Authors Note: Thank you for the reviews. I promise the chapters are going to start getting longer, the first two were more introductory than anything else. This chapter includes flashbacks of Tara's childhood that will explain her emotions more. The flashbacks are in 3rd person, so you can get a better idea of what everybody was thinking at the critical scenes.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, or the show…also the title isn't mine, it's from the Green Day song "Jesus of Suburbia". Don't sue, I'm not making any money from it.
I was stunned. Speechless. I couldn't fully comprehend what was happening. She e-mailed me. My so-called "other-half", my twin sister, had e-mailed me after six years of nothing. After she realized that I wasn't going to forgive her for all the things she had done, she stopped trying to contact me. But here it was, and e-mail as if nothing had ever happened between us.
I read the e-mail, insanely curious as to what prompted her to do this.
Hey Tar, it's Lana. Happy birthday! I know you're probably wondering why I'm e-mailing you. That is, if you bother to read this at all. I really hope you do, because I needed to tell you that I'm coming to Washington D.C. on the 25th…that is, in two days. I need to talk to you…it's about mom. I know you probably don't want to talk about her, or to her, or want anything to do with her, or me for that matter, but you really need to listen. I need for you to stop being so stubborn, and just listen. Give us a chance. I know she wasn't the greatest of all mothers, but she did what she thought she had to do in the situation. I've forgiven her, and I understand that what she did was for the best. If you don't want to listen, that's fine, but you don't have much of a way around it. I have your address; Ashleigh gave it to me. She isn't holding a grudge against me. You shouldn't be either. In any matter, we'll be discussing all of this later, whether you like it or not.
I still love you Tara. I hope you understand that, and that you'll give me a chance to talk.
Love,
Lana
July 18th, 1982 8:32 AM
Kathy Williams walked down the crowded New York street unaware of anything happening around her. She had just dropped her 7-year-old twin daughters at her brother's house like she did everyday. She needed someone to watch them while she worked, and their father hadn't even made it past the fifth month of her pregnancy before he bailed on her. The girls liked it at their Uncle Jim's house. Ashleigh was only a year older than them, and at this age, one year meant nothing.
As routine as this morning had seemed, it was all but normal. She wasn't coming back. Kathy clutched her bus ticket. A one-way ticket to San Diego. It was best for the girls. She couldn't provide for them. A young single mom raising two girls in New York City was a disaster waiting to happen. Jim and his wife Whitney could give them a better life. Kathy looked at the picture of her two girls. Tara…the smart one. The quiet one. The funny one. Lana…wild one. The rebel. The free spirit. They were identical, but different in every way. She felt tears well up in her eyes.
Kathy reached the bus stop. She handed her ticket to the bus driver, and boarded the bus quietly. This was the right decision. Tara and Lana would hate her, but hopefully, someday, they will learn to forgive her. Someday.
October 4th, 1991 5:36 PM
There was something up with Lana. Tara knew that. How much trouble can a 16-year-old girl get into? Lana was at the library now. Tara tapped her foot. Ashleigh was in the shower. Uncle Jim was in Texas on business. Aunt Whitney was at the grocery store. If she was going to snoop, now was the perfect time. Tara went into the bedroom that she and Lana shared, and started to look around. She didn't know what she was looking for. First, she looked under the bed. Nothing. Then, in the dresser. Nothing again. Tara glanced around the room. Lana's backpack. She unzipped the front compartment. Just a pencil case. Tara nervously unzipped the pencil case, and her eyes widened as she looked inside. Rolling papers. She dug into the case further, and pulled out a little plastic bag. Marijuana. Tara's hand shook with the bag in it. All of a sudden, she heard a voice behind her.
"What are you doing?" Tara turned around, terrified that Lana had found her. She breathed a sigh of relief. It was Ashleigh, standing there in a robe. "What's in that bag?"
Tara looked at her with wide eyes. "It's not mine. I-I found it in Lana's pencil case."
Ashleigh took a step closer, and gasped when she saw the bag. "Is that… is that pot?"
Tara nodded. "And rolling papers," she added.
"What are we going to do?"
"Well, we could talk to her."
"Talk to Lana?" Ashleigh asked, stunned. "When has Lana ever listened to a thing we say?"
All of a sudden, they heard a voice behind them. "Try me."
Tara and Ashleigh spun around. It was Lana.
"What are you doing looking through my backpack?" She asked accusingly, anger obvious in her eyes. "No one respects my privacy around here!"
"Lana, we need to talk," Tara responded, holding up the bag of drugs.
"No, we don't."
Ashleigh stared at Lana, not sure how to feel. A mix of terror, anger, and hurt filled her heart. "These things can kill you, Lana!"
"Well, this is my body, my life!" she retorted. With that she stormed out of the room.
Tara was stung. This was her sister. They told each other everything. This wasn't the old Lana. Tara stared at the bag of drugs with anger. They were killing her sister, physically, mentally, and emotionally.
April 29th, 1993 3:23 AM
Lana shook her sister to wake her up. She shouldn't be doing this at 3:30 in the morning, but she couldn't wait. Tara opened her eyes groggily.
"Lana? What are you doing?"
"Tara, we're officially 18."
"Thanks for the notice, but I figured that out by the party on Saturday."
"No, you don't understand. I did a little…research. Called a couple people. I'm 18, so people gave me answers. I found her."
Tara couldn't connect the dots this early in the morning. "You found who?"
"Mom."
Tara bolted up in bed. "You what?" She snapped.
"I found mom. She's living in San Diego. I'm going to live with her. Right after graduation."
"What about college?"
"I'll take some time off. Maybe go to college out there"
"How can you do this?" Tara asked bitterly, with tears in her eyes. "How can you forgive her, after all these years? After she left us, abandoned us? Does she even want you?"
"I called her. I talked to her. She did what she thought was best for us…" Tara shook her head as Lana spoke, defending the woman they called their mother, who abandoned them so many years ago. There was no way she could ever forgive Kathy Williams. And if Lana couldn't see that, then maybe she couldn't have a relationship with Lana either.
April 23rd, 2005 8:07 AM
Twelve years later, Lana wanted to talk. Memories ran through my head, emotions tangled up inside of me. This isn't happening. I was so confused. I didn't know what to feel. Confusion…anger…sadness…hurt…feelings I had stored away so long ago, memories I had blocked out all came back to me. The dam was broken. I remembered Aunt Whitney telling Lana and me that mommy wasn't coming home. I remembered first finding the drugs in Lana's backpack. I remembered when Lana woke me up at 3:30 in the morning to tell me that she was going out to San Francisco. I remembered the airport. I remembered when Lana called me at school, and I hung up on her. All these events, the puzzle pieces to my life. The tale of another broken home.
I stared at my computer screen with a blank face for five minutes. Finally, Lucy called out, "Tara, what's wrong over there?"
"N-nothing," I stammered out, tears threatening to drop. "I-I have to go," With that, I ran out of the office, and into the bathroom. I needed to regain my composure.
This was it. It was happening. After 12 long years, I was going to have to face my sister again, and there was no way out of it.
