Title: Insane
Theme: #17 White Noise
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 544
Other Characters/Pairings: small section with Lunamaria
Author's Notes: -sighs happily- I like writing angst a lot more than fluff. Don't know why, but I do. So this is a nice load of angst for you all. Don't want to give anything away though, so I'll just shut up now and let you read it. Haha.
I gently finger the tiny picture, absently rubbing any smudge I can find away with my finger as I fight to keep my mind off of the lone person in featured there.
But my mind wants, craves, needs answers. Why? Why did you have to be so damn valiant? I would have wished you to be a coward. I would have still loved you just as much. But you had to jump in, saving her life by sacrificing your own.
Why couldn't you have been selfish enough not to help her out? I know you would be angry at me for thinking such thoughts, but I too am selfish. I didn't want to lose you, not now, not ever. But fate can be so cruel.
She offered her thanks for your sacrifice to me. She showed me her tears, and I could sense her own grief and guilt. Lunamaria mourns you as well, but she never really knew you. I shared my life, my soul, my everything with you. Our relationship was more than kisses and fabulous sex. It went beyond the physical level to the emotional one. You were my pillar of strength, helping me to resist the pressures of my opponents. You were the cooling water that helped to put out my heated temper. You were the shoulder I could cry on when things were dark and bleak. You were the only thing keeping me sane. And now you're gone.
I don't know what I'm to do now that you're gone. Your funeral is tomorrow, and I don't know how I'll survive it. Our few friends who've survived this long, long war—Lacus, Miriallia, and Yzak only—will be there, but they can't help heal my broken heart. Because now you're gone, and have joined Nicol, Dearka, Kira, and all the others we've seen die over the years beyond death.
I think I must be going crazy now, because I find myself unable to hear the real world, unable to discern one sound from the next. They all blend together as white noise, distancing me from the world I live in. I don't hear the birds chirp. I don't hear the phone ring. I'm almost in my own world, my world of grief and pain, alone.
They say grief can make you crazy, insane. I never was what you would call insane before, but now I'm not so sure. I find myself almost wishing for insanity. Why? Because it would be an escape, an escape from this world without you. I could at least think that you were still with me, even if that was not the reality.
Or there is another option. I can see the gun from where I stand. It would be so easy to pull the trigger and end this all. You would've told me to take the high road, not the easy road. But you're gone now, and my own life is as good as gone. Why shouldn't I follow you?
My hesitation is gone now. I'll be coming, just wait. I drop the picture, ignoring the shattered glass that is the result. My fingers slowly curl around the cold metal of the gun as my lips curve into a faint smile. I'm coming Athrun, I'm coming.
Yes, angst. Angst is good. Very good. -attempts to brainwash people into thinking so- and it may seem sort of random, but i was trying to follow her thought process. humans rarely think in logical order (or at least i dont).
halfway done! Hurrah!
Princess Lady Subaru: -hoards cookies and munches- hehe thank you! hehehe but even though high school is hard (and sucks) it does provide for some amusing stories.
Ayame Keiji the Penguin Queen: well, actually, it depends where you look and who you talk to. in the official stats for Cagalli in Destiny, she's labeled a Natural. Yet she went into Seed mode in Phase 49 of the original Seed. I just chose to go with the Natural point of view for the last story because it worked a bit better.
Thank you also to MissKTandvietnamesegurl for reviewing! I really appreciate it! -gives hugs-
xxravenwingxx
