Author Note: So very sorry that I didn't update sooner! I didn't think that anyone was reading this… but for the faithful few who want to know what I'm doing to Joshua, here's the next chapter! R/R

xxxxx

My world stopped at that moment.

Max is my best friend in the whole world – but Josh and I have this undeniable connection that I don't have with Max. I don't even have a title for Josh anymore. He's just my Josh.

He was in our wedding. He's been in everyone's wedding. Sam and CJ's, Zoey and Michael's, Ellie and Robert's.

He's Maeghan's godfather. He's been a part of our family ever since our family began. He's the reason that Caleb's at Harvard.

He's always been there, always.

I don't know if my life can continue if he's suddenly not.

xxxxx

She was the first person I told.

CJ was the second.

Ever since she answered my phone that day in New Hampshire, Donna Moss, as she will always be to me, has been the true love of my life. I just spent the first eight years of our friendship being a putz and I missed my chance.

For the first few months after she announced her engagement, I considered telling her. Telling her that I loved her more than I could really ever adequately express. But then, I would see her and Max exchange a glance, and I couldn't take what they had together away from her. I love her too much for that.

CJ Seaborn has been my sanity for the past 27 years. Whenever I would get ready to go stark raving mad that Donna wasn't with me, CJ would remind me that I had my chance. Usually in a violent and painful manner, but nevertheless, she would remind me.

And I thought she was going to have my head when I told her about how I told Donna about the cancer.

"YOU WHAT?"

"I sent her a letter."

"Joshua Lyman, that was despicable. I cannot believe that you did that. Do you have no tact whatsoever?"

I was thoroughly confused at that point. But, never fear, she was ready to elaborate for me.

"Josh, whether you realize this or not, you're trying to get her back. When you told her you were running, you expected her to drop everything and become your Mrs. Landingham. Every time the four of us get together and one of us asks you about work, all you do is complain about your various assistants," CJ cocked her eyebrow and stared straight into my eyes as she took a sip of her iced tea.

"They suck, CJ. You know that, I know that, everyone knows that."

"Yes, Josh, we do. We've known it since the day you were elected – four years ago! There is no need to keep guilt tripping Donna. And with this cancer thing, you just told her. You didn't tell her and Max. You didn't tell her, Max, Maeghan and Caleb over dinner. You just told her. In a letter. A letter that probably made her world stop spinning. You're trying to make her into your Abbey, Josh, and she's not. She's not yours to begin with. Give it up."

If she wasn't CJ, I would have gotten up and walked straight out of that restaurant. But she is CJ and therefore, she's usually right.

Three and a half years ago – four days after I was sworn in as Governor of Connecticut – Sam went to his office at the American Embassy in London. He was serving there as Ambassador. He and CJ were so excited to be living in London. The two had never had any children – not for a lack of trying, but that's another story – and they had spent their lives traveling the world. Sometimes I went with them, but most of the time, not.

Anyway, Sam went to work that morning, not knowing that he was walking straight into a terrorist situation. He was dead within five minutes.

I was in my office, on the phone with one of my constituents, when my secretary at the time, Alyson, quickly walked into my office and turned on CNN. On the screen, for the entire world to see, was the decapitated body of my best friend being carried from the rubble of the scene.

I thought my life was over.

CJ's certainly was.

She lived in the Governor's mansion with me for a while, so she could collect what was left of her life and find a house in the US and all. During that time, she became completely invaluable to me. Not only as a friend, but also as a sister. She actually moved into my old house – only twenty minutes from my new one – and there have been times over the past three years that I've wondered if I could love her.

And then Donna comes for a visit and I find myself intoxicated by her once again.

Maybe I am trying to make Donna into Abbey Bartlet and maybe that was a really horrible way to tell her.

Maybe I just want her that desperately.

xxxxx

"Donna?"

No response.

"Donna?"

Still no response. Slightly worried, Max arose from his semi-

comatose state on the couch and meandered into the kitchen.

His wife was sitting in a chair, shaking violently and staring at a piece of paper that she was grasping in her hand.

Max quickly scooped her up and carried her to the couch in the family room. Stroking her hair and holding her lovingly, he was eventually able to calm her slightly and pry the paper from her fingers.

"Oh dear lord," he sighed. "Donnatella, love, speak to me."

She looked up at the other half of her soul and simply stated, "He's dying. My Joshua is dying."

I let her cry for a while. Not like I really had any other choice. She cried on and off for about two hours.

This woman and her lifelong boss were literally shoved into my life and invaded it completely. The day that I visited President Bartlet was the day that my life was completed. I not only found the love of my life, but a lifelong best friend as well.

Josh and I became friends before Donna and I became lovers. The bond between Josh and me was quickly cemented by our mutual love for baseball. My family has had season tickets to the Orioles for about three generations at this point. So, one Sunday afternoon, I called Josh and wondered if he'd want to go to a game with me. It was one of the greatest afternoons of my life. We talked about love, life, politics and what, exactly, he expected to do when Bartlet's term ended. And, of course, we talked about Donna.

We really talked mostly about Donna.

I really wasn't intending on dating her at that point, but after an afternoon of Josh telling me to go for her because of all of her various attributes, I felt that I would be a certifiable idiot if I didn't at least ask.

She said yes and the rest of the story is the miracle of my life.

Josh was just always around. When Maeghan was born, he was the logical choice for godfather. He would take care of her probably better than we could, something in us told us that.

He's just always been around. Birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, Josh Lyman slowly became an intricate and undeniable member of our family. He's one of Meg's best friends and Caleb's hero. Following in Uncle Josh's footsteps was always Caleb's dream.

Our lives, as we know them, will end with him.