It hurts to walk. I've been immobile for so long that my joints are stiff. And when I do stand, my legs feel so shaky, like they're going to fall out from under me. This pathetic creature that I am, I used to be team captain of the tennis club? You've got to be kidding me. I scowl at myself, but then Sanada is there, and he takes my hand, takes some of the weight off my feet. Without saying a word, he lends me comfort. There's a look in his eyes that tell me that I am strong, no matter what I think. There is a sudden knowledge that I have defeated him in a tennis match—many matches, in fact—and a strange sense of wonderment washes over me.
I beat this man? This tall, strong guy beside me, helping my walk; I beat him in a tennis match? It is incredible, unbelievable. I look at him, not saying anything, not knowing, really, what to say. But he knows. He knows.
"One step at a time, remember, Seiichi?" He reminds me. I wasn't born with my tennis skills. Just my talent. Likewise now, I'm weak as a kitten, but that doesn't mean that I can't become strong again.
I smile at him—he is my world. "Thank you," I say, not knowing just how to express my profound gratitude for his just being here. And I know that he understands it all.
He brings me out to the rooftop garden, telling me how I used to go there everyday when I was hospitalized for an illness. And then he tells me that I recovered from it only a few months ago. If I've recovered from that, then I can't possibly be in due to a relapse. He'd tell me if that was the case.
I ask him again—I asked him the same thing yesterday, but he changed the topic immediately—how I came to be in the hospital this time, what happened to make me lose my memory. He doesn't look me in the eye. Instead, he comments about how lovely the weather is, and if I'd like to have lunch out here today. Suddenly, he sounds like a stranger. That flat tone of his voice scares me. He sounds emotionless, I know deep inside me that he isn't—is never.
"Sanada, why won't you tell me?"
"It's not important. You don't have to know."
I clench my fists, beginning to get angry. But I put my temper under control and try again. "I want to remember my past, Sanada. It's important to me."
"I don't want you remembering that, Seiichi. You don't have to remember. It's better that you don't."
And I lose it. Completely.
"How dare you tell me what is and what isn't important to me! You're not the one with the blank space where your life used to be! Do you have any idea what it's like not to know when your birthday is, how you celebrated your last one? I can't remember who my closest friend was, whether I kept a diary, if there were major secrets that I never told anybody… All that I know comes from you, and now you tell me that you're filtering what you want me to remember!"
I stand up shakily and push aside the hand he offers me as he stands up beside me. My eyes are filled with furious tears, my head is whirling with confusion and apprehension. Who, really, is this guy who tells me that I am his heart? He is but a blur of dark tones and tan as the tears overflow and trickle down my cheeks. He touches my shoulder gently, but that once-reassuring touch now seems foreign and cold. I shake his hand off and try to flee. I try to run, but my traitorous legs buckle after only a handful of steps, and I fall to the ground with a cry of alarm.
The ground rushes towards me.
And somehow, I find it all so familiar… The wind blowing past, blowing upwards, then ground coming closer and closer… I close my eyes. I barely even feel his arms when they catch me a moment before I would have hit the concrete.
He doesn't visit me as frequently as before now. I don't know if it's because terror leaps into my heart whenever he does and that he knows it, or if he's simply lost interest in me now that I've rejected his company.
He scares me now.
It doesn't matter that I still dream of him every night when I sleep. It doesn't matter that when I dream, it's as if I'd never lost my memory. What does matter is that I know that he's hiding truths from me—truths that I know could be crucial to me regaining my memory. He's afraid of something, he's afraid that if I remember what he doesn't want me to know, that I'll never forgive him. And he doesn't trust me enough to let me decide for myself. The truth of that hurts.
He doesn't trust me enough.
The warmth had fled from my room. It was cold when I woke, but then he brought the sunlight and the joy inside. And now it's cold all over again. I shiver, and pull the blankets tighter around me. The loneliness is almost tangible. I can almost see it as a frost, creeping over the windows and blocking out the light, it's like a vacuum that sucks the warmth and the life out of the room. I fish my hands in the simple blanket.
Gen-kun, I think as tears well up in my eyes. I miss you. I'm terrified of you, but I still miss you. Why can't you just trust me a little? I need your trust. I feel one tear splash on the back of one hand and I wipe it away fiercely. I need you, Gen-kun.
I sit there in that same position while the sun is high up in the sky, lighting up all the world except mine, I am still sitting there like that when the light starts to wane, and the outside reflects more of what my life feels like. I don't notice the tray of food that has gone cold, nor the nurses that come in and cluck over the untouched food. Night comes, and I am still seated in bed, staring out the window.
The moon isn't as bright as it used to be…
I see in shades of grey. It's true, you know, that life can become colourless. It doesn't matter that the sky is cornflower blue, it doesn't matter that the flowers in the vase are brilliant shades of red and orange. I doesn't even matter that the sports jacket draped over the back of one chair is deep chrome yellow. All these colours don't mean a thing to me if I don't even feel life.
I see in shades of grey.
Someone knocks on the door, but I barely hear it. I dismiss it as a polite nurse, I don't even turn towards the sound. I continue staring outside the window like I have for the past half a week. It's so bright outside that it kind of hurts my eyes, but I don't turn away. The tears help dim it a bit, though. I can't understand how the world can look so bright when I'm dead inside. I remember no more of my life than I did a week ago. I realise just how much I learnt just sitting beside Sanada, it seemed so easy to remember when he held me in his arms and whispered to me in the heart of midnight.
He's gone now, though, it seems so long ago that I last saw him, even though my brain tells me that it's been only five days.
I hear the sound of children playing in the playground below, the laughter and joyous shouts drift through the window like wraiths. I've forgotten how it felt like to laugh so freely. I can't remember the last time I laughed like that, without a care in the world. I can't remember the taste of cotton candy, or the smell of the ocean. I've forgotten what it feels like to see the first cherry blossom of spring. All those memories are gone, and nothing seems to be bringing them back. I suppose the fact that I'm barely even existing doesn't help much.
I'm so deep in my thoughts that I don't hear the scrape of the plastic chair. And then I feel the contours of the mattress shift slightly. It must be a nurse coming to try to make me eat again. I'm sick of food. I'm not hungry, I don't feel like eating! I wish they would all just leave me alone. If my life is going to be lonely then, by God, it's going to be entirely lonely. I don't want anybody coming near me anymore.
There only one person I want by my side, but he stopped visiting an eternity ago.
"Yukimura, you're starving yourself," a gentle voice says.
That voice is familiar, and at the same time, a total stranger to me. I knew it a lifetime ago. His name…I once knew him well enough to consider him almost a brother. But those days have passed, and I can't even remember his name anymore.
"Yukimura, they're worried about how fast you're losing weight. You have to eat something."
Food tastes like dust in my mouth. What little they manage to force into my mouth is tasteless and bland. I remember he snuck in a donut for me once I was able to sit up. It was two days before I screamed at him and he gradually stopped visiting. Oh, kami-sama…how I miss him. I squeeze my eyes shut and turn my face to my covered lap. A warm hand wipes the tears away and comforting arms draw me in a tender hug.
He smells of notebook paper and ink. The scent is dry and comforting. There is something very familiar about the smells. There is an underlying odour of old tennis balls and the perfume of sunlight. I cry against his chest, my shoulders heaving, as I try to tell him what is wrong. I think he gets it, but barely so. No one understands me so much—and so little—as the one I long for. When I tire myself out with crying, he tucks me back into bed, pulls the blankets up to my chin. I feel like a child all over again.
That is, if I could remember my childhood.
"I know it's not me that you want to see, but I'll drop by again tomorrow anyway, okay?"
I don't reply. I stopped responding to external stimuli days ago. It's not worth it. Besides, what's the point? He's not here for me to respond to. These days, all I do is stare and think and blink. And even then, it's only because my eyes are dry.
He bends down and presses a gentle kiss to my cheek. "I'll try and make it better, Yukimura. I promise."
He walks towards the door, then pauses and turns around. He gives me a quick once-over, as if to make sure I'm fine, then leaves with a whispered goodbye.
Promises are fleeting, so his don't mean a thing to me. But I wish it did. I know I used to be so trusting. What happened to me? What changed?
I've forgotten.
The darkness comes to claim me, and I drift away to sleep. As I sleep, my heart finds peace once more, and I leave consciousness with a faint smile. Sanada reaches out for me and I clasp his hands in mine. And he pulls me deeper until I dream.
Someone has opened my curtains. I've made them leave it closed for the past two days because I can no longer bear to see the sunlight. It reminds me of what I can never have. But now the light is shining strongly in my face. I grimace, the most emotion that I've expressed in a week. I reach up weakly to shield my eyes. My hand feels so leaden… It feels like someone has stolen inside in the middle of the night and tied weights to my limbs, my body. My arm falls back limply against the bed. I choose to turn away from the window instead.
And then the light dims a bit, but not totally. I sigh in relief and let my hand slid off my face. I'm so tired…
I feel someone help me into a sitting position, supported by pillows on either side. My head falls to one side; I'm too tired to support my head on my own. I don't even think I have the energy to open my eyes. And even if I did, why bother? I'll just spend my day staring into blank space, ignoring everyone. It's better if I just stay like this, frozen in stasis.
A rough thumb caresses my lower lip slightly. I part my lips ever so slightly. This feels like a dream, have I fallen asleep again? I probably have. I smile and sigh his name.
"I wish you didn't just visit me in dreams, Gen-kun…"
Something metallic probes my partially-opened mouth, and my brow furrows. I turn my head aside. What is happening to my dream? My dreams are always pleasant! Nobody forces me to do anything that I don't want to. The intrusion isn't harsh, the metal doesn't clink painfully against my teeth like it sometimes does, but the pressure is insistent nonetheless.
I force myself to open my eyes, to escape the dream that has turned nightmare.
My eyes are still blurry with sleep and disuse, and I don't see much. I don't want to. I turn my head away from the spoon. I hear a 'clank' that signals that whoever it is who is trying to make me eat has given up. Good. Perhaps now they will leave me in peace. Someone is speaking in the background. Probably the doctors and nurses again. I wish they'd leave.
There is a hesitant brush of fingers against my hair, against my cheek. I sigh softly, wanting so badly for it to be Sanada. "Gen-kun…" If only…
And then once again, I feel myself being shifted around. I begin to protest, but then I'm lifted off the bed entirely. Someone is carrying me. Someone strong and warm. He smells of sunshine and the outdoors. He smells like Sanada.
But that's probably just wishful thinking.
But why not indulge myself one last time? Who knows how much longer I'll last like this? I haven't eaten in days, and I'm still not hungry. I know they think I'm starving myself, but honestly, I'm just not hungry.
I lean into that strong chest, listen to that rhythmic heartbeat. It's lulling me to sleep again…
One finger presses against my lips. I lick them.
It's sweet.
I feel that roughened fingertip once more and lick at the sweetness coating it. Next comes something light and fluffy. It's sweet… I open my mouth just enough for him to slip it in, then I chew slowly. It feels like heaven blooming inside me; a slow warmth spreads inside me. I accept another morsel, and another, and finally, I'm eating steadily.
I'm suddenly ravenous.
Then he presses the rim of a bowl to my lips. I can feel the fragrant steam rising from the liquid inside. It smells vaguely herbal, but not unpleasantly so. He tilts it until warm soup laps gently against my upper lip. I take a small sip and swallow the minute bit of soup. It leaves a trail of soothing warmth down my parched throat. I take a larger swallow of soup, and before long, the bowl is empty. I still feel hungry, but the food is no longer forthcoming. But after a moment, I realize just how full I feel. Perhaps it's a good thing there wasn't anymore for me to eat. I blink sleepily, like a kitten after its first bowl of cream, and curl closer to that soothing heartbeat.
I don't fall asleep, but sort of remain in a sated daze.
"Thank you, Renji," I hear someone say. It sounds like Sanada. But then again, recently, every other person has sounded like Sanada. And after the first few times, I just stopped hoping.
"Thank you, Genichirou. It's you whom he needs, not anyone else."
…it's him? No, it can't be. Can it? I open my eyes a faint crack, not daring to hope.
"He's coming round. I'll leave now."
The door shuts with a muted 'click', and I look upwards, unconsciously holding my breath. His name escapes in a tearful puff of air.
"Gen-kun…" I bury my face in his shirt, clutching handfuls of the fabric. I can't let go. He's my anchor. If I let go, I'll drift away and I'll never find land ever again. I don't want to be lost all over again. He strokes my hair like a parent soothing a child who has been waiting for what seems like eternity at the Lost and Found corner of a shopping complex.
"I'm sorry, Seiichi." His arms wrap around me like he never wants to let me go either. He kisses the crown of my head. I wince, realizing that I must smell to high heaven. I haven't had a real shower in a week. All those sponge baths given by the nurses do not count.
"I smell horrible," I blurt out, voice thick with tears. "And I look just as bad."
I can feel his amused smile. "No, you smell like you always do, and you always remind me of a field of wildflowers. You look like you usually do, and you're always beautiful. You're fine, Seiichi."
"Thank you for the donut," I say in a meek voice. "And the soup."
His voice is grave but tender and sad at the same time. "You scared me, Seiichi. Renji came to me and told me that you hadn't eaten in nearly a week. All they could give you were liquid nutrients through an intravenous tube. They said you were starving yourself, and kami-sama help me, I almost got a heart attack."
"I didn't mean to," I tell him, sounding faintly like a chastised child. "I wasn't hungry. I didn't feel like eating."
"Hospital food tastes horrible anyway, doesn't it?"
I grimace. "Salt-less, sugarless, fatless, and utterly tasteless."
"I know. I remember helping you eat up your leftovers the last time." He hugs me closer until there is no space between out bodies. "Don't say it, Seiichi. I can't tell you. I'm not ready to tell you yet." He takes a deep breath, like a diver getting ready for the plunge. "Give me some time…please?"
"Okay," I agree. "As long as you tell me, one of these days."
He breathes out in a sigh of relief. "I promise."
"Don't let me go," I plead, when he stands up, with me still in his arms. "I missed you so much…"
"I want to bring you out in the sun." He turns me towards the partially covered windows. "It's a beautiful day today."
I smile up at him.
"Yes, it is."
He visits everyday now, like he used to. My appetite has returned, although I'm amazed at how much weight I lost. At the end of that miserable week, you could count all my ribs! Sanada makes sure I eat, though. And every time he visits, he brings me a different pastry or dessert. The last one was a cream puff. It's about the time that school ends, and he should be by in about half an hour or so.
I rise from the stone bench on the rooftop garden. My strength has returned, and I walk regularly now, without assistance. They'll allow me light exercise depending on the results of the physical examination at the end of the week, when they discharge me. I'll have to return for follow-up treatments and all that nonsense, but as an out-patient. They want me to rest for another day after that, following which, I can return to school.
Did I mention how petrified I am at the thought of attending school?
Strangely enough, I can remember my academics perfectly fine. Ask me to equate algebraic equations and I can give you a perfect answer. Ask me to react two chemicals together and I can give you not only the product, but its colour and odour—if any—and write down the chemical equation.
But ask me who my History teacher is and I'm lost. I'm terrified to the bottom of my soul at the prospect of attending school once more.
But Sanada will be there. The school has agreed to let Sanada follow my in all my classes until I readapt to school life once more. And after then, they'll station at least one team member in my classes for another month or so.
And then I'm on my own.
I bend low and sniff at one pale pink bloom. I'll manage. I'll manage until I get my memory back. I don't dare think about what I'll do if I never regain my memory. I can only hope that something will trigger it to return. Or that Sanada will love me regardless. He is my only safe harbour in this raging storm of confusion. I stroke the silky petal with one fingertip. It's so beautiful. The colours, the textures… Life is so beautiful.
I tuck one errant lock of curling hair behind my ear as I lean lower to examine one particularly lovely flower. It's tiny, with minute white petals and deep purple striations radiating from its core. From further away, it looks like a miniature orchid, but at this close distance, I can tell the difference. It's no orchid. In fact, it's a common weed. But it's beautiful; a small, perfect miracle of nature.
Sinewy arms pull me back into a hard chest and I laugh.
"Gen-kun!"
He tilts my chin up until I'm looking up directly into his eyes. He lowers his head and kisses me, and my eyes flutter shut. The hand cupping my face drops back down to hold me against him. His kiss is slow and deep. His kiss alone makes me moan his name. I feel his arms tighten around me and I reach up and drape my wrists at the back of his neck. I break the kiss, my breath coming in soft pants as I stare up at him.
"Mm, what do I get today?"
"What makes you think I brought you anything today?" He asks, poker-faced. But I see through it with as much ease as a knife through hot butter.
I pout with feigned disappointment and before I can say another word, he kisses me again. This kiss is different. His mouth is demanding, teasing and mock-punishing. He plunders my mouth with expert ease. I let him have his way with me. This time. Something in me tells me that I don't always. But sometimes it's a welcome change to be mastered, and control isn't always everything.
Then again, ultimately it's the uke who controls it all. He allows his seme to take him, he allows everything that is done to him. And in a truly loving relationship, he can stop everything at any time. The uke holds the strings to the puppet that is the relationship.
I can't wait to go home. To get him in a locked room.
He promised to make me scream.
When he finally releases me, I look like I've been eating a basketful of berries. I give him a sloe-eyed smile and lick my lips. He gulps and glares at me, but I can see the amusement and lust and love shimmering in his dark eyes.
"You're just asking for it, aren't you?" He tousles my hair with a small smile.
"Hmm? Asking for what, Gen-kun?" I let my hands fall from his neck. They wander down his sides, fingers tracing the ridges of bone and lean muscle. I twitch my butt against his groin and watch his pupils dilate. "Tell you what, Gen-kun. You can walk me back to my room and give me my present, and I'll give you a little…gift."
Sanada rolls his eyes and sighs with exasperation. "Can't you wait until you're discharged from hospital first?"
"But that's all the way at the end of the week."
"You're so frisky, at this rate, I'm going to have to tie you to your bed to keep you from jumping me."
I smirk and present my wrists to him. "Mm, you can tie me up anytime, Gen-kun."
"I know how your mind works, Seiichi. You're waiting until Friday. I'll bring you home, and you'll spend some time with your family, and you can stay the night at my house. And then we'll see."
I stick my tongue out at him. "Fine, your wish is my command."
He seems surprised that I've let him off so easily. It seems that memory-loss or not, I'll always love playing with him. He's so fun to tease. I let him think that I've given up. It's never wise to show your cards too early, after all.
We return to my room, and once I'm seated cross-legged on the bed, he presents me with my daily sweet. I peer curiously into the small slit at the top of the creamy-white pastry box. I sniff it.
"Mm, smells good…"
I open one side, and then the other, and I let the remaining ends fall apart. There's a slice of black-forest cake sitting in the middle of the box. I have no idea how he managed to make it stay right in the middle, especially in his bag, while he was kissing me. Sanada is amazing, isn't he?
I run a finger through the cream on top and offer it to him.
"Have a taste, Gen-kun!"
He licks the cream off and sucks my finger clean. His eyes never leave mine for a second. I grow light-headed and shiver. He knows what that intense look does to me. I grab the little plastic fork that comes with the cake and cut a small chunk off. Again, I offer it to him, but he declines.
"I love to watch you eat, Seiichi."
"I'm getting fat!"
He chuckles. "You? Fat? Never. You could eat as much as Marui does and you somehow wouldn't gain an ounce."
"I am getting fat!" I poke at my belly. "See?"
He gently prods near my navel, then runs his finger down to the crotch of my pyjamas. I groans with need, but he smirks at me. "I know you very well, Seiichi," he murmurs. "Now eat your cake."
I pout at him, but the lure of chocolate and cherries is too much to resist, and I pop the chunk of cake into my mouth. The taste spreads across my tongue and fill up my mouth with the taste of bitter chocolate and cherry liquor. I finish half the slice before grinning sheepishly up at him. "You've turned me into such a pig. A dessert everyday."
"You're still looking a bit on the thin side. Besides, I know you love your desserts. You just hide it better than Marui does." He leans over and licks a bit of chocolate cream from the corner of my mouth. "Mm, sweet. Tastes like…you."
"Flatterer." I cut off another chunk and offer it to him again. "I've had half the cake."
"Fine." He eats from the fork in my hand. We share the remaining cake. There is something sublimely fulfilling about the simple sharing of cake. I feed him some, he feeds me some, and then when all the cake is gone, he puts the box and fork on the small table and kisses me soundly.
The taste of chocolate and cherries is everywhere. I can even smell it in the room, it's like we're in a bakery. I suck in a deep breath and continue kissing him. I sink my fingers into his hair. Likewise, I feel his hands in mine, fingers tangling my waves. We seem to love each other's hair. I lean forward until my body weight is resting almost entirely on him. And then I give a little push.
He falls back with a muffled squawk of surprise. I pin him down with the weight of my body—which actually isn't really substantial next to his—but that, as well as the shock, is enough. Fingers nimble, I undo the buttons on his school shirt. And when almost all the buttons are undone, I hastily push the edges of his shirt aside. It's been so long since I was able to run my hands all over him. I yank the shirt down his shoulders. There is no way his hands are getting free unless he throws me off him. And that certainly isn't happening.
I dip my head and suckle on dusky nipple, my hair tickles him, I know, because I hear him chuckle after his cry of my name wanes. I scrape at the sensitive skin there with my teeth. His moan is a long, low, keening that I feel more than actually hear. It rumbles through his chest and into my body. I feel it almost as intently as he does. His other nipple begs for my attention; it is already erect and waiting more me to lavish my attention upon it. Who am I to refuse?
He arches his back, sock-clad heels digging into the bed. The muscles in his arms flex, but he's not going to rip his shirt. He had more control than that. I stroke my fingers along the sinew and long, lean muscles in his arms.
I can feel him prodding against my belly. He's been wanting me for a long time, now, but he wanted to wait a little longer. Well, too bad, Sanada, I don't. I nip gently, and he moans my name again. His body is shuddering ever so slightly. The rush I feel, having this wonderful specimen of youthful masculinity below me, knowing that I'm making him tremble. It's intoxicating.
"I'm drunk on you, Gen-kun," I breath, blowing on his spit-slick nipple. He shivers from the cold sensation. "I feel like my head's in the clouds."
I reach down and undo the buckle of his belt. I whip it free of the belt loops and haphazardly dump it on the bed. His button is the next item on my list. I slip it through the buttonhole and eagerly pull down the zipper. I press down against him as I do so. He trembles again, like a leaf in a breeze, and I know he feels the rasp of metallic teeth. I nibble on his lower lip as I part the edges of his fly. The front of his cotton boxers is already damp. I stroke gently, lovingly, teasing him with butterfly caresses.
"Already wet with wanting me, Gen-kun?" I purr. His jaw is clenched stubbornly and he doesn't reply. Not that he has to.
I shimmy my pyjama pants off. That's the lovely thing about hospital clothes—they're so easy to remove. I straddle him, then proceed to remove the top half of my pyjamas. I've been longing to feel his skin against mine. I glide against him and sigh with contentment. This is what I've been missing. This is what my body has been crying out for.
I free him from the constraints of his underwear, then rub myself against him. He feels so good… My hand urges him on, growing slick and sticky.
"I've missed this so much… I don't know how or why, but I remember the feel of your body, Gen-kun."
His only reply is a happy moan when friction sends frissons of pleasure rocketing through his body. I reach back, not quite knowing what I'm doing, at the same time, trusting myself to operate on autopilot. I open myself up for him, the act somehow familiar. My fingers are dripping with pre-come, but I don't that's going to be enough.
I fumble for my discarded pants, glad I didn't go along with my initial desire to hurl my clothes to the far side of the room. I pull out a plastic tube and see his eyes grow wide with realization.
"My sneaky little buchou," he growls. "You planned this, didn't you?"
"I'm not sure why myself, but I found this hidden in the toilet. I decided that it could be put to better use." When I'm properly prepared, I position myself above him. But before I can lower myself onto him, he grabs my hips and plunges deep into me.
"Genichirou!" I cry out in partial pain and pleasure. He pauses for a moment for me to get comfortable, and while I squirm in his firm grip, I wonder how he managed to get his arms free. He feels my death grip on his arms relax, and thrusts slowly into me. I know he'll never hurt me. One hand stays on my hip, while the other wanders God-knows-where. And then I feel my arms tugged behind me, and then the sensation of leather around my wrists.
Oh, kami-sama. I almost faint.
I have no idea how he's doing it, but he managing to fuck me and restrain my hands at the same time. Is he talented or what? It should be impossible, but he's doing it. I should have thrown his belt off the bed when I had the chance. I feel the leather tighten, and I test the bonds. Like I needed to try. The sensations seem to amplify with my loss of freedom of my arms.
Lighting streaks through my body and I do almost scream his name like he promised. "Oh, kami-sama," I gasp.
His thrusts speed up, but he is always conscious of my hurts—which have all but vanished from sight anyway. "Gen-kun," I moan. "Let me, please?"
I don't have to elaborate further—he knows what I want. He slowly goes still, and his grip loosens. He guides me, keeps me steady while I ride him. I throw my head back, exposing my throat, and I hear him growl my name.
His name is a chant on my lips as I move faster and faster, impaling myself upon him. When I come, it is as he promised, with me crying out his name, my voice a sobbing scream. At the same time, I tighten my muscles, clenching him in hot, wet heat. I refuse to come alone.
Give yourself to me, Genichirou.
He hisses out my name from between clenched teeth, and I feel him come inside me in pulsing jets of scalding heat. I'm frozen for a moment, And then I collapse into his waiting arms. I lose track of how long I stay sprawled on him, lying bonelessly, unable to move, while he whispers into my ear. I feel his hands tangled in my hair and wonder how he can find the energy to move.
I make a small sound of protest when he stops playing with my hair, but he simply shushes me with a short kiss. And then I feel his arms reach around me. The leather loosens, and then is gone. His warm hands replace them, strong fingers gently massaging my wrists.
"Mm, that's nice," I sigh. "I remember this. I remember falling asleep on you…" I nuzzle his neck. "You're so comfortable…"
"I wish I could spirit you away, take you back home to my house. Or yours, I'm particularly picky about that." He yawns.
"Hmm, I'm too tired to do anything. I think I'll take a nap." I shut my eyes.
"Leave me to clean your mess up, why don't you?" But there is no venom in his voice, and his movements are careful as he eases me off him. I hear the sound of running water coming from the toilet, then silence. I feel something warm and damp bathing my nether regions, the lower half of my torso.
"Sleep beside me, Gen-kun."
"Let me deal with the clean-up first. I'd rather not have to deal with speculative glances from the nurses every time I visit."
I give him a sleepy smile. "It's not like I'm staying here for that much longer."
There's the sound of running water again, and voice has a muffled, echoing quality to it, like it's coming from inside the toilet with the door closed. And then it's clear once more and getting closer. I know he's beside me even before he crawls beneath the blanket to lie by my side.
"You'll catch a cold, sleeping naked like that," he tells me, but I notice that he's wearing just as much as I am.
"Than you'll just have to keep me warm, ne, Gen-kun?"
He chuckles and spoons me up against him. I'm too worn out to tease him further, and he knows it. He strokes my thigh, the action both soothing and arousing. "I'll keep you warm, Seiichi. Rest now, go to sleep." He kisses my hair lightly. "I might be gone by the time you wake up, but you know I'll be here again tomorrow."
"Bring me something nice again?"
He grins. "Only if you're a good boy, Seiichi."
Well, perhaps I have a little bit of energy left. I squirm against him and turn my body enough to look at him. My smile is coy as I purr, "Oh, I can be very good, Gen-kun. Wanna see?"
He gives me an exasperated look and turns me back so that I'm leaning back into him again. "I know you can, Seiichi. But try to save that for when I can wake up with you sleeping next to me."
He strokes my hair rhythmically, knowing that it will eventually put me to sleep. The last things I hear before I succumb to the siren call of slumber are the tenderly whispered words, "Aishiteru, Seiichi".
I love you too, Genichirou.
A/N: I tried to tone down this version, or else it would have been up yesterday. Somehow, I don't think I deviated much from the original content at all. I give up. I suck at retyping. Well, in case reading the original strikes your fancy, it's up on my site. But I still want reviews. () The original isn't much different from this, really. But go to my site all the same. It's pretty bare, but you might find something interesting. Or not. Whatever.
