Here's a Christmas/whatever you celebrate update. Have a good one.
Disclaimer: Meg Cabot owns most stuff, blah, blah, blah.
Mia's POV...
Felix and I have been 'kind of' dating for quite a while now, but he hasn't even tried to kiss me or anything yet. And I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.
On one hand it's good, because at least he's giving me time to move on and he's not rushing me. But on the other hand, does this mean he doesn't like me enough to kiss me? Am I just being paranoid? I mean, he's gone out with me practically every weekend, sometimes with Hayley and Maggie too; he wouldn't do that if he didn't like me, right?
But I'm definitely ready for some kisses. I'm totally over Michael. I could not be more over him. Maybe I just need to let Felix know that. Maybe I should make the first move.
We're going out tonight, since it's Saturday. I'll just have to let him know I'm ready. I can do that.
He arrived right on time and came in just as I was getting my stuff ready.
"So where are you guys going?" Hayley asked.
"There's a band playing downtown. They're called Cannon. Have you heard of them?"
"Yeah, they're pretty good."
"Do you want to come with us?"
Not that I mind Hayley hanging around, I totally don't, but how am I supposed to go through with my plan if she's there too?
"No, that's ok, I already have plans."
Phew. I quickly grabbed my bag and dragged Felix from the room before she could change her mind.
---
During the show it was too loud to talk let alone have a deep and meaningful conversation about moving things forward.
But we're now aimlessly walking along the road; my ears are still ringing. I suggest we get a coffee and we walk into a cafe.
Sitting down, I psyched myself up to say something. It might just take a few minutes.
"Did you like the band?" Felix asked once we'd ordered.
"Yeah, they were good. I liked their second song the best."
"I'll lend you their cd sometime."
"Thanks."
What am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to just bring up the fact that I'm ready for something more in front of all these people? Suddenly I have no idea what to say and I'm psyching myself out of saying anything at all.
So I don't. Our conversation continues along the platonic lines, and he has absolutely no idea what I'm thinking. Before I know it we're standing outside my dorm room door saying goodbye.
"Well, goodnight," he said.
"Goodnight. And thanks, I had a really good time," I reply. Then I think, "Screw it. Just go for it. There's no one around, just make the first move!" And I reach up to kiss him.
It's probably the first time in my life where I've done something assertive like that. And it takes him by surprise.
Just as I reach his lips he turns his head so all I get is his cheek.
Pretending that that was all I wanted in the first place, I pull back quickly and slink into my room.
Am I that horrible? Does he really not want to kiss me? I remember pulling the old head turn trick back in High School with my old boyfriend Kenny. I really didn't want to be kissing him.
I slumped over to my bed and collapsed onto it, exhausted. I'm too tired to dwell over my failed attempt to progress things with Felix. I'll call Tina and get her opinion.
---
The next morning I woke up still thinking about the kiss. I can't get it out of my head.
Seeing that Hayley's bed is still empty, I picked up the phone and called Tina. She'll tell me what the hell is going on.
"Are you sure he wants things to progress?" she asked once I'd explained the situation.
"I don't know. I thought so. I mean, we've been going out for a while, that's got to count for something!"
"Maybe he just sees it as friendship."
"Do you think I missed my chance? Like, maybe if we'd established an actual relationship instead of a friendship when we first started going out, maybe things would be different?"
"Maybe. Maybe he's happy with just being friends and doesn't want to ruin that."
"Damnit."
"Mia, are you sure YOU'RE ready for a new relationship? Or are you just trying to fill a gap in your life?"
"Do you think that's what I'm doing?"
"You could be. You know what you really need, instead of a boyfriend?"
"What?"
"You need to read some of the books that have helped me over the years. Grab a pen and some paper and I'll write you a list."
She gave me a list of half a dozen books that will supposedly fill my desire for a boyfriend and I went along to the library on Monday night to check them out.
"Are you here for the book club?" the librarian whispered to me when I walked inside.
I looked around. There are about twenty or so students sitting in one of the large conference rooms. They're all listening to a man talking in front of them.
A book club? Why not.
"Uh, sure, I guess."
"Well it's already started, but you can just sneak in the back. Here's a list of all the books you'll be covering."
I thanked her and snuck into the room; thankfully no one noticed me.
The guy who was addressing everyone was still talking, and I tried to listen to him, but I was too distracted by a girl in the second row. She kept whispering to the guy next to her.
Eventually, she stood up to leave, pushing past people to get to the door. Even if I hadn't seen her face I would have been able to tell from the pregnant belly that she was Holly.
I looked down at my sheet as she walked past and prayed she didn't see me. She didn't.
The guy next to her, who I now realise must be Michael, stayed. Obviously he's unperturbed by his girlfriends absence.
After another ten minutes of telling us about the books on the list, the teacher, Shane, told us all to read the first book by the next meeting and then dismissed us.
Am I supposed to speak to Michael? Or should I be rude and sneak out before he sees me?
Before I even made up my mind he stood up and spotted me.
I can see from the look on his face that he's now debating the very same problem. He gives in a wanders over.
"Hi," he said nervously. This is the first time we've spoken since we resolved not to be friends.
"Hey," I replied.
"So, uh, I guess I won't be coming back to the next meeting, then."
"Why's that?" I asked, thinking it was because Holly walked out of the first one.
"Well we can't both be in the same book club. That'd be breaking the 'no friendship' rule."
"Michael, this is a book club. It's no big deal if we both belong to it."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely."
I think.
BTW, Cannon is my favourite unknown Aussie band. They rock.
