This is another "I don't know if I've posted it on this site" stories. Please email me if I have. I'm the kind of person who gets thingsmixed up all the time. Please forgive me.
I don't own anything. I wish I did though.
I can't do this any more. It's not right. But it makes me feel so good. It makes people love me. Guys like extremely thin girls. They think thin girls are perfect.
Sara's mind was playing games on her as she sat with her head over the toilet. She wanted to stop, she really did, but her mind told her it was better for her to throw up everything she had eaten today. This was the start of her daily ritual. First came the food extraction, then the blood letting, and finally the wash down. This ritual made her feel good. It had never let her down like everything else. She went to the sink and rinsed her mouth out. This, she thought, would save the enamel on her teeth, and get the nasty taste out of her mouth. She opened the cabinet and took out her cutting razor. This was her baby, her prized possession. She placed it on the edge of the shower as she undressed.
She looked at her body in the mirror. She saw the countless red lines from previous nights before work. She stood up straight. She put one hand on her back and the other on her stomach. I need to lose at least five more pounds, but losing ten would be even better. She steps into the shower not cutting it on. She picked up the razor and started cutting herself. Tonight was the night to cut her wrists.
"Did you see how hard I've tried? Not to show the pain inside just as you walked away from me."
She finished and put the razor back down. Cutting on the shower she let the water cleanse her wounds. They stung as the water hit them.
This is so worth it. Pain is beauty.
Once she felt enough blood spill out, she shut the water off. Grabbing a towel, she dried off. She took the razor and placed it in its hiding place. No one will ever find out about this. Going to the closet, she pulls out black slacks and a green long sleeve shirt. Its suppose to be cold tonight so no one will know the difference. She smiled as she put the clothes on. This was her little secret. This was her blacked out moment in time. It made her proud. She went to the bathroom and put on makeup. This is the mask that hides my past and pain. Once done, she checked herself over.
PERFECT! Well almost. I need to be thinner.
She grabbed her keys and headed out the door, locking it behind her. She got in her car and sat a moment. Suppressing her feelings, she started her car and made her way to work.
"Hey girl,"
Warrick said as he smiled at her. He watched as Sara closed her locker. He always wondered what she kept in there.
"You ready?"
She smiled. He had fallen in love with that smile, and he loved to see it on her always solemn face.
"Grissom has us working a case at the theatre. It was something about a dancer being murdered. He didn't say what kind of dancer."
Warrick let a little laugh out.
"It was probably a ballerina."
Sara's face became solemn as she said this.
"They are the most likely to be in the theatre this late at night."
As the walked out to Warrick's car, he noticed how thin she was becoming.
"Sara, are you ok?"
She turned and looked at him.
"Yes, why do you ask?"
"You just look like you've lost weight. I mean, you don't need to lose weight. You've always been perfect in my eyes."
He smiled.
"Let's just go."
They didn't talk much on the ride to the crime scene. They just keep to their thoughts.
I wonder if Warrick suspects anything. He definitely noticed I was thinner. Hopefully he didn't see my arms. I'm screwed if he did.
God, she's so thin. I could hope that nothing is wrong, but I know something is wrong. I've seen the cuts on her body. I know they are self-inflicted. I wish she would just tell me what's wrong. I don't want her to hurt herself further. The truth is… I can't live without her.
Once at the crime scene, Warrick looked over at Sara.
"Look, if you are going through anything, I don't care what it is, tell me. I can help you. I want to help you."
Sara smiled. She wanted to keep up a happy exterior.
"I promise that nothing is wrong. Let's just process the scene."
He watched as she got out of the vehicle. The back of her shirt came up just enough for him to see a few red lines.
She's needs help.
He grabbed his case and followed her.
