Author's Notes: I guess I'm parodying the Blair Witch Project, huh? When I wrote this chapter I was really hyper for no reason whatsover. I think my hamburger helper was laced with weed or something. LET US DANCE THE NIGHT AWAY! CHILI!
Summary: This is where the story really starts and um...chili.
Disclaimer: MARKLAR
In the April of some random year none of us cares about, three IDIOTS disappeared in the woods near my house while being really stupid.
A year later, nobody cared, anymore.
And their footage was found.
DUN DUN DUN...okay.
And as you are watching this on your random television of DOOM, there's all this static and then a little robot is pictured break dancing.
"GIR! Stop dancing! I commaaand you..." says the guy behind the camera, who happens to be a little green midget boy wearing a violet dress.
And then a car accelerating and loud club music is heard. The camera pans to a red covertible with a strange flying moose hovering at the driver's seat. A bunch of really preppy, bitchy women are also in the car.
The crossdressing green midget appears to take this in stride, but the little silver kid says, "Hey, who's that?"
"What?" the midget asks absentmindedly. "Oh, that's Minimoose. Yep. Been here the whole time." Then he turns the camera back to the car. "ZIM IS TIRED OF YOUR INSOLENCE!"
Minimoose floats out of the car and over to Zim, squeaking happily.
Wow, and then it goes all staticy because Zim decides to kill Minimoose for letting that car get away and drops the camera.
And then it cuts to complete darkness, because everyone's in a TENT which ALSO appeared randomly.
There is a sound of a stick breaking in the distance, a pause, and then Gir starts screaming insanely. "WHAT WAS THAT?"
Gir screams in terror for about twenty minutes. Then he falls asleep. Then, out in the woods, some random rustling is heard, and this is so scary that everyone screams and crawls out of the tent.
"SILENCE!" says the midget behind the camera. Gir quiets down and then starts calling "Hello? Hello!"
The crackling, oh the horrible crackling, it's everywhere!
And then it cuts to Minimoose back in the tent and Gir and Zim running around mindlessly looking for evil witchs in the woods.
"MINIMOOSE! Get out here and help us!" says the camera.
"Squeak!" replies the tent!
"What! What are you, scared?" counters the camera!
"Squeak!"
The camera turns to the robot laughing hysterically and not helping. "You can't deny it, Minimoose!" And then Zim zooms in on himself for effect. "You're scared of...the bees!"
"I THINK YOU MEAN THE WITCH!" laughed Gir.
"Oh...what did I say?"
"YOU SAID BEES!"
"Did I? Huh."
Cut to Minimoose and Gir running around in the rain. Daylight. The camera's at this weird angle on the ground, and the sound of its cameraman screaming in pain is heard.
Gir stops running and asks Minimoose in his cute little metallic voice, "So what do you think happened last night?"
"Squeak."
"But nobody knows we're out here!"
"Squeak!"
Gir and Minimoose glare at each other while Zim continues to writhe from the rain.
Cut to the camera back up and its stopped raining. Woo! The squeaky Zim voice from behind the camera goes, "You know what? I'm filming my alien sidekicks on a human camera for no reason at all."
"Yeah! Woo! And look at this randomly appearing map..." Gir hands Zim a randomly appearing map. I'll be damned.
"Squeak," Minimoose said smugly.
"What? How do we know it was humans?" Zim asked the moose skeptically.
"Squeak!"
The camera cuts to the crew walking around the woods. What a surprise.
(As a sidenote...as I am writing this...I hear a pigeon outside my room which sounds exactly like the one in Dark Harvest and just keeps cooing...so, I'm going insane now...the COOING!)
Ahem...
The camera says, "WE SHALL GO SOUTH!"
"Squeak..."
"DO NOT QUESTION ME!"
Then Gir starts crying in one of those outbursts... "WE'RE GOING THE WRONG WAY!"
"There is no wrong way, GIR. If we just keep walking any way at all, we'll eventually get out of these HORRIBLE HUMAN EARTH WOODS," explains the Zim in an irritated tone.
"Reeeeeeeaaaally?"
"Yeah! Now be quiet."
"Reeeeeeeaaaally?"
Gir waits for a response and when he doesn't get one, he starts crying hysterically again and runs ahead.
Cuts ahead to Gir and Minimoose studying the randomly appearing map.
"Squeak." Minimoose proclaims.
"That's not what I said!" Gir yells at the moose.
"BE QUIET!" the midget commands. "Besides, we're fine."
Gir crosses his arms and Minimoose squeaks in disapproval.
"We're going the right way!" insists Zim.
Gir breaks down...again. "WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE!" he cries.
"DO NOT QUESTION-" Zim starts.
"Squeak!" warns the moose.
"FINE! Let's just keep walking."
Cut ahead to...yep, they're still in the woods.
Zim stops walking suddenly. "Yes, I think we should camp here," he says dignifiedly.
And Gir is still despairing. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE!" the robot concludes.
"Squeak! Squeak! Squeak!" the moose protests.
"No! I won't turn off the camera! And the map is in my pak!"
"SQUEAK!" cursed the moose.
"WATCH YOUR MOUTH! And SILENCE! If we just stick together..."
"SQUEAK!" the moose curses some more.
Gir cries.
Zim sighs. "Fine! Let's go look at the map."
"Woo hoo!" Gir is suddenly happy and he runs off in a random direction to look at the map.
Cut to night! With darkness!
"Squeak?"
"No," replies the cameraman. "But we don't have much farther to walk in this filthy...human..." he searchs for the right word. "PORK COW!"
"Are you suuuuuure?" asks Gir in one of those eerie tones.
"Do not question ZIIIIIM!" says Zim. He gasps. "I'm supposed to unleash the mutant gerbils upon the planet tomorrow!"
Gir giggles. "GERBILS!"
"Squeak..."
Ten million years later it cuts to DARKNESS AGAIN!
Crackling.
"Where's my boots?" asks Zim randomly because that's exactly what Heather says at this point in the movie.
Light! Yay! The camera light turns on and stuff.
"I don't hear anything!" says Gir.
Then there's...omg...RUSTLING! Oh no!
"Hear THAT?"
"It's just a deer thingy," says Gir.
"YOU'RE LYING!"
There is a BANG IN THE DISTANCE! Spoooky huh?
Gir sounds scared now. Yay, hysterically scared. "DID YOU HEAR-"
"Yes! Be quiet!" Zim adjusts the camera some more for NO REASON AT ALL!
And the rustling outside gets louder.
"SQUEAK!"
"Jeez, Minimoose, watch your language already...AHH!" Zim screams all of a sudden scaring the hell out of everyone else. "FOOTSTEPS!"
"I KNOW! I KNOW!" Gir yells as random Jeopardy music plays. "IT'S A PERSON RIGHT? AM I RIGHT!" he laughs insanely.
"Squeak...squeak?"
"It's three o clock in the morning," Zim answers the moose of doom.
"SQUEAK!"
Since Minimoose can't watch his language, it skips ahead to morning. Zim is filming these three mysterious PILES OF ROCKS outside their tent.
And that's all! The writer's block commands me! (For now). BE IN SUSPENSE!
