Authors Note: A Tara fic, because I love her…and we don't know anything about her past. This is stand-alone, no spoilers. It's from Tara's POV, and there is no J/S or M/T because, I'm not a huge J/S fan, and I think M/T is just plain weird. It does, however, involve Stanley. Cuz he's awesome. This isn't a songfic, even though the title is a part of a song.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, or the show…also the title isn't mine, it's from the Green Day song "Jesus of Suburbia". Don't sue, I'm not making any money from it.

Zzzzzz Zzzzz Zzzzz

Stupid alarm, I thought to myself. I had never before realized how annoying it was. I pressed the Snooze button, but it didn't matter. I was awake. Time for another day I thought. I don't know why I was so grumpy this morning. I glanced at the calendar while I made a pot of coffee. April 23rd. Happy Birthday to me. I hadn't even realized it was my birthday. I had just been wrapped up in the case I had just finished.

I then realized that my coffee was done. Wow, that was fast. Back in my room, I looked at the small picture on my dresser. It was the only picture of her I had in my apartment, and I would never admit that I kept it out on my dresser. It was the two of us at our high school graduation. I studied the picture more closely. I didn't look half-bad, for once. My hair was tame, my make-up looked nice. But she looked awful. There were dark circles under her eyes, her smile was weak, and she was very thin. The drugs. She had used to be such a lively person, so much going for her, but the drugs had stopped all that, and I looked at what they had done to her in that picture.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. Don't cry, Tara, I said to myself. Just keep it together. I considered calling her briefly, but then decided not too. First of all, it was about four in the morning in San Diego. Besides, I didn't want to talk to her. No, I had made a promise to myself 12 years ago that I wasn't going to keep in contact with her, that I was going to shut her out. That was a promise that I had kept for 12 long years. She wrote, e-mailed, called, no doubt getting my contact information from Ashleigh. But despite all those attempts she made to get in touch with me, I'd never surrendered.

I told her that if she got on that plane to San Diego, she could kiss our relationship good-bye. I told her that what she was doing was a mistake, that she should stay in New York with me, she should go to college. But she didn't listen. Come on Tara, she had begged. Can't you support me? Don't you love me? Of course I loved her, that's why I didn't want her to go. She couldn't understand that, she insisted that this was her path, and then she got on that plane. That was the last time I ever spoke to her.

I was suddenly snapped back into reality by my alarm going off again, and I realized that I had never actually turned it off. No matter, I was going to be late for work.

In the next chapter, or maybe the one after that, I will reveal who the "she" is. Just be patient! As always, feedback is appreciated .