Punishment

(by: SheDaisy)

The next day Rogue sat on the kitchen counter with a small tub of Ben and Jerry's fudge ice cream as she stared out the window and thought about the previous night. She really wished the feeling of guilt would leave, but she knew it wouldn't. She tried to convince herself that what they did was innocent, but she failed to do so.

Sure they talked, held each other, and nothing else, but they did it with passion. Passion and love. Also they agreed to keep it secret, and it pained her heart to go behind Sherri's back like she was. She was her friend, she wasn't supposed to do this to her. Real friends didn't steal each other's boyfriends or husbands. They were supposed to back up their friends no matter what. But then again, she didn't know Sherri well enough to be good friends, but it didn't change the way she felt. It didn't stop the guilt which flowed out her heart and through her veins.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard laughing and footsteps heading towards the kitchen. She quickly wiped away the tears that had fallen and jumped off the counter to place the ice cream back in the freezer. She turned her attention to the doorway just in time to see Logan and Sherri walk in with smiles on their faces and holding hands. She felt her eyes begin to water once more at the sight and quickly turned her back towards them as she began to rummage through the fridge; not wanting them to see her the way she was. Especially Logan.

"Hey, Rogue." Sherri greeted Rogue happily. Apparently her conversation with the chipper blonde had worked. Unfortunetly.

"Oh, uh, hi Sherri." Rogue answered as she concentrated on them once more. Hoping she was hiding her emotions well enough to converse with the couple.

"Hey, Rogue." Logan greeted quietly and it pained her heart to hear him call her by the name she had given herself. But she knew Sherri and others would get suspicious if they heard him call her by her real name.

"Logan." Rogue responded without looking at him as she grabbed a bag of Hershey kisses out of the cupboard. She was a woman in pain and she was going to comfort herself the only way she knew how. Chocolate.

She started to head out of the kitchen when Logan spoke up, "hey, where're you going?"

Rogue stopped short and slowly turned to face him, a confused and yet irritated look on her face, "away." She said slowly before she started to turn towards the door once more.

"Why don't you stay and have lunch with us?" Logan asked.

"Yeah, that'd be nice." Sherri agreed enthusiastically.

Rogue mentally glared at Logan as she smiled at him and Sherri before speaking, "that's okay. I'll pass." She said dryly before walking out of the kitchen, ignoring the calls from Logan and Sherri.

She couldn't believe he was doing this. Why wasn't he ignoring her like before? Wouldn't that make people think something was going on? Didn't he think about that? She knew then that what she allowed to happen was a mistake. She should have shoved him out of her room and told him to never come back. But a big part of her just wanted to be. To be with him, if only for that night. Well, she wasn't going to let it happen again, she couldn't. She shouldn't have even fallen in love with him, but she did.

I thought that this was

Supposed to feel good

And if you were really mine

I guess it would

I didn't fall in love

As if it was the right thing to do

I just went ahead and fell for you

Rogue slammed the door of her room shut behind her as she threw herself on her bed; the tears now streaming full force down her cheeks. She just wanted to run away from all this. To hide and never show her face again. Her guilty face. She didn't think seeing Sherri and knowing what had happened would effect her so much, but it had. Knowing that Sherri was blind about what was going on with her husband. Blind with love. God, she hated that word. That word made her stupid. It may have caused Sherri to go blind, but it caused her to lose a few brain cells.

She quickly grabbed a pillow and screamed into it while flailing her hands and legs in anger and frustration. She couldn't do this anymore. How could she? Before her thoughts carried any further, a soft knock sounded at her door; causing her to gasp and sit up quickly with a horrified expression plastered to her tear stained face.

"Who... who is it?" She stammered out.

"Me." She heard the rough reply and instantly knew who this 'me' was.

"Go away, Logan!" She exclaimed as she layed back down on the queen sized bed.

"No, Marie. Can I come in?" Logan replied through the door.

"Well, seeing as how I just told you to go away, I doubt it." Rogue responded sarcastically.

"Marie," Logan growled, "I'm comin' in."

"No." Rogue squeaked as she ran to the door in an attempt to hold it closed, but she wasn't fast enough.

Before she knew it, Logan was now standing in front of her with a look of worry and a bit of passion mixed in. She slowly backed away from the intense look in those hazel eyes, worried about what he had planned. Whatever it was, it was dangerous. It was in the middle of the day. Not night. Someone could come by her room at anytime. Jubes or Kitty. Jean or Ororo. And the worst person was Sherri. She could very possibly come by to see how she was doing. He shouldn't be here. No, he couldn't be here. She wouldn't allow it.

"Logan. Leave." Rogue said roughly as she pointed toward the door.

"No." Logan replied, and she could now hear the passion. Oh, this was not good.

"Logan." She drawled.

"Marie." Logan responded before grabbing her arm and pulling her toward him. Oh, this was so very not good.

"Let me go." Rogue tried to have her voice come out tough, but failed as it just came out as a whimper.

"Marie." Logan repeated in a whisper as he bent his head; closing the distance between them.

Oh somewhere down along the line

I guess that love became a crime

This contradiction makes no sense

This is punishment

I feel like this is judgement day

I'll raise my hand stand up and say

I don't believe I'm innocent

This is punishment

Rogue could feel his lips graze hers and causing shivers to go up and down her spine. Logan felt her shiver at his touch and he pulled her closer before pressing his lips to hers; groaning at the taste of her. He felt her arms wrap around him while his hands became tangled in her hair. She parted her lips slowly, granting his tongue access. With great pleasure, he quickly thrust his tongue into her mouth, exploring every inch of it. She moaned at the feel of it and the feel of being in his strong arms; digging her long nails into his back through the flannel shirt he wore. He pulled away to catch his breath and saw the glazed brown eyes looking back up at him.

"God, Marie. You taste great." Logan whispered as he stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"Ah, sugah, so do you." Rogue complimented back. Wait, no. She couldn't be doing this. Damn it! Why did he have this effect on her?

"Logan, no. We can't do this." Rogue said quickly when she noticed he was about to kiss her again.

"Marie. Don't do this. I can't stand not being with you." Logan pleaded.

"How do you think I feel? Huh? Do you think I enjoy this?" Rogue asked as she tried to pull away from him, but he kept a firm grip.

"Logan, let me go." Rogue demanded.

"No. Marie, God, I love you. And no matter what it takes, I have to be with you. To be near you. To taste you." Logan whispered.

"But it's killing me, Logan! This sneaking around, it's just going to get us into trouble! And I already told you, I wasn't going to be your mistress. Just being held and talking last night made me feel incredibly guilty! How do you think kissing and fooling around is going to make me feel? I can't and won't do it, Logan!"

"Marie, please. Don't shut me out. I need you. You're the only one who knows me. Who really loves me for me. Not for the person they think they know." Logan pleaded once more.

"I feel the same way, Logan, I do. I will always have that feeling, no matter how hard I try to fight it, it will always be there. Same with my love for you. It'll stay in my heart til I die, but I can't act on it. Because you aren't mine. You're not free for the taking, Logan. I can't take what isn't mine." Rogue tried explaining, but every word was getting harder and harder to say as she saw his heart slowly breaking.

Truth is your heart was

Never mine to take

Now I'm stuck in a feeling that I'll never shake

I prayed for it to go

God knows I want it to stay

But here I am loving you

Either way

"Logan, please, don't be angry." Rogue pleaded after a long moment of silence past.

"I can't be angry at you, Marie. But I am angry at myself. I was too foolish to think that I could hide behind someone else, hoping that their love would distinguish what I felt for you." Logan replied. The words that escaped his mouth shocked Rogue. She didn't know he could be so deep. The Wolverine, deep. Huh. Who knew?

"I know." Was all Rogue could think of to say. She had said all she needed to say and now she was stumped. Clueless. A loss for words.

"Please, Marie. Give me this chance. Even if it is for a short time, I need to be with you. I need to love you."

"Logan, I can't. It hurts too much. And I feel... punished."

"What?" He asked, confused.

"For even having these feelings. I feel like this is happening to tease me. To make me feel guilty for even having these thoughts about you." Rogue explained, feeling rediculious with each word she spoke.

"Or maybe, it's a second chance."

"To be happy. Well, let me tell you, I don't feel happy in the slightest. So, I doubt it's that." Rogue responded with a hint of laughter in her voice.

"You don't know, unless you try."

"But I don't want to try. I'm not even sure I want to know!" Rogue exclaimed, backing up as Logan tried to come closer; her legs smacking into her bed. Great, cornered. Just what she needed.

"I love you, Marie." Logan whispered; picking her hand up in his and tugged on it, pulling her closer to him.

"Don't, Logan." Rogue cried; allowing tears to fall down her face, not caring anymore.

"I do." Logan reassured her.

"No." She shook her head at his words. She couldn't remember how many times she wanted to hear those words from him, but never in the whole time she yearned for it, had she imagined him to be with someone else at the time.

"Yes, I do, Marie." He argued as he wrapped his arms around her waist.

"You can't... we can't." Rogue whispered as she lowered her eyes to his chest.

"Marie, we can't help it." Logan explained as he lifted her chin with his hand. "At least, I know I can't."

"I can't, either." Rogue agreed with a small smile.

Somewhere down along the line

I guess that love became a crime

This contradiction makes no sense

This is punishment

I feel like this is judgement day

I'll raise my hand stand up and say

I don't believe I'm innocent

This is punishment

"Logan, what are we gonna do?" Rogue asked as she listened to his heart beat in his muscular chest.

"I don't know, Marie." Logan answered.

"It hurts."

"I know." He sighed as he hugged her closer.

"So, does this mean it's final. Are we having an affair?" Rogue asked, frightened of what the answer might be.

"Yeah, I think so."

"I'm scared. I don't want to hurt anybody." Rogue replied with a sniff as more tears fell.

"Me too, darlin'. Me too."

"But I'm telling you now, Logan. If things begin to get too out of hand, I'm ending this. Alright?" Rogue warned.

"Deal."

"Good." She pouted before lifting her head, "Well, I suppose you should get back to your wife before she comes looking for ya."

"Yeah, probably a good idea." Logan replied with a small smile; getting one in return.

"I love you." Rogue whispered as she walked toward the door and grabbed the small, round, gold handle.

"I love you, too." Logan said before leaning in and planting a quick small kiss on her lips.

"Bye, Logan." Rogue said before opening the door, the door that lead back to the real world.

"Bye, Rogue." Logan said in case there was anyone out in the hallway. It again hurt her when he said it, but more this time because he said it with no emotion. None. And it worried her a little. But she just had to tell herself that it was an act so no one would get suspicious of the two.

She smiled slowly at the man she loved before watching him walk out her door and into the hallway. She closed the door and turned to walk to her bed and continued crying where she left off; before being so rudely interrupted.

You'll never feel all the things

I can't say

And I'll never know

If it's better this way

Once she thought she couldn't cry anymore tears, Rogue walked to her desk and opened up her text book. Later that day she had a test to take and she hadn't studied for it since Logan confessed his love to her.

That's all her mind would allow her to think about. Him, and nothing else. She sighed as she picked up her pencil and took notes in the thick text book of physics. The class she hated most, but knew if she didn't pass it, she couldn't carry on with school without it. At least, not very well. Not with the direction she planned to go.

Her mind once again wandered to Logan and the kiss he had given her. It was so full of passion, lust, and most of all, love. She subconciously placed her fingers to her lips, the feeling of his still lingered there slightly. She slowly licked her lips and she could still taste him on her. And oh, how it felt good.

She had tried so many times to deny these feeling she had for him, but knew it was no use. It's nearly impossible to fight a feeling. Especially a feeling as strong as love. And she was head over heals in love with this man, no more denying it. And he was head over heals in love with her. That much was certain. She could tell by the way he looked at her and the way he kissed. But when it was the strongest was when she was in his arms. The way they circled around her body in a protective and loving manner. That's where she felt it most. In his arms.

But she longed to be able to lie in those arms where the whole world could see. To allow her to express her love to not only him, but the world itself. She just wanted to scream it out. But she knew that'd never happen. Because he was with Sherri, and everyone loved Sherri. How could they not? She was perky, happy, extremely beautiful, and everyone thought she tamed the wild wolverine. Ha. If they only knew who the real tamer was. Rogue knew it was her. Logan always returned to her, Rogue was always the reason. Of course, that's what she thought until he came back with Sherri.

Somewhere down along the line

I guess that love became a crime

This contradiction makes no sense

This is punishment

I feel like this is judgement day

I'll raise my hand stand up and say

I don't believe I'm innocent

This is punishment

As she looked at her clock, she sighed and slammed her book closed then stuffed it in her book bag. She pulled the strap on her shoulder and shut off the small desk lamp that was illuminating her work. She took one look around to make sure she had gathered everything, and when she was satisfied, walked out the door.

She ran down the stairs as she held the railing and ran out the door, she was thankful for being in college. It gave her a reason to escape the mansion. She could even use it to just go to the library and study. Or that would be her excuse at any rate.

As she quickly unlocked her car door and threw her bag in the passenger seat, she was startled by a voice behind her, "where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Scott! Hi! You, uh, scared me. I'm, uh, I'm on my way to take a test." Rogue answered as she slowly lowered her hand from her chest.

"Listen, Rogue. Can we talk?" Scott asked and Rogue instantly became frightened.

"Oh, uh, well. I really can't right now. I can't really be late." Rogue explained.

"This won't take long."

"I really can't. I'm runnin' late as it is. Can it wait 'til I get back?" Rogue asked as she placed one foot in the car and held her balance by leaning on the car door.

Scott glanced down at the cemented floor of the garage before looking back at her. "Yeah, yeah. I can do that. I'll meet you here, alright."

"Okay, great. I'll see you then." Rogue said with a smile before getting the rest of the way in the car. She floored it all the way down the drive and barely slowed down as she rounded the corner and off to her future. The future that would hopefully help her escape from all this; the mansion, the feelings, and Logan. She hoped.

Somewhere down along the line

I guess that love became a crime

This is punishment

I feel like this is judgement day

I'll raise my hand stand up and say

This is punishment

This is punishment

This is punishment

This is punishment

This is

This is

This is punishment