Dragon Man 180- Yes, yes, I see what you're getting at with 'Hinata coming to the rescue', but as I'm sure you are aware of from reading my other story... I have an insane fear or writing fluffy romantic-type stuff (shudder). Anyways, another reason Hinata won't be a big character in this is because... I like bashing. I mean, seriously, every character-bashing. Or at least making fun of them in some way. Even Itachi, my fav char, had to go through some traumatizing experiences. Plus, Hinata isn't any fun to make fun of, because I actually like her. The only thing I could possibly suck some hilarity out of is her stuttering, and since it's something that she can't help, it's not funny! Like making fun of a blind person, except not as bad. With Neji, Lee, Sasuke... EVERYBODY... I can make fun of their faults. I can make Neji rant, Lee get drunk, Sasuke brood like hell and go crazy... and Itachi traumatize Sasuke. This is a long response. Anyways, I will stop blabbering and let you get to the story. Thank you and come again!
YoungSasuke- Lol, that's what sugar highs do, they make me write random crap. I wouldn't be surprised if more than half of this is... well... crap. In fact, I'd be surprised if it wasn't. Neways, Thanks and come again!
KunochiDreamer- Glad you liked it! Thanks and come again!
hujin- Lol, that's right, I would probably be right there with them, then die in a splatter of blood. ItachiAwesome... Thank you and come again!
Nk- Lol, don't know what was up with that net... I really don't, it was a weird idea that simply popped into my head...
Anonymous- Lol, I loooove Gai's Dynamic Entry! It was the greatest thing ever! As for other random attacks, we all love... um... I can't think of any other funny attacks... I can think of a lot of cool ones! Tsukiyomi! Ha! ...yeah...
MewRKW1- Lol, thank you! Randomness is the best, especially when one is on sugar high...
Yamimizu-chan- Gai IS such an awesome character! I put in his mini-version... cuz you got to admit, Drunk Lee is the greatest thing since... Itachi. And his awesomeness. Lee won't get drunk in this chapter, but he surely will later on... beware, fangirls, beware!
hakia seana- Yes! Itachi is mine! Mine mine mine... I should totally get a poster of Kimi and then he would be mine too... and Itachi and Kimi could hang out on the roof with Gaara, Hiei, and Kurama... and Drunk Lee! W00t! Itachi grinned once in the show... but it was when he was torturing Sasuke at the hotel in the whole black and white reversed thingie... I'll try to find the picture he looked pretty scary and awesome!
pbjsandwich- Lol, thank you! Sugar highs are funny things... they make one write funny stories! (apparently, anyways...) Thank you, here's your update!
Defeat the Ultra-Super-Mega-Awesome-Guy-Catcher!
"Mwahahaha!" chuckled the evil fangirls as they waved the net around threateningly. "You cannot escape! Now, submit!"
"Never!" shouted Itachi and Naruto together, then they turned to look at each other, surprised.
"They're after you?" said Itachi, raising an eyebrow.
"No! We're after YOU, Itachi-sama!" squeaked random fangirl number 456. Itachi gave her an Uchiha death glare, which was 100 times more powerful than Sasuke's, and she died on the spot, blood splurting from her eyes. (ewww)
"Number 456!" shrieked Sakura. "We must complete our mission for her sake! Now fangirls, attack!" she pointed a finger at Itachi.
"Rar!" said the fangirls as they charged at Itachi.
"I think my time here is done." Said Itachi as he backed nervously away from the dangerous rabble. "Come on, Naruto."
Naruto merely looked at him with a confused expression. "They're not after me." he said, crossing his arms. "You're just want to kidnap me."
Itachi made a 'ch' sound (he was the one who taught chibi-Sasuke how to do it) and pulled a big bag out of nowhere. "You have .4 seconds to get in."
"N-" started Naruto, but then his time was up and Itachi stuffed him in the bag and took off like he had a band of rabid fangirls after him. Which he did. But that wasn't the point. What I meant was that he ran away really fast. But I'm sure you got that and didn't need this stupid explanation. I'll shut up now.
"No, come back Itachi-sama!" screamed the fangirls.
"Don't give up hope!" shrieked Sakura. "Sasuke-kun is still here!"
"That's right!" cheered Ino. "Let's go get him, quick!"
They all cheered and ran after Sakura, who led the way to Sasuke's hospital room. Throwing open the sliding door, they were suddenly shocked into silence upon seeing a sleeping Sasuke on the bed. Unbeknownst to them, Sasuke had actually been knocked out by his evil older brother just a little while earlier.
He awoke to an unpleasant surprise. For the second time that day, someone was trying to suffocate him as he slept. He struggled hopelessly against the body that was pressing down on him. Muffled squeaks were heard, and miraculously, the weight moved off.
"Sasuke-kun!" squealed all the fangirls dreamily.
"AAAAAAAA!" he screamed as he shot up. Was this a nightmare! Where was he! What had happened! Then, in a flash, everything came back. "Itachi! Stay away from Naruto!" he yelled at the top of his lungs for no reason.
"Sasuke-kun?" said all the fangirls as he fought to get up.
"You're injured!" said Sakura suddenly, gesturing at the dark purple bruise on his forehead where Itachi had tapped him. "Here, I'll kiss it better…"
Sasuke turned green and retched, before blasting his way out the door. "Hold on, dobe!"
"Wait, come back!" shrieked Ino, trying to latch herself on to him before he could leave, but missed dramatically and fell on her face.
Sasuke sprinted down the empty hallway, sharingan activated, trying to locate the loud-mouthed ninja. However, he had absolutely no idea which room he was in, so he was forced to jump down the stairs to reach the front desk.
"Where's Naruto!" he shouted into the receptionist's shocked face.
She coughed a little before ruffling through her files. "Um… Uzumaki Naruto.. he should be in room 421…" she looked up to realize that Sasuke had already left without even saying thank you. "Eh?"
Sasuke found 421 with no trouble and bashed in the door, not caring about having to pay for damage expenses. He was filthy rich anyways.
"Naruto!" he shouted into the room. However, the blond baka was not there, only a surprised Hyuuga girl stared at him fearfully.
'Phew!' thought Sasuke, realizing that Hinata was not a Sasuke rabid fangirl. She was a Naruto rabid fangirl. And that meant that she would know where he was!
"Where's Naruto?" he said, suddenly regaining his earlier panic and grabbing the shy girl's shoulders, shaking her roughly. "Where did he go!"
"Um…" said Hinata, very much confused. "I-I don't know…" she confessed. "He was here before…"
Sasuke went pale (even more pale than usual, but not quite to the Orochimaru level) and snapped at her again. "Well, find him with your Byakugan, it's urgent!"
Hinata twiddled her thumbs and blushed for a second before conceding. "Byakugan!"
She gazed around for a few seconds before releasing the jutsu and shrugging hopelessly at Sasuke. "I c-can't find him… he's probably h-hiding his chakra signature… N-Neji-niisan might be able to find him though, he's b-better at it than me…" Hinata looked at the ground.
"Well then, where's Neji!" Sasuke shouted.
"Right here." Sounded a voice from behind him. Sasuke whipped around and immediately grabbed the other Hyuuga's shirt.
"Find Naruto, right now!"
Neji glared at Sasuke and then said to Hinata, "Hinata-sama, your dad says that you have to come home now."
"A-Alright, thank you, nii-san…" with an apologetic look at Sasuke, Hinata walked out of the room. Neji's eyes followed her and then snapped back to glare at Sasuke, who was still grabbing his shirt.
"Why do you need to find Naruto, Sasuke?" he asked calmly.
Sasuke growled. "That's none of your business! Just find him!"
Neji cleared his throat and began to give a speech. "Actually, it is my business. Everything is predetermined. You asking me for help was destiny. Judging from the look in your eyes, Naruto must be in a lot of danger. But, being the Uchiha that you are, you would be much too proud to ask anyone to join you on this mission. Therefore, it is your and my fate to go and-"
Sasuke shook Neji around a little. "Shut up! Just find him!"
Neji gave an eeeevil glare. "You interrupted my speech." He stated plainly. "I'm going. You cannot escape fate!" Neji used the Byakugan and was able to spot Naruto's chakra very far away and moving at an ungodly speed. He walked over to a window, and, after glancing at Sasuke, jumped out and began running. Sasuke followed after a moment's hesitation.
"In order to find Naruto, you must tell me what's going on, otherwise I'll change your fate into running in circles." Called Neji to Sasuke, smirking.
"Ch, fine!"
Meanwhile…
"Oi, you bastard! Let me out! I hate you! Your little brother is an asshole but you're a hundred times worse! Your entire family is stupid! Where are you taking me anyways! Where's your shark friend! When are you going to feed me! I want ramen! I want it right now! Let me out, bastard! Your hair looks girly!"
Itachi paused in mid-sprint. "Nani?" he said coldly to the bag on his back that held a struggling Naruto. Inside, Naruto smirked. He had finally hit a chord in the emotionless Uchiha's brain.
"I said, YOUR HAIR LOOKS GIRLY!" shouted Naruto as loud as he could. Instantly, he felt himself on the ground. There was silence.
Itachi stared at the bag, barely containing his fury. 'This brat… I'll make his life hell…'
"What are you doing! Helloooo out there! Demon on the ground! Precious, precious, Kyubi on the ground!" yelled Naruto, kicking the bag.
Itachi reined in his anger and picked up the bag once more.
"I'm hungry, so we're going to stop at that ramen restaurant over there." Said Itachi.
"What! Really! Yay, ramen ramen ramen ramen!" Naruto chanted. "I want 5 miso ramens!"
Itachi let out a creepy chuckle. "I'm the one who's going to eat it, brat. You can just sit in there and smell it."
He smirked as Naruto increased his squirming. "Noooooo! That's too cruel!"
Back with Sasuke and Neji!
"Your evil evil evil brother is after Naruto? Why?" asked Neji as they sprinted down a road, kicking up clouds of dust.
"I don't know, but he's been after him before. That was the time when certain circumstances made it impossible for me to defeat him." Said Sasuke, smoothly skirting the complete truth.
"You mean, that was the time when he beat the crap out of you and you went into a coma?" said Neji.
"No!" snarled Sasuke, glaring at the Hyuuga. "You are mistaken!"
"I see." Stated Neji lightly, shaking his head in amusement. "Don't worry about it too much, it was your destiny-"
Now, at that moment, Sasuke felt about ready to tear Neji limb from limb, and he most certainly would have, if someone hadn't come between him and his opponent, grabbing his foot and twisting him off-balance.
"In the springtime of one's life, you shouldn't waste your burning fighting spirit on such un-hip things as fighting between good friends!" said the mini-version of Gai, eyes ablaze.
"Lee!" said Neji and Sasuke in surprise.
"What are you doing here?" said Sasuke, still a little disgruntled about how his 'wonderful beating up of the stupid Hyuuga' had been interrupted. That was the SECOND time that Lee had interfered in one of his fights! (The first time being before the 1st part of the Chuunin Exam)
"I was sent by Gai-sensei to go get Neji for a surprise mission!" cheered Lee. "Tenten is checking around inside Konoha."
"Well, Lee, it must be your fate that you were sent out here to find us and actually did find us… about ten miles away from the gates of Konohagakure…" said Neji, raising an eyebrow. "There's no such thing as coincidence!"
"Actually," said Sasuke, butting in. "Lee was probably instructed to run towards the sunset until he found Neji or something."
"Yes, you got me Sasuke." Said Lee, rubbing the back of his head like Naruto always does. "But the eternal light of Gai-sensei's brilliance in sending me this way burns brighter than ever!"
"Right…" said Neji as Sasuke sweatdropped. Unlike Neji, Sasuke was unused to Lee and Gai's… how should I put it? Uniqueness? Yeah.
"Um, so are you going to help us rescue Naruto then?" said Sasuke. "We're kind of in a hurry."
"Naruto is in danger! We must put our lives on the line to rescue them! This is the highlight of our young lives!" shouted Lee, clenching a fist dramatically.
"I'll take that as a yes. Let's go." Sasuke jumped off, swiftly followed by Neji and Lee.
With Itachi!
Itachi entered the ramen shop with a struggling sack of yelling Naruto over his shoulder. The servers did not seem to notice. After all, Uchiha Itachi's face, eyes, funny hat, and cloak were quite famous. The last time someone had refused to serve him or had attempted to 'tattle' on him, they had been reduced to a slimy lump of green-ish puke colored flesh. (mmm…) And Itachi ALWAYS knew who had told on him. Because he was just so awesome that way.
Anyways, he sat down at a table and threw Naruto into the other seat as he patiently waited for a menu. As usual, there was a little squabble in-between all the servers over who would risk their life and serve him, and then the person who bravely volunteered would quickly scribble out a will while the other servers laid dibs on his or her stuff.
The unlucky person who was going to serve Itachi was a young girl with short brown hair who was obviously very, very, VERY nervous. Itachi looked up at her as she stuttered out the customary greeting and told him about the daily specials as well as asking him what he would like to drink.
Itachi toyed with the idea of creeping her out even more by making his sharingan spin, but then decided against it. He didn't want her to drop his meal or something. "Miso ramen, and water." He stated in his awesome voice, and she nodded quickly and jotted it down with trembling hands.
"A-anything else?" she squeaked, attempting to smile. Itachi shook his head and, after bowing, she scurried off to do his bidding and, of course, move his order to the very top of the list. Perk of being a feared S-class criminal.
"Oi, Mrs. Waitress! Aren't you going to inquire about what the wiggling sack is all about! Call the ANBU or something! Huh!" screamed Naruto from inside his sack. The waitress froze and peeked over her shoulder. Itachi gave a glare with one billionth of his power that sent her off again.
When the miso ramen came, Naruto increased his yelling and struggling tenfold, even attempting to use Kage Bunshin no Jutsu to burst the bag open and the Rasengan, but nothing worked. That bag was specially made by Akatsuki, and it would not break open. Ever. Probably.
Itachi smirked at the bag as he slurped slowly and contentedly at his ramen, making sure that Naruto could hear him. It was at this point that Naruto broke down and started bawling his eyes out, making Itachi clap his hands to his ears, wincing.
"WAAAAAAAH!" yelled Naruto, cracking the windows and breaking Itachi's water glass, which earned him a glare that went unnoticed.
"Ok, ok!" said Itachi, smacking the crying Kyubi through the sack, shutting him up for a second. "I'll give you a bowl if you just shut up for the rest of the trip." Naruto was silent, which either meant he was following Itachi's orders, or had been knocked out. More likely the latter, come to think of it.
Sighing, Itachi asked the shuddering serving girl to put the rest of his ramen in a container for him to take along, and then paid, making sure to leave the correct tip. As he placed his awesome Uchiha wallet back in the awesome secret compartment in his awesome Akatsuki cloak, he failed to notice that his awesome Uchiha wallet had not only not gone all the way into its awesome secret compartment, but that it had fallen on the un-awesome floor. Perhaps his head was still ringing from Naruto's shrieks? Who knows. Whatever it was, Itachi was having a really bad day.
Author's Notes: Yup. There you go. Not very good is it? It's sad, I might actually be having a plot. We can't have that, now can we? Drunk Lee rules... that's the whole reason he randomly showed up. Neji was there so he could babble about fate. The fangirls and their big net have not randomly disappeared, they will show up... later... and Lee could just so happen to be drunk at that time... Mwahahaha! Review!
