Another light purple tentacle lashed out at the Evangelion and, needless to say, Unit 01 quickly sidestepped the Angel's attack as the smoke in front of it started to die down.
As the figure of fourth Angel appeared in the midst of the smoke, Shinji braced himself. All of a sudden, the monster charged forward with thin streaks of purple slashing at the Evangelion.
Most of the buildings around the two massive beings were sliced in half and the pilot watched as they crumbled to the ground. Even though his main objective was to silence the target, he was also supposed to be the protector of the city he watched being destroyed. Shinji turned his attention back towards the Angel and again forced Unit 01 to pull the trigger.
He nearly cursed as the bullets bounced off its AT field. Unit 01 discarded the useless weapon and reached for the progressive knife in its shoulder compartment as it back stepped.
Shinji's eyes went wide with shock as a tentacle went through the Evangelion's shoulder. At first the dull sensation remained just that, but as seconds passed a burning pain spread through his shoulder.
It was at that moment he thought, no he knew, he was going to lose.
The force of the Angel's tentacle slamming into Unit 01's shoulder caused the massive bio machine to lose its balance. The progressive knife slipped out of its hand as it fell on the hill side causing all sorts of debris to rise up from the ground.
Shinji could hear Misato barking out orders and he could see the red display flashing as it tried to show that the boy only had five minutes of power left, but all he could pay attention to was how hard his heart was beating against his chest.
His mind was spinning and the dust that rose up prevented the boy from being able to see the enemy. For a brief moment, Shinji was in a confused daze and didn't know what to do at all and it was at that very moment the Angel appeared before the fallen Evangelion.
It was almost like the Angel withheld its attack just to savor the moment of his enemy's defeat but it was a different story when Unit 01 grabbed hold of the blazing hot tentacles. Despite the serve burns that made the boy flinch as he pulled the Angel towards him, Shinji still had enough sense to realize that he could beat it if he kept his wits about him.
Unit 01 firmly kicked the Angel backwards as it held on to one of the tentacles and ripped it off in the process. Shinji's panicky eyes somehow made their way back to the red display that indicated the boy only had three and a half minutes left.
Despite the fact that he was submerged in LCL, he felt like he was taking shallow breaths. His sight fell on anything that moved and his heart started to beat at a faster pace. His awareness was to the point where he could even feel the LCL being circulated in the entry plug. Seconds ticked away off the red display as the boy waited while his beads of sweat dissolved in the orange liquid.
At this very moment, time was Shinji's worst enemy.
He could hear Misato order his retreat, he could see the progressive knife in the hillside, and he could see a faint figure emerging from the dust… It was then that it suddenly came to him.
Unit 01 rolled out of the way as a tentacle slashed at the hill and grabbed the vibrating knife, but, as Unit 01's hand wrapped around the weapon, Shinji realized that he was familiar with this area. Against the pleas of his mind, Shinji's eyes wandered towards the roof of the school and seen something that would scar his mind forever.
From this distance, it looked like a red puddle with a school uniform over it but he could tell, mainly because of the way two boys was attending to the mess, that it was something far more important wasted liquid.
The pilot started to piece together the puzzle in him mind as the Angel moved closer towards the Evangelion.
'W-What if…' Shinji's thoughts were violently interrupted as the snake like Angel lashed the boy with its remaining tentacle. Although his back was burning with pain, it didn't hurt Shinji more than the intense glare he was receiving from one of the boys on the roof of the school.
As the lights in the Evangelion started to dim, Shinji overlooked his feelings and dashed towards the Angel with progressive knife in hand as the red display indicated that he had no more than thirty seconds.
Lately
"Shinji?"
The boy instantly sat up and checked his surroundings. To his relief, he was in his classroom and the girl who called his name was chuckling. Hikari's laughter died down and made her way towards Shinji's desk with something wrapped in a pink cloth held in her hands.
The pilot struggled to regain his breath, "W-What is it Hikari?" Shinji asked as the girl took a seat beside him.
"It's lunch time… well it is almost over now." Hikari unwrapped her lunch and set it on the desk in front of her, "Do you want some?"
Shinji slowly shook his head from side to side, "Why didn't you wake me up ear-"
"I was with Touji."
"Oh."
"I thought you would have woken up by now. Do you even get that much sleep at night?" The downcast expression on her face obviously meant no, but it also went a step further and told her he, like her at times, was troubled by something when he tried to sleep.
It didn't need to be said, but Shinji could tell she came to see how he was doing. When the class came in no one said anything but the pilot could feel the nasty glares that surrounded him, but he was thankful that no one actually took action.
"Where's Ayanami?" Shinji asked as he realized that he and Hikari were the only people in the classroom.
"She got a call and left early, but since the alarms didn't sound I guess it wasn't an attack or anything."
"Oh yea," Shinji rubbed his eyes, "A new pilot was coming today, but I turned down going so I could come to school." He quickly covered his mouth, the fact that he just reviled classified information returning to him through the haze of sleep.
"Hey Shinji," Hikari turned towards him with a blank almost indifferent impression, "I don't think it would be a good idea to be seen together at school." She said completely changing the subject.
He agreed. If they were seen on friendly terms it was likely that more people would become angry, and, to be honest, Shinji really did believe she wanted to be his friend but it felt like she was holding back.
It was almost like she was scared of him.
"Yea…"
The pilot watched as Hikari got up from the desk and started to walk out the door. Oddly enough, he wanted her to stay but he knew how she felt about the jock. When they were at her house, she often talked about the boy but it was usually a one-sided conversation since Shinji hardly knew him.
The boy turned towards the windows and looked at the sky. He never knew what Ayanami looked at but the world outside was certainly more interesting than this classroom.
"You should come out and get some fresh air."
"I… I'm alright Hikari."
"Come on Shinji!" The girl exclaimed as she returned to his desk. She grabbed his arm and playfully pulled it, "It's better than staying in here." She smiled as Shinji shook his head and she continued to pull on his arm, "Please?"
Shinji sighed when the divine smile appeared on her face. The boy instantly relented and the girl laughed as she dragged him through the school. Seeing her laugh brighten Shinji's mood but it was one question that continued to assault his mind.
"What about… Touji?" Shinji quietly asked as the girl stopped all of a sudden. Her grip on his forearm tightened and he wasn't sure if he angered the girl or not.
She stood with her back to him but her words still had the same effect as if she was staring him directly in the eye, "You hate being alone don't you?" Hikari whispered with all traces of her happiness lost in the low tone of her voice.
The fact that he actually did feel very lonely at times caused him to completely overlook the fact that she answered a question with a question. He could easily answer the question, but the way that the girl asked it made him fall deeper into his own thoughts.
He often found himself thinking that he deserved to be lonely and thought that nobody cared about a pilot that couldn't protect anything, but, basically, he hated being alone. He wanted friends, but who could he reach out to?
His classmates obviously disliked him and his co-workers always seemed to look at the boy with a weary glance like they were almost expecting him to fail… again. Misato tried to be as kind as she could but that still didn't make the apartment feel like a home, his father almost seemed to disown him, and Rei was… Rei.
Shinji nearly stumbled as the girl suddenly wrapped her arms around him. It was going to be another awkward moment but the teenagers were slowly adjusting to each other touch and, although he was blushing a bit, the pilot started to relax somewhat.
"I live alone Shinji," the girl began as she squeezed the boy like a stuffed animal, "I lost my position as class representative and… and sometimes I don't even want to wake up."
What could he say to make her feel better? It was his fault that she was like this to begin with and all she did was treat him with sincere compassion and in return he offered nothing.
"I like to think that I have a lot of friends but I really only have two or three," She laughed despite the fact that tears were building up in the corners of her eyes, "I guess I was too good a class rep huh?"
"Hikari…"
"I really want to try and be friends Shinji. If we work hard enough people might put this behind them and everything will be okay."
He couldn't stand to look into her eyes and eventually looked away, "It's not important what other people think…" He didn't understand what she was talking about. He knew that some, probably most, of the class didn't like him already but it didn't bother him much since he wasn't used to being liked in the first place but watching the girl cry on his chest felt worse than the first time he visited her in the hospital.
Why did it matter what anyone thought? None of them were scarred for life and lived alone. Sadly, what everyone thought about her is what scared Hikari the most. She wanted to be the same person she always was but it was easy to see that she changed.
She was no longer the pig-tailed representative of the class that made all matters concerning the class her own business. The once proud student felt like an ugly creature trying to scrap up what was left of its life.
"We're already friends…"
That simple statement penetrated the girl's thoughts and laid all of her worries to rest at least for the time being. She didn't intend for it to happen, but her face moved closer towards Shinji who, like any timid person, moved away.
Even though she was beginning to realize what she was actually doing, the girl continued to lean forward as the boy continued to lean back. Her lips brushed across his and she nearly parted his lips with her tongue, but the sound of approaching footsteps made her back off.
Shinji tensed up and Hikari instantly let go of the boy. Shinji could make out the shadowy figure of someone walking down the hall but the voice caused the pilot to uncover the figure's identity long before the sunlight reflected off his glasses.
"Hikari!" The figure shouted as the girl's last name echoed throughout the empty halls of the school.
The military otaku walked down the hallway as the light bounced off his glasses, "Touji was looking for you class, I mean, Hikari," Kensuke said as he narrowed his eyes as he noticed the pilot standing beside her, "Did… did I interrupt something?"
Hikari calmly eyed Shinji as she spoke, "No, nothing at all."
The girl walked towards the direction the boy came from and muttered words of thanks as she passed him. As she turned the corner Kensuke turned towards Shinji with a strange, almost apologetic, look on his face.
"Um, you didn't want to welcome the new pilot?"
Shinji was surprised he knew but since it was the same person who discovered he was a pilot he wasn't completely shocked, "H-How did you know?"
He shrugged, "My father leaves his computer on a lot. I wish I could have seen the aircraft carrier though." The boy sighed as the thought of actually seeing it was becoming more of a distant dream.
The bell rung and announced that it was time for everyone to return to class. Shinji waited to see if the boy was going to speak and, when he didn't, the pilot turned to leave.
"Hey, um Ikari," Kensuke rubbed the back of neck, "I'm really sorry about what happened. It really wasn't your fault, but Touji wouldn't stop and I couldn't do anything…"
Shinji waved his hand as he walked off, "It's alright."
"Don't say it like that. You know it makes me feel guiltier or something man." Kensuke stepped forward and the light reflected off his glasses with a white glare that made it nearly impossible to see his eyes, "I don't know you well or anything but why won't you step up or something. I mean everyone is talking all this bullshit about stuff going wrong but they don't even think about what'd happen if you didn't pilot."
Shinji adverted his eyes, "Thanks…"
Kensuke saw that he wasn't getting through to the pilot and also walked away.
The thought of Hikari's smiling face was enough to push away the negative thoughts but when the image of her lips coming closer to his came to mind he instantly remembered why he backed up.
He was scared of being close to the scar.
A burning sense of self hatred started to fill him. He was too weak to protect her in the first place, now he was too weak to even tell the girl how he felt about the injury.
It hurt knowing that she could honestly share so much with him, but, in turn, only got mumbled statements and small talk. Shinji really wanted to tell her how he would try his best to beat the Angels so no one else would be hurt but it was classified information, he wanted to tell her about his past but there was nothing to good to talk about, and he even wanted to share his dreams with her but every time he got into Unit 01 he was crushing other people dreams.
'It's not because she is ugly or anything… it's just the scar.' Shinji thought as he returned to the classroom. Shinji sighed as he walked towards his desk and saw the lunch box wrapped in a pink cloth that was lying on top of his desk.
He would give it to her later.
-
This was certainly not Misato's kind of day. An Angel attacked while they were on a ship, she didn't like ships, she met Kaji again, and, worse of all, the pilot that defeated the Angel almost got killed.
The Captain leaned on the rail and watched the waves crash against the aircraft carrier as it was making its way towards Toyko-3. Misato scratched her head and yawned. Today's events called for a beer but, as she leaned against the bars separating her from the sea, something more important came to mind.
"I wonder what Shinji is doing…"
"What kind of person is he?" The pilot asked, Misato already knowing that she was referring to the third child, as her auburn hair sailed in the wind. She had to know what kind of competition she would have, but it didn't matter much since she already knew she was the best pilot.
Misato turned towards the girl beside her with a slight smile, "Trying to make moves on the guy before you even meet him huh?"
"It isn't anything like that!" Asuka roared in defense, "Forget I asked."
The older woman stopped the girl before she walked off, "For real, he is kind, but I don't really know him as well I should. He really keeps to himself, but he is pretty dense though and kind of naïve."
"What about the other pilot?"
"She is pretty introverted too, but she is hard to read."
Asuka let out a victorious laugh, "I guess they won't have any objections to who is the best pilot then."
Misato simply raised her head and looked at the night sky as the young girl walked off laughing, "I wonder why Kaji left so fast…"
He softly knocked on the door and sighed as it slowly creaked open. She must have guessed he was coming. He walked in without announcing the fact that he was there and walked straight into the kitchen.
This was his first time coming into Hikari's house this late and it felt sort of strange being that it wasn't many lights on in the house. Darkness surrounded the boy and he carefully stepped into it. Shinji laid the pink cloth and its contents a table and was about to turn around until he noticed someone was sitting at the table.
"I didn't think you were going to come."
"The class representative told me it was my turn to clean-" He cut himself off as he noticed the discouraged look on her face, "I'm sorry…"
She reached over and grabbed the lunch box and smiled a bit when she noticed that it was empty, "I guess I should have made some more."
Shinji reluctantly sat down across from the girl at the table. He really should be on his way to the apartment so he could make dinner, but to just come into her house abruptly and leave would be kind of rude.
"I'm sorry about what happened earlier," the pilot could see her single brown eye staring directly at him, "I'm really sorry."
He honestly wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault and he wanted to tell her how much it scared him. To know that it was completely his fault that she was scarred like scared him to no end, but to be that close to that scar that represented his failure as a pilot and her friend almost made him sick.
"You don't have to be sorry to me Hikari…"
"It was because you're just like him Shinji." The girl leaned back in her seat but the slight dreamy smile never let her face, "Both of you try so hard but, at the same time, both of you are so sensitive."
She was talking about Touji.
Shinji blinked, "What do you mean?"
"I love you Shinji."
The statement caught the boy off guard and completely shocked him, "W-What?" he asked with confusion causing the tone of his voice to be a bit higher than it normally it would.
The smile on her face grew in size as she got up from her seat, "You look like you were expecting me to confess that I hated you forever or something." She joked as she laid her hand on his shoulder.
"W-Why?" Was the only thing he managed to say and he struggled doing that.
A serious expression replaced the happy one she once had as she began to speak, "You're one of my best friends Shinji. I love you because you care." Despite her soft tone of voice, the words fell on the boy like a bomb.
A small part of him still didn't want to be accepted like that… especially by someone he hurt, "No one has ever said that to me…"
To put it simply, Shinji didn't understand exactly what love was. Of course he seen other people walk around claiming to be in love but that didn't help him to understand what it was. The only example of love he could familiarize himself with was the love his mother shared with him and his father.
That love turned his father into what he was today and, from what Shinji gathered, led to death but the carefree way Hikari spoke about it made it look like a promise of unconditional caring that, against both of their best wishes, he would eventually break.
How could he, someone who only brought pain to the others around him, try to understand something like that?
'I don't deserve to be loved…' The boy thought as the girl took a seat beside him.
"You might think I'm going a little overboard but I meant what I said." The moonlight filtered through the blinds in the kitchen and reflected off the girl's face. The single brown eye filled with compassion was now a darker color, nearly black, but the glow of the moonlight on her face caused her beauty to stand out. She was almost like a sparkling jewel lying in the middle of darkness that was the room they were in, "My mother constantly used to say how much she loved me and my sisters but I really didn't appreciate it until she was gone…"
"Sorry…"
She nodded and later smiled trying to mask the sadness she really felt, but the boy still managed to see the regret she tried to hide, "It's okay. With my father it was completely different though, he never said it but we could kind of feel that he loved us."
Hikari tilted her head, "That's how I feel about you Shinji."
Did he love her? How could he when he couldn't even understand the word, much less the feeling?
Shinji turned away and his eyes focused on the pink cloth that was on the table, "I… I don't understand Hikari. It's my fault-"
"Stop…" She ordered as she interrupted the boy, "Stop blaming yourself Shinji. You did the best you could didn't you? You didn't know I was there and you still beat the thing."
She placed her hands on top of his, "If anything I should be blaming myself… but Shinji," Hikari paused as she squeezed his hand as if to remind the boy that she was there, "It wasn't anyone's fault. I was just at the wrong place at the wrong time."
The spoken word is a powerful thing simply because of the fact that it holds meaning, but truth and meaning could be two completely different things. A small part of Shinji found relief in knowing that it was his fault so that part of him remained ignorant of the fact that the girl was right and created its own truth which the boy accepted and somehow found meaning in.
Shinji slipped his hand from under her grasp and stood up. He couldn't stand to face the constant reminder of his failure but he forced himself to look at her, "It's my fault Hikari… If I had done what I was supposed to do it wouldn't be like this."
He politely pushed his chair under the table and started to walk off. The sound of his own footsteps felt alien to him but he keep walking even if it did feel eerie to break the silence in such a way.
"I'm seeing Touji now… I probably won't be able to spend that much time with you anymore."
Shinji looked over his shoulder to find the girl's back facing him, "I'm… glad."
As the pilot made his way to the door, he heard a shallow thank you.
-Fin
Another edit of an old chapter.
Hmm, I think I explained how they felt about each other and their situations alright so far. Seeing that this is just a bit of editing for my chapters, I hope that someone out there can notice the improvement in the next chapters and, don't worry, they are coming this time. ;;
I'll like to thank everyone for the reviews and I'll try my best to work the story the way I want it to turn out.
Chibi Fenrir
