him, frightened me. That man wanted me to experience the harshness of reality. And it seems he's succeeded. If I couldn't be the child that Mommy always wanted, or the pure hearted person that Daddy wanted, then perhaps I truly was nothing more than an abomination.
It was then that I finally noticed that the room was completely silent. No screams of rage, no explosive noises, or any other noise for that matter. Was the battle finally over? I bravely attempted to open my eyes, if just for a moment. It took a moment for my vision to adjust, but once the blurriness cleared up, my first sight was Jr and that man facing each other, just as they had before. Jr looked far better than he did a moment before; his wounds looked healed, and he was no longer bleeding. But he also looked exhausted, as indicated by his heavy breathing. And that man looked completely unscathed, as usual. Huddled around me were the rest of my friends, Ziggy, chaos, and KOS-MOS, all together, and each showing signs of fatigue. This looked like a final standoff between that man, and the rest of us. Yet neither side looked ready to fight. Even that man looked like he was tired of fighting.
"Answer me! Why are you doing this?!" shouted Jr. "There's absolutely nothing you can hope to gain out of this!"
"Au contraire." Replied the devilish man, as cocky as ever. "I…am doing this…for your sake, Rubedo." I opened my eyes fully as the two continued their argument.
"For…my sake…?" Jr responded, baffled by that man's remark.
"Have you forgotten, Rubedo?" That man spoke back. "That fateful day, fourteen years ago…have you forgotten what you did to us?!"
Jr's body began to tremble slightly by the evil man's remark. It looked like Jr fully understood what he was referring to.
"It's all because of you…" He spoke again, a hint of anger increasing in his voice. "Because you closed yourself off from us, our mental link was broken, and one after another, we succumbed to the power of the Song. Left behind in that horror, did we have any choice but to submit to it?" I was shocked by that man's tone. He actually sounded like he was accusing Jr of a crime. "Remember what happened…and repent for your sins!"
"It's true…I mean…" Jr struggled, barely able to respond in his defense. I felt my concern for the boy grow more and more by the second.
That man laughed maniacally at Jr's suffering, as before. "So you finally admit to it, you coward!"
"All right, damn it!" Jr shouted forth in defeat. "I couldn't control my fear!"
"Yes!" That man shouted in triumph. "And therefore, you must atone for your sins, atone for your life! I am the executor for all those who were destroyed!"
I felt so sorry for Jr. As if he hadn't suffered enough, now he had to pay for a crime that he fully admitted to. Could this have been what started the feud between him and that man? I wanted to know more, but at the same time, I didn't want to know. Whatever he did couldn't have been nearly as bad as what his accuser had done. I wanted to run to the boy, to confide in his suffering. I would gladly share Jr's pain, more so than anyone.
"Although…I am actually grateful to you, Rubedo." The monster spoke again, this time actually sounding appreciative. "Thanks to you, I alone was able to find the way…the way to a whole new world."
"What do you mean, a whole new world?" Jr growled in frustration.
"That's all I seek…" That man mocked. "It's really quite
simple. Don't you think?"
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Jr demanded, fed up with that man's
riddles.
Without answering back, the monster jumped high into the air, deftly spinning backwards, until he landed back on top of the reactor, the same spot where we first saw him. As Jr watched him in desperation, that man broke out into another fit of laughter.
"At first I wasn't sure if I should believe…" He spoke again as he looked down at us eagerly. "But then I experienced something a moment ago that confirmed it…" His eyes started to move around us as he spoke. I briefly clutched on to Shion as he glared toward my direction, but he continued to look past me, focusing on something else. "And this ought to verify that experience for me." His voice grew in excitement, and he broke out into laughter yet again. "Entertain me, if you will!"
Without warning, the ground around us began to quake. All the warning lights around the room began to flash as well. During this commotion, Shion slowly helped me back on my feet. I wobbled a bit from the shaking, but the woman continued to hold onto me for support. All of our eyes fell to the middle of the room, where the reactor was. The source of all Proto Merkabah began to spring to life, as the safety latches surrounding it began to disengage, one after another. The reactor itself began to open in all directions, a large cloud of smoke escaping from its confinement. As I squinted past the smoke, I could briefly make out the energy core of the reactor, glowing crimson red. But there was something else. Something that surrounded the core.
I couldn't believe my eyes. It was a large, deformed creature, as large as the reactor itself. My readings confirmed it to be a Gnosis, but this one was far larger than any I've ever seen up close. Even more shocking, it had the reactor core contained in it's mouth!
"Damn!" Jr shouted in astonishment. "You fused the Gnosis…with the reactor…?!"
"You must first destroy this in order to stop Proto Merkabah." That man shouted, still standing atop the container where his creation had arisen. "You do realize that…Oh, almost forgot the time! Hmmm, not much left nooow…" Despite this warning, there wasn't any sound of urgency in his voice. "I'd say five minutes, at best. I wonder how far you'll get in your current condition?"
As his maniacal laughter broke through all the other noise in the room, I looked onward to Jr, as he hung his head slowly, as if in defeat. I couldn't bear to see him like this.
"He's so cruel…" I softly cried out. "He's tormenting Jr just for fun…" In response, I felt Shion tightened her grip around me, as if to comfort me. I wanted to do the same for Jr. Whatever he did in the past, that monstrous person had no right to torture him like this.
"Farewell." That man yelled sincerely. "I'm sure we'll meet
again, if you survive…" His gaze fell toward Jr again. "Rubedo, my other half."
And with a small flutter of his cape, the monster simply turned and left. I
couldn't believe that after all that, he would simply just walk away. I felt so
surprised, but also relieved. I didn't care anymore about beating him, I just wanted
him to leave us alone, forever if that was possible.
"Albedo!!" Jr spouted in anger, and began to run after that man. Didn't he
realize how much we've been through? Was his hatred so great that he wanted to
keep fighting to his death?
"Jr, look out!" I yelled to him, as both a warning about the Gnosis, and as a distraction to keep him from pursuing that man. Jr stopped in response, and managed to avoid the creature's energy aura with an aura of his own. It looked just like the strange power he used back at the Song of Nephilim. Both auras stopped resonating, and the Gnosis slowly stepped out of the reactor completely. It arched itself in an upright position, causing all of us to gaze at its remarkable size.
"Damn it…" Jr spat in frustration. "We have to destroy this thing, first."
This Gnosis was enormous in stature, and it was no doubt very powerful. And all of us hadn't fully recovered from fighting that man. And we also had less than five minutes to defeat this creature and shut down Proto Merkabah's core. Our chances of winning were small. And yet, I didn't feel nearly as afraid as I did with that man around. Compared to him, a timed Gnosis battle didn't seem so bad.
I noticed that Shion was still holding me in her arms. Now was the time for me to prove my worth. "Shion." I called to her.
The young adult broke from her shocked expression and looked down at me. "Let me help you. I can still fight." I told her.
Shion looked at me with worry for a moment. "Are you sure, MOMO?" She questioned.
"Yes." I answered confidently. "I'm all right. I'm not scared." I smiled at her, hoping to prove my determination to her. "After all, you'll always be there for me, right?"
The kind woman smiled back at me with utmost affection. She almost looked like she was ready to cry. She tenderly stroked my shoulders in response.
"Be careful, everyone!" chaos shouted, bringing both of us back to the battle at hand. "That's no longer just a machine!"
Despite how much pain he's caused, I actually agreed with one thing that man said. It was impossible for someone to go through life without experiencing pain. I was too naïve to accept that. If I wanted to truly live as a human, I must be prepared for everything a human experiences, both good and bad. But I also believed in Shion's words, that despite how much pain we feel, we must also learn to look past it, and not let it consume us. That man, despite his claim about mastering pain, probably didn't know that he had been consumed by it. As I looked into his malicious eyes, for just a moment, I could sense that he was truly suffering deep inside. And his last words to Jr confirmed this to me. I still hated him for what he did, but I also felt a little sorry for him.
Shion was right about that too. The best way to fight pain was to let others share your burden. Perhaps that was the reason why that man became a slave to his own torment, because he had no one to confide in his pain. If that was true, then I remained certain that I could always overcome any pain, any sadness, so long as Shion, Jr, Ziggy, KOS-MOS, and chaos were always by my side.
As long as my family stood by my side, I had nothing to fear.
MOMO's Chapter: The End