A/N: Again, thank youall forthe reviews. It really feeds my muse. My muse likes being fed. Hehee... anyway.Thankyou toJayJay015 for the song suggestion! It is highly appreciated. Again, if any of you have song suggestions that you think would be good for this story, even though you don't know exactly where it's going, let me know. Thanks again, and on with the show!
Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad
(by: Def Leppard) (Suggested by: JayJay015)
Later that night, Logan found himself once again beside Marie in her bed. They had made love like crazy earlier that day, and he just had to come back for more. She was incredible. Perfect. Just like he had imagined. He stroked her hair as he felt her soft breath slightly move the hairs on his chest. He could tell by the sound of her breathing that she was awake. She had been quiet for some time now and he was beginning to worry. What was she thinking? What was going on in that little head of hers? He wanted to ask her those questions, but was too afraid to hear what the answers may be. He was afraid she'd tell him it was all a mistake. That they shouldn't be doing this. And the worst thing he feared was to hear her say she didn't want him. That she couldn't be with him. He wasn't sure his heart could handle her saying those words. He lightly squeezed her in hopes of getting some sort of response, but got none. As he inhaled deeply, he prepared himself to ask the questions that he knew had to be asked.
"Marie." He whispered.
"Hmmm."
"Talk to me." He demanded avoiding any sort of question.
"About what?" She asked, saddness in her voice.
"What are you thinking about?" It was weird, he was usually the one who answered those questions. He never asked them. All the women he had been with wanted more than just sex with him, they gave off the impression that that was all they wanted when they came up to him, but after-wards they became clingy. And he didn't like it. Now he was the clingy one. But he didn't want to let his Marie go. Not without a fight.
"Nothing." Was her response.
"Liar. Talk to me, Marie." Rogue looked up from her place on his chest, pulling the covers close to her body so as to not reveal anything to him, although it wasn't something he hadn't seen.
"I don't like what we're doing, Logan." She answered as she tried to hold back the tears. Earlier that day and later that night she was willing to give herself to him. Because she wanted to escape to the bliss that his love making would surely bring. And she was right, but afterwards she regreted it. He had been surprised to find out she was still a virgin and she had wanted to tell him she waited for him, but it would have been a lie. She just couldn't bring herself to get close to anyone else. It hurt too much.
"Marie." Logan whispered as he placed his forehead against hers, stroking the back of her head.
"Logan it hurts. I know I've said this before, but I can't get this feeling out of me." She replied, letting the tears fall.
"Don't push me away, Marie." He begged, tightening his grip on the hair in his grasp, afraid of her pulling away.
"Logan, it's a..." She started but was interrupted by Logan's lips on hers. Quick but still passionate.
"Don't, Marie. Don't tell me it's a mistake."
"Well, what else can I call it, Logan? Because you know it's true. This whole thing was a bad idea, and you know it." She sat up more, pulling the covers even tighter.
"No, Marie. I could never think of being with you as a mistake. Do you have any idea how long I've thought of this moment as just a fantasy of mine and that's all it would be?" He was becoming frantic. He wasn't liking where she was going with this.
"Logan, I know. But haven't your fantasies been under better circumstances? Where you could tell the whole world who you loved? Because I know I have, and not being able to do that is tearing me up inside." Rogue countered.
"I don't think I could lose you again. It's happened too many times and I'm not going to let it happen again." Logan responeded, practically ignoring what she said as he once again pressed his lips to hers; slowly pushing her back down to the mattress.
Here I am
I'm in the wrong bed again
It's a game I just can't win
There you are
Breathing soft on my skin
Still you won't let me in
Logan slowly moved ontop of her; wanting to make her forget everything around them and knew this was the only way that would happen. He wasn't liking where the conversation was going and wasn't willing to hear the rest of it. He knew she was going to bring up breaking off their little engagement and he really didn't want to let that happen. Yeah, he may be a little selfish, but he practically lived without her for quite sometime and now that she was back, he wasn't letting her go.
He slid his hand up her side; his hands feeling rough against her smooth skin as he used his other hand to stroke the side of her face as he kissed her. Craving and yearning more of her. She knew he was doing this to keep her quiet, but she really couldn't complain. How can you argue with a man when his muscular figure was ontop of you and caressing every part of your body. There was no way she could think straight when he did this. But she wanted to take this time to talk. Yeah, she was being very woman like, but these were very important circumstances.
So she placed a hand on his chest a pushed slightly, allowing a chance for her to break the kiss. He looked down at her with lust filled eyes, but they were filled also with love. She had to fight back the urge to cry at seeing this. She had wanted him to look at her for so long and now that she finally got it, she didn't want it. Not like this. She didn't want the feel of guilt fill her from just receiving that look. But she did.
"Marie, please." He begged in barely a whisper. If they hadn't been so close she was certain she wouldn't have heard that plea.
"No, Logan. I don't think we..." She started, but stopped when she felt a tear fall on her cheek. And it wasn't hers.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
"Don't do this to me baby, please." Logan pleaded, fully aware of the tears he was crying, but he didn't care. Normally he would have. But it was Marie. His Marie. He could share everything with her. Including his emotions. No, especially his emotions.
"I'm sorry, Logan. But it's getting too hard. And it hurts too much. I love you. Don't think I don't, cause I do. And I want you, but it's just not going to work out like this. I'm sorry."
"Marie, no. We can make it work. We... we could leave. Get away from here. To Canada or something. Away from everyone where it would be just..." He stopped when he saw her shaking her head in disagreement.
"We can't do that."
"Why not?" Logan wanted answers. He wanted to find someway from keeping her from leaving him. From running away.
"Logan." She said in a voice filled with sympathy as she wiped away the tears that were falling. She really didn't want to hurt him. But she knew she had to leave. She couldn't be with him any longer and not be happy. She wanted to be able to be happy while with him and she knew that wasn't going to happen. And she knew now that she came first. In order to be with anyone and be happy, she had to concentrate on herself for a while. She had to get her life in order.
"No, no, no." He whispered as he gripped her shoulders in an attempt to keep her with him.
"I think you should leave." Rogue whispered as she closed her eyes, not wanting to see the look on his face at her words. She slowly opened them again when she felt no movement and no words were spoken. She noticed he was no longer staring at her but at the mattress under her. His brow was furrowed in thought and for a splight second, she was truly terrified of him. She was afraid that at her words, the Wolverine took over. But her fear vanished when his hazel eyes met her brown ones once again. They were filled with sadness and defeat and she had to fight back the urge to take back what she had said. She knew she was doing the right thing, deep down she knew this. But it didn't make things any easier.
"I'm sorry, Logan." She whispered as he averted his gaze away from her again. At her words he quickly looked back at her before growling in return; fiercely getting up off the bed. She knew now that the Wolverine was on the verge of taking over the man and she didn't want to be around when it happened. It was never a pretty sight.
She climbed out of bed, pulling the sheet with her, and stood behind the slumped figure; lightly placing a hand on his shoulder only to flinch away when he whipped his head to the side and growled; staring at her from the corner of his eye. She swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat before quickly heading for the bathroom. She stopped at the door and turned to look at him; noting the clenched fists and the rise and fall of his back as he took in fast shallow breaths. She slowly lowered her gaze to the carpeted floor below before turning back to the bathroom; leaving a broken Wolverine in her bedroom.
Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the girl I gotta have
I gotta have you, baby, yeah
Logan turned at the sound of the door latching into the frame. He knew he was acting irrational, but he didn't want to let her go. He wanted her to be his. Hell, she was his. Always had been. And he wished she always would be, but knew she wouldn't allow it. She had made up her mind. But the animal inside demanded of him to try harder. And he obliged. Walking over to the bathroom door, he knocked on the door in front of him. He wasn't going to make this easy for her. He wasn't going to let her go without a fight. The Wolverine never gave into defeat that easily, and he wasn't going to start now. He released a low growl when he heard her tell him to go away and that she didn't want to see him. If it came down to it, he would break down the door. But he didn't have to when on the first rap and on the second knock the door flung open to reveal an angry Rogue wrapped up now in a white cotton robe.
"Go away, Logan." She demanded; her face holding resolve.
"No."
"Yes." She mocked.
"I'm not letting you go that easily, Marie."
"You don't have much of a choice." Rogue replied wtih shock in her voice at what he said. It wasn't filled with teasing or lust like normal. It was filled with dominance. He was determined to make her his. And she knew at that moment she was no longer looking at Logan, but at the animal that hid beneath.
"You're mine, Marie. You belong with me." He said forcefully.
"Well, maybe you should have thought of that before you went and married Sherri." Rogue gave him a look of disbelief and disrespect. How could she respect him when he was like this? It was worse than your man coming home drunk. He was drunk. But it wasn't alcohol. It was animalisitc fury. His mate was leaving the pack, and he wasn't happy about it. Rogue started to close the door but was stopped by Logan's hand on it. She noted the flare in his nostrils and the way his head was slightly bent, glaring at her, and his teeth bare. It was definitely the wolverine she was looking at, there was no mistaking it.
"Marie." He growled low, but didn't faze her. She was used to this. She'd seen it so many times before. Of course wolverine never came out around her before, but it still didn't faze her. Sure, she felt a little fear, but not enough to make her lose her train of thought.
"Logan." Marie mocked again, getting a growl in return.
"I'm not letting you go." He growled again.
Marie breathed deep before walking back into her room. She stormed over to her dresser and pulled out the small drawer of her jewelry box ontop of it. She slowly pulled out a long chain with someting attached to it. She walked back over to where she left Logan standing, and grabbed his hand like he had done so many years ago to her. She placed the tag into his palm and closed his hand around it, again, just like he had done to her.
"I don't want you to come back." She whispered as she looked up at him, and him down at her, "and I'm not coming back." Logan furrowed his brow in confusion to her words, wondering what she had meant by that. But before he could ask she raised a hand to silence him.
"I'm not only leaving you, Logan. I'm leaving the mansion. It's the only way I can really be happy." Rogue noticed her act had caused the man to resurface and was thankful for it.
"Marie." Logan shook his head and tried to give back the tag but was unsuccessful as she pulled her hand out of his grasp.
"No, Logan. I can't be here anymore. There's just too many memories. And there are more painful ones than there are happy ones. It's too much for me. I have to leave." Rogue responded.
"Where?" Logan wanted to know. Needed to know. Maybe, when she left, he'd be able to track her down and bring her back. Maybe.
"I don't know yet. I haven't thought that far. I just decided this tonight." Rogue answered with a small smile as she placed a gentle hand on his face. She never knew she'd see the day when she was stronger than him. He cupped his hand around the one on his face and closed his eyes, wanting to remember the feel of her skin on his.
"I love you, Logan." She whispered and he opened his eyes in time to see her pull away from him and head back into the bathroom. As she closed the door behind her, he walked up to it and placed a hand to the door and leaned his head against the hard wood.
"I love you, too." He whispered before pushing away. He pulled on his clothes and exited out into the hallway.
There you go
Midnight promises again
But they're broken by the dawn
You wanna go further
Faster every day, baby
But in the morning you'll be gone
And I'm alone
Rogue sat on her bathroom floor, the palms of her hands covering her face as pools of tears filled them. She had been fine until she heard the soft 'I love you, too' come from the other side of the door. She knew he had done it loud enough just to make her question her imagination. But she knew it was him saying it and not her mind. It tore her heart apart, but this was what she had to do. There was no choice unless she wanted to be miserable for the rest of her life. She loved the man with all her heart, but she couldn't be with him in this manner. It just wasn't exceptable, and she was finally fully realizing it.
Her thoughts wandered back to Scott and what he had told her. Maybe being with him was the right path to take. Maybe she could convince him to come with her. No. She shook her head. She couldn't. She couldn't be in a relationship until she found herself. Yep, she was going to do some soul searching. Whatever that meant. But she needed to find herself again. To find out who she was. She knew at that moment the only reason why she was majoring in science was because that's what Jean was. A scientist. And if maybe she became one too, it would get Logan's attention. But she had gotten his attention too late. After he was married to Sherri.
She slowly climbed off the cold tiled floor of the bathroom and headed back into her room. She wasn't sure she could sleep in that bed again. At least not tonight. It would, without a doubt, smell like him. And she wasn't so sure she could take it. She scanned her bedroom, not real sure what she was looking for, before grabbing a pair of pajamas and pulled them on; rushing out the door without shutting off the lights.
Why save your kisses for a rainy day
Baby let the moment take your heart away
Logan wandered around the halls of the mansion like he used to the years before. He rubbed his forehead in exhaustion, but he wasn't ready to go to bed just yet. He wasn't sure if he could see his wife's face yet. Marie was right, he knew. But it didn't dull the pain. She was leaving him. And it was his fault. If he had expressed his feelings toward her when he first felt them, then she'd be with him. Everyone would know they were together. He would've seen to it by threatening any boy in the school with a low menacing growl if they even thought about looking at his Marie. But no. He couldn't do that now. He had messed up. Big time. And now it was too late and he couldn't turn back the clock. No matter how much he wished he could. Maybe he should talk to Scooter. Get his perspective on things. Logan quickly shook that idea from his head. What was he thinking? He knew Scott wouldn't help him even if his own life depended on it. Plus, well, it was Scott.
He found himself in the doorway of the kitchen and peered inside; noticing the brunette with white strips in the front of her hair digging into a tub of Ben and Jerry's, and wondered how she hadn't gotten down there before him before realizing he had been wandering the place for over an hour. Logan smiled to himself. He remembered back when they were just friends and she would sit on the sofa with him watching hockey and eating ice cream. Her favorite ice cream. There was one incident when he came home one day with the wrong ice cream; causing her to give him grief for it and refused to eat it; which then resulted into a huge ice cream fight where they both ended up wearing it on their heads. He had accidentally started it by dropping a spoonful of the stuff on her favorite dark green blouse when he tried to force it into her mouth. She shrieked at him before picking it up off her shirt and threw it at him, hitting him square in the forehead, causing her to break out into fits of laughter until it was thrown back at her.
Logan cleared his throat as he entered the kitchen; causing Rogue to look up with a startled expression on her face. She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw who it was, but still remained tense none-the-less. She gave him a weak smile before she conitnued her digging of the ice cream, as if she were searching for gold. He sat down on a stool on the other side of the counter; clasping his hands together as he stared intently at her. He knew this grated on her nerves. Making her feel uneasy and unsure about herself. He noticed his tactic working when she kept fumbling with the spoon. Finally frustrated with the utensil, she threw it into her stuffed bowl and threw the tub back into the freezer. She picked up her bowl and was about to leave when she made the mistake of making eye contact with him. She stumbled over herself and dropped the bowl of ice cream all over the floor and her pajamas, causing a few words to escape her lips. Logan smirked at the situation, knowing it was all because of him. Feeling at least a little guilty, he walked around the counter and grabbed a wad of paper towels to clean up the mess she made. Or he made rather.
"Butterfingers." He mumbled as he walked past her before knealing down on the floor. He could feel her glare on the back of his head, but he didn't really care. He liked it.
"What are ya doin'?" Rogue asked, her drawl coming out full force. Oh, yeah. He was starting to make her nervous. It never showed this much unless she was nervous.
"Helping you clean up your mess." Logan replied, keeping his eyes on the job at hand.
"Ah see that. And that's not what Ah meant."
"What did you mean?" Logan asked as he got up and placed the dark brown, once white, paper towel into the garbage can.
"Ya have that... 'Ah have a plan' look on yer face." Rogue answered as she used air quotes at her words.
"No plan. Close your eyes." Logan ordered.
"Logan..."
"Close your eyes." He ordered again, this time she did as she was told and closed her eyes. She gasped as she felt his hands brush both sides of her neck before going around to meet at the back. Almost as fast as they were there they were gone again. Without permission she opened her eyes and looked at him with a confused look on her face.
"Keep it." He said before leaving the kitchen. Rogue looked at the empty doorway confused before looking down. Draping around her neck was the dog tag. She allowed a small smile to form on her face. He gave her something to remember him by.
Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
Logan retreated back to his room; a hint of sadness falling on his heart. But he felt a little more at ease now that he returned the dog tag to her. It belonged with her. He had given it to her and now it was going to stay with her. No matter what. He just didn't want her to forget him. That was worse than any fate he could possibly imagine. Being forgotten by his true love. Have the woman who stole his heart from the first day he met her, forget him. He couldn't even bare the thought.
He slumped down into the bed next to his wife and placed his hands behind his head as he thought about Marie. He couldn't believe he was allowing himself to just let her go. That wasn't like him. But then again, when it came to Marie, he was hardly ever himself. Not the man he showed everyone else. The tough guy. The man who feared nothing. Who let nothing get in his way of what he wanted. But that wasn't who he truly was. Marie brought out the true man. And he wondered if she even knew it. Hell, he just figured it out himself, so how in the world could she know. Of course, then again, her eyes were open more to the world around her than were his. He knew deep in his heart that he would always love Marie, there was no doubt about it. But to him what mattered most was her happiness. And if he didn't provide that for her, than he had no choice but to let her go and find it. He closed his eyes and allowed sleep to drift him off to the dream world, where he dreamt of the woman who held his heart in her hands and had for years.
Every dream I dream
Is like some kinda rash 'n' reckless scene
To give out such crazy love
You must be some kinda drug
And if my time don't ever come
For me you're still the one
Damned if I don't; damned if I do
I gotta get a fix on you
Marie walked back into her room and pulled out a clean pair of pajamas. Changing into them in the bathroom she looked at the reflection of the tag around her neck. She subconciously wrapped her hand around the cold metal and stared at the reflection of herself, watching as a single tear slid down her face and fall from her chin to the hand clasped around the tag. She hoped for dear life that he wasn't angry with her. That, if and when, in the future they run into each other again that he would be wearing a smile instead of cold features. She always hated those looks. They were unreadable and she had seen them more than she cared for. He was a broken man and she had just broken him more. But if she hadn't done this, than she would have been not only broken but shattered. She could feel herself crack and knew it was time to put an end to their little game. And so she had. And the guilt she felt was overwhelming.
Have you ever needed someone so bad, yeah
Have you ever wanted someone
You just couldn't have
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
So bad
Have you ever wanted someone
Wanted someone, yeah
Did you ever try so hard
That your world just fell apart
Have you ever needed someone so bad
And you're the girl I gotta have
I gotta have you baby, yeah
It's a game I just can't win
