You Don't Know
(by: 98 Degrees)
Oh, no
Oh, my love
Scott watched as Logan stalked up the driveway towards the mansion, he knew Logan wouldn't tell him how he truly felt. Not verbally anyway, but he knew how the man felt. Hell, he felt it himself. He was in love with her. Helplessly so. He hadn't meant for it to happen but they had been there for one another when no one else would be. It made the bond between them stronger and harder to break. He just couldn't understand how Logan could love her so much yet break her heart in such a horrible way. In his mind it was the worst thing anyone could do. Logan was teasing her. Showing her things that she could only see but never touch. And this time it wasn't because her skin played the barrier. It was the other woman Logan was with. It was his wife who had suddenly and unknowingly became the barrier.
Scott looked up to the sky when he felt a small rain drop land on his head; quickly looking down again when another landed on the lens of his red sunglasses. He didn't bother to go back into the garage for protection from the rain just yet, he wanted to relish in the cold feeling it brought. He wasn't sure why, maybe it helped with the aching in his heart for the love he had for Rogue. The aching that she didn't know or even share his feelings.
He looked up to her bedroom window and saw the sad girl staring out at it, or rather staring at it. He watched as she lifted her hand to the glass and lightly trailed her finger down it, sadness in her eyes. He wished he could take all the pain she had away and replace it with love. His love. Logan didn't deserve her, not with the way he was treating her. He always thought of Logan as a selfish bastard and this just proved his opinion to be more fact. He didn't care if he was tearing Rogue's heart apart, just as long as he had her, he was content. Scott slowly lifted his hand to wave at Rogue when he knew he was caught staring, getting one in return. He watched as the young brunette retreated away from the window, a little shocked at finding him staring, and it hurt him even more. He didn't want that kind of reaction from her, he wanted to see her smiling everytime she looked at him. And not just for love of a friend. But more.
Who could know the emptiness inside
Everytime I see your face
Too many feelings left behind
Do you wonder why
I turn away when you look at me
Never wanting your eyes to see
This desperate heart
That knows how perfect we could be
Scott entered the garage once more, his thoughts still on Rogue and his love for her. He wanted so much to tell her how he felt, but was too afraid. He didn't want to ruin the wonderful friendship they had built. He knew where her heart lied. But it didn't stop the way he felt. He had tried so despretaley to deny these feelings by thinking up reasons not to, but everytime he did, he always found himself finding reasons to love her. He smiled to himself as the image of her face crossed his mind. God, she was beautiful. A natural beauty. Not many women could get away with no make-up and still look down right perfect. But Rogue could. Oh, and she did it well. She also had a glow about her. At least she did before Logan started doing this to her.
Earlier that night when he asked to talk to her, he planned on telling her how he felt, but when she broke down and cried he couldn't bring himself to. The only thing he could do was hold her and comfort her, like he had done so many times before. He wanted to talk some sense into her, to try and talk her into ending things with Logan, but she was stubborn, probably from the little bit of Logan that was left in her head. And when Logan came to see him he had to fight back the urge to punch the bastard in the face. Adamantium skeleton or no. It didn't matter to him. Not when it came to Rogue. He was fiercely protective of her. And he vowed to continue being so. He looked up from his bike when he heard footsteps enter the garage, in hopes of finding Rogue standing there. But his hopes were crushed when he saw the white haired goddess before him.
"Ororo. Hi. What are you doing here?" Scott asked, surprising her in the process.
"Scott! You scared me!" Ororo exclaimed as she put a hand to her now fast-paced beating heart.
"Sorry." Scott apologized with a small smile.
"I'm getting something from the car. What are you still doing here? You don't normally work on your bike this late unless something's on your..." Ororo trailed off as realization dawned on her. "Scott what's wrong?"
"Nothing." Scott stated bluntly as he took a wrench to his bike, not really paying attention to what he was working on.
"Since when did you start fixing the exhaust pipe with a wrench?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Huh? Oh, I..." Scott noticed what the white haired woman was talking about and stood up, wiping his hands on the back of his jeans.
"Talk to me Scott." She demanded and sat down on a small table near by, her leather pants squeaking in protest to her movements.
"What's there to talk about?" Scott asked as he placed the wrench back into the tool box.
"Give her time." Ororo said with a knowing smile. She was always inquisitive.
" 'Ro..." Scott started but was stopped by Storm.
"Scott, don't play stupid with me. I know how you feel about Rogue. It doesn't take a genious to see it."
"I never thought I could feel like this again. Especially to Rogue. I mean she's... I don't know. She's a wonderful friend but..."
"She doesn't feel the same?" Ororo asked, already knowing the answer.
"Yeah." He agreed with a sigh while running a greasy hand through his hair.
"How do you know if you don't tell her." Ororo stated more of a point than a question.
"I'm afraid if she doesn't, it'll ruin the friendship." Scott answered as he turned to her.
"Or make it stronger."
"I can't risk it."
"But if you don't you'll be wondering, 'what if'." Ororo countered as she went to her car and dug through it, coming out with a small handful of cd's.
"Go and talk to her, Scott. You don't want to spend the rest of your life wondering what could've happened if you told her." Ororo patted her friend on the shoulder before leaving him alone in the garage.
Baby, cause you don't know
How I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know
What it's like
Lovin' you all this time
Scott stood in the garage, thinking about what his friend had just told him. She was right and he knew it. He just wasn't sure he could bring himself to do it. It was a big leap to take and the fall was long and hard. Possibly lethal to his heart if she didn't feel the same. He was also afraid she just may view him as her way out of things with her and Logan. Which, maybe, wouldn't be bad. It'd make her happy again, hopefully. But then he'd just feel used. He shook his head at the thought, knowing Rogue wasn't like that. She wasn't selfish. She always put people before her, no matter what problems she had. Of course, she had never been in such a heart wrenching situation before. So, yeah, maybe her using him to get out would be okay with him. He did want to help her. To make her happy again, and if that did it, then he would welcome her with open arms. And maybe, with time, she would grow to love him. Maybe.
He shut off the lights to the garage and closed the doors, locked them, and slowly walked up to the mansion. His mind still torn between taking Ororo's advice and listening to the constant racket his conscience was making. Causing him to have a tremendous headache in the process. He rubbed his forehead with his right hand as he walked into the kitchen in search of a light snack and something to drink. He hadn't eaten or drank anything all day, hence one of the reasons for his headache. But he gathered the main source was from too much thinking.
He opened up the cabinet doors and grabbed a box of toasted crackers, pulling out the package of wheat crackers and started munching on them as he searched the refrigerator for something to drink. Holding a half eaten cracker in his mouth, he pulled out the carton of orange juice and poured it into the glass he set on the counter by the box of crackers. Leaning against the counter he continued munching and drinking as he again thought about Rogue. The woman was constantly on his mind, literally. She was the one person he thought about when he woke up, the one person he thought about when he went to sleep, and the one person he thought about during the time in between. She was haunting him. And if he didn't do something soon, he was going to go mad.
I'll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance
And now when I need you the most
You don't know
Oh, woah, oh no
All I ever wanted in this world
And baby I found in you
I never felt this way before
Girl I can't break through
And now I lie awake
Alone at night
So afraid now to close my eyes
Just one more dream of you
I'll carry here inside
He put the snacks away and walked down the hall toward the stairs. His body ached from working on the bike all day. Literally. It helped him think and to get his mind off of what was bothering him. At least it usually did. But not this time. He couldn't concentrate enough on the bike to get anything done. Everytime he even attempted concentration, her face would pop up and again he'd be lost. Destracted from getting anything accomplished on his beauty. But now he had a new beauty to concentrate on. That much was certain. His mind wouldn't leave him alone until he gave into working things out with her.
He stretched his back muscles and rubbed the back of his neck as he entered his room. God, it was empty now that Jean was gone. It still heart but the crushing pain his heart felt had now become a dull ache. When his grief first started to dissipate he began to worry and had come to hate himself for it. But that was before he had become friends with Rogue. She helped him grieve. Gave him a shoulder to cry on and a smile to cheer him up. He did the same for her when she found out Logan was getting married and then another when he started ignoring her. And then tonight when she confessed to having an affair with the Wolverine. Scott saw red when Rogue told him that. And not just from his sunglasses. He didn't see red because he was jealous. He saw it because it was tearing Rogue apart. Tearing her into shreds to the possible point of no return.
Baby, cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know
What it's like
Lovin' you all this time
He entered the bathroom and ran his hands under the nearly scolding hot water of the sink to wash all the grease that had built up during his day of fixing the bike. Fixing a bike that didn't need fixing. But he had to do something. Anything to keep his mind off the girl he loved. But he failed to do so. He often found himself more staring at the bike rather than working on it. He would start tightening a bolt only to suddenly find the wrench resting on the cold cemented floor at his feet. No recollection of how it happened.
Scott walked back into the darkened bedroom and sat on the bed to take off his shoes. Staring at the wall as he did so. He really wanted to take Ororo's advice and admit to Rogue how he felt. He wanted to take that chance. But he was terrified. No, beyond terrified. Petrified was more like it. How was it possible to tell your best friend you loved them, without the possible chance of losing them for good because of it? There wasn't any way around that, he knew. But it didn't hurt to wish there was. If he lost Rogue completely, he didn't know what he'd do. He would have then lost both women he loved, and he wasn't sure he could bare the pain. That pain would be worse than her not knowing at all. But if he wanted to concentrate completely on things and not risk the lives of his team, then he had to. If he lost concentration on his bike, then there was no doubting he would on a mission as well. And that just wasn't acceptable.
He turned his upper body to the night stand by his bed to look at the clock. Noticing it was a quarter past one. He turned back around, looking at the floor while biting his lip in thought. She would be asleep by now, no doubt. But he had to do it now before he lost his nerve. He quickly got up off the bed and ran out of the room.
I'll give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance, yeah
And now when I need you the most
You don't know, oh no
You don't know, baby
A couple floors and a couple hallways later he found himself standing in front of her door. Okay, he was here now. He had to do this. There was no turning back now. He lifted his hand and lightly knocked on the door, hoping beyond hope she was alone and that Logan wasn't in there with her. He didn't know what he'd do if he found him there. When there was no answer at the door he slowly turned the doorknob and pushed the door in; peaking his head around the corner to find Rogue lying in the bed, her back to him. He swallowed a lump that formed in his throat. He wasn't real sure what to do. He was tempted to turn around and leave, and act like he hadn't even come there, but his persistent side decided to come out and play and shoved him further into her room.
He quietly closed the door behind him and tiptoed to her bed, standing above her for a few seconds before pulling the covers back, allowing him access to her bed. He couldn't believe he was doing this. But this way he would wake up with her beside him and he'd have to explain himself to her. There would be no way out. Unless, of course, he woke up before her. No, he would have to wait for her to wake up.
He took a deep breath as he shifted to his side and wrapped an arm around her waist; smiling as she grabbed it and hugged it tighter to him while sighing in contentment. He hugged her slightly and whispered in her ear, "shh, go to sleep." Knowing she was too far gone to register it was him talking to her. There would be plenty of that come morning. His heart began to pace faster and faster as he played over in his head how the outcome would be. He hoped it'd be good. He didn't want pillows thown at him and being yelled to get out while she looked at him with disgust. That was definately not how he wanted things to go. He hoped she would see him, smile and possibly snuggle closer to him as he hugged her tighter to him. He hoped.
And I would hold you all through the night
I would stay right by your side, baby
And I'd give you the world
If your love was mine
Now baby could it be
I'm only dreamin'
Don't let it pass me by
He took one final deep breath as he closed his eyes, the sent of her shampoo invading his senses, bringing a smile to his face. This was how he wanted every night to be. With her in his arms and her scent wafting off her and into his nose. She smelt of vanilla and what he thought could've been lavander. He squeezed her waist a little tighter and snuggled his face into the back of her neck and closed his eyes, lost in the smell of her.
He loved everything about her. There was absolutely no flawes that he could find. Even if there were, he'd probably love her even more for them. The only flaw she had before was her mutation. But now that she had that under control she was absolutely perfect. Whoever said nobody's perfect, definitely hadn't met Rogue. If they had, that thought would have never crossed their minds. She was living proof that there was such a thing as perfect. What with her milky white skin and her long brown hair along with the shocking white streaks in the front and her figure was perfect. All curves. And her smile. God, how her smile made him melt. It was so bright and full of life.
As he drifted off to sleep; his mind fell into the vision of Rogue. The perfect woman in his life. The perfect woman who he loved and would always love. Whether she returned her feelings or not. He would continue to love her until the day he died. And he vowed to find some way to make her happy. Whether it be with him or someone else. As long as it wasn't Logan.
Baby, cause you don't know, how I feel
Livin' my life without you
Baby and you don't know
What it's like
Lovin' you all this time
I'd give you all my love
Heart and soul
Riskin' it all on a chance, baby
And now when I need you the most
You don't know
Oh woah oh no
Baby, you don't know
